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#1
12-09-2002, 09:57 PM
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Messages from God, brought to you by Mnementh
Tis the season, you know.
Fortunately for us here at the SDMB, we've got our own prophet! Mnementh, I'm told, has been placed here to deliver each and every one of us a Very Special Message straight from the Gilded Throne. Well, actually from the Very Special Entity sitting (if in fact, sitting is what you'd call it) on that Very Same Gilded Throne (which may or may not be a throne). Mnementh, prophet to the Teeming Millions, deliver the word of Gaaaaaaawd! What is my message?
__________________
Goethe once said, "A useless life is an early death." In Goethe's terms, most of you are already dead. 
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#2
12-09-2002, 10:03 PM
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What am I, some kind of divine Fortune Cookie? Show your respect, MORTAL!
Your message, by the way, from the Very Special Entity Who, In Fact, Tends to Recline More Than Sit On the Gilded Lay-Z-Boy, is thus: "Stop! Just stop! I'm not having a party! You're not welcome here! Quit screaming that you're coming!"
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#5
12-09-2002, 10:12 PM
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Dear Mnementh,
I humbly come seeking thine divine goodness and ask that thou bestowest upon me through thy faithful servant, Mnementh, that whilst thou wouldst have mine ears to hear. (I suspect that that message will be "quit trying to do an awful parody of English from a previous time."  )
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#6
12-09-2002, 10:20 PM
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First, VSEW,IF,TTRMTSONGLZB (or Vizzy, as I like to call him) would like it known that he's less a 'God' than just a guy. An all-powerful guy, but a guy still. Y'know, equality and all that. So Vizzy is fine.
Secondly, Jess, Vizzy would have me tell you the following: "You're not vicious. Or malicious! Just de-lovely. And delicious. mmmm." Hey, I never claimed he was a strictly moral deity.. And for Chique: "Your teeth are straight and attractive. What do you mean, that's not her? She's not green, either? dammit!" Er, he'll get back to you once he's sobered up. lel, dahlink, His Vizzness has this to say: "Awful parodies of English from a previous time remind me of the old days, when I could smite without fear of a lawsuit. Ah, the good old days.. The Remote Control of the Fates is hereby pointed at you, and 'bless' is pressed. Go in peace." Watch for the Shiny Red Beam of Good Joy to hit you in the forehead. Don't worry, it doesn't sting much.
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#7
12-09-2002, 10:34 PM
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OK, so what's my message?
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#9
12-09-2002, 10:39 PM
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I'm all ears.
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#10
12-09-2002, 10:40 PM
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AbsolutelyStark: "Put on some clothes. Noone needs to see that."
Hey, don't look at me. You asked for it. Unless you're Stark something else. But then you'd have some 'splainin' to do. And the Viz' is busy watching the Immortal Channel, so I don't know that you want to do that.
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#11
12-09-2002, 10:41 PM
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Oh great Mnementh
(thorry about the lithsp, my tongue is stuck to light pole outside my window, my tongue's pretty stretchy, ain't it?) My gf and I had to break up because of her thinking I was seeing someone else. By seeing, I mean seeing in the nude. So..., instead of another tall blonde, can I get a petite little red head, like the kind that just makes me shiver in my groin when slow dancing with her at my business partner's wedding? Ooops, did I just admit to something? Your servant, NoClueBoy In carniverousplant's name... eggman
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#12
12-09-2002, 10:43 PM
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Hey Mnementh, can you do me a favor? Pass this along to the big guy:
Like, Almight God, remember that time in the third grade, when I prayed really hard, and did all my chores, and helped mom around the house, and was nice to my sisters, and just wanted a Lego pirate ship for Christmas? Remember how I got socks and underwear instead? Um, well, that kinda sucked. Not that I'm mad or anything. It's all bygones be bygones and stuff. But it still kinda sucked. . . Amen. Thanks Mnem. I owe ya, buddy. Tripler Gawd and that fat guy in red: whatta racket.
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#13
12-09-2002, 10:48 PM
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Blackeyes: "Cool, did you get in a fight or something? Check this out, when I was only 12,000 I got in this huge fight with Zeus. Back then he was called Phil, though, and we.."
You've set off his oldtimer reflex. Run. For the love of... Viz, RUN! ultrafilter: "No you're not! I see at least one leg in there. Oh, and a filter. A good one." Can't put anything past him. No sirree.
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#15
12-09-2002, 10:58 PM
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NoClueBoy: "Dilemmas, eh? I'm not sure you need my help, if you've got a redhead slowdancing with your jiggling groin while you're stuck to a lamppost. I mean, c'mon. That's skill. I'm just sitting around, for Phil's sake. Hey, get ME a redhead and I'll let you play with the Remote Control of the Fates. For like, an hour. But what's with this eggman crap, anyway?"
Do you know what you can do with that remote, man? I say, hook the big guy up. Tripler: "Hey, is this a prayer or a griping service? Do you even want the ship anymore, or are you just whining to me because the red guy stiffed you? Will a rocket launcher fix it? Because that'd be cool. I get to watch whatever you do with it." Hey, because destruction is fun, even to a deity! And Jess, his deitiness wants you to know that he read on the Internet somewhere that women like subtle Entities. But having seen that fail, he further wants you to know that he was too busy looking down your shirt to come up with anything better, and he apologises, and offers to make it up to you with a... private... visit to the Really Big Gamesroom in the Sky.
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#16
12-09-2002, 11:01 PM
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Quote:
Tripler Ignore all that bad talk. I was just jealous.
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#17
12-09-2002, 11:03 PM
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Quote:
I cannot believe God would be so bold as to suggest that I want to join him in the Really Big Gamesroom in the Sky. 
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#21
12-09-2002, 11:13 PM
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Quote:
Sure thing man. I gots a real cute cousin who can put both her feet behind her head and stick her whole fist in her mouth. And she got big ol' titties. Damn incest taboos! Family reunions are quite interesting around here.
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#22
12-09-2002, 11:15 PM
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Demo, the Vizzinator will Vizzinate you. He has suggested that he inhabit my body in order to level the playing field as he drinks you blind. I will do my best to serve him, and offer to you this direct quote:
"I \/\/1ll 0\/\/nz00r j00, b!tc|-|!" Jess, the Remote Control of the Fates (screw it, the RCF) is jealously guarded by the Viz, and loaned out to others very, very rarely, and only for the purposes of causing mayhem in the land of the mortals. It's not merely a channel changing experience, it's a lifestyle. So in short, yes. He controls the remote. Always. Even when us prophets don't want to watch those stupid infomercials. NoClueBoy, you have curried the favour of the Viz. Go forth, and use your new powers only for Havoc! oh, and to show off to chicks, too.
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#23
12-09-2002, 11:22 PM
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Thou shalt not be unimpressed by just how much havoc I can and will cause. Blesed art thou and all the see thru blouses on cute chicks in the shopping malls.
Now, where can I get a tazer, some peanut butter flavored body gel, and a rhesus monkey...?
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#25
12-09-2002, 11:36 PM
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Mnementh, please give God my warmest regards. And would you mind asking her who does her hair?
__________________
You may take the expression "politically correct," write it on a piece of paper, set it ablaze and place it far, far inside your sweetly rounded, cherubic bum.
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#26
12-09-2002, 11:47 PM
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Mnem, I'll give ya a beer if you can convince God to give me a Ferrari...
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#27
12-10-2002, 12:10 AM
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NoClueBoy, you have RCF style powers. Find your own Rhesus Monkey, and prove your devotion to the Beergod.
Jess, Your threats will not work against a deity of such powers! The [sub]man, you smell good[/b] Viz cannot be but they're so soft.... cannot be pursuabut.. goodies!ed.. but.. I.. She... they.. The prophet thinks you've won. Zoe, the Viz'z hair is regularly shaved off, military-style, by a midget circus bear who has been specially trained to live for that purpose and that purpose only. And you are thanked for your regards, although sacrifices of hard liquor are encouraged. Monster, that'll take at least a six pack. Double your chances with a 24!
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#29
12-10-2002, 12:13 AM
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The Viz demands it be known Ow, stop whipping me! that all typos and no, not the branding iron! coding errors are the sole responsibility I'll be better! I promise! of the Prophet through which they are IT BURNS! IT BURNS LIKE HYGIENE! spoken!
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#32
12-10-2002, 12:32 AM
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Quote:
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#33
12-10-2002, 12:44 AM
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"We apologise for the inconvenience".
--God's final message to all his creation
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#35
12-10-2002, 01:03 AM
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Quote:
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#36
12-10-2002, 01:07 AM
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Messages from God, brought to you by Mnementh
Message from God?
I thought he hath forsaken me. Something about breaking a promise 20 years ago. Some guys just can't get over old grudges. meh.
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#37
12-10-2002, 02:20 AM
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I've always wondered what God would say to me if I could actually hear him. Here's my chance! So Mnen, what's he saying to me?
__________________
Can you please show us on the doll where the bad Deity touched you? -stpauler For the Black Death Click Here
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#38
12-10-2002, 02:20 AM
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I've always wondered what God would say to me if I could actually hear him. Here's my chance! So Mnen, what's he saying to me?
__________________
Can you please show us on the doll where the bad Deity touched you? -stpauler For the Black Death Click Here
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#41
12-10-2002, 07:24 AM
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What's my message from God?
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#44
12-10-2002, 08:48 AM
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You and me both Maeglin, what say we start making plans to overthrow the (false) prophet?
I'm sure I got a dead horse carcass around here somewhere... 
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#47
12-10-2002, 09:16 AM
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Well, may as well have it. What iis God trying to say to me through His prophet and servant?
F_X
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#48
12-10-2002, 09:23 AM
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*reads Genesis 2:25*
Quote:
F_X
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#49
12-10-2002, 12:00 PM
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AbsolutelyStark: He, in his Great Powers, can see through the clothing of women, but not men. He apologises heartily if He has mistaken your gender, and cites his current Hangover of Death as an excuse.
imthjckaz: His Hungoverness informs me that you may be thinking of a different Deity. If he has forsaken you, the Viz will be glad to take to on a drunken tirade to this other God's house, which we will then teepee, egg, and defile with burning dog offal in paper bags before we're caught laughing giddily in the bushes and arrested. Good times... Obsidian Butterfly: The Viz thinks that your constant double posting is a result of a need for attention. Then he kinda fell asleep and began mumbling incoherently, before starting up in the Gilded Lay-Z-Boy, screaming about THE RODENTS! OH, GOD, THE RODENTS! ..... You may want to try again later. Mauvaise: The Beergod wants you to know that you are loved and that he is watching over you. Wherever you are, He has his eye on you. Inside, outside, when you're sleeping, in the shower, at night when you.. when.... To keep you safe, of course. Oh yes. spooje, The Viz favours you, as your name sounds like a euphemism for semen, which he finds hilarious. Distract him with something shiny and he may grant you a wish. Just don't try to rub his bottle. Or for that matter, rub him anywhere. Exgineer, did you check your shoes? That's where His keys often seem to turn up. The Viz believes this to be the work of deranged little key gnomes who live in shoes. This is why many of the Viz's shoes bear the scars of baseball bat beatings. I don't recommend that course of action, myself, but you never know. Maeglin and Tir, The Viz fully endorses any planned attempts on his prophet's life or sanity, and will in fact help, as it'll get him a good laug... Hey, wait a minute! arisu, we don't always get what we want. This is your message. Which, er, means you got what you wanted. But, for future reference, you may not get what you want. Except when you ask nicely, or bribe with beer, or assault the Prophet for the Viz's amusemen... Hey, now cut that out! NoClueBoy, you have been found to be wise, and are hereby ordinated in the Church of High Drunkeness and Random Stupidity. Go forth and spread the Four Letter Word! Flamsterette, the Viz says unto you the following: "Your little F_X looks like a little face to me, and verily, it is amusing. Oh, and also, Genesis is the censored version. If you think that's bad, wait until I re-release the story of exactly how the world became so populated by only two people. In explicit detail!" It's really a very interesting read, if you're into that kind of thing. Finally, Prophet I may be, but I'm no servant! That's why we have the minions. More minions are needed, if anyone wants to volunteer. You get your own Not Quite Gilded, But Somewhat Jewel-Encrusted Lay-Z-Boy and all the alcohol and pizza you can put back, in exchange for an eternity of servitude and mockery. So who wants to sign up?
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#50
12-10-2002, 12:03 PM
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Quote:
nah, maybe we had better keep you arround, I'm sure more than just me would miss the MnemBattyCam.
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