Announcement to world: I am now in charge

[Splutter]

People,
please note that I am now supreme ruler of the world. My World Domination Army (herein known as my WDA) has been assembled, and is about to be unleashed.

If any of you have a problem with this, bad luck. Any rebellion movements will be swiftly and mercilessly crushed.

However, if anyone wants a position on my Grand and Excellent Evil Steering Committee, please submit applications here.

BAAAHAAAHAAAAHAAAAAAAA!

Yours in complete authority,
Splutter

[Siege]

One post and he (or she) thinks he's taken over the world?! Heck, I think the record for taking over this message board was over a dozen, and that was only because most of the members were distracted at the time. I think it was something about trying to keep 'Punha from running naked through one thread too many, but I could be wrong.

[welby1]

I killed Splutter with a spoon during dinner tonight. It was ugly, and involved lime jello and lots of screaming.

Any further posts will certainly be from an imposter, and should be ignored.

If you have any questions, please save them for the re-eduction officer that will be visiting your homes in the near future.

Soon Cecil and his minions will rule the world. . . . .

[tisiphone]

Hmm, now, is this a job for the Lesbian Vampire Army of Doom^TM, or the Happy Fun Squad^TM, or the SDMB Mercenaries^TM?


Nnnnnah.


Not worth it.

[Fern Forest]

Dilbert did it.

[leechbabe]

Ha mortal know ye not what ye do, fear me for I am supreme, I hold in my fist the weapon which will reduce you to a slimy mess on the carpet - a New Kids On The Block CD.

Of course all insane-o super villains planning to take over the world have a back up plan so should you not run screaming from the auditory assault that is NKOTB I have also "DC Talk".

Suffer yon mortal, suffer and be conquered!

[Wonko The Sane]

I'm covering my eyes with my hands, so you don't exist.


HA!!!

Now -I- rule supreme!!!!

[SkipMagic]

I don't care who's in charge as long as I get fed three times a day. And it's gotta be good food, too--not that crap they sell at Furr's or Country Kitchen or Golden Corral. So if you're a Furr's Dictator or a Country Kitchen Despot or a Golden Corral Fuhrer, you don't get my vote for World Dominator. That's all.

[leechbabe]

Originally posted by Wonko The Sane
I'm covering my eyes with my hands, so you don't exist.


HA!!!

Now -I- rule supreme!!!!

Ahhh but can you cover your eye's and your ears at the same time?

[Splutter]

I feel that some of you are not taking me seriously. I know who you are and my henchmen are on their way....

And not one single application for my Grand and Evil Steering Committee! Have you people no ambition??

Crikey guys, how doe's an evil overlord drum up some enthusiasm round here? Do I have to start feeding some of you to my particularly viscious shark/hyena/camel hybrids?

Yours Maniacally
Splutter

[Happy Lendervedder]

Boobies.

[leechbabe]

Originally posted by Happy Lendervedder
Boobies.

Ooooh Boobies are good, those who wish to join my revolution can play with boobies any time they want (Disclaimer: as long as its not my boobies!)

Also SkipMagic I am contracting my mum to do the catering. High quality, tasty and nutritional meals.

[ResIpsaLoquitor]

I hereby announce the formation of a Rebel Doper Alliance to secretly steal your plans, commandeer your shuttles, blow up your weapons of mass destruction, and inevitably have you tossed down a shaft by your own number two flunkie.

I have room in this Alliance for endless numbers of expendable footsoldiers, but I'm specifically seeking the following:

-An annoying know-it-all golden boy who's fluent in as many languages as possible, and can calculate my odds of survival in any situation.
-A short, stocky companion to golden boy who'll be loyal in any situation.
-A dashing, daring, mildly self-centered pilot type whose true colors come through in the end.
-A pretentious, regal female who's good with a rifle. Must be attracted to dashing pilot types.
-A whiny young, heroic type who never quite concentrates on where he is or what he's doing. Must crave adventure and excitement.
-A smooth-talking, well-dressed rogue type who's good at hitting on ladies and betraying his friends. Must like Colt 45.

I'm accepting applications now.

[leechbabe]

ResIpsaLoquitor hows about you and me join forces? I can provide the following:

- Music from Hell, no enemy can withstand it.
- Very fine catering dept.
- Hands on policy regarding Boobies

[Necris]

can i be your second in command oh exalted demented ruler of htre world, Splutter?....i'll be the evil commander of your forces who obeys your every command. However if it is to work i absolutely insist that my job package should allow me immunity from being killed after i fail a mission.

[SkipMagic]

Originally posted by leechbabe
Also SkipMagic I am contracting my mum to do the catering. High quality, tasty and nutritional meals.

Sold. You now have my persistance of palate, my staunchness of starch, my probity of palate and my loyalty of larder. Praise you and yer mum.

Also, I can offer you my greatest torture device in my own personal arsenal of "things to terrorize the world when I'm bored"; which is...I annoy people. A lot. Sometimes to death. And it's all yours, you lucky Ruler O' Mine.

[Kat]

I'll back whoever (or should that be "whomever"?) can provide me with a steady supply of chocolate and Pepsi.

[ResIpsaLoquitor]

I am hereby pleased to announce that the Rebel Doper Alliance is now equipped with death music for weaponry and catering from leechbabe's mom.

And I'm making her second-in-command of boobies. The recruiting doors are OPEN!

[KeithT]

Originally posted by Splutter

Crikey guys, how doe's an evil overlord drum up some enthusiasm round here?

First off, you can feed Blu. Remember to take him out right away when he finishes eating... he's an old dog now, and his bladder is weak. Then you can do something about these roaches. They're getting into everything!





Oh yeah, and some boobies too.

[leechbabe]

Rock-On

:: pause whilst leechbabe adjusts boobies to maximum potential::

Hmmm Kat I've got a large amount of MM's stashed in this room here especially for you and the Pepsi supply truck should be along any time now. And my mum makes killer chocolate macadamia nut cookies

Oh most worthy leader of the Rebel Doper Alliance we now have a new weapon to deploy, yon SkipMagic claims to be able to annoy the enemy to death. What are your strategic recommendations?

[Gopher]

I don't know. This is a hard choice. I know I don't want to be one of this people you listed ResIpsaLoquitor. They all seem big and important. What if I flub a line? And they're all doomed to obscurity after the war's over. Except for the

dashing, daring, mildly self-centered pilot type whose true colors come through in the end.

He might go on and become a dashing, daring, mildy self-centered CIA guy and go around fighting terrorists and drug cartels. You never know...

So I'll just be a grunt. But part of the RebelDoper Alliance? Or the WDA? I want my shiny white armor so I'll choose the WDA

[SkipMagic]

Originally posted by ResIpsaLoquitor
I am hereby pleased to announce that the Rebel Doper Alliance is now equipped with death music for weaponry and catering from leechbabe's mom.

And I'm making her second-in-command of boobies. The recruiting doors are OPEN!

Wait, wait! You mean to tell me that the Alleged Dictator of the World (Attempted) to whom I pledged my allegiance (the original version, of course, not this new-fangled one coinciding with a belief in any deity, gremlin, goblin or other) is now an offical Rebel? Albeit leechbabe's second-in-command of boobies; so I suppose that's alright. Food and boobies.

Okay. I'm still game. Go rebels! Woo-hoo! Giddy-up!

[Ringo]

Hey ther Spudbunny, er, excuse me, Sputter, you come on down here and get our roustabouts workin' again, and maybe I'll talk to ya'.

[leechbabe]

Gopher you choose shiny white armor over boobies and chocolate - surely you jest?

[SkipMagic]

Originally posted by leechbabe
Gopher you choose shiny white armor over boobies and chocolate - surely you jest?

Yeah, I agree with the boobies boss on this point. I mean, with chocolate you get caffeine, which enables you with enough "staying awake" power to appreciate the boobies. With armor you get rust. I choose boobies over rust any day. Especially boobies with chocolate.

I'm not sure rust and chocolate mix well together.

[Princhester]

Can I be a complete nobody who gets killed by a weapon of mass destruction in one of the early battles between the various forces currently gathering in this thread?

Ta.

[leechbabe]

Princhester I believe you will find the supply of red shirts over behind the wall of chocolate and pepsi. By donning one of these your wish is sure to come true.

[BraheSilver]

Were it a contest of boobies alone, I'd have to side with our upstart overlord here. Everybody knows that the villianesses have the best of 'em, or capture the good girls and put them in revealing outfits.

But... chocolate macadamia cookies and boobies? Though they may be of lesser quality, the combination of sex/gluttony wins over merely sex.

I wanna be the guy who sits in an impenetrable booth and intones "Ten seconds to launch... Nine... Eight..." and so forth. I'm also good at remaining at my post while telling everyone to evacuate the area.

[leechbabe]

Originally posted by BraheSilver Were it a contest of boobies alone, I'd have to side with our upstart overlord here. Everybody knows that the villianesses have the best of 'em, or capture the good girls and put them in revealing outfits.

But... chocolate macadamia cookies and boobies? Though they may be of lesser quality, the combination of sex/gluttony wins over merely sex.

I wanna be the guy who sits in an impenetrable booth and intones "Ten seconds to launch... Nine... Eight..." and so forth. I'm also good at remaining at my post while telling everyone to evacuate the area.

Bolding mine.

I challenge anyone to say that my boobies are of a lesser quality!

Hmmm perhaps BraheSilver you could take on the role of official boobie quality control manager.

[Horseflesh]

Sorry Splutter, I'm gonna hafta side with leechboob in this battle. Her massive stores of Pepsi and chocolate (okay, and the mezmerizing mammaries too) cannot be resisted by this reluctant rebel. I've got a slightly used GI Joe "action figure" that's only missing one hand that you can have though. I know that you can use all the help you can get in these trying times of trying to quash rebels and Joe is an excellent strategist and field commander (take it from me).

Okay leech, now that I've planted someone in the enemy's command post who's certain to bring about his deserving destruction, howze 'bout making me the the guy who points out all the inconsistencies and impracticalities of what's sure to be serveral episodes of fun-filled adventures trying to take out the Evil Spunker, errr, Sporker, oh sorry, Splutter.

[Siege]

Rebel Doper Alliance Job Application
Position Applied for: pretentious, regal female who's good with a rifle
Salary desired: The usual -- chocolate, glory, and the odd dashing pilot type
Qualifications: [list][*]Can think and shoot my way out of a trash compactor.[*]Can use a wrench and a lever.[*]Can deliver insults in an ice-cold regal voice.[*]Some familiarity with military strategy.[*]Can get the locals on our side.[*]Would consider kissing a wookie.[*]Have boobies.[*]Can make killer chocolate truffle. Note: to make that literally so, please give advance notice.

Mind you, I still think this will be a walk.
CJ

[Siege]

Additional qualifications:

• Usually remembers to close lists.

CJ

[Happy Lendervedder]

This just in:

(AP) WALLA WALLA, Wash.-- As a result of the continued talk of boobies, would-be world dictator Splutter's head exploded at 3:43 a.m. eastern time on July 5.

It is being advised to continue such talk of boobies-- and especially of boobies covered in chocolate, most notably leechbabe's boobies covered in chocolate-- until officials can be sure that all of Splutter's henchmen's heads also go ka-blooey.


Boobies. Covered in chocolate.


Happy, doing his small part for justice and freedom

[welby1]

Originally posted by welby1
Soon Cecil and his minions will rule the world. . . . .

Did I call it or what?

[Wonko The Sane]

Originally posted by leechbabe



Ahhh but can you cover your eye's and your ears at the same time?

Did I mention that I'm double-jointed?

[ResIpsaLoquitor]

originally posted by leechbabe
Oh most worthy leader of the Rebel Doper Alliance we now have a new weapon to deploy, yon SkipMagic claims to be able to annoy the enemy to death. What are your strategic recommendations?

Well, since I've just hired cjhoworth as our new pretentious princess type, she needs to steal his copy of Truly Tasteless Jokes and hide it in a small appliance. We'll then shove it into an escape pod and fire it off to the Pit, where hopefully a more sarcastic Doper will find it and come to our rescue.

"Help me, Obi Wan Coldfire. You're my only hope."

[Sue Duhnym]

Hey Splutter. Welcome to the boards.

I'll apply for the position of evil babe. I wanna wear skin-tight black leather and red lipstick at all times. I'll carry a bullwhip and use my high heels as weapons. I will have a very bad attitude all the time and use sex to get my way. I'll drink like a fish and curse like a sailor.

Actually, that's pretty close to my life now. I'm perfect for the job! Now go get me a boubon, you small minded fuck.

[Rasa]

Hey. Will all you world-ruling, crazy megalomaniacs over here please arrange the world so that I can maybe have a weekend off?

Thanks. I'd appreciate it.

[The Asbestos Mango]

*quietly slips into Splutter's, office turns on monitors and, um, monitors situation. Splutter vainly trying to drum up entheusiasm for his evil-overlordliness. The would-be Doper Rebel Alliance too busy debating the merits of chocolate, boobies and white armor to mount any real resistance. Good. Closes door, gets evil henchcats Conan and Schrodinger on the comm. Instructs them to create further distractions by giving displays of cute fuzziness, thus causing everyone do drop what they're doing and say, "Oooh, look at the fuzzy kittycats, they are sooooo cuuuuuute!", and compete for the right to pet them. Creates a computer program that will hack into any machine that has a modem and resets everybody's start page to "The World of Sid and Marty Kroft". Leans back, puts feet up on the desk and revels in the chaos she has created.

Thea Logica has just quietly taken over the world.*

[BraheSilver]

Originally posted by leechbabe

I challenge anyone to say that my boobies are of a lesser quality!

Hmmm perhaps BraheSilver you could take on the role of official boobie quality control manager.

I knew that line would get me in trouble . "May," I said. I haven't yet had proof either way.

I humbly accept the offered position, so that I may enlighten all of the superlative quality of the Alliance's boobies. All incoming boobie shipments must meet my approval (don't worry, I'm easy to please). Please make an appointment with my secretary, Benita Hill.

[Stiletto]

I think as far as my personal alignment in this building conflict, I'm gonna have to go with Leechbabe and the Rebel Doper Alliance. Boobies and chocolate. I'm there.

However, since we seem to be rather short on the appropriate equipment for taking over the world....may I humbly recomment a quick shopping trip to Villain Supply.com?

It's pretty much a one-stop shop for this type of thing.

Just my two cents...

-Stil

_{Hey, Leechbabe...how do I sign up to be BraheSilver's emergency backup? For when he's, you know, not available?}

[Cat Whisperer]

BraheSilver, you might want to consider taking on Nostradamus for the lingerie inspector position. He has shown quite an interest in the field in the past.

As for me, I want to be in charge of the Sterilization Committee. You know, deciding who has been a bad parent and needs to have their children adopted by good parents and be sterilized. I figure this position would logically come with a dictatorship, since it is so obviously needed in the world.

[Scylla]

Excuse me, but I already did this (and it made threadspotting.)

I therefiore have dibs on world domination.

However, I've redirected efforts for the time being, form my invisible coup, in order fix the stock market, defuse the Israeli-PLO situation, end terror, and make some of those marshmallow rice krispie treats.

One of my minions will provide a link for you. The search engine is being fussy with me.

[BiblioCat]

Originally posted by ResIpsaLoquitor
I hereby announce the formation of a Rebel Doper Alliance to secretly steal your plans, commandeer your shuttles, blow up your weapons of mass destruction, and inevitably have you tossed down a shaft by your own number two flunkie.

-A pretentious, regal female who's good with a rifle. Must be attracted to dashing pilot types.

I'm accepting applications now.

I wanna play! Here's my application. I'm regal, and I can be pretentious, and I have my own gun.
ResIpsaLoquitor, do I have to bribe you with chocolate or show you my boobies?

[Horseflesh]

Originally posted by Kinsey
ResIpsaLoquitor, do I have to bribe you with chocolate or show you my boobies

::blows referee whistle::

Foul!

Brahesilver is the official boobie quality control inspector. Please go to the back of the thread.

Yes, that's fine. Thank you.

And..... Action!!

[Fern Forest]

It’shardfindinggoodminionsthesedaysScylla?Isn’tit?

[Siege]

After stealthily sneaking into Splutter's ship with voice set to Moderate Frost, I found said book (OK, a link containing jokes from it) next to his bedside. Handling the book very carefully, I placed it in a small toaster oven I brought along for the purpose, dumped it in the nearest escape pod and sent it off to the BBQ Pit in the hopes of enlisting the assistance of the master of sarcasm Fenris. I was nearly discovered in the process, but I set my voice to Winter in Buffalo, and froze three of Splutter's minions.

Oh, while I'm recruiting aid, Esprix, favoured by Cecil and Knower of All Ask the Gay Guy things, would you please lend us your aid (or a couple of good looking, bi-to-straight male pilots)?

CJ
Pretentious, Regal Female of the Rebel Doper Alliance

[stofsky]

Rebel Doper Alliance Job Application
Position Applied for: A smooth-talking, well-dressed rogue type who's good at hitting on ladies and betraying his friends.
Salary desired: Potent potables and all the ladies I can pick up at the baccarat table.
Qualifications: [*]Suave[*]Debonair[*]Can pronounce the above two words[*]Well-dressed[*]Roguish[*]Smooth-talking[*]Like boobies[*]Will betray you for boobies, Colt .45, or a Brooks Brothers gift certificate
Hobbies: Drinking malt liquor, picking up ladies, and general betrayal

[ResIpsaLoquitor]

Wait, wait...as founder of the Rebel Doper Alliance, I get final appeal on all boobie inspections, including Kinsey's. And believe me, boobie inspections have a lot of appeal.

stofsky is hired as our Colt 45 salesman. However, you have to supply the big blue pimp cape yourself.

[ianzin]

I appreciate you're all very busy sorting out issues of command, control, leadership, minions, factions etc. It's just, whoever does end up in charge of the world, I live in England and can we please have a decent climate? Like quite a lot of sunshine, warm Summers, that kind of thing?

That's all.

Thank you.