I think that’s pretty funny (the contrast makes the dick joke line funnier).
Even knowing that a lot of people would find the “dick joke” thing offensive, if I were you I’d keep it because I would be looking for someone that understands my sense of humor and is okay with it. (Besides, I think 20-something girls nowadays are generally jaded enough to not be all that offended by the phrase “dick” anyway)
One of my top criteria for mates is if they understand my jokes and aren’t offended by them. That narrows the field down a lot, but the quality means more than quantity.
I agree with both points.
Seriously, I doubt most people in my demographic are going to find that offensive. If they do, you probably wouldn’t find them fun anyway.
Back in the Bronze Age, I answered some Personals ads (in the “Newspaper,” as we called it). I would have thought about answering your ad… after I answered a few that had more specifics about what you like and what you’re looking for. Much as the “bilateral symmetry” thing is fun, one underlying message there is “I’m so hard up I don’t care what you’re like – one woman is as good as any other.”
It’s delightful to read an ad and think, Wow! It sounds like he could like *me specifically!
*
It doesn’t have to be physical attributes or books or albums, either. One of the guys whose ad I answered had in there something about “looking for a woman who can belch with confidence,” as well as other interesting details and good grammar, and I could hardly contact him fast enough. We dated for a few months but stayed friends for years.
GEORGE’S PROFILE: TAKE II
What do you reckon to this? It’s not too different. I’ve taken out some of the jokes that didn’t really work and added a little more detail. I’m trying to think of something which would give prospective dates a deeper insight into what a relationship with me might entail, but I don’t want the profile to go on forever (that, perhaps even more than allusions to my legions of devoted fans, would give the impression that I’m full of myself, which really isn’t the case). Also, I want some stuff to surprise them with on the first date.
You know ditto ** AudreyK** I’m really not sure what you mean with the part about being a romantic. Do you mean you believe in traditional dating, where you pick her up and buy dinner and call the next day? Or are you trying to deter “Let’s take it slow” types? Or is it supposed to be a non-sexual “beauty is everywhere” comment? Maybe I’m dense but I just not sure what you are trying to communicate.
The bit about showering with your guitar is funny!
Much better. I can actually see whether your tastes and mine match (they don’t, sorry :)).
Make sure you change the & to an ampersand.
yup - i think the re-write is printworthy 
And I laughed at the shower thing too. (btw, I have a 12-string acoustic - LOVE IT)
And I think the thing about you liking to be “physically fit” is enough to address the question raised by pbbth without being offensive - you quantify what you like for yourself, and therefore it becomes easy to assume you want someone equally fit.
(Being a lusciously curvy woman myself, I know where she’s coming from. However - y’know, more cushion for the pushin is somethng all men should experience :P)
But well done - may the lady of your dreams stumble upon you!
(And seriously, Try OKCupid - that’s where I met my knight in shining armor - and even some of the others I met there ended up becoming great friends. People told me for months to try it, and I didn’t - but it ended up being the best one. For free!)
Yes–much better. I want to meet a guy who can appreciate sophisticated wit AND dick jokes. Not at all sure about the name, Sexual Tourist, but what the hell…
I like that you got more specific, so that if a woman can’t stand Tom Waits or Nabokov, she (and you) won’t waste your time. (of course, it can be argued that not liking those things is not an automatic exclusionary factor, but I’m going for brevity here).
Good luck (again)–I think you’ll get some responses with that one.
Agreed!
I like the re-write, though I would flesh out the romance thing the way you did for your tastes in literature and music. That bit and the one above about your “varied interests” are the two weakest bits.
I think something along the lines of “I’m the kind of guy who would [insert what you think of as a romantic scenario here]” would be more effective than just saying “I’m romantic!”
Thanks for the comments ladies (and gent), they’ve really helped me out. I’m definitely happier with the profile now.
I didn’t get either the Professor of Awesome or the Sex Tourist references, but I am also not in your demographic*, so no worries.
Never seen an online dating profile, but ISTM that you are trying awfully hard. I would suggest deciding what kind of woman, specifically, you are looking for, and try to write for that audience. If you really mean “anything hot and hollow”, that is not particularly flattering to whoever responds.
Like I said, I have no idea what works for these kinds of things.
Regards,
Shodan
*I’m too old. Also male.
Before the huggable bit, it’s “its,” isn’t it (people screwing up things like you’re/your or saying “alot” really DO turn me off a profile, and these days you never can tell if it was just a typo)?
You might also want to elaborate a tad on what you want out of the relationship in terms of exclusitivity - the wording around the huggable bit made that vague.
This part is over already, looks like, but I’m wondering, Is there a standing rule about describing yourself as attractive? I guess it’s a way for people to try and show that they’re confident, but whenever I see it I think, “Uhh, I’ll be the judge of that.”
I think your edit is much better, nothing screams dealbreaker to me, and I get that you’re somewhat creative and witty about things; that’s very nice. Make sure to read up on internet disease and other such conditions when posting your pic!
Incidentally, and it should be cleared up now, Professor of Awesome and Sex Tourist were just stupid little things I put in on this site in place of my actual profession, just like my real name isn’t actually George. I’m not a sex tourist!
…anymore 
Viridiana, the attractive line is part of a sentence saying “my friends would describe me as…” which is followed by a sentence saying that he would describe his friends as easily bribed. It’s a joke.
The profile is much better than the first draft, George
I was referring to people describing themselves as attractive in general, actually. I’m curious. But, I suppose that might be a hijack, so never mind.
Feel free to take this with a grain of salt (as I’m a 31 year old married American guy), but if I read a profile that listed Tom Waits as a band, I would move on. He’s a guy, not a band. I know it’s an incredibly nitpicky comment, but there it is. Maybe you could change that sentence to read, “A few of my favourite artists are ‘Arcade Fire’…”
I’m a guy, and I like it. If some girls don’t get your sense of humor, screw 'em. I think it’s better to have a profile that expresses enough quirk to turn some folks off than to try to please everyone. At least the matches then will be more worthwhile and specific. Your profile shows a lot more life than 95% of the dullness I’ve seen on match.com, and, were I a female-ISO-a male, I’d totally go out for coffee.
Although, I have to say, the last draft is much better than the initial one.