3 of my favorite t-shirts say:
-
Everyone is out to get me because I’m paranoid.
-
5 out of 4 people have a problem with fractions.
-
I hear voices in my head and they don’t like you.
Any other humorous ones you would like to share?
My former roommate had a shirt that simply said, “Fuk you, you fuking fu*k!” (unedited on the t-shirt)
Wore it to the bar every weekend. A true classic.
-Syko
Let go of my ears, I know what I’m doing!
(On a shirt by Adidanikeebok…)
“I’ve never lost. I was just a bit behind when time ran out.”
“I’m going nucking futs!”
“Do you have change for a paradigm?”
“Eschew obfuscation”
Machine wash warm with like colors. Kills me every time.
“Stop staring at my tits”
A few of my favorites (okay more than a few)
[ul]
[li]Jesus loves you, it’s the rest of us that think you’re an asshole[/li][li]Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies[/li][li]Do I look like a f*cking people person?[/li][li]Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kell them[/li][li]Remember my name, you’ll be screaming it later[/li][li]I said no to drugs but they wouldn’t listen[/li][li]Someone pissed in your gene pool[/li][li]I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to do[/li][li]I’m from the government, I am here to help you[/li][li]Jesus is coming, everyone look busy![/li][li]You’d look better with duct tape over your mouth[/li][li]BEWARE: Stupid people are breeding[/li][li]Your village called, their idiot is missing[/li][li]How can I be so thirsty this morning when I drank so much last night?[/li][li]Finish your beers. (There’s sober people in China)[/li][li]Don’t make me violate my parole[/li][li]I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t stick my head that far up my ass![/li][/ul]
I have more but those are good ones – too bad I am too chicken to buy such a shirt. 
I saw one in a catalog that I really would have loved to get for my kids:
“Raised by Wolves”
“Just be glad I’m not your kid”
“I’m not laughing with you; I’m laughing at you”
My friend has a shirt that says in really small letters in the upper corner “You’re so F*cking nosy”
Bite Me. (My DopeFest shirt)
I am with the Bomb Squad. If you see me running, try to keep up.
I raised $40 million in dot com venture capital and all I have left is this lousy T-shirt.
I went to a music festival held by the local alternative station in Atlanta right after the September 11 incident. At the concert, someone was selling black t shirts that said simply in large white letters:
F*CK TERRORISM
Thought that was pretty awesome. 
My favorite was “I’m going to kick your ass and get away with it” right below a picture of a smiling police officer.
My absolute favorites that I have worn completely out:
“I am the woman your mother warned you about.” I have to get another one of those.
“Save a horse. Ride a cowboy.”
On one of my “Nice People Swallow” shirts, a friend made the happy faces all have little vampire fangs.
“Witness Protection Program.” (on the back) “I wasn’t here.”
“FUGITIVE (I wasn’t here)”
Every so often, Bob Levey of the Washington Post newspaper has a column which lists several of the t-shirt sayings that I have seen here, sent in by readers. So check out his column in the Style section. I’m not sure when he’s going to run this list again. I’ll have to remember to check where I put those lists.
My Negativland t-shirt:
Copyright infringement is your best entertainment value.
Have to get a new one of those.
On the back of a big motercycler’s t-shirt:
“If you can read this the bitch fell off.”
“I’m having a bad scalp day”
(I’m losing my hair faster than I’m going gray)