Okay, I’ve nixed the fan club line and the 25-30 gag. I’ve not yet replaced them with anything but I’ll give it some thought at work today & see what I come up with.
Thanks everyone.
I have to disagree that the profile looks like every other one. Granted it’s been a few years since I did the online thing, but Match especially was a like a black hole of wretched spelling and grammar. Just the fact that you can put a complete sentence together and you displayed a sense of humor would get my attention immediately.
I do agree that adding more specifics to your likes and dislikes will make it even better though.
I’m replying before reading the other posts (in order not to be biased by others opinions) so apologies if I say stuff that others have already said:
- I don’t understand the joke of being a 25 year old during the day and 30 year old at night
- I don’t like the phrase ‘dick jokes’ but I like the overall sentiment. Maybe call it ‘penile humour’ or something like that
- If music is big in your life, then I want to know exactly what kind of music. Perhaps the last three albums you bought, and what you thought of them? I wouldn’t mind if our music tastes didn’t exactly match, but if you’re buying the Rolling Stones, Celine Dion and Kylie’s latest, then we ain’t a match.
- Also with reading - what have you read lately and what did you think of it?
Overall I like the light-hearted, friendly tone of the profile. But because you don’t give specifics about music and reading, it sounds a bit generic.
Hope that is useful.
All that matters here to me is that you’re mentally alive. I’d have coffee with you.
I’m in your demographic, and I liked your profile. The only thing that would stop me from replying is your general vagueness (as other posters have already mentioned). Specific books and bands you like would help.
If I were single and 20 years younger I’d definitely be interested. I like it.
I like the dick joke thing and the fan club thing I don’t think you should take them out. And I get it about music, I’m a musician, I like many and varied types of music. To list them all would be excessive. Ditto books. I don’t think specifics are needed. The notion that you’re a musician who likes to read speaks volumes to your general personality. Specifics can be fleshed out later.
I agree that the 25-30 thing was confusing but maybe if I was on the actual dating site which clearly said you were 30 (or 25) then it would be more obvious.
In the line about your friends finding you handsome, shouldn’t there be an “as” in the last part? "I would describe them as easily bribed.
Good luck.
Agree with this. Not even your Top 10 of all time or whatever, just some recent ones you’ve enjoyed, or at least narrow down the genres.
Also, if you’re just trying to get laid, does that mean romance really is dead?
ETA If there is a place on the site to list your age as well as the age range you’re looking for, don’t make the latter lower than the former (e.g. 30 y.o. man looking for women 21-25). That’s a total red flag.
Bolding mine. Nitpick: “its.” But it wouldn’t bother me, though.
(I’m a 24 year old American woman who’s never dated online.)
To me, it doesn’t seem bland so much as normal. I haven’t read hundreds of profiles looking for someone special, though. I agree with HazelNutCoffee that you should mention a few specific favorites. Music you like to play, books you like to read. “Likes to read,” doesn’t mean you’re interested in the same topics as another bookworm.
I support the nixing of the fan-club comment and the age joke. I think making the ages more extremely separated (as in 87 year old accountant by day, 25 year old rocker by night) might save it…but it’s probably a bit too subtle for a profile. I thought the dick jokes line and the joke about your friends were funny. If you say things like that regularly, there’s no reason to edit your profile. It’s not like you put something really obscene or objectionable in there.
I think you should make it clear (either in the ad or elsewhere in your profile) how deep a relationship you’re looking for. You come across as a little aloof, and it’s not clear if that’s because you’re trying to be all cool, you’re not looking for something permanent, you’re the kind of person who thinks his girlfriend calling after a week of no contact is clingy, you don’t like summarizing your life in less than 600 words, or you’re just naturally…aloof. Knowing what kind of relationship you’re looking for should make your motivations clear. (If only you could say, “Sorry ladies, I’m coming across this way because I’m nervous and trying to be cool,” or “I don’t like when bitches call me,” and still get dates, right? 
)
I give it…an 8/10.
Note- I’m a straight guy.
I thought this was brilliant, but the thread seems to indicate that most women aren’t going to get it (especially given the above-average intelligence of all the people who’ve responded) so you might want to chuck it.
I got it.
I’ve noticed some people are advising to take out the dick joke, but you might want to think about what kind of people you’re trying to attract, exactly. Would you necessarily WANT to date a girl who’s going to find it offensive? (I’m not making any value judgments here; I’m just saying that a compatible sense of humor is important.)
I teach literature. I couldn’t even being to compile a list of my “Top Ten” favorite books. On my OKCupid profile, however, I do list some stuff I’ve read recently, and a few comments on what I thought. You don’t have to list everything you like, but a few examples would be nice. I would want to know if your “I like to read…” can possibly be finished with “…Dan Brown” or “…J.M. Coetzee,” for example.
Uh, I think we all got it. It’s just a bit easy.
I am a 25 year old woman, so I am in your age range. I have to say that this tells me absolutely nothing about what you are looking for in a woman. Everyone is looking for someone who is smart and easygoing. Stupid and uptight generally don’t make the list of sexiest traits.
Do you prefer women who are sylph-like or reubenesque? Do you want an outgoing, extroverted woman or do you prefer the shy, quiet type? Do you not give a damn what someone looks like because attraction falls in place with personality?
As a full figured woman I won’t even respond to an ad that doesn’t specify some type of physical preference because I really don’t need to hear from strangers that I’m fat. I have a friend who is teeny-tiny and she is the same way because she doesn’t need to hear from strangers that she looks like a 10 year old boy. If you are looking for the shy, quiet type an evening out with me would be torture because I am LOUD with a capital Volume. If I know ahead of time that loud and talkative turns you off or that you are looking for a woman who is best described as willowy I won’t waste your time or mine.
It’s not a matter of finding it offensive. It comes across as juvenile and one-dimensional. It brings to mind people on the humor level of Carrot Top. I would not respond to such an ad not because the humor offended me, but rather because it seemed stupid and shallow.
I didn’t expect this much attention. I’m flattered.
To respond to a few specific concerns: [ul]
[li] I’ve taken out the fan club line, and the 25-30 joke. If the majority of people here find the former too self-aggrandizing and the latter too confusing, it follows that the majority of match.com users will feel the same. [/li]
[li] I think I’m gonna stick with the dick jokes line for the time being. My sense of humour can be rather dirty sometimes, but I only show that side around people I feel comfortable with. If a prospective date found that bit amusing, it would indicate that she is amenable to a little blue humour herself, and that we’d bond that much quicker. We’ll see how it plays out.[/li]
[li] My original missive does read “I would describe them as easily bribed.” I caught it before I submitted it. Still, it’s good to see people reading this closely.[/li]
[li] The “just using this to get laid” bit in the OP was just a gag. I’m not a womaniser.[/li]
[li] Match.com does have special sections where you can talk about specific bands and books. I gave my top 5 bands (if you’re interested they’re Arcade Fire, Wolf Parade, Muse, Bloc Party, & R.E.M.). I also talked a little about the last book I read, but didn’t make a list. I’m sorry guys, I should have told you that in my OP.[/li][/ul]
Just out of curiosity, is anyone put off by the “bilaterally symmetrical” joke?
I’d seriously consider rewording the dick jokes line. In one line you say you spend hours coming up with dick jokes, then in the next paragraph you say you have a quirky sense of humor. I don’t consider dick jokes to be quirky. Maybe dick jokes and ______ to show some variety or range.
Actually, that sounds pretty cool OpalCat. How about (off the top of my head) how about “There are only so many hours a guy can spend hunched over a desk knocking up with wryly humourous polemics (and dick jokes) before he starts questioning his sanity.”
Why not just say I like blue humor and leave it at that?
And I got the line re easily bribed. Methinks Really Not All That Bright is projecting a bit, there…
Get more specific. I won’t be dating you (I’m not fond of dick jokes, having seen too many in my life that were. <rim shot>), but I think you’d be fun to talk to in a bar.
What does this mean? You’re a romantic? Do you write poems and get teary during sad movies? Or do you do a Don Juan routine where you carefully plan my seduction? Either way, it’s a turn-off. Especially with the buzz-off bit at the end. It’s also premature to talk about romance when I’m still deciding whether you’re an interesting human being.
If you are simply saying you are gentlemanly and will treat me well, then 1) I sure as heck hope so, considering the alternative, and 2) show me, don’t tell me. If you really are as nice and funny or smart or cool as you think you are, I’ll see it.
Frankly, I doubt that last line, and I don’t see why you would set yourself up like that. You have varied interests? Name and tell me about three of them. Tell me about your music. What do you play? How long have you played it? Who’s your favorite musician who plays the same instrument? What interests are you pursuing now? What did you read up on before, and what do you plan to look into in the future?
The fact that you don’t lists specific interests makes me wonder if you can’t, and if you don’t really have deep interests, just multiple distractions. It makes your claim of being able to converse about “more or less anything” seem less likely, even downright silly.
A decent start, but I need more information. Name some of your favorite books or authors. “Interesting plots and characters, but which also make you think a little bit” could be Harry Potter for all I know. You write a lot, and have been published? Cool. What have you written about, and in what publications?
You set yourself up to be interesting, but your lack of detail is frustrating. And unfortunately, I’m not quite curious enough to write to you to ask. If you’re going to share tidbits like this, share it all.
Pretty vague. Also, what does “open to new experiences” mean? They are willing to try eating live shrimp? A willingness to do threesomes? You haven’t included anything in your profile that demonstrates your own willingness to try new things, so I have no idea what kind of openness you’re talking about. It sounds like you’re parroting cliches. Who doesn’t want easygoing and smart and confident?
“I would like to meet someone with whom I can crack jokes with obscure references, who enjoys outdoor activities like biking and rollerblading, and who likes British comedy as much as she likes pepperoni pizza.” Works far better for me, because it gives me a better idea of the kind of relationship and temperament you’re looking for without naming specific qualities.
It’s Spellbound upside-down and backwards. What insight did you want me to read into this? Spellbound by what? Or just that you like upside-down backwards words? Either way, it doesn’t tell me much. It’s a cool username, but if I’m supposed to read something into it, you’ve lost me.
I don’t mind the dick jokes, because I read it as not a crass reference to your dick, but more commentary on the cliche joke topics of male comedians. You have a couple lines that made me laugh and you’re not afraid to use big words. But on the whole, your ad needs more meat. More details, more specifics, less “wtf does that mean?”.
I dunno, Opal - I understand your interpretation, but I didn’t even dwell on that line when I read the ad. It amused me a bit, that’s all. I certainly didn’t take it to mean he literally tries to construct entire stand-up routines out of nothing but dick jokes.
Just throwing out a different perspective.
I suppose what I’m trying to say is - the whole “dick joke” thing per se isn’t going to convince me to not reply to the ad. If I met the OP and he actually DID constantly crack dick jokes then I wouldn’t meet him a second time, though.
I didn’t read it as literally dick-only jokes either, but the fact that he chose that example to characterize his stand up comedy leaves a bad first impression, IMO.