Were there really an 11th and 12th commandment that didn’t fit on the granite stone? What were they?
No. The “eleventh commandment” is simply a phrase used to indicate (sometimes as a joke and sometimes as a philosophical point) that the “ten commandments” are not sufficient to govern our lives and that this “extra” commandment is as important as the first ten. For example, Ronald Reagan expressed the “eleventh commandment” that no Republican should ever speak ill of another Republican because it was important to not give Demcrats any chance to quote Republicans against themselves. Sometimes it is claimed that the Catholic Church’s opposition to birth control appears to be an “eleventh commandment” since some members of the church seem to hold that rule higher than many other rules from God.
There are also numerous jokes in which there are fifteen commandments (usually including commands to be nice to other people) with the joke claiming that the third tablet containing the last five fell and was shattered and Moses was two tired to get ut replaced.
If you take the time to read Exodus, you will note that Moses did destroy the first pair of stones he brought down to the people, but that they were replaced in their entirety. There is no scriptural basis for a single “lost” commandment.
(I’ve never even heard of a twelfth commanment except as one of the final five when a joke claims there were fifteen.)
I agree with Tomndebb’s answer but thought I’d share the best 11th commandment I’ve ever heard:
- You do too know what I mean. (referring to the nitpicking over the meanings of the Top Ten, so to speak)
The Torah’s references to “The Ten Commandments” (Exodus 34:28, Deuteronomy 4:13, and Deuteronomy 10:4) do not spell out which of the 600-odd commandments in the Torah qualify as “The Ten.” Because of this, there is disagreement as to which commandments form “The Ten” – are they the ones at Ex. 20:2-17, at Ex. 34:12-26, or Deut. 5:6-21?
The most popular consensus is that Ex. 20:2-17 should be taken as being “The Ten.” But even then, there is disagreement as to where one commandment ends and the next begins, because there are actually about 22 individual instructions contained in those 16 verses. These issues are discussed in more detail here.
XI Objects in the rear-view mirror shalt appear farther than they actually are.
XII Contents of box may appeareth less than full due to settling during shipping.
My choice for the 11th is
Thou shalt not divide by zero.
The 11th Commandment should be …
When come back bring pie.
And this joke took visual form in Mel Brooks’s film, History of the World, Part One–which I’m ashamed to say is the first thing I thought of when I read this thread title.
The difficulty in even identifying which ten commandments are the Ten Commandments is apparent in the fact that Catholic and most Protestant bibles differ in their numeration.
According to the Bible (Exodus 34) the actual commandments God told Moses to write on the tablets are as follows:
1 - Behold, I drive out before thee the Amorite, and the Canaanite, and the Hittite, and the Perizzite, and the Hivite, and the Jebusite. Take heed to thyself, lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land whither thou goest, lest it be for a snare in the midst of thee: But ye shall destroy their altars, break their images, and cut down their groves: For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God: Lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land, and they go a whoring after their gods , and do sacrifice unto their gods, and one call thee, and thou eat of his sacrifice; And thou take of their daughters unto thy sons, and their daughters go a whoring after their gods, and make thy sons go a whoring after their gods.
2 - Thou shalt make thee no molten gods.
3 - The feast of unleavened bread shalt thou keep. Seven days thou shalt eat unleavened bread, as I commanded thee, in the time of the month Abib: for in the month Abib thou camest out from Egypt.
4 - All that openeth the matrix is mine; and every firstling among thy cattle, whether ox or sheep, that is male. But the firstling of an ass thou shalt redeem with a lamb: and if thou redeem him not, then shalt thou break his neck. All the firstborn of thy sons thou shalt redeem. And none shall appear before me empty.
5 - Six days thou shalt work, but on the seventh day thou shalt rest: in earing time and in harvest thou shalt rest.
6 - And thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, of the firstfruits of wheat harvest, and the feast of ingathering at the year’s end.
7 - Thrice in the year shall all your men children appear before the Lord GOD, the God of Israel. For I will cast out the nations before thee, and enlarge thy borders: neither shall any man desire thy land, when thou shalt go up to appear before the LORD thy God thrice in the year.
8 - Thou shalt not offer the blood of my sacrifice with leaven; neither shall the sacrifice of the feast of the passover be left unto the morning.
9 - The first of the firstfruits of thy land thou shalt bring unto the house of the LORD thy God.
10 - Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother’s milk.
Whoops, he sure blew that one.
The “11th” commandment:
Actually if you keep reading, you’ll find Jesus explain a new commandment: From–John 13:34-35
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
The 12th commandment is of course:
Hi Opal
You see? This is what happens when people start skipping the meetings. They get smited. It happened to the Perizzites and the Hivites and it could happen to you.
The other common version of the Eleventh Commandment (quoted by Heinlein and a bunch of other authors) is:
Thou Shall Not Get Caught.
Note that “kid” refers to a young goat, not a human child.
By the way, parts that follow the 10 commandments in Moses’s books talk about the many laws that were given to Moses by God himself. They talk about things that must be done as well, so they are kind of commandments too. But the 10 commandments that were written on stone (and broken then rewritten) would be extra special.
You can see some of the Old Testament laws come to life using Lego bricks in the “Law” section of “The Brick Testament”
Makes me wanna change my voicemail message. “Sorry, but I am out a whoring…please leave a message”.
XI: Thou shalt never give a chicken bone to a dog.
XII: Thou shalt wait at least an hour after eating before going in the water.
According to no less a religious luminary than Father Guido Sarducci:
XI. Whistle while you work.
XII. When using a Q-tip, just go around the outside. Don’t poke.
- Thou shalt not remove the Tag from thine Upholstered Goods, lest thine Buttocks be rent from Thy Body and used as Play-Things by Wild Orang-Utans
- Damn! Beat me to it
- I’ve always seen this referenced as the “zeroeth” command, since it trumps all the others
Dani