Online Dating Tropes

In My Humble Opinion
1

Inspired by JoeyP post #453 in the Ongoing Online Dating Advicethread:

It seems that there are enough common tropes to be found on online dating sites, and that a TV Tropes style list could be made of them. So lets make a list.

Please add your own and feel free to expand on and/or edit others’ entries. They don’t have to be original. If they’re out there, put them on the list. Put them on the list even if you can’t come up with a good or full description at the moment. Others will probably help expand them. I’ll try and compile them every so often.

Please do not link directly to actual profiles, as that would be really rude, not everybody can see them if they’re not members of that site, and they’re likely to change anyway.

This doesn’t have to be limited to profiles only. Feel free to include examples of common behaviors when negotiating the world of online dating, but please keep it specific to those that are specifically related to online dating.

I’ll start. Please expand these at will.

The Myspace Angle:
–An over-the-head camera angle often used by overweight women to hide their double chin and emphazise their cleavage.
–Related to: The Kissy Face.

The Kissy Face:
–A photo which shows the person, usually a woman, pursing her lips as if she were to give someone a kiss.
–Often used to make the face look thinner and emphasize the cheekbones.
–(Some probably think it makes them look cute or something but someone else will have to explain that aspect of it.)
–Male Kissy Face photos are usually found among a particular social group known as “douchebags.” See the Hot Chicks with Douchebags site for multiple examples.
–Related to: The Myspace Angle.

Miscellaneous photo tricks to make yourself look less fat (needs a better name)
–The Kissy Face
–The Myspace Angle
–Also related to: …

2

I used to work for one of the big online dating sites, and as far as text goes, here’s what I saw overandoverandoverandoverandover …

  • “I like laughing / spending time with my friends / having fun.”

Thanks, Master of Descriptions. That’s real helpful. All you’ve said is that you’re not clinically depressed and/or a sociopath. Most people’s dating standards are a liiitle higher than that. *Most *people like to laugh and have fun, you doink.

  • “I’m equally comfortable in jeans & a T-shirt or dressed to the nines for a night out on the town.”

I dunno what to say about this. I just saw it a LOT. I will venture that most people are, however, more comfy in jeans than in dress shoes. Just sayin’.

  • “I’m looking for a man who appreciates the finer things in life.”

Translation: I’m not sayin’ she’s a gold digger … I’m just sayin’ she’s … well, yes, she IS a gold digger. She wants a rich dude. Fairly good chance she comes pre-equipped with bad credit and overdue bills. Also a fairly good chance you don’t make enough money to date her. You will have dodged a bullet, my friend.

Photos:

  • Pictures of someone holding up a camera and taking a picture of themself in the bathroom mirror.

Translation: I don’t have a single friend who’ll take a picture of me.

  • Pictures of drunk people:

a) passed-out: always dudes. I dunno, maybe some guys don’t have any other pictures of themselves. However, this is one of the few scenarios where NO picture is actually better.

b) wasted at a party: almost always girls. Usually four to seven of them, all hanging on each other’s shoulders, and NO mention of who’s who. So you send an email thinking you’re contacting the hot girl on the left, but the profile actually belongs to the ugly chick second from the right.

  • Prom photos … when the person is over 35 …

Translation: again, as above, no other photos of self exist. Here’s me when I was 17 instead.

  • Photos with the other person cropped out:

Translation: very recently divorced. I’ve seen profiles where Every Single Picture posted had a female cropped out - sometimes just with a rectangle over her face. Closer examination showed that it was the same woman in each picture. The profile owner had no photos of himself other than those from his recently-dissolved formerly happy family life. Ouch.

3

The woman whose “I’m looking for…” soon devolves into a denunciation of the entire male population (“I’m looking for a non-sociopathic man who doesn’t drink sixteen beers before lunch, who has the decency to keep his filthy hands to himself sometimes, who doesn’t try to screw every woman over fourteen he meets, who holds down a job at least sometimes, who doesn’t deal drugs out of his car, whose car works at least sometimes…” Like that.)

4

Those are great, purplehorseshoe! I’ll put names on some of them.

Worthless Cliches:
Meaningless profile filler which makes statements about the person which are true of most people.
Examples include:
–“I like laughing / spending time with my friends / having fun.”
–“I enjoy movies and dining out.”
–“I’m equally comfortable in jeans & a T-shirt or dressed to the nines for a night out on the town.” (perhaps this type of thing is its own category because it’s a worthless cliche, but it’s also probably not quite true.)

The Gold-Digger
A person, usually a woman, who makes statements in her profile which strongly imply that she wants a man who will provide her with expensive things and/or cash. The Gold Digger is usually willing to date men who are older and/or less attractive than she might choose otherwise.
Gold-diggers’ profiles often include statements such as the following:
–“I’m looking for a man who appreciates the finer things in life.”
–Looks and age aren’t important to me. (note that this statement is not exclusive to Gold Diggers)
Related to: The Sugar Daddy

The Sugar Daddy
A person, usually a man, who makes statements implying that he will spend a lot of money on a woman, up to and including giving her cash. A Sugar Daddy is quite frequently an older man who is looking to have sex with a younger and more attractive woman than he would be able to attract if he weren’t willing or able to provide financial incentives.
Examples of things that a Sugar Daddy may include in his profile include:
–Allusions to “generosity.”
–"I appreciate the finer things in life and like to share them with my partner.
Related to: The Gold Digger

5

The trope name that I propose for this is “The Declaration of Baggage”. I see it a lot on women’s profiles, and it’s a huge warning flag.

"I’m looking for someone who isn’t a cheater." = “I still hold a lot of resentment (and probably still carry a torch) for my ex, who I will mention as soon as I can on the first date.”

"I want someone who will accept me for who I am." = “I have major self-esteem issues.”

"You must have a car." = “I have a long string of past relationships that can only be described as immature, shallow and emotionally stunted, and I therefore will have an extremely difficult-to-impossible time transitioning to a big girl relationship.”

"I am: somewhat silly and enjoy laughing." (Or, more generally, any use of the word “silly”.) = “I find everything I say to be humorous to some extent, and will make a laughing sound after literally everything I say. None of it will be funny in the least.”

6

Ooh…that’s good!

Are the examples after separate tropes or examples of Declarations of Baggage?

This could also indicate someone who has no intention of pursuing any kind of self-improvement, including but not limited to taking care of their health, pursuing career advancement, and trying new things.

This could also indicate that the person generally moves in a particular socioeconomic milieu. It would never occur to me to say such a thing because I automatically assume that anybody I date would have a car. (Unless they live in NYC or equivalent.)

7

Gotta find room for the “walk along the beach” trope. I probably walk along the beach during the summer an average of an hour and a half per day, 7 days a week, and I’m far too embarrassed to mention this fact in my profile.

8

Those are mostly examples, though I could see different applications of the “must have a car/job” requirement. The profiles I’ve seen it on the most suggest previous relationships where they’ve been the person with the car/job, and do all the transporting and/or dinner buying. That’s all fine and good, but to me it says, “I have issues that only people desperate enough to rely on me for a ride/meal can put up with.”

9

An OKC trope I can’t think of a name for:

Under the “Most Private Thing You’re Willing to Admit” section: “If it’s so private, why would I tell you? lol” = “Both my reading comprehension and creativity are dangerously inadequate, and I will fail to interest you more than halfway through dinner.” If you can’t even think of something a) obviously fake but funny or b) inoccuous but charming, you’ve put much too little effort into this.

10

No one has yet mentioned the familiar trope of the Drama Queen: “No head games!” or “I’m done with of relationships full of drama.” This invariably means that the author is, in fact, into relationship conflict and will manufacture it if it is not forthcoming.

Stranger

11

Yes! Those are some of the other baggage catch-phrases! Any use of “no drama” tells me “my life is full of unending drama, and I’m never going to realize I’m the most common denominator in it.”

12

Another OKCupid one: There is a section for “6 things you can’t live without” or some such. Many people put in air, water, food, etc. No duh. If you can’t see that the question assumes that at least the first and second levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs are mostly covered, than you’re a moron. If you do realize it and write that stuff anyway, you’re either incredibly boring or think you’re being funny and/or original, which also shows that you’re incredibly boring.

“Family” and “friends” are big ol’ cliches, but at least they satisfy the intent of the question.

13

I feel really cliche saying I can’t live without my computer, but it does drive home the point that I’m a big ol’ netgeek.

14

I’ve been schooled.

I have said that, out loud, a few times. I thought I was communicating: controlling people who want me to change who I am just for them need not apply.

Now I find out it means either I have a low self-esteem or I’m not willing to work on myself.

What it actually means, from me, is: I’ve spent about 20 years working on my self esteem and trying to live an authentic life of integrity. I am not gonna change for YOU.

But now that I see the error of my ways, I will not ever use this sentence again. Thank you so much, Dopers, for sparing me the indignity of being misunderstood.

15

Likewise, don’t forget the people who feel the need to write something like, “Not literally, but…” IMO this is the same as listing air, food, etc., but I seem to see it more often.

(Personally, I leave that section blank because I think it’s a dumb question. I also leave the “first things people notice about you” and “most private thing you’re willing to admit” sections blank, for the same reason.)

16

SO glad I’m out of the dating pool…
But what I remember from the old days was a lot of what I call “Negative Nellies” – when the list of what they don’t want is longer than what they do.
No bald/unemployed/short/hairy/smoking/drinking/etc. guys need reply.

Related to: The way-too-narrow demographic – Looking for men aged 25-28, between 5’11" and 6’2", making at least $100,000 and living north of Division and east of Ashland.

17

And I’m too dumb to figure out how to use the timer on a camera. Win-win.

18

Another OKC one, “Contact me if…” “…you’re interested.”

:rolleyes:

19

Heheh. I recently updated my profile with a self-timer shot. Looks pretty darn good, if I do say so.

I was browsing a few OKC profiles last night, and I noticed some with long lists about what their “ideal” person should or shouldn’t be. While I appreciate the directness, it says loudly that you’re pretty high maintenance and probably overbearing. High maintenance is a very short step away from manipulative and crazy.

20

Sorry - no offense was intended. But it is a pretty baggage-loaded statement for the majority of cases. It’s great that you see yourself as an independent person. If that’s what you’re trying to say, then say “I see myself as an independent person. While I’m looking for someone to fit into my life, and for me to fit into theirs, I’m not going to be making big life-altering changes just for a relationship. My personal values are important to me, and I won’t be compromising them to squeeze into a relationship with you.”