Damn … does 80% of the female personal ad Web site-using female population out there read Harlequin romance novels or what?
I write to the fiive or ten women out there that have interesting profiles, and they either didn’t reply, or we had a couple of dates and things just fizzled. What’s left?
Seems like most WSM profiles on match.com are like this … generic prose that could be used to describe 95% of all women on the planet, looking for … well, what guy doesn’t think of himself as thoughtful and caring?
Look, gals … if you have a profile on match.com, or any other dating site, please for the love of God TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF!
I have not been in the personals for a while, but I did hang out in them when they were free a couple of years back. People don’t seem to understand that a personal ad is a sales pitch of yourself. I am a woman, and most of the men’s ads were all the same: talking about what they were looking for, not what they were like. I am the shopper here. I don’t care if I meet your criteria, I care if you meet mine first. Once you have impressed me, then I care what you want. I am not going to respond to an ad saying “You must be fit, attractive, like sports, and let me talk about what I want all the time, just like I did in this ad.”
Meh.
Same applies when you respond to an ad - you are now the one giving the sales pitch. Because I had a good ad, I got a ton of email. I only responded to the ones who stood out. Just “You sound great, drop me a line” got nothing from me. I got 5 of those a day.
I’m with you, I never found the “Single Female underwear model ISO fat white guy for commitment-free sex only relationship” ads either. Damn personals.
Yep, I started out on Match with the all-too-serious girlie prose. I got all-too-serious, deadly dull responses from deadly dull men, until one night I got snockered and decided to change my profile. My goofy ad requesting men in plaid shirts who would understand my fear of seagulls garnered tons of interesting responses! I’ve been with my matchdotcom honey for two years and bells will be ringin’ soon.
Weirdly enough…this applies to want ads for jobs also…at least back before when jobs were more plentiful and job seekers more rare.
My company would look for people and put all sorts of ‘qualifications’ in there. The idea being, I guess, so that the reader can decide that they shouldn’t apply. The problem is that they would go way overboard and through in many of these screeners.
This might work well now when jobs are rare and job seekers plentiful but back then it was a disaster. Nobody would apply. I argued that why put in these screeners? Why not get the nibble and then judge whether to continue or not.
Now these personal ads…like the one in the OP.
Hardworking - this screener says that you must make good money. I’m sure a hard-working guy making minimum wage is NOT what she has in mind. Not only will some of the poorer guys bow out (which is what she wants) but others she would want will also not respond.
Someone who looks good in jeans or a tux - Another screener. Ugly guys may not respond (which is what she wants) but others she would consider will not reply because they don’t think they will meet the requirement or are turned off at the shallowness of the poster.
My argument is that is her time so valuable that she wants to pre-screen? Is it so hard to look at a picture/request a picture in order to screen out herself? Is the minute or two whe would save with the pre-screener worth the risk of losing out on a good bite?
Now, maybe it is for women. I hear they get tons of hits. However, I see men do this also. What are you thinking?
As the OP says. Describe yourself. Don’t pre-screen. Yes, you may get some bites to your ad you want nothing to do with but better waste a little time doing your own screening then trying to do it in the ad.
{my qualifications you ask? Met my wife through personals. Married many years and still going strong }
I know how ya mean. I’ve been looking there for somebody I can practise Japanese with (ie: a Japanese person). But who the hell wantsto talk about 'Music, (Pop, R&B), Movies, and Shopping. Demanding as a partner a person ‘you can talk to’ would have been a given at this stage. I want to have conversations about things the interest in which is the exclusive domain of those aged over twelve.
Oh, and smiley usage in Japan has far surpassed anything in the west. It’s not just people my age, either. Both women and men aged up to about thirty are printing shit like:
Well, you know, 95% of the population is un-datable.
I’ve actually had good luck with match.com and it’s ilk. Though I think about the last word on earth you’d use to describe me is “generic”.
I think most women describe what they t’hink’ they want, and it is pretty generic, as they don’t actually know what they want. I have a friend who’s one of those guys who is perfect on paper, and he’s always complaining about women who match him up to their internal list of traits a good husband should have, and then latch on, never learning who he really is, and not wanting to.
BTW, I would put hardworking as something I like very much in a man, though I honest to god don’t mean it in a monetary sense. It’s just that I’m very hardworking, and I don’t think I could get along with someone who wasn’t. I think rich men are the WORST when it comes to that. Like those doctors who work 5 hours and play golf the rest of the time? I’ll take a guy with grease under his fingernails any day of the week.
While we’re bashing generic personal ads, let’s not forget about generic replies to personal ads as well. So you put up a good profile chock full of interesting information about your unique interests, likes/dislikes, goals, etc. What are most of the replies like? “I’m a SWM/F who enjoys candlelight dinners and moonlit walks on the beach.” I’ll treat you right. Email me." Or “Hi. ur cool. read my profile and drop me a line.”
Yaaawwwn. There is nothing in your reply to indicate that you even READ the profile…sounds more like you copied and pasted some generic response to every semi-attractive picture you saw. Put some effort in. Ask some questions, for crying out loud.
As it happened, the only picture I had that was right for my Match.com profile had me looking off to the side, blank look on my face. Yet, most of the emails I’d get would say, “I love your/You have a - great smile!”, and the typical cut and pasted sales pitch. Well, since you’ve started out fibbing I’m afraid you don’t get a response, Mr. Lying Liar Guy. I put honest and sincere effort and worry into making a unique and descriptive profile, and when I replied to someone’s profile I did the same. I don’t know that it was appreciated, frankly. BTW, what drove me off Match after ten days were the amount of emails I received mentioning sex or sexual attributes. I already assume men enjoy sex, I don’t need to be told anymore than I need reminding that you like to be the one pushing the shopping cart.
The scary bitterness in some men’s profiles was a close second reason. Elmwood, may I suggest Sciconnect? Those chicas may be more up your alley.
Personally, I wouldn’t mind a “No, thank you” once in a while.
I’ve been kind of desultorily looking at match for a couple years, and about two months ago decided to get serious about it for a while. I very carefully read the profiles, choose women who I think I could have some interest in getting to know, choose women who I think would have some interest in getting to know ME, write an email with references to prove I read the profile, ask questions (real questions, not “What’s your favorite position?”), say something about what we have in common, and send said email apparently off to the great bit-bucket in the sky.
This may wind up sounding harsh, but bear w/ me; at first I tried the “No, thank you” email when I wasn’t interested, but invariably it resulted in a “Why not??” reply. There was never any single reason, and explaining myself was not why I joined; so even though my mom raised me to be sensitive to others’ feelings, I stopped replying to people I wasn’t interested in after some rude replies. A few bad apples did spoil the lot in this case.
I just looked and my old profile’s gone, but would we be allowed to post the link if we have it? I think it’d be a kick in the head. I mean, um, fun… :rolleyes:
By coincidence, we’re having a similar chat over here. As you might imagine, I’m finding this thread very interesting.
The other thing I’ve been struck by is the number of people who say “my friends would describe me as . . .”. I understand why people do this (so they don’t seem to be bragging about themselves), but if I ever post an ad, it would have to say “My friends would tell you lies about me to amuse themselves, so the hell with them.” It’s hard to imagine what my dear, genuine, priceless friends, who nevertheless love to flip shit at me, would do with such an opportunity. The horror.
I can understand that. And reading some of the comments from the women in this thread, well, I guess I have no idea what kind of junk y’all must receive.
I used to get those when I was new blood, moving from one part of the country to another. Once I became established, I ended up getting more interesting resposes. It’s certainly not like the women, where I’m swimming in replies, but someone will write me unsolicited … oh, maybe every second or third week or so.
At the risk of embarassing myself, here’s my match.com profile. The picture was from a Dopefest in KC, so credit should go to Skipmagic.
Portia, maybe I will try sciconnect. I don’t work in the hard sciences, but I am a geek of sorts. Hell, I carry a Sharp Zaurus Linux-based PDA around with me, if that counts.
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