So I died last night...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

There really is no other way to describe it.

My girlfriend of 5 years confessed to me last night that she was seeing someone else.

I can barely type the words.

It still feels like this is not reality, that it’s just some sort of terrible nightmare, and that’ll wake up any second now with tears in my eyes, and reach out to hold her in my arms tightly. She’ll whisper: “Shhh, it’s just a bad dream, go back to sleep”.

Why can’t it be so? I’d fucking tear the sky from above if it would make it so! I’d do anything.

I feel so empty. Like life is draining from me. All the joy in world that I felt just 24 hours ago has been completely removed, scraped off me like scales from a fish caught by a fisherman, ripped out by a cold, sharp knife.

What do I do? How can I convince her to stay? How can I go on living if the most terrible thing happens and she decides to go with him?

It’s been 5 years. 5 years of memories. 5 years of laughter and love. True, the last few months haven’t been peachy king, and it’s mostly my fault for not taking up some responsabilities I should have take up. Maybe I took her for granted? I don’t know. But whatever I did I wish I could take back. I wish I could go back 5 years ago and relive everything we shared together. I would do it right this time. I would not make the same mistakes again.

But that’s not going ot happen. That’s just some broken dream in my heart.

All I can do is hope, and hope and hope with all my strength that she will stay with me. It’s a terrible feeling. It’s a helpless feeling when the person you love more than anything doesn’t know how they feel about you anymore. I feel like I’m drowning, being held down by a 10 ton boulder, unable to do anything, just holding my breath… just holding my breath…

She says she cares for him, and wants to see him atleast one more time, then she will decide.

It’s so damn terrible. The wait, I can’t take the wait.

Sorry, for this post really. I know most of you would rather read somehting more interesting. But it has helped me vent. And I needed that. For some reason this happenned at a time when ALL my friends are either on vacation, out of state or so busy I haven’t been able to get in touch with any of them. I feel terribly alone and hurt and lost. So this helps.

2

Ouch.

I relate. Only mine was not a five year relationship.
All I can say is that it doesn’t hurt this bad forever.
If you’re like me, it will take a while though.

[[[Kinthalis]]] <------manly hugs.

3

Dear Kinthalis,
I know how you feel all too well. :frowning: The pain is unbearable at the moment, I think when I was in that same limbo situation with a great love from my past, I drank an awful lot. It’s good that you are turning to us for solace. I do hope your friends come back soon, because you really need them.

My e-mail is in my profile if you want to “talk” further with a complete stranger who’s been through it twice.

Peace,

ggurl

4

Thanx to both of you. I’m glad to read your responses, it helps me kepe my mind on something.

I suppose I should stop listening to “All the way” over and over again and go outside and do something.

I decided ot move out tomorrow. I’m going to leave her be to decide without me being here possible putting some pressure on her. I’m gonna leave, take care of the things I need to take care of, and then ask for her to be with me again. She might take me back, she might find happyness with someone else, either way she will be happy, and that’s what matters to me.
While I’m at the mall I’m gonna pick up some candles for tonight, and ask her to dance with me.

I doubt I’ll be able to stop myself from crying, but I’ll try, and I’ll dance with her, and hopefully it will last forever.

5

If it ends, you will survive, little as the prospect appeals to you at the moment. I am not a Garth Brooks fan as a rule, but his song The Dance is applicable - be glad you had the dance with her, for the five happy years you shared. Perhaps they will continue, and that’s wonderful. But if they do not, that does not invalidate the happiness you had, the things you learned, the growing you did during that time. Take those things for yourself, and realize that you are a valuable and worthy human being in and of yourself. You are not defined by your relationship, nor is your potential for happiness limited to that relationship. There is joy or contentment to be found in many things, both with and without another person to share them with.

6

I think this is incredibly wise of you. Give her some space. If it’s meant to be, you’ll find each other again.

If not, you’ll be free to find the woman you’re supposed to be with.

We’re here if you need us. Good luck with the next chapter of your life.

7

Oh sweetie :frowning:

No words of wisdom or experience here. I just hope that whatever happens results in what’s best for you.

hug

8

At this moment, you are in a lot of pain. I know. I have been there. There are a few things that I think that you should know.

You have done nothing wrong (based on the OP). While it may be true that the relationship itself had some issues (and, indeed, you may have contributed to them), I am assuming that one of the “rules” was monogamy. Given that you were not the one to break that agreement, you have nothing to apologize for.

I bring this up because I sense in your words an urge that I (an I suspect many men) have to be all apologetic and contrite in hopes of winning her back. This is a mistake. If this woman is the love of your life and you want to salvage the relationship, you need to come at this from a clear-headed position of strength. Period.

For example, this whole business of her wanting to see him one last time and then decide. No. Either she is in a committed relationship, or she wants to renegotiate for an open or Poly relationship. You have nothing to gain by not setting boundaries that you are comfortable with. Usually, when someone is saying this sort of thing, they have already decided.

I know that this post is probably coming across as harsh, and for that I apologize. I guess that my overall point is that in a committed relationship, if everything is not above board you are in some real trouble. What I am hoping that I remind you of is that you were not the once to cheat. Further, no matter how bad thing may have been, the decision to do so was hers and hers alone.

Again, as someone who has been through what you are going through (as well as a few similar shades of it) I wish you well. Remember that you are worth more that this.

9

Kinthalis

I’ve gone through something similar in the past and am going through some not dis-similar changes in my life right now.

The feeling of loss that you are experiencing can be so tremendously painful. Quite likely, it will be followed by anger and resentment, then maybe dismay and a hollow feeling of longing. After that, who knows.

But in time, the pain will dull, the anger may subside, and the hollow will be filled. Please accept my best wishes and hopes for you that this will pass just as quickly as it can, and you can see that after all of the turmoil, life goes on.

You’ve made the best choice in moving out, I think. You will have to leave her to decide what she wants to do. We cannot control the thoughts and actions of others, but only our own. What they will do, they will do, and there’s nothing that you can do to change that. But you can control yourself. Try, hard as it may be, to be positive that what comes after is the best (or at least, the only) possible result.

Be strong.

[[[Kinthalis]]] <— another manly “butts-out” hug

10

Oh, and I’m with Binarydrone. “One last dance” serves no purpose. You have plenty of happy memories, I’d imagine. There’s no need to top off that sundae with rotten cherry.

11

I couldn’t agree more. I know you’re in a lot of pain at the moment, but you’re not the one in the wrong here, and you need to remember that. No matter how rocky the relationship might have been, nothing you could have done could have forced her to sleep with someone else.

In my opinion, harsh as I know this sounds, she wants to keep you around for her fall-back guy; to go see the new guy, put out feelers to him about moving in together, and if that’s no go, then you win and she’s madly in love with you and life’s a bed of roses until the next time she’s tempted to stray. Of course, I could well be wrong, and I hope that I am.

Best of luck to you. I know it’s a painful situation. :frowning:

12

I"ve never been in this situation, and have absolutely no advice to offer.

But here c(_) is a cup of tea and sympathy.

That’s all I have.

Sorry.

13

I’m afraid to say that I suspect this is the case as well, but I also hope I’m wrong. I hope whatever happens, it’ll be the best for you eventually.

14

You should be suspecting something fishy is going on in your relationship…5 years without getting married?

15

Some people aren’t interested in marriage. It has nothing to do with the strength or lack of strength of their relationship.

16

Well, I told her that seeing some other guy to “test him out” is not acceptable to me. She said she needs some time, so I’m giving it to her.

On the way out today to the mall I felt sick. It was like every inch I moved farther away from her hurt me physically.

I love this woman with all my heart. I did want to marry her, and I hadn’t ask her, that part of the problem with the relationship.

So at this point I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’ll be gone tomorrow, and she’ll be free to date or not this other guy as she sees fit.

She has a promise from me though that I’ll be back soon and when I do I’m going to make sure I’m ready to be with her always (I’m going to ask her ot marry me).

Will she be with the other guy then? God I hope not.

Thanks again to everyone, just listening to your responses has been therapeudic in a way you cannot imagine.

I knew I can trust the good souls here to help me out.

Kind regards,
Kinthalis

17

Kinthalis, I just realized I’m not contributing much of anything by the above post.

I really think you’re doing the right thing by moving out. Its going to be really lonely and harsh at first, especially if she does not come back or prolongs the limbo. So do whatever you can to keep yourself from rebounding or going too crazy. Keeping yourself busy does help, even if everything you do seems empty. Find something that’s really time consuming and draining, if you can. I found that was the best thing to help me get over the end of my own 5 year relationship.

18

Why don’t you go to the mall buy whiskey,beer whatever ,and get drunk.That is the best medicine there is.In short,bottle is the man’s true friend. :smiley:
Forget about that other bitch.

19

: smacks nonpolar in the back of the head :
Don’t you have drawers to change? :wink:
{{{Kinthalis}}}}} :frowning:
It will get better.

On the marrying thing, if she’s already seeing someone else and looks as if she has a tendency to wander, are you sure you don’t want to think on this a little longer?

Take care of yourself!

20

I know this pain all too well. When my first husband told me that he wanted a divorce (and later admitted that there was another woman) I was destroyed. 10 years together, (6 years married), 3 kids, a house, many ups and downs… I was 16 when I met him, and knew no other life outside of him. I was truly on the brink.

I only mention it because I honestly didn’t believe that I could ever recover from it. I had the same plans - build myself back up, thereby making myself more desirable again, and win him back.

3 years later, I am remarried, and happily so. To be perfectly honest, there’s a part of me that still loves my ex, which I don’t think I’ve ever admitted before. And there’s still a little bit of pain, which I imagine I’ll always carry with me. But I am happy with my life, and I have finally realized that there is life after him.

Hang tough, take any support you can get from friends or family, and just know that eventually, it can get better, whether you win her back or not. :slight_smile: