More potty talk: 4 open stalls, 2 people, DONT SIT NEXT TO ME!!!

I was gonna post this in the many other shitter threads, but I wanted this to have its own, cause its so dear to my heart. This is my potty rant:

It fires me up big time when I go into a restroom with 3 or more shitters. I sit down on shitter number one, leaving 2 and 3 open for use by other poopers. Next thing I know, a mad shitter comes bursting through the door and sits down in the #2 stall and proceeds to unload that days greasy lunch.

Now,I consider my self to be "Poo-shy"TM. Its hard enough for me to shit when someone else is in the room, let alone when they are right next to me moaning and squeezing. There has been more than one occasion when I have ceased my pooping operation, and left the head until the mad shitter left.

Why? Why do people think its ok to cuddle up in the restroom when there are only 2 people and 4 open stalls? I dont get it. I would even appreciate a, “Do you mind if I shit here?”. Some people have no manners.

Now appearing at the Club Merde: Poo-Shy™.

Wasn’t that also a song by Kajagoogoo?

Frankly I would find that disturbing.

You raise an interesting point, but there are so many more vairables involved. What are the conditions of the unused stalls? Is there a floater in one? Does one seat have suspicious stains? Is there a good newspaper in one? What about the TP supply?

Slight detour: I once got an email forward that had a great game attachment. The game consisted of four urinals next to each other and for each of ten different scenarios, you had to choose which urinal to use based on who was using the others and which ones they used. Wish I could find it.

I used to be poo-shy, but now I’m probably the guy that sits next to you. I have my favorite stalls at work and it doesn’t matter if the one next door is occupado (unless the olfactory factor is too high). I’ve actually gotten to the point where I do some of my best sitting at work. Lessens the load (pun intended) on the home septic system too.

Ah, yes, the wonders of bathroom etiquette. It’s worse at my office-we have two urinals and three stalls, one of which is handicapped-accessible. I avoid that one, since the seat is too high and makes me uncomfortable. Besides, the TP dispenser is at the wrong height to prop the newspaper on.

Invariably, when I’m in the end stall furthest away from the handicapped stall, someone will sit down in the middle one. Occasionally I’ll get requests for a section of the paper.
Here’s a casual rule of thumb: if something is either going in or coming out of my ass, please don’t talk to me. That’s my “special time”. I didn’t appreciate it when the medical officer was checking my prostate and referred to it as an “Alabama standoff” (to which I replied “So if I feel BOTH your hands on my shoulders, I should be worried, right?”).
I don’t appreciate it when I’m trying to extrude a “corn-back rattler” and you think it’s a good time to comment on the weather.

And don’t get me started on one of my ex-bosses, who thought it was a great idea to follow me into the men’s room and chat about business when I was shaking the dew from the lily. Men’s rooms, unless they’re public, should be like church. Rituals observed, conversation in low tones and then only when necessary to save your soul. Incense wouldn’t be a bad idea, either.

urinal test


Yuppers. That’s the one. A big tip of the hat to Smoke (or maybe a shake of the maraca?)

Potty Talk
Potty Talk Part II
Return of Potty Talk
Revenge of the Potty Talk

I would like to ask the mods to consider forming a new forum, The SDMB Unisex Lavatory and Video Arcade. Demand seems to be high enough.

[Fixed the links and exceeded my Recommended Daily Allowance of the word “Potty” – Alpha]

[Edited by Alphagene on 08-09-2001 at 10:29 AM]

Damn, there was supposed to be links to all 4 live potty threads up above…

Each url must be enlcosed in quotes…

I just want to say to Phlip “Sing it, brother! (or sister)” Someone plopping down next to me when there are lots of available stalls just about drives me mental. We don’t have to fill up the stalls starting at one end, people. Give me a little space to do my private business, and we’ll help to make the world a better place (cause I won’t be quite as irritated then).

I used to be “Poo-shy” myself, but six years of working in a shipyard cured me of that. I honestly think that the company would provide us with a trench and a bucket of corncobs if they thought they could get away with it. They’re hot and smelly in the summer, cold and smelly in the winter. Some of the stalls have doors, some of them have plastic sheets hung with tie-wires, and some of them have no barrier at all and are so tiny that my knees stick out the front when I sit down. There’s nothing more disturbing than running into the bathroom and turning the corner to see my boss straining to drop a load, with his paperwork on his lap and a vein popping out on his sweating forehead.

So while I can understand and sympathize with your sentiments, Phlip, trust me, it could be worse. Maybe you could turn it into a game or something, and call it Dueling Anuses. :smiley:

Why is it the bathroom threads always have the best band names?

Having spent time in several shipyards, I can back-up headshok. However, the most bizarre set-up I saw was back in college. The men’s room stalls in the Civil Engineering department had tiled cement walls that were about six inches thick and about four feet high. They were arranged in the center of the room so that when you walked in all you saw were these heads sticking up over the walls of this mouse maze. Definitely a eyes-straight-ahead situation, you did not want to catch a glimpse of your professor’s curriculum vitae.

I believe the proper plural would be “Dueling Ani”
as in Ani DiFranco.

Thank you, Phlip, for starting this thread! I have had many discussions with my SO about men’s bathroom etiquette. She can’t understand that men have all these unwritten rules about the proper stall/urinal to use in various situations. She tells me that she, and all other women, simply plop themselves down in the first available stall with no conideration of whether the nearest stalls are occupied.

She’s also asked me about the basics of urinal etiquette. She had never heard of the basic rules: Don’t make small talk with strangers. Stare straight ahead at an imaginary point on the wall. And, most importantly, do not steal a downward glance at your neighbor’s plumbing equipment!

I think I’ll try to get her to play that Flash game.


I just want to say that was a delightful experiance. I really needed the laugh.

Setec, your wife is wrong. Or I’m not a woman. (actually a gay friend of mine recently accused me of that. He’s afraid of girls you see, but I don’t count. Thanks. Love you too.) But I have boob and indoor plumbing, so I think I count. I also understand every one of the urinal rules. I aced the game.

I’m pretty Poo-Shy[sup]TM[/sup] myself. At school I had my favorite stall and would find the time when everyone else on the floor was at class or out drunk. (Before they came back in and puked. Freshman girls have no ability to hold alcohol.)

I hate public bathrooms. I also hate my mom (on this one issue)

“Kate, where are you?”
<ignore, ignore>
“[sub]in the bathroom[/sub]”
“In the bathroom!”
“Oh! What are you doing?”

Oh, I don’t know, picking my nose, leeme alone will ya? When I come back out of the Twilight Closet I’ll do whatever chore you were trying to find me to do. Until then, I’m not going to do it any way and you’re ruining my focus. This is my time. Shhh…

Brings to mind another peeve I have in this area. The bathroom near my office has two shitters, one normal one, and one supersized handicapped one which probably used to be
three regular ones. So when they configured it for the disabled, did they put the toilet over by the hardwall, away from the other stall, so people could have a little privacy?
No, they cozied it up right next to the other stall, and so it coiuld be clearly seen through the split in the stall door.

I’ll go ahead and admit it. I love to shit in public restrooms. I prefer it to my little shitter at home. I feel like a king sitting on his throne.

When others enter, then the real fun begins. I sometimes have the fortune to interrupt someone else’s shitting excursion.

I’ll moan, bang on the walls, bear down like a weightlifter and cut the rope.

You’d be surprised how often people will comment and LAUGH HARD in spite of the green-hazed, breath-stealing stench of shit.

I’ve heard: “Damn, ass on fire” from a guy with a heavy chinese accent - that was great.

"Bear down, and give it hell!" I’ve heard many a quote from the (in)famous scene in Austin Powers… "Who do you work for??!!! Or my personal fav, Don’t blow out your 0-ring!"

My real question pertaining to public bathroom ettiquette is:

How bad do thinks have to get smell-wise before a request for a courtesy flush is in order?

Medea - I aced it too. And another thing - three toilets, you’re the first one in. Don’t for heaven’s sake use the middle one. That way, you’re guaranteed that everyone has to sit next to you. Take an end cubicle, please.

If you should find yourself at a public urinal, and you see either a locked stall or an entire locked bathroom, here’s a free Fucking Clue ™ for you: Trying to open the locked door for five minutes is not going to make me finish my business any faster. Whether the stall or bathroom is being used by someone else, or it is closed because someone had a case of Exploding Ass, the end result is the same. You ain’t gonna get to use it right now, assmonkey.

Hint: People who walk upright and have opposable thumbs generally KNOCK in situations like this. Try to imitate their behavior. You should have no problem with this, even WITH the mittens your mother forces you to wear!
One time I was going to the bathroom at work, where there are no less than ten stalls for one’s bowel movement pleasure. I was in one stall, and the rest were unoccupied. So it should come as no surprise that some knuckle-dragging goatboy should come to the one stall with a closed door, and try to open it, until I finally have to tell him “There’s someone in here.” “You stupid fucking waste of DNA” I kept to myself, just in case it was my boss.

I went to a not-so-great high school in Cleveland a few years back.

Many kids were getting in trouble for

  1. graffiti-ing the shitter stall doors and then
  2. for tearing them off their hinges.

Well eventually, out vice-principal got fed up with having to call the guy in to put the stall doors back on their hinges. So, eventually, he just said fuck it.

That meant that pretty much none of the shit stalls had doors of any sort! Some did not have walls either.

I remember one time in particular I walked in to a restroom to comb my hair and I look up, and what do I see in the mirror behind me but a kid shitting and just looking at me in shame… What a terrible sight for all.

Now, that was a ‘shitty’ bathroom arrangement.

Bathroom ettiquette (sp?) applies to women as well.

We have five stalls in our restrooms at work.

I like the end stalls where there’s only one wall between me and the next stall.

[The reason for this is leftover paranoia from grade school when for some strange reason, my fellow females seemed to enjoy climbing up onto the toilet seat and peering over the wall from the next stall. If I sat at the wall, I only had to watch one wall for peeping Tinas.]

Anyway, I absolutely HATE it when all the stalls are open and the next woman in has to take the next stall.

If possible, there should always be one empty stall between people!

This probably belongs in a different thread, but I also hate it when people don’t sit on the seat and then pee all over it! Sometimes you can’t see it and sit on it --Yuck!!