Wanna critique my Match.com profile?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

After being dumped (in real life) 3 weeks ago by the guy I met (via OK Cupid) back in January, I decided to get back on the on-line dating horse with both feet. That mixed metaphor is just as fun on-screen as it was in my head…cool! Not only did I create a new OK Cupid profile – I’d deleted my original one in the throes of dating happiness – I decided to sign up with Match.com again, as well. :eek:

There are only, like, 5 men my age and in my area who are using OK Cupid, so I’m there mostly for the tests and questions and because it’s free; but it’s been two weeks with Match.com, and I got nuthin’. I’ve only gotten two messages, and no one that I’ve written to has been interested – heck, half of them can’t even be bothered to send a “thanks but no thanks” reply. It’s been several years since I last tried Match.com, but I seem to recall having a better response rate back then … so, I’m thinking there might be an issue with my profile that I’m not aware of. And if not, it would be reassuring to know that I’m not unwittingly scaring off the men-folk.

So, here it is. be gentle! I’m pretty sure that link will work, but if not: 1) Go to the main Match.com page, 2) Click “How it Works,” 3) Click “Search,” and 4) Enter Misnomer971 in the “search by username” field.

What do you think? :slight_smile: How’s my tone of “voice”? Do I say enough/too much?

I also have one specific question: when you look at the photos I have there, do you think that calling my body type “a few extra pounds” seems accurate? Here are the options for folks who are above average in the weight department:[ul]
[li]A few extra pounds[/li][li]Big and beautiful[/li][li]Full-figured[/li][li]Curvy[/li][li]Stocky[/li][*]Heavyset[/ul]I debated going with “full-figured,” but I tend to think of that as meaning basically the same thing as “big and beautiful” – and I really don’t think of myself as a BBW (I’m short, I fit comfortably in airplane seats and the like, my gut isn’t bigger than my boobs, etc.). But from what you can see, am I kidding myself with “a few extra pounds”? If it’s a stretch, is it one I can get away with? :smiley:

2

First of all, you’re adorable! The first picture you have up of you is great – you have a very open, inviting face, and that half-smile is awesome. May I rearrange your photo order? Okay, thanks! I’d put them in this order: band, baby, necklace, half-smile. I’d drop picture number 4 because it’s very much like the main pic, which I like.

Can you break up the “about me” paragraph so it’s visually easier? I’m also not sure about the smilies in it. I would also play up the music more, because on the one hand, it seems important to you, but on the other hand, it gets kind of short shrift.

Other than that, your personality seems to shine right through. I hope others will have more constructive comments than that. It seems great to me.

3

Three things…

Scrap the ASCI smilies :wink: and :slight_smile:

Unless politics is the most important thing in your life, it shouldn’t be mentioned 1st. If it’s not very important at all in your life, it shouldn’t be mentioned at all.

You don’t have kids and are ‘not sure’ if you want kids. Why include a photo of you feeding an infant? Good God woman, don’t you know pictures of infants will send most men in the age bracket you seek clicking the next button?

4

In general, here’s a good process for evaluating your profile:

Imagine you’re at a party and the hostess is trying to pique your interest in someone else there so that you’ll start a conversation with them. What sort of things are you going to want to know about them? What doesn’t help with that initial conversation?

Now look at your profile. Are most of the statements along the lines of what you’d want to know, or what doesn’t help?

IMO, yours is pretty good. The fundamental problem of online dating is that no one knows how to write a good search engine, so it really is a crapshoot.

5

I’ll just second everything JohnBeckWLD said. And don’t worry about what to call your figure; with the photos you have, that’s all anyone needs.

Hope match is better to you than it has been to me…

6

Looks good to me—if I lived in that area, I’d give your profile some attention! :wink:

But if you’re looking for quantity, rather than quality, in your responses, I’d say you probably did say too much. You’ve given a pretty good, full, detailed description of yourself, your interests, likes & dislikes, etc. And every detail you reveal about yourself is probably going to scare (or turn) a few more men off. But those’d be the men you don’t have as much in common with. By providing such a long, detailed profile, you’re weeding out men who might have been interested at first but later at least one of you would have decided, after you got to know each other better, that you’re really not what he’s looking for.

7

Oh my, it was soooooooo tough to find. :stuck_out_tongue:

The first thing that jumps out is the headline. “Everyone I meet is in some way my superior.” While this is an interesting statement to discuss, it brings to mind pictures of low self-esteem.

I’ll agree with the removing the redundant picture, as well. If you’re after chemists, you’re favorite word will certainly get their notice. Well, them, pharmacists and people who use way too much medication.

I have no problem with the smilies, but some might.The whole, YMMV thing. Oh yeah, that bit about living in Virginia…yikes! :wink:

8

Writing this without reading the other posts, so that I won’t be influenced. Me: married (just once) with one kid, male, 46. (Just so you have an idea.)

You write very well, and come across refreshing and not jaded. But you come over as trying too hard at times. In these dating sites, probably coming across like that once is one time too many. So, my suggestions:

Sense of Humor:

“Dry / Sarcastic: I’m not bitter because I’m single. Quite the opposite, Obscure: I’m usually the only one laughing, Friendly: I’ll laugh at anything”

This is your weakest part, and it’s all weak, IMO. “Bitter” is a no-no; “only one laughing”, while meant to show your individuality, doesn’t work that way; “I’ll laugh at anything” - makes you sound desperate!

Others:

“most days I’m fairly quick-witted” - “quick witted” would be better (we all have off days - no need to allude to them when selling yourself).

“love playing softball, even though I suck at it” - remember Ol’ Blue Eyes: “accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative”.

“I also love to shoot pool, which I’m only slightly better at.” - suggest “I also love to shoot pool, though your money is probably safe.” (or some such jokey thing with a bit of Ratzenbergian humility thrown in!)

“The first thing I’ll say about the kind of man I’m looking for is that he won’t ever just “wink” at me:” - I don’t get this. Is it an American thing?

“if you like my profile, drop me a line! :slight_smile: I always write back.” - too desperate (sounds like you’re sitting at the computer nights waiting for the ICQ "You have mail’ to go off.

“If you don’t agree, or aren’t sure what I mean, we probably won’t be a good match. :wink: Other than the winking thing and the photo thing” - too stream of consciousness.

I suggest you get a “best feature” (currently the domain is empty): doesn’t need to be physical, how about an aspect of your personality.

I hope you’re not too devastated by this critique. One other thought re your dream guy. You delimit the field rather drastically for a woman of your age by specifying no widowers or divorcees. Besides the numerical aspect of this, there’s the impression-you-give aspect. Even thoroughly single men of the age you’re looking for may think it’s strange that you should be ruling out widowers. Seems a bit harsh (even perhaps judgemental), especially when you are fairly strict on other criteria such as smoking and drinking.

Figure-wise, I echo what Furt says (I can see his contribution). Prospective suitors have your photos.

9

Pics, wise:

#1 is the best. I also dig #4 and #5.

The baby pic could send the idea that you have a kid. Yes, your profile says you don’t, but most guys aren’t going to read very far on the first glance.

Plus what everyone else said.

10

I see nothing objectionable. I would comment that it is open, and friendly, rather than alluring, but that is what you were going for. Break up long paragraphs into shorter ones.

None of the phrases correspond to an exact weight or shape, and the pictures are there for people to see. Accurate enough as long as you don’t need a pilot when you go swimming in the river.

Weight issues: some men like heavier. (and there is great variability, I like “average,” yet one of the most extremely attractive women I know is 5’6", and 165 lbs.)

Photos: I like the feature photo (#5?). Other photos: Holding a kid is not an issue if the guy can be bothered to read (where it says no children). Honestly, I don’t care so much for the other photos, but that’s just me. But I really do like #5. Actually, you do look Irish-Italian. Your gallery shows photos from a range of activities, thus showing your multidimensional character, but I’m not sure if that gets noticed. I think people just mindlessly gawk, like at catalogs.

Increase your search radius. When you get your Corvette, you have to have someplace to drive to, right?

11

Those are actually ‘canned’ responses from Match.com. You pick your sense of humor from a check list and those blurbs are attached.

12

Most of my comments other people have touched on already:

Your headline (Everyone is my superior) – I was definitely WTF on that.

Ditch the freakin’ smileys. If you must, you may use one. One. Place it wisely.

“Don’t just wink, write” – not everyone has an active account. Let them wink at you, and if you’re interested, write to them and give them a “safe” email address to respond to. (I keep a twickster acct. at yahoo, in addition to my “real” account, which is firstnamelastname.)

13

Thanks for the great feedback (and compliments), everyone! Your suggestions are exactly what I was hoping for. :slight_smile: Here are the overall notes I’m coming away with:[ul]
[li]Change the headline (It’s a quote from Emerson that I use as the sig line in my e-mails, but now that it’s been pointed out to me I see how it’s kind of weak as a headline. This is actually the hardest part for me!)[/li][li]Do away with the smilies (But I love them! :D)[/li][li]Remove the photo that looks like the main one (Those two are the most recent, which is why I included both of them; the others are each 2 years old.)[/ul]Now, to address some specific comments/questions:[/li]

Unfortunately, no: Match.com doesn’t allow any paragraph breaks or formatting of any kind. It’s my only real pet peeve about the place.

Good point, thanks.

Two reasons: 1) to show that I like other people’s children just fine, and 2) it’s one of the few shots of myself that show my size/shape (most of it, anyway). This one and the one of me singing are there partly so guys can see my body type for themselves. If I get a lot of other negative feedback about the baby pic, though, I’ll consider Photoshopping him out of it. :wink:

Every dictionary I consult says that it is “quick-witted,” so I’m going to stick with that. :slight_smile:

Good idea, thanks!

Sorry: Match.com has a thing where, instead of writing to someone you’re interested in, you can just send them a “wink.” It’s a way to flirt.

Good point.

Again, the available answers are determined by Match.com, and they’re all physical attributes – which, to me, are in the eye of the beholder, so I leave that part blank. :slight_smile:

Not at all! For one thing you weren’t harsh at all, and for another I wouldn’t have asked for critiques if I wasn’t ready to get them.

I specify no such thing; you misread that part. The only type of men I don’t include are ones who are separated, because I’m not interested until the divorce is final.

Heh. But nope: 20 miles is plenty far away, especially given the traffic around here. I’m not making road trips for someone I’m still getting to know.

But I hate the winking thing! I think it’s lazy. Besides, I ponied up the bucks, so can they. :stuck_out_tongue:

14

So, you only want to hear from people who are willing to pay $25 for the honor of writing you an email, with no guarantee that you’ll be interested in responding? :dubious:

15

You make that sound like a bad thing.

I paid $30 for the “honor” of sending e-mails to several guys, with no guarantee that they’d be interested in responding. I don’t see the big deal. It’s how Match.com works. Why should I be willing to disclose my e-mail address right away just because someone else isn’t a paying member?

As for the “safe” e-mail address option, I already have several addresses: work, school, two personal accounts, and the one associated with my Toastmasters club. So creating another one – just in case someone interesting winks at me – would mean another account to keep track of. All to protect my anonymity, which Match.com already does for paying members? Now it’s my turn: :dubious:

I tend to think that if a guy is serious about meeting women via the site, he’ll be a paid member who can send and respond to e-mails; if he wants to meet people for free, he can use OK Cupid or Matchdoctor (where I also have profiles).

16

Ok: I’ve removed the smilies and rearranged the text in my ad to focus more on music and less on politics (though I still mention the latter, because it is something I’m interested in). I also slightly reworded the second paragraph, about the kind of guy I’m looking for. For now, though, I’m not messing with the photos: even though two of them are similar, I still want them both up there. I’m not sure why. If/when I get over it, I’ll delete one of 'em (but not the “good” one).

What I can’t seem to figure out for myself is a headline! Here are some that I came up with:[ul]
[li]Stranger things have happened.[/li][li]Cooler than the average chick.[/li][*]Your friends will like me![/ul]As you can see, I suck at this. :smiley: Are any of these even halfway decent?

17

Fair enough.

18

“Ask me. I might.”

“For a limited time only.”

“Funny meeting you here.”

“My mother warned me about places like this.”

“Talks to strangers with candy.”

19

Is that in response to the wink stuff, or are you suggesting a headline? :wink:

(I know, I know: I’m not allowed to stalk you anymore…)

Funnily enough, I considered both of those! Actually, with a slight twist on the latter: “Your mother didn’t warn you about girls like me.”

20

Headline:

Back On The Dating Scene: Curvy, Well-Rounded Woman From The Home Of Lovers: Virginia