The “Fair enough” was in reaction to your theory on winks. (I’m not currently a paying member at Match, which is where I was coming from on that.)
A headline I’ve used:
“Psst! You! The cute one!”
Of course, I’m on hiatus from dating right now because I’m so sick of the BS, so what do I know?
Hey, has anyone here used Matchdoctor? I signed up yesterday, and just don’t get the best feeling from the place. They exist to collect demographic information, and e-mail addresses that they can spam, and you can kind of tell that the matchmaking stuff is just the lure. I’m getting a buttload of e-mails, but 98% of them pay no attention to my requests about age or location (and I swear, if I get one more e-mail devoid of capital letters I’m gonna cry or something). It’s annoying. I’m considering deleting my profile already, but I wonder: has anyone had luck there?
Hmm … I might go with something containing “well-rounded” (I like the double meaning!), but there’s no way I’d mention “lovers” in my headline: any up-front mention of sex – however indirect the reference – could result in some scaaaaary e-mails. :eek: 
I really did get that; my reply was an (apparently bad) attempt at making a joke.
To each her own, you know? Just don’t be surprised if I ignore you when you “wink” at me.
That’s where I spent the past 6 years. I’m not exactly sure what snapped me out of it five months ago, and I’m sure I’ll be back there soon enough, but for now I’m enjoying my tiny spark of hope (it gets dimmer each day, but it’s still there).
I better explain what appeared to be my misunderstandings!
The words under ‘About my date’ > ‘Relationships’ reading as follows:
‘Committed relationships but never married, Widowed, Divorced, Several committed relationships — but now single’
are actually ambiguous. I read them to mean you wanted someone 'nver married, or widdowed, or divorced". Folks who frequent the site will almost certainly not have my problem!!
Also, my comments on “most days I’m fairly quick-witted” had to do with the overly tentative nature of the phrases “most days” and “I’m fairly”, not on an alternative de-hyphenated spelling for “quick-witted”.* This ought to make better sense of my original comment: ‘we all have off days - no need to allude to them when selling yourself’.
This headline thing is making my head hurt! I’m starting to seriously consider using “Fair enough.” I think I’ll go do a search, and see if anyone else’s headline inspires me. It’s just like when I write: coming up with a title is always the hardest part!
:smack: Sorry! Yet again, this is an area where I have no control of the wording, or of the order in which the “answers” appear. You’re right, though, that other users won’t have the same confusion. (It’s interesting to get the perspective of someone unfamiliar with the site!)
Oh! Well, now your comment makes perfect sense. 
I think I’ll keep it in there, though, because I’m just so darn modest.
If you’re willing to steal, the best headline (other than my own, “not much weirder than most people”) I ever saw was “Willing to lie about how we met.”
At the moment, I’m leaning toward using “Hold on loosely, but don’t let go.” Too obscure? Too “uh-oh, is that her ring tone??”
Here’s where the honest-to-a-fault side of me rears its ugly head: I’ve seen that headline before, and I got the joke (it made me smile, even), but I’m actually not willing to lie about how we met. Plus, it suggests that I might be embarrassed about being there, which I’m not – I mean, I wouldn’t go around wearing Match.com t-shirts or anything, but I see no point in being embarrassed about it.
Honestly, I stopped reading your profile about halfway through. It’s not that you’re boring, it’s just that your writing style turned me off.
“I’m xyz but not too xyz”. It’s like saying “I like xyz, but just in case you don’t like it, I’m not a fanatic about it”. Bah. You might as well say, “I have no real opinions”, or “I’m not passionate about the things I like”, or, worse, “I’m not willing to defend my own opinions”. It just made you come off like a bit of a yes-man.
I’m sorry this post doesn’t sound very nice. I’m a proponent of being blunt and to-the-point. If I was in the market for a partner and saw this ad, I’d be clicking the “next” button without giving it another thought.
And one final comment, that “everyone I meet is in some way my superior” line? Get rid of it. Now. I’m guessing the intention is to make you come across humble, or down-to-earth, or something. But it doesn’t. It makes you come across like a bit of a doormat.
Good luck in the dating game.
Max.
You sound fine: you’re telling me what you think, which is exactly what I asked for! As for coming across as wishy-washy, I’m not a woman of extremes. I am feminine but not a girly-girl, patriotic but not jingoistic, etc. And I only do the “x but not y” thing a few times: I talk strongly about music, school, reading, etc. But hey, if you can’t get past those few opposing statements in my profile, all it means is that we’re not likely to be compatible.
Did you bother to read the thread before posting your comments? :dubious:
That headline doesn’t work – it’s old news. I even put out a call for suggestions, and have mentioned several possibilities (you must have caught my profile right before it updated: currently, the headline is “Cooler than the average chick.” I’m still working on something better.). I’ve also already explained that I’m not trying to “come across” as anything: it’s a quote from Emerson.
Crap, I forgot to say “thanks” for your comments! :smack:
Thanks!
It’s interesting to see how different personality types interpret my profile.
Pay no mind to these Aussies, especially the ones from Queensland! As soon as anyone on sdmb identifies themselves as a writer, it acts as a red rag to a bull for some people.
(Just seen your reply.)
To me, who’s never used these online dating services, but has looked at some when people like you refer to them, two things stand out in a good profile: 1) being natural, without trying to be too natural (Hi! Like! Cool!) 2) piquing my interest 3) (just thought of another) less is more (or ‘ars est celare artem’ - it is art to conceal art’).
Watching The Amazing Race, I was struck that one of the nicest couples had met on the Internet. Again, there are folk right here who met their partners that way too. So, nil desperandum!
Which is the quote from Emerson? Not “cooler than the average chick”, I would hope!
The perfect headline: “How you doin?” 
Heh heh heh!
Actually, I’m working on completely revamping my profile text. Here’s the revised opening paragraph, and the “new” headline:
Whaddya think so far?
If this doesn’t pan out, I am so gonna use the Joey quote as my headline…
The Emerson was my original headline: “Everyone I meet is in some way my superior.” Actually, the exact quote is “Every man I meet…,” but I took a little license and modified it.
…independent… 
And right after I called myself educated! :smack: Thanks.
Ok, here’s Draft #1 of the rewrite:
Any better or worse than the original paragraphs (the ones that are still on my profile)? I have some other changes planned for the overall profile, but (obviously) this written part says the most about me.
Including, apparently, that I have forgotten how to spell “independent.”
As a match.com veteran (should I say that with pride or shame?), I’ve seen a lot of WSM profiles, and have learned to read between the lines - when they can be found. I apologize if I repeat what other Dopers have said, but here goes.
Profile text. I don’t know if you’ve looked at many other WSM profiles yet, but about 80% of them tend to be illiterate or generic. The typical WSM profile I encounter has a description that usually goes something like this.
Really, that paragraph could describe any woman.
Your profile gave me a good idea of your personality and mindset. I liked the line where you said “not chipper to the point where you’ll want to shoot yourself” because so many profiles make it seem like the woman behind them is a bouncy, perky girl with a perfect life; a thirtysomething chick that took her sorority girl personality into middle age. The perfect perky life girls intimidate me, because I have my ups and downs; my good days and bad, and I don’t want to feel like I’m an anchor because I had a bad day at work, and want to talk with someone about it.
There was one sentence that looked a lot like the “I love going out, and I also love staying at home!” cliche.
*I like being outside, or at a museum or event, but I can happily stay indoors on a lazy weekend, just hanging out, watching movies, and talking (and stuff). *
There’s another “jeans or tux”-like statement in the “About me” essay.
I love live music, and am happy anywhere from the Kennedy Center to the Birchmere to the 9:30 Club.
You’ve got eclectic interests, but can you find a way to reflect that in your profile without resorting to the “I enjoy [activity] or [antithesis of activity]” statements so many use?
You describe your politics ad “middle of the road,” but your profile text reads “Mostly liberal but with one or two conservative viewpoints”. Why not choose “liberal” in the Background/Values settings?
You don’t really go into too much detail about the type of man you’re looking for 0-- you said “Everything else, we can play by ear.” – but you do seem to put a lot of emphasis on getting a photo, and your disdain of the “Wink at me FREE” function. Someone could read that as “she’s superficial and easily irritated, but otherwise doesn’t care about who she hooks up with as long as he’s good looking.” (FWIW, sometimes I’ll wink because I’m interested in someone, but not confident that she’ll write back; if I don’t get a wink back, I’ll follow up with a letter - which, surprise, seldom merits a response.)
Your photos look fine. Men tend to be wary of “look at me and my five closest friends - aren’t I popular?” shots (it can be interpreted as “my social life is so busy, and I’ll never be able to fit you into it”), photos including babies (it can say “she won’t have time for me,” even if you’re childless), soft-focus Glamour Shots (seems a bit kountry and glurgey) or more than one photo with a cat (it’s okay to have pets and love them, but there’s a fine line between “has a cat” and “cat lady”).
The body type thing. I have to commend you for being honest about your body type, and for showing full body photos. Too often, men will dismiss WSM prifles with face-only photos, or those with poses that conceal everything from the shoulders down (webcam shots; hiding behind tables or bushes, buried in a pile of leaves, etc) because they think the woman behind the ad is hiding something. Many men on online dating services can tell stores of women who claim a body image of “about average”, who are much larger in real life.
Will fewer men write to you because you’re being honest in your profile? Maybe. Then again, there will be no surprises when someone meets you, and the first date will likely be much less awkward.
Ok, now I hate the whole “not a nice girl” headline idea. I’m going with “How you doin’? ;)”[ul]
[li]I’m deleting the opening two sentences from my revised text, and starting with “If you’re interested in meeting an educated, independent…” etc. [/li][li]I’m changing the gun line to “I don’t like guns (though I understand that they are necessary for military and police personnel), and I would prefer to meet someone who doesn’t hunt.” [/li][li]I’m taking out the line about the ACLU. (what was I thinking? :rolleyes: )[/ul]In addition to the other deletion mentioned below, I think that’s it … for now. :D[/li]
Elmwood, thanks so much for your thoughtful reply! Unfortunately, I have a feeling that you looked at my profile and composed your message while I was posting about changing the text. But your time wasn’t wasted, because you inspired me to remove the “I like being outside, or at a museum or event, but I can happily stay indoors on a lazy weekend, just hanging out, watching movies, and talking (and stuff)” line entirely. The one about live music stays in, though.
What do you think of the rewrite that appears in the post before yours?
Because I hate labeling myself. I registered as an Independent back in '89, and have remained one ever since. I took out the “mostly liberal” line in the first rewrite.
Hmm, I hadn’t thought of it that way. I put the thing about the pictures in there because I hate getting mail from guys whose profiles are photo-less. I could see if we were still in the early days of online dating, but at this point there’s no reason to not have a photo (and IMHO it’s a bad sign if a guy has no recent pictures of himself, or doesn’t so much as know anyone who has a scanner, etc.). So instead of writing back to guy after guy and telling each one individually that I’m not interested because they don’t have a picture, I figured I’d put it in the profile. Can you suggest a better way of explaining that?
Trust me, twickster and I have already had this conversation: I hate the winks, and I will always hate the winks. While I will reply to anyone who writes to me (because I think it’s rude not to), I don’t feel compelled to reply to any winks, so I figured I’d be up front about it. Again, suggestions for better wording are welcome!
I don’t know how much you’re enjoying this, but I’m finding it strangely invigorating. So, a few more reflections (forgive me if some don’t take into account, or ignore, your latest changes).
“Not a ‘nice girl.’” - I like this, and can’t abide How YOU doin’.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a very nice person. But men who want a “nice girl” need not apply: I have widely varying interests and tastes, including a few things that “nice girls” aren’t supposed to like (or discuss in mixed company). - I also like this (maybe cut the “or discuss in mixed company” line - sounds too much like you’ve worked on every phrase of this profile, which of course you have, but ‘ars est celare artem’)
If, however, you’re interested in meeting an educated, independent, well-traveled woman who has a great sense of humour and a big heart – and a bit of a spontaneous/adventurous streak – then you’re in the right place. - Fine
Here’s where it starts getting a bit intense/‘mixed messagey’:
I’m not a person of many extremes, which I think helps me to be genuinely comfortable in most situations and with all kinds of people. I will question authority when necessary, but I don’t believe in breaking rules just because I can. - I think you can keep the force of the first phrase but phrase it better. Perhaps “I’m not a person given to extremes” or even “I’m not an extreme person”. I think a lot of men will be glad to hear this.
Now, onto the gun stuff:
a) I don’t like guns, and would prefer to meet someone who doesn’t hunt.
b) I don’t like guns (though I understand that they are necessary for military and police personnel), and I would prefer to meet someone who doesn’t hunt.
b) must not be allowed to see the light of day! It will alienate the “patriotic” and as for people like me (very anti-handgun but not anti-shotguns, FYI) it’s a real turn-off. Not because of it content, but because this intriguing person suddenly starts preaching. I guarantee you that the only men who won’t be turned off by this are the ones you won’t want to date!
So, the answer? Well, the advantages of keeping the gun theme (and actually I think you should keep it) are twofold: 1) it sets up your “not-so-chipper-you’d-want-to-shoot-yourself” joke (your best line) beautifully. 2) It says a lot about you without the need for lengthy description. How to fit it in? Not sure. Leave that to you.
I seem to be always on the verge of joining the ACLU: I’m not quite sure what holds me back, but I think that eventually I’ll jump in and get the card. - This is where I would exit your profile. (And I WAS a member of ACLU for a year! Just for reseacrh purposes, but still.)
I sing and play the piano, and music is a huge part of my life: I listen to a lot of different types of music, and am happy anywhere from the Kennedy Center to the Birchmere to the 9:30 Club. - Nothing wrong with this, IMO.
I’m optimistic and energetic, but not chipper to the point where you’ll want to shoot yourself. - fucking brilliant, if I may so say. Will definitely use it myself one day.
I enjoy conversations and debates, and I don’t believe that any topics are inherently off limits. I think it’s important to be thoughtful, straightforward, and honest. - I’d bin this. The “metaphysical” stuff in profiles (re discussion, candlelit walks, etc.) is a yawn; PLUS, your profile should be doing the job of showing that you like a good debate - as well as a good natter - and it does.
I like ice hockey and baseball, and I’ll go see just about any sport live. - many blokes will be delighted about this.
I love other people’s kids, but remain unsure about having my own. - put this after piloting, which is a kind of sport. I think the admission is fine.
I want to get my pilot’s license someday (right now I’m leaning toward helicopters). - unless you explain why, I can’t quite see the point of the bracketed bit, but thereagain I’m not American and I know that they loves them their private aircraft).
I have little patience with the perpetually angry, bitter, needy, ignorant, hypersensitive, rude, or insincere. I don’t care for wine or champagne but I like beer, and I go on an annual pub crawl in NYC. - fine
I like being active, but I can also happily stay indoors on a lazy weekend, just hanging out, watching movies, and talking. - I’d drop this. You’ve provided no real evidence that you’re an outdoorsy type, and the chatty fireside bit has already been covered.
My dream car is a '57 Corvette, and my darkest secret is that I’m addicted to “Desperate Housewives.” - Nice
One thing I’ll say about the kind of man I’m looking for is that he’ll have a photo with his profile … I know that looks aren’t everything, but I don’t believe in pretending that they don’t matter at all. Also, I’m highly unlikely to respond to “winks”: drop me a line! Other than the photo and winking things, you should be able to tolerate a Yankees fan (who is in danger of becoming a closet Nats fan). Everything else, we can play by ear. - Fine (should that be Nets??)
Wow, such a detailed critique. I must be one sad bastard!
Hell, I’m just glad that anyone’s still willing to indulge me in this horribly boring quest for a “better” profile.
The appeal of “How you doin’” is probably mostly American. I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the “nice girl” thing – too much room for misinterpretation – but I feel that “how you doin’” is lighthearted yet appropriate. And it lets people know that I used to be a fan of the TV show Friends. So far, it’s the best I have!
Again, this could be a “lost in translation” thing, but to me, “I’m not a person given to extremes” sounds too formal and a pedantic. And I feel that “I’m not an extreme person” has a different meaning entirely from what I intend.
Hmm, I see what you mean. What concerned me about “a)” was that I didn’t want a cop or a soldier to read it and think that they’d be wasting their time with me: I don’t like guns, but I know that firearms are a necessary part of certain careers and I’m fine with it. It’s not gun owners or users that I have a problem with, most of the time. But I see how it could come across as preachy, so I’ve taken out the parenthetical part.
Ta!
That line has gotten me more compliments than just about anything else I’ve ever written. Amazing.
Well, I like it, so I’m keeping it in there.
It’s not an American thing, just an excuse to tell a little more about myself. “I’d like to learn to fly, and by the way I’m thinking I’d like to fly helicopters instead of the usual small airplanes.”
I can neither confirm nor deny that, but whatever the case you can’t be any sadder than myself. Thanks for playing along!
I would leave out the stuff about guns – I’m adamantly anti-gun (Quaker, pacificst, ACLU member, yadda yadda yadda) and can’t imagine putting that in – just because it doesn’t usually come up. Do you have lots of armed men trying to date you or what?
You’re right, twickster – I’ve taken that bit out (the change may not reflect on the site for another hour or so). It was an attempt at pre-screening, but in the light of day it just doesn’t work. Thanks!
Just realized that I forgot something:
“Nats” is the nickname for the new Washington Nationals baseball team.