Critique my dating profile.

Okay, time for me to be on the receiving end of critisism. Who better than the teeming millions, eh?

A brief explanation first… the * serves in place of “blah… blah… blah…”, and variations on the theme. The reason I put it there is because the editor (life or automated) frowns upon the repetitive use of “blah… blah… blah”. Don’t know why. Just wouldn’t pass muster so I got creative.

Also, the reason for the writing style is that I got tired of reading the same damn profile over and over under a different user name and photo. There is narry an original thought or line in the bunch. Mind you, my original profile wasn’t a dramatic departure from the routine. It’s really tough to be original, witty, charming and different while trying to blow your own horn.

Profile title: “I’m laughing with you

About me: “Standard Greeting. * . Failed attempt at modesty regarding writing own profile. * . Unverifiable testimonials from family, friends and/or pet. * . Litany of self complimentary personality traits. * . Required standard mild self deprecating comment. * . List of personal talents, hobbies and Xtreme sports (real or imagined ). * . Second optional, still mild, self deprecating comment. * . Mandatory reference to love of exotic destination travel. * . Declaration for unwavering support of favorite sport team(s). * . Pre-requisite rhetoric about “living every day to the fullest!” * . Spurious claim of sorted priorities (i.e. balancing work and play). * . Trite observation about dating. * . Disingenuous claim about “not needing” but “wanting” a partner. * . Pointless discourse on maintaining independence/friendships and need to still have boys/girls night out. * . Poorly disguised desperate plea to share “life’s grand adventures”. * . Re-iteration of independence. * . Love me, love my pet! * . Optional spiritual/religious/personal epiphany. * . Weak closing joke about being long winded. * end.”

About my date: “Litany of highly desirable but practically unattainable personal qualities. * . Politely worded unrealistic physical attributes expectation (a la Hollywood star of choice). * . ”Keep me laughing in stitches all day long or I’ll leave you” requirement. * . ”Know when to be serious” corollary. * . Be smart! (but not smarter than me). * . Communicate! (Read my mind!). * . “Don’t fence me in” warning. * . Camping to black tie transition (inside 60 seconds) requirement. * . Dance like Barishnikov. * . Express affection on demand but… NOT IN PUBLIC! * . Mandatory request for personal space (to do what?). * . Be emotionally available (to my needs!). * . Talk to me (”No, listen to ME!”). * . Disingenuous request to “be yourself” (Just don’t embarrass me in front of my friends). * . Boiler-plate out clause using elusive chemical attraction process. * end.

Opinions. Comments. Critisism. Suggestions.

All welcome.

P.S. Yeah, I know. The profile sounds a bit cynical and arrogant as is.

It’s quite funny. And it won’t get you laid in a million years. :smiley:

In that case, it won’t surprise you to learn that the steady trickle of emails and winks has dried up entirely since I posted this profile. :slight_smile:

But I’m hoping that it’ll attract just one fabulous and clever person as opposed to the stream of mediocrity that I’ve experienced so far.

Surely there must be at least one of those. :dubious:

Well-written! If I liked your picture and the rest of your profile, I’d be tempted to write to you. :slight_smile: I’m sure there is someone fabulous out there who will totally get it!

I dig it.

It is a much wittier and niftier expression of a sentiment I put in my OKCupid profile:

I’ve recently decided I detest trying to list all of the specific things I like, in hopes that I’ll remember to list the one thing that will make someone else go, “oh, look, he watches Buffy, we were destined to be together, OMG,” so, I refuse to even attempt.

Then again, I don’t get many (any) messages from people there either. :slight_smile:

I dig it too, it’s just the kind of thing I would write. It drips cynicism and I love it. If I were a woman I’d send you an email or whatever those sites use to put people in touch. No, scratch that, were I a woman I would try to get you to communicate with me without really coming out and saying it, but you get the point.

The title doesn’t have much to do with the profile text. I’d change it.

The profile is funny, but it goes on a bit too long. I would either keep it very short and sweet so your potential sweetie can just read it and get the joke without having it pounded into his/her head.

You might also want to rephrase so that the profile is written in the same style, but actually allows the reader to get a sense of who you are and what you’re looking for–apart from the sense of humor. The way it’s currently written, it doesn’t tell the reader anything about you. For all he/she knows, this is your way of telling the world that you actually do have the usual unrealistic list of requirements for a mate but that you’re just more self-aware than most. If you don’t want to do that, then maybe write a short and sincere statement at the end about what you’re really looking for.

oops. I didn’t mean to write that “either.”

On the contrary. I like it. And I put out (ask anyone).

If responses have dried up, maybe it’s because your down to the people you might actually be interested in. If someone does respond jump on her. Well not literally. Oh ok, yes literally.
Anyway my point being, I like it and I think anyone else who likes is probably someone you want to spend time with…so it’s doing it’s job.

I’m a guy, but let’s assume I would read a similar profile written by a woman.
I wouldn’t be interested because :
It doesn’t tell anything about you…Except that I would suspect that some of the things you mentionned aren’t just a joke but shed some light about your personnality . For instance, I would assume that “not smarter than me” is a joke but that “don’t embarass me in front of my friend” might imply that you’re actually affraid of being embarassed in front of your friends. I would also suspect that you’re actually saying you’re needy, though jokingly. And so on…
For instance, why would have you included “don’t embarass me” in this caricature if you didn’t thought that being affraid of being embarrassed is the norm? And if you think it’s the norm, could it be because you are yourself affraid of being embarrassed in front of your friends?
Alternatively, I could assume that it really says nothing about you and is only intended to make fun of other people’s profile. But then, if you’re only using the space alloted to present yourself to ridicule strangers, assuming that everybody else is needy, an hypocrite, etc…, I would get an “arrogant prick” message.
IOW, after having read your profile, I know close to nothing about, but I’ve some suspicions that either you share at least some of the negative traits you’re caricaturing or you’re indeed needlessly arrogant, or both. I would give you a pass.

Okay, so I’m hearing:

  • like it! keep it as is.
  • your picture better be good enough to balance the arrogance.
  • too long. make it pithier.
  • says nothing about you.
  • you come across as an arrogant prick.

And it seems a fairly equally distributed spectrum of opinions. Anybody got a way of weighing each one so I know what I should do? :smack:

Perhaps I’ll try to address each one. I’m feeling creative today.

Keep ‘em comin’ boys and girls. This is good for me. Even the critical stuff. :slight_smile:

I found it a little off-putting – perhaps because of the length. You make your point – move on. And perhaps some kind of brief list of what you are into – as a kind of “but seriously folks” coda – wouldn’t be amiss.

And yes, you need a picture – one without sunglasses or a baseball cap, it doesn’t count as a picture if we can’t see your face.

Fuck it… what could possibly go wrong?! :smack:

My profile.

More pics at teemingmillions under QuickSilver.

Be brutally honest. I know it’s a stretch for many of you! :smiley:

Not at all what I meant. Did I say anything about it coming across as arrogant, or that it would only be ok if you look like Brad Pitt? (See the “describe your perfect mate” thread, wherein I state that being second-guessed pisses me off. :p) What I meant is that I liked it enough that I would look at the rest of your profile, but it doesn’t matter how much I liked it if I don’t care for your picture (or if you’re 65, or if you want 12 kids, or if you live in Idaho, etc.). You know, realistic dating shit, not “well, maybe” shit. :slight_smile:

I’m glad you broke down and posted a link to the actual profile, because I think being able to see the other questions you answer will help the folks who feel that the cynical stuff doesn’t say enough about you.

Yeah, much better in contex. Good ad.

Question, though – why do you have to be older than the woman? There’s plenty of nice women out there in their early 40s who wouldn’t necessarily be too old for you.

I have ALL the Calvin & Hobbs books, read’em more than once, too!

I have a question (of course, don’t I always?): social drinker, one or two? Read some of your posts: think it should be sometimes, more than two? :wink:

Otherwise, from limited, alright, no, on-line experience, I think it’s cynical enough to be funny!

You sure have nice eyes!

Well, it was nothing for a while but a few winks and strange emails from people completely outside my search criteria. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. :dubious:

Mis: I wasn’t trying to quote you out of context. I was just trying to extract the essence by combining several posters’ sentiments (or how I read them anyway). No offense meant.

Canadiangirl: No, a few is pretty much accurate. I go a few months without touching a single drink. When the occasion is right (rare) I might have few too many but not so that I’m out of my skull drunk. (Self) Control is an issue for me and I don’t like to give it up under any circumstance.

twickster: There’s no accounting for taste. I just like that particular (younger) age group. I’m young at mind/spirit/heart and I have found that many women around my age tend to be stuffy/conservative and want to mother me. Even the ones that are not mothers. I’ve had one woman lecture me that I have a lack of friends when she found out I maintain a very small close circle of them and am quite good at entertaining myself a lot of the time. Yeah, she was psycho and projecting but it’s not unusual to hear that sort of strange “advice” from women in their 40’s. At least that’s been my experience. :eek:

Actually, after watching it in the context of a full profile, I’ve a much less negative opinion of it…

Vindication! :stuck_out_tongue: :smiley:

Well, there’s no accounting for taste.

If I browsed your profile, I’d think you were arrogant. It might have come across as funny if you had been less good-looking, but with the pic, it sounds like you mean it.

Then again, if you had responded to me, and I read it, I’d be interested. It’s arrogant, and cynical, and it sounds like you’ve been on a dating site waaay too long (indicating choosiness) but also original, intelligent and witty.
But your first e-mails had better be more mild and friendly, or I’d be put off.

Just out of curiosity, what would the ideal response to the profile be? Somthing similar, of just: “I get it” ?