The Match.com drinking game

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

After scannign through page after page after page of women seeking me profiles on match.com, most of the ads start to look alike. It’s the rare ad that’s honest, avoids cliches and checklists, and gets you thinking about more than just the pretty photo.

On that note, I decided to start the Match.com drinking game. The rules are simple: the higher the number of points, the worse the profile - and therefore, the better he or she looks.

Let’s start!

Profile photographs

WSM with disembodied arm around her shoulder: 2 points

WSM arm-in-arm with ex-boyfriend or ex-husband: 5 points

WSM flanked by hunks: 5 points

WSM claiming an average build with nothing but “fat girl angle shots” and other images that hide her body: 2 points for each photo if there’s no clear full body shot in the group

WSM claiming an average build with photos showing she’s clearly overweight: 5 points

WSM with a large group of her friends, many meeting her description: 2 points

WSM with a Glamour Shot: 2 points

WSM with a Glamour Shot featuring a cowboy hat: 5 points

WSM posed with a baby, and she has no children: 2 points for first photo, 3 for second, 4 for third, and so on

WSM with one cat: 2 points for first photo, 3 for second, 4 for third, and so on.

WSM with two or more cats: 5 points

MSW posed next to his car or house: 2 points

MSW posed next to his boat: 5 point

MSW shirtless: 5 points

MSW with “e-donis” angle shot: 2 points for each photo if there’s no clear full body shot in the group

MSW doing something outdoorsy or sporty: 2 points

MSW doing something X-TREEM!!!1!!: 5 points

MSW next to a freshly shot deer: 10 points

MSW with guns: 15 points

MSW with his dog: 2 points

MSW with an aggressive breed dog: 5 points

Profilee of either sex with a very distant shot, almost like a dot on the horizon: 5 points

Profilee of either sex with a photo from the 1980s: 5 points
Profile cliches

I’ve never done this before.": 1 point

WSM “I love to laugh!”: 2 points

WSM “I love life!”: 2 points

WSM “I love to have fun!”: 2 points

[Activity or trait] / [opposite of activity or trait] (“I enjoy going out for a night on the town as well as a cozy night at home.”, “I enjoy eating a fine dinner out as well as wings at a neighborhood dive bar.”, “I’m equally comfortable in a nightgown as well as jeans and a t-shirt.”, etc): 2 points for first occurrence, 3 points for second, 4 points for third, and so on.

Game-playing reference (“I don’t play games”, “No game-playing”, “He shouldn’t play games.”): 2 points

WSM “I work hard and play hard.”: 4 points

WSM “Can you keep up?”: 4 points

WSM “I’m busy/driven/involved in my career, and have very little time to date.”; 5 points

WSM “friends first.”: 5 points

WSM with any reference to a Dan Brown book: 1 point

WSM “My kids come first.”: 3 points

WSM “I have (x) children and they’re a package deal.”: 2 points for each child

WSM “He must be at least [height, usually 6’ or more] tall, because I like to wear high heels.”: 5 points

Obvious fundamentalist/evangelical Christian references: 5 points for the first occurrence, 2 for each additional reference.

WSM medieval romantic imagery (“Princess seeking her prince,” “Looking for a knight in shining armor,” etc.): 5 points each

WSM traditional romantic imagery (moonlit walks, candlelit dinners, strolling in the aprk, etc.): 2 points each

WSM Afrocentric references (“Ebony queen seeking her Nubian prince,” “Strong black women looking to keep it real with a solid black man,” etc): 5 points each, 10 points if she adds “No white men.”

WSM BBW pride or slight hostility: (“There’s more of me to love”, “I’m a REAL woman, unlike those other Barbie dolls,” “I want to be appreciated for what’s inside,” etc): 5 points

The following score no points on their own, but two points each if two appear in the same profile, with three points for the third occurrence, four for the fourth, and so on.
“I’m a simple girl.”
“No druggies or alcoholics.”
“Must have a job and a car.”
Any reference to NASCAR
Any reference to country music
Any reference to Wal-Mart
Any reference to trucks
Any reference to Harley-Davidson
Any patriotic or military reference
Any reference to “country life”

2

You missed my favourites:

“Live life to the fullest!” - 5 points.

Photos of pet(s) alone - 3 points.

That last always irritated me the most… <human>/<human>/<human>/<DOG SNOUT!!!>

Jeesus! It’s enough to make you flinch back in horror sometimes.

I’m not looking to date your dog! Moron…<click next profile>

3

Someone should set up a really unique, weird profile just to see if the responses differ. I wonder if they’d get more replies than a generic.
“I’m a believer in the one true faith, which is something I invented myself out of a combination of hinduism, new age and roman catholicism. My goals involve getting off of welfare and finding a job where I can yell at people. Hobbies include staring out the window and wondering why God didn’t give me a soul like everyone else, leprosy, ping pong and trying to build a bridge to the 21st century. interested gents should send a pay stub and a photograph of themselves holding said pay stub.”

4

These should apply equally to the men, by the way, because I’ve seen enough of them. My favorites include a cropped wedding pic of a now-divorced guy with the leading edge of the ex-wife’s cheek close to his face (like they’d tilted their heads cloose together for the shot), and a competitive ballroom dancer apparently unable to appear in a photo without one of his dance partners.

By the way, you assigned points but didn’t mention how many points per drink (a drink per point would likely have you under the table after three profiles :wink: ).

5

My experience is from a gay site, but there the answer is “virtually no difference”. No text, long texts, bitter texts, happy texts - all the same. The only time I noticed a difference was during the brief period when my entire text was “Women are evil, men are idiots”. Only men complained.

6

The following was my profile on Match when I was last an active member (6 months ago) and really fed up with the entire online dating thing as well as the painfully unoriginal profiles:

And you know what?.. It fucking worked… :smack:

7

How many points for “I love to travel” or similar?

8

You’d think that the personal ads were bursting with the seams with art history majors, given all of the women who describe themselves as “Rubenesque” when they really mean “fat.”

9

Dear sweet baby Jesus, you win the thread. If I start a dating blog, can I use that?

10

I’d say Quicksilver wins too. It’s brilliant!
I just wanted to post that a couple years ago eHarmony sent me a match of a guy who was mourning his deceased wife and used his wedding photo. And that was the only picture. How many points for him?

11

I usually send a message hitting on the dog.

12

Wow, no mention of “down to earth”? I imagine the only reason you would omit it is that its inclusion would result in alcohol poisoning in about 10 minutes. :stuck_out_tongue:

13

3 extra points for Latina girls photographed with their arse pointing towards the camera and while they are looking back over their shoulder.

mm

14

I don’t know about you, but Latina arses make my world go 'round. Now that I’ve discovered them, I’m hooked for life. I’m SO happy I learned Spanish!

15

Is that just a cliche, or a truly bad thing?

Cleveland and Buffalo seem to be big on the uber-Italians. Yhey don’t have any photo cliches, but they always have to validate their Italian-ness several times in the ad, the minimum being a mention of cooking, church, the large family they came from, and The Sopranos.

THERE’S ALSO THE PROFILES THAT ARE TYPED ENTIRELY IN CAPS AND OFTEN WITHOUT PUNCTUATION WHY DO SOME PEOPLE DO THIS???

16

They’re clearly trying to overcompensate for not being from Jersey, Brooklyn or the Bronx. (I dunno why they should be. My dad once worked for the Italian mob in Buffalo, only he didn’t know it till one morning he found the door padlocked and a couple of Feds wishing to have a word with him.)

BECAUSE THEY WANT TO ATTRACT PEOPLE JUST LIKE THEM WHO LOVE LIFE SOOO MUCH THEY JUST HAVE TO TYPE IN ALL CAPS WITHOUT PUNC!!11!!!22

17

Isn’t WSM white single male? If so then “WSM with disembodied arm around her shoulder” will never happen. And neither will any other ones using the words WSM and her.

18

WSM = woman seeking man

19

Ah ok, thanks for the correction.

20

WSM: White girl starting profile with the phrase “I like to hang out with my PEEPS!” - 4 points

WSM: Deliberatel Misspelling of previously mentioned comments (“I like to have PHUN!”) +2 points.

MSW: Manages to get the phrase ‘M.B.A.’ in their profile name. +5 points

MSW: Lists all preferences as ‘no preference’ except for ‘body type’ which only has ‘athletic and toned’ selected. 8 points.

MSW: Has the above cliche and also resembles the Comic Book Guy. +7 points.