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Old 04-08-2003, 05:53 PM
astro is offline
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When two gay men (or ladies) go on a date who pays?

Just curious. Even if a lady idly suggests, sweetly hints or otherwise makes me listen to her growling stomach while swooning from hunger in order to get me to take her out to dinner, I usually pay because that what I'm trained to do, and what I want to do in most cases.

How do the rules work for gay/lesbian couples? Does the asker always pay or is it usually dutch treat, or do both gallantly fight for the check like two businessmen on a power lunch? Is it like hetero arrangements where older/wealthier usually pays for younger/prettier?
Old 04-08-2003, 05:57 PM
FairyChatMom's Avatar
FairyChatMom is offline
I'm nice, dammit!
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Seems to me whether gay or straight, asker always pays. Or asker should always pay. I know my daughter had arguments with boyfriends when they wouldn't let her pick up the tab when she invited them to dinner. She's very insistent, tho.

Anyway, that's the rule. Really.
Old 04-08-2003, 06:02 PM
Lsura is offline
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I completely agree with FCM - that's what I came into this thread to say.

If I ask a someone out on a date, I fully expect to pay. If I am the one who is asked, I would expect the guy to pay. Neither of these things always happens, but it's what how I see the situation.
Old 04-08-2003, 06:45 PM
DMark is offline
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Location: Chi NYC Berlin LA Vegas
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Gay man here...
and the answer depends on who asked whom.

Generally, if I ask a guy to dinner, it is assumed I pay.
If he asked me, I assume he is paying.
Often, if it is just "lets go get something to eat" on the spur of the moment, we usually pay seperately.

Same rule applies when I go with non-date friends - male or female.
I have no qualms whatsoever about letting a woman pay for dinner - especially if she invited me, or if she says she wants to pay. I do, however, follow the unwritten rule that "next time is on me" and I stick to it.
Old 04-08-2003, 06:58 PM
foxfiregrrl is offline
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For dates where there isn't really an asker, it's whoever insists on paying for the longest period of time. When there is an asker, they usually pay.
Old 04-08-2003, 07:04 PM
eyedea is offline
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Location: chicago
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The person who asks the other guy out pays.
Old 04-08-2003, 07:52 PM
pizzabrat is offline
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The older, wealthier one. Wealth takes precedent if the ages are really close.
Old 04-09-2003, 12:50 AM
King Friday is offline
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I would say, and I'm not saying this from experience (not that there's anything wrong with that), that the person that didn't pay last time would pay this time.
Old 04-09-2003, 01:07 AM
Mockingbird is offline
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Location: Themyscira
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It is all dependant on the oiled wrestling match. Best two falls out of three.

Of course, it often leads to whipping up such an appetite that whomever is hungriest pays.
Old 04-09-2003, 02:25 AM
MrVisible is offline
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Location: Tucson, AZ
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Asker, on the first date.

Since then, it's been pretty much whoever isn't broke.

More on his side, since we moved in, because I cook when we stay home.
Old 04-09-2003, 06:43 AM
Maxxxie is offline
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Location: Brisbane, Australia
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Wow, I must be the only one who disagrees with you lot - I've never been on a date where we didn't each pay for our own meal. I would *NEVER* expect someone who asked me out on a date to pay, and I would certainly never expect to pay for someone else's meal if I asked them on a date.

Is this just an Aussie thing? Or am I committing some horrible social faux pas, thereby reducing my chances of ever having a date again??

Old 04-09-2003, 07:23 AM
phraser is offline
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Location: the dark side of the moon
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No, I think it's an Aussie thing, Maxxxie

Every first date I've been on, we've each paid our own. After that, it was either whoever asked, or, once in a more serious relationship, whoever was better financially off at the time. My ex was salaried (compared with me, a uni student) so she insisted on paying most of the time... although it made it a little special for her if i saved up so *I* could pay for dinner. However, in my current relationship, I have more cash reserves, so I tend to pay or we split the bill.
Old 04-09-2003, 08:27 AM
Otto is offline
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Many times for me the date is dinner and... (movie, drinks, etc.) and it works out that one person pays for the dinner and the other pays for the "and." My current relationship we've tended either to do no-cost stuff or stay in at one person's place or the other, in which case I tend to cook (including buying the food).
Old 04-09-2003, 09:22 AM
OxyMoron is offline
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Hum, I have almost always gone Dutch (and no, I am not interested in debating the term, deal with it...).
Old 04-09-2003, 10:25 AM
kirk280980 is offline
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Posts: 329
While some think that the older and wealthier of the two people should always pick up the tab, I'd feel really uncomfortable with that. Despite being young and piss-poor, I still like (and expect) to pay my own way. Likewise, if I was loaded with cash, I'd resent the assumption that dinner was always going to come out of my pocket. It screams "sugar daddy" to me.

When a guy asks me out and insists on paying the bill, I'll accept and then do the same for him next time round. That's still a tad formal for my liking, however; much better IMHO to keep the arrangements relaxed, and finish off by splitting the bill down the middle.
Old 04-09-2003, 02:17 PM
Medea's Child is offline
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I used to insist that I always paid my own way.

I'm significantly more broke now and will eat my pride with my meal. Then again, if I asked, I will pay.
Old 04-09-2003, 02:43 PM
blanx is offline
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Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 551
Wow. Straight guy here- If I'm a askin', I'm a payin'. Then again, if she asks, then in my experience, she has paid.
Old 04-09-2003, 04:16 PM
SciFiSam is offline
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British lesbian here (think I should have that in my sig).

With most dates I've gone dutch, each paying for their own dinner or one paying for dinner the other for drinks, in any case working out about equal. However in my current relationship, where my partner earns about 50 times as much as I do, she always pays. It's the only way we can keep going to the places she likes to go without sending me to bankruptcy court.
Old 04-09-2003, 07:11 PM
rowrrbazzle's Avatar
rowrrbazzle is offline
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astro, it's just coincidence that this exact question was on Rita Rudner's show Ask Rita last night, right?

Yeah, I just started watching it. I like her comedy. Wanna make something of it?
Old 04-09-2003, 07:49 PM
astro is offline
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Her show debuted Tues 9:30 - 10:00 PM EST. I posted my question 6:53 PM EST. They're stealing from me, 20 years of groping to prove the things I'd done before were not accidents, and becoming famous, building on my work. Building on my work, all my ....
Old 04-09-2003, 08:38 PM
matt_mcl is offline
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Whoever feels like paying, pays. Or else we take separate cheques. That's what usually happens, actually.
Old 04-10-2003, 10:56 AM
dorkusmalorkusmafia is offline
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Typically the asker pays when I go out. If it is a continuing date thing, the asker pays the first time and subsequent dates we take turns. If one person is broke and the other isn't then the one who has money pays and the turn taking resumes on subsequent dates.
Old 04-10-2003, 11:27 AM
Indygrrl is offline
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I never pay, but then again, I never do the asking.
Old 02-14-2015, 09:01 PM
atl0707 is offline
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Posts: 1
I generally pay, because I prefer to appear generous from the git-go. Nothing spells trouble more than a stingy man who counts his pennies on the first date.
Old 02-14-2015, 10:36 PM
boytyperanma is offline
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Leominster MA
Posts: 5,401
For me the norm is Dutch. With some guys it's been ever other. In my younger days I'd hook up with a lot of older guys on the condition they paid for dinner.


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