Below is the profile I have just written for an online dating website. See, ol’ George has hit something of a dry spot lately and, not being the shy type easily dissuaded by the stigma attached to the practise of utilising this remarkable medium for the purposes of getting laid, I’ve decided to try my hand at mass-market matchmaking. However, it is not for me to objectively analyse my profile, so I turn to you, begging a moment of your indulgence for an honest evaluation.
My target audience is female, bipedal, and falls within the 22-28 age bracket. There is not one word of embellishment, although bolded segments have been inserted to protect the guilty, nor did I find it necessary to disclose my cabbage fetish.
To reiterate, I want to know if this is a good profile. If you were single and on a dating website and you got an e-mail with a link to the above profile, would you interested or put off? Please, please, please be honest. Don’t spare my feelings if you think there is something amiss.
Having said that, if you think it’s good, please say so. I’m going out on a limb a little here and would appreciate positive comments if they are warrented.
My undying appreciation to all of you.
P.S. - About the username thing at the end - I decided (and, yes, I feel terribly guilty about it) to rip off possibly the cleverest username on the dope & call myself Punoqllads. As you may know, Punoqllads is Spellbound written upside down. Sorry 'bout that, Punoqllads.
The romance thing makes me raise my eyebrow considering you mentioned in your text that you were using this medium to get laid. Are you looking for a possible relationship, or nookietime only? If it’s nookietime, I’d skip the romance references.
You honestly have no physical preference? If you don’t, that’s cool. If you do, I’d try to be as generic as possible but put it in the profile.
I’m not the brightest crayon in the box, but I don’t get your joke about the 25 yr vs 30 yr old thing. What’s the story there, that’s a bit confusing.
The fan club thing is actually true. It’s not like there’s T-shirts & membership fees or anything, but there’s a small (very small) group of people who jokingly refer to themselves as members of my fan club. I put it in because it’s the basis for a funny first date anecdote. But if it sucks I’ll take it out.
The getting laid thing was another joke. I really am very romantic by nature.
The website gives you another section in which to list physical preferences and I duly filled it out. I didn’t include it here because I’m not matchmaking anyone here on the dope. The people on the website will be able to see it.
The 25-30 thing was just a little bit of absurdist humour. The idea that someone can do one thing during the day and something completely different outside of work is pretty normal, but I found the ide that he can be a different age when he does it mildly amusing in a quirky way.
Thanks ever so much for your input. Really, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. It can’t be easy to comment on something potentially sensitive like this so thanks for stepping up to the plate.
Well, I liked it, because you come off as witty and intelligent, but there is a trace of arrogance there (fan club?) that can be a turnoff for some women. I guess this isn’t really a bad thing, but you sound too good to be true. It would have to get together a lot of courage to respond to someone who obviously regards himself in such high esteem, but I probably would take the chance. You sound like a really good person.
What I like the most about the profile is that it sounds 100% genuine. That’s very attractive. It’s funny and it’s playful but more importantly it reads as very sincere. Also, it’s eloquent, and that probably sets you apart from 99% of the other guys there.
I like it. No alarm bells or “Ooooh, this guy is a creep” indications.
You might consider being a little more specific about your likes and dislikes. Not in a judgmental way, but in a way that offers a conversational toehold. You know, everyone likes music, or at leas they think they do, so it’s a non-starter as far as giving someone something to talk about. You’re more likely to get a, “Hi, I like Portishead too!” or “Do you really like Portishead? I found their latest album disappointing,” rather than a “I like music, too!”
(I’m really tired and I can’t tell if I’m making sense, here. Do you know what I mean?)
I will say that I am currently dating (and really really like) someone I met online. I didn’t particularly like his profile – I thought it was pretentious – but once we got to emailing back and forth I knew I wanted to meet him.
First, I’m not in your target audience for many reasons (although I fit the bipedal part most of the time), but one of them is that I’m not in the UK. And that makes a big difference in how I perceive your profile. So take this with a shaker of salt because I know that UK humor is quite different than US humor.
So here are the things that struck me. I’m not a big fan of talking about dick jokes in a profile. Something about that strikes me as attracting crass attention. And I personally am not a big fan of that, but YMMV.
The next thing is calling yourself an “excessively handsome gent”. . .don’t they have pictures on match.com? So if someone sees you and thinks you are, that’s great. But if they don’t, then you saying it doesn’t do anything.
This next one is my own personal quirk. But I see it all the time in online profiles. Guys always want women who are confident and open to new adventures. When I see this, I think that the guy doesn’t really want something to open up their world, they just want new experiences in the way that they process the world. For instance, it would be a new adventure to be incredibly lonely or intensely scared, but no guy wants that experience. I’ve seen women who would at least consider that as a potential avenue for growth, but I’ve not seen a man who would think so. So when I see this in an ad, I just brush it off as extra words. They just generally mean that they want a woman who likes what that man likes and would be amenable to do that with them. In the same vein, when I see a guy who says they want a woman who will try all kinds of food, they generally don’t mean that they want to try the limits of vegan cooking. They mean that they want someone who enjoys different ways of eating meat. If you’re different, bravo! If not, it’s just extra words.
Finally, it seems a little generic. Are there things that make you uniquely you? Those are the things that stand out, I think.
Wow, that’s more than I intended to write. And I didn’t mean any of it in a critical way, so I hope it’s helpful.
As an online dating old-timer (After 3 years of encountering a ghastly amount of men, I met the love of my life on OKCupid and followed him here - I’m such a stalker!) I would offer the following suggestions:
Leave out the 25/30 joke, the fan club (it does come off a bit arrogant and boorish), and the part about being excessively handsome. Even though it’s part of a joke - let them tell YOU that you are handsome. They’ll see it in the awesome pictures you post.
And for all that is holy, please — don’t post a picture where you are not smiling and do post a picture where something interesting is happening along with the requisite web cam mug shot. Use the picture as a way for them to ask you for the anecdote, not the fan club.
That’s good to hear. Thank you for your input. I’ll definitely take the fanclub thing into consideration. I’m going to bed now but please people, keep those comments coming.
I’m not your demographic either, but this whole “love meeting new people and seeking out new experiences” stuff is kind of old hat, no? If anything, it’d be more refreshing to read “I’m nostalgic as hell.”
Please no–this sends a bad vibe to me. Call me prudish (you won’t be the first) but to mention dick jokes and call them that won’t win you any prizes by the women you wouldn’t be embarrassed to bring home to Mum. Just MO.
This is perfect–just the right touch of that dry British wit I love so much. You have presented yourself, but then self-deprecated enough to show you’re not an arrogant prick. Well done.
She may not want to hug you back at first. Down, boy. Show, don’t tell–what are those interests? What is the music–Gregorian chants? Flamenco? Rap? All 3? what?
Very nice, but all guys say they’re romantic–and they all like walks on the beach as well! I like the disclaimer re the cynicism-perhaps you can give the romantic line a fresh tone, too? What mags are you published in–not a resume but are you writing fiction or about fly fishing? Or both? If you’ll read anything that’s well written, then say so.
Well, who is looking for a wet blanket who only wants to stay in? How about posing it as a challenge of sorts–“if you like discussing or debating the merits of popular fiction versus classic literature, I’m a worthy opponent” or some such… What are new experiences? You’re in UK for heaven’s sake–new could be anything from China tea instead of black to looking for crop circles. You don’t have to get specific, but this is fairly generic.
Nice paragraph about yourself. The user name is not spellbound spelled upside down, unless you have a schwa “e” somewhere that you’re not using at present. (nitpick, sorry)
Would I respond to such an ad as above? Don’t know–doubt it. I’m from the stone age and worry that every online dating prospect is really a serial killer in disguise (and knowing my luck…). Plus, I’m married at the moment.
Bottom line? Lose the dick joke. Get more specific re what/who you’re looking for. Let the real “george” show through like you did where I noted it. I wish you every success.
Otherwise, what melodyharmonius said, except add me to the list of “nix the dick joke line” chorus. Mostly just because I would have walked out of your stand-up routine, if that really was the case, not because I’m offended by dick jokes, just out of sheer un-funny. I would also immediately make the assumption that anyone attempting to make a stand-up routine out of dick jokes is an individual who thinks he’s way funnier than he really is, and that’s… not good. All else aside, this would keep me from answering the ad.
I thought the “dick jokes” line was funny, and I’m a woman. (I’m not in your target demographic, though, since I’m 34 and American.) I also liked the remark about your friends’ being easily bribed.
If I were you, I’d get rid of the fan club reference, and I’d list only one age in my ad. Saying that you’re 25 by day and 30 by night makes me think that, since you’re joking about your age, you might be insecure about it.
Other than that, I like the ad. If I were still looking for someone, and if I were living in the UK, I’d respond.
I’m *way *out of your demographic, but I would have found this fairly appealing at the ages you’re seeking.
Please; lose the fan club, dick jokes (why advertise something you failed to achieve,) and definitely the age thing. All the 25/30 yo gag does is tell your prospective dates that you lie. Again, not good advertising.
The easily bribed friends line advertises your real sense of humour.
Perhaps tone down the romantic, mention it once only - same with adventure/new experiences. Reading about what? *Harry Potter *made some people think. Fiction? History? Fantasy?
Otherwise, heck - If I were 20 years younger … I’d still be on the opposite side of the world.
Sorry, friend, but it’s painfully ordinary. It sounds like virtually every other profile out there. Then again, if you’re looking to attract a very mainstream woman, it could be just perfect.
I wouldn’t be inclined to respond to a profile like this. I want to know what makes someone different than every other Tom, Dick, and Harry on the site.
The fan club line blew it for me as well. It comes off as egocentric. It may well be true, but it’s offputting.
I would change “I would describe them easily bribed.” to “I would describe them as easily bribed” or “I would describe my friends as easily bribed” because it’s a little bit awkward the way it is, but that may be because I’m from the US.
I also agree completely with NajaNivea’s comment “I would also immediately make the assumption that anyone attempting to make a stand-up routine out of dick jokes is an individual who thinks he’s way funnier than he really is” --even if that wasn’t what your routine really was like, it comes across badly as a first impression in the profile.
I also think you should add some more specifics regarding hobbies/tastes. “My favorite band is x” or “I’ve seen every movie that John Malkovich was ever in” or something.
I think this ad is pretty good. I’m a female in your age bracket. If I weren’t an American who already has a boyfriend :), I’d reply to it. Most ads out there aren’t nearly as clever or humorous in my experience.
The only part I would lose is the 25 yo vs. 30 yo part. It could easily confuse people about what your age really is.
Yeah, it is. I mean, it’s better than “I like to experience new things but I also love to stay home and relax with friends” but it still has a lot of typical lines.
I would say toss in a few more facts. Instead of “I love reading”, something like “I take the bus to work so I can read” or “My local librarian knows my name” or “Last year I spend more on books than on clothes”. 'cause, well, ditto Glassy, everyone likes books and music and new experiences. You have some interesting stuff already (you’ve done standup, you’ve been in magazines), i’d throw in a bit more.
