Stop it dude, you're freaking me out!

The BBQ Pit
1

I hate starting threads like this but people keep freaking me out with their anal habits. Therefore, I’d like to apologize in advance. Butt still…

I was again sitting there doing my morning constitutional and, as is my custom, minding my own damn business. I poop quietly and am constantly frustrated that others won’t show me the same consideration.

I’d picked the first of the three empty stalls because there were no skid marks on the porcelain racetrack and no evaporating pee on the seat. I try not to be overly demanding.

Someone followed me into Casa de Pepe` about 8 seconds later, which is always kinda freaky because they know who you are and have a face they can associate your “noises” with and, yet, their blasts will forever be anonymous to you. Fairness knows not the shitter.

I paid little attention to him, assuming that it was indeed a him and not some soon to be freaked out lost gal, and concentrated on the task at hand.

Again the door to Hell’s kitchen opens.
Fuck.
I fucking hate trifectas. Last thing I want to smell this morning is a poop casserole. Fucking mystery meat. Fucking olives.

This is where it got wierd. Before he even sits down, I hear this guy going “Hnnnnnnnnnnn”. “Hnnnnnnnnnnnnn”. “Hnnnnnnnnnnnnn”. pause “Hnnnnnnnnnnnnn”.

This fucker’s preparing himself for some serious shit. It’s like when you force yourself to sit down at a computer and compose a report you’re not at all interested in writing. You don’t want to be there. It’s an external influence that’s making you do it. You are just going to suffer through and get the damn thing done.

“Hnnnnnnnnnnnnn”.

I hear him sit right fucking next to me and he’s still groaning like he’s trying to shit an anvil or something.
*“Hnnnnnnnnnnnnn”. *

If that’s the writing on the wall he was sharing beforehand, I damn sure wasn’t going to stick around for the editing.

As I was leaving, this fucker had to gall to open a bottle of champagne in his stall. I kid you not, I heard a loud “pop” and the sound of some poor fecal cork slamming against an unlucky flat surface. Not in a celebratory mood, I vacated the premises.

I tell you what, the people I work with are just freaking wierd. Would you walk into a populated shitter and start going “Hnnnnnnnnnnn”?
Restroom my ass.

2

Hnnnnnnnnnnnnn! Hnnnnnnnnnnn! Hnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Hold on, I’ll be right with you.

Hnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

3

lieu, darling, you should really just start shitting at home.

bella–helpfully

4

I hate shitting in public places - unfortunately I’m so disgustingly REGULAR that I can’t help it. If the kids are on the way, they refuse to be put off. :frowning:

5

I’m hoping I know what you meant by that.

6

[Austin Powers] Who Does Number 2 Work For!! [/Austin Powers]

Sorry- everytime I hear the noisy neighbors in the next door stall I remember that Austin Powers bit.

7

Champagne in the shitter? You guys sure know how to party. I know I feel like celebrating when I release the “big one”.

Oh, right. A metaphor. Heh.

8

lol!

9

This was serious.

Someone’s eye could have been put out.

10

I understand your reticence to share the poopy place. Having said that, the OP and responses made me laugh out loud.

11

You could have made it really interesting for your poo mate.

12

Maybe those were courtesy Hnnnnnnnnnnnnns. He was warning you of the impending explosion?

Next time yell THANK YOU! as you scamper out of harm’s way.

13

Thats why I shit at home. with the door locked.

14

Well, you could always try going for a swim in the surf and doing your oblutions that way. Down here we call them “aqua bogs”! After all - the ocean devours everything - even The Titanic. Just make sure you’re upside down.

(smile)

15

**Note to self:

Next time Boo Boo Foo invites me for a swim, decline politely but firmly.

16

You always make me laugh with these posts, Lieu!

EHEHE!

17

In England we consider it lucky to retrieve the cork, stick a six-penny piece in it, and display it on the mantelpiece.

18

In my workplace, there’s a restroom known as the dirty business room. It’s away from all the cubes, so one can splatter away without fear of being overheard. However, the hallway outside of it always smells of poop soup… so one must make very stealthy visits.

Ah, and since it is the dirty business room, shit-standoffs occur. You’ll be in there, blasting grotesquely away, and another poor soul with loose stool comes in. The two of you sit in pinched silence, waiting. It can only end with the total loss of bowel control, or with the merciful masking flush. Ahhhh.
And that is why I NEVER eat the “special” in the cafe anymore…

19

I’ve heard the Japanese like to flush repeatedly to hide any “musical notes”. A technique worth noting.

20

OK, I reckon a poll is in order, 'cos I suspect most women will (unless illness ensues) shit only at home, while men are happy to take a crap anywhere.

Votes?
Me…Fem. At home only.