I need cheering up, badly. Dumped and broken hearted.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Hey all. I hoped to never have to make one of these threads, but I have to now. I’m feeling so down and I don’t know how to cope with it. Last weekend, my love of the past two years dumped me, and dumped me hard. It was out of the blue and a major shock. There had been some rough patches in the past, but we always managed to work through them. I thought we were on the road to building a solid foundation for this relationship, and then this happens.

This woman is everything to me. I gave her my heart and my soul, and we were deeply in love. For the past two years we have spent nearly every waking moment talking to each other. We’ve exchanged thousands of emails, and spent hundreds of hours talking, just talking about anything. We used to talk on the phone for hours and it would feel like only minutes. It was a once in a lifetime relationship, the kind where you meet and feel like you’ve known the person your whole life. There was an instant connection, one that neither of us had ever felt before. Even when we first met in person, it was like meeting an old friend. We were always so comfortable with each other. Everything was perfect when we were together. I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life, and I thought she wanted that too. We had so many plans for the future.

And then I get an email from her saying that she cares about me but isn’t in love with me any longer and that she can no longer see herself in a relationship with me. I tried everything to change her mind, but she wouldn’t listen.

I just feel like this is a nightmare that I can’t wake up from. I would do anything in the world to get her back. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t understand how she could do that to me. After everything we had. Now she just tosses me away like I’m garbage. And she even says that the relationship was never that great, and says that the things we did together were nothing special. That’s a complete 180 from how she’s acted the past two years. I thought we were soul mates, that we were meant to meet and to be together. She was the one spot of hope in my life, the one thing that made me happy. I feel like she is the other half of what makes me whole, and that she is the best part of me. This is killing me inside.

I feel like nothing can make me feel better, but I just had to get that all out. I really need some comforting words, and any help that I can get. I don’t know what to do with myself.

2

I’m sorry you’re going through this and I know it sucks and how much it hurts. If you are tempted to get in touch with her, though–and I’m guessing you are because you wrote this: “I would do anything in the world to get her back”–don’t do it. Leave her alone and don’t contact her. That’s the worst thing you can do and it will only drive her away further. Eventually, either you won’t care anymore, or she will come back. Just take care of yourself and try to get out of the house and talk to people as much as possible. I know it’s hard, but it will help.

3

I’m so sorry you’re going through this :frowning:

I know it sucks right now and it really feels like hell, but you need to try to do things to make your mind focus on other things. You have to force yourself to eat regularly. Make sure you’re doing the have-tos in life. Eat. Work. Shower. Sleep. I know it can be extra hard to sleep, so maybe up your exercise so you can tire yourself a bit? Also, exercise is something you can focus on to take your mind off thinking obsessive thoughts.

When you find yourself thinking about her or the situation make yourself take a deep breath and say “NO” and force yourself to do something else. Going over and over it in your mind solves nothing yet makes you feel awful.

If being in your place by yourself is too much for you right now then get out of the house when you can. Go to the library, a museum, a park, a store… anywhere. Make a list of things you need to get done and check them off one by one. Been wanting to learn to play the guitar? Look for a class. Have you been wanting to watch AFI’s list of best movies? Time to get started!

Maybe get a blog that no one knows about and just get out your free flowing thoughts. Sometimes you HAVE to get it out so that’s a good and safe way to do it.

No calling her or emailing her or trying to see her. Although you might need to talk about her sometimes, make yourself do it as little as possible. Maybe at first give yourself 30 minutes a day to think of her and talk about her, but then the rest of the day it is GET BUSY TIME.

If you need to get out some venting, PM me with your RAEG!

Take care.

4

Oh, you also wanted cheering up. Maybe to to hulu or youtube and watch a few Peep Show episodes? They make me laugh a lot. Don’t know if you’d like them, though.

5

Man that’s harsh. Nothing I can say to make it better, but do know it will get better with time (it might be a LONG time!)

Let your friends know what happened and when they say “let me know what I can do” tell them you want to hang out. You might be shitty company and stuff but being alone with your thoughts just hurts a damn lot.

Make sure you avoid anything romantic on TV and at the movies. Get some documentaries from Netflix.

I love kapri’s suggestion about Peep Show. It’s the best show ever so I know you’ll love it. Here’s the first 6 seasons on Hulu!! (out of 7). There’s nothing romantic going on in that show. Mostly boys being dumb.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes from the show:

“Life’s all pain. Pain, rejection and gloom. Why do we even pretend that there’'s anything but a yawning blankness at the heart of…hey, 33% extra free! Heh. I’m doing excellent shopping. My depressed state of mind means I’m being even more frugal than normal.”

:slight_smile: :slight_smile:

Stay busy. It helps.

6

That sucks, I’m sorry. As the poster above me said, stay busy. Keep your mind active…play games, watch TV. I know this means jack shit right now but try to remember that this type of pain passes, even though it sometimes feels it never will. Eventually, though, it will fade more and more. Don’t be afraid to let yourself have a few good cries to get out the feelings of hurt and all that, too. And then throw yourself into distraction. :slight_smile:

7

ARgh, yes I’ve been there. People’s words can help a little bit, but mostly the only thing that will really work (unfortunately), is time. Wallow, give yourself extra pampering, spoil yourself and yes, keep super busy.

8

Allow yourself time to wallow. You’re young and entitled to an epic wallowing, I say.

Then get really busy. Work. Working out. Hobby. Social Stuff.

Exhaust yourself.

9

Not a lot to add to the good advice so far; I just wanted to say I am sorry you are going through this. I remember my first divorce (don’t get me started - I’ve often said I took the long way to one of those journey diamond pendants with all the engagement rings…) and the hardest time of day for me was between 5:00 and 5:30 because that was when he would be coming home from work and I had been looking forward to seeing him all day. When I recognized the reason for my daily 5:00 dip I could plan around it and busy myself.

I do remember the day I could not recall the color of his eyes. The relief just sneaks up in you while you are busy doing other things.

Good luck in this. Again, I’m sorry.

10

Been down this road about 20 years ago. N-e-v-e-r thought I could survive.

Just keep mixing it up. Wallow once in a while. Exercise a lot. Visit with friends. Visit with family. Visit with people you don’t really like or lost contact with.

Enjoy yourself doing the one thing that she hated to see you doing, as long as it’s not self-defeating.

Learn something you’ve always wished you knew.

Get a second job. May as well have more money when it’s time to start dating again.

Beat something up that you won’t get arrested for.

And remember it’s going to take a LOT of time.

Oh, and obviously I DID survive. We made a complete clean break, I found her again on Facebook and was glad I did. SOOOOO not the girl for me. My wife of 20 years is!

Best,
JK

11

I am so sorry you are going through this–

I think you have made a good first step in expressing your feelings and asking for some help.

You have such good advice here, I hardly have anything new to add, except to say that you will need to find a new “normal.” That is to say, if it was normal for you to spend a lot of time in this relationship, you need to find new, interesting things to fill that time. As someone else suggested, it would be wise to commit to a new class or exercise routine. It’s important to be really intentional about this and choose something good for yourself.

Please do something good for yourself and let us know how you are doing.

12

Oh man. I’ve been lurking off and on for the last two years (has it really been that long) since we met up in the unhappy 2009 thread and was just wondering how things have been for you. This sucks. So much I had to delurk and say so.

What hits me most is where you say she’s trying to deny that what you guys had was all that great. That has got to hurt to hear, but she doesn’t get to define your past! You can still keep those memories as good, positive, fun, exciting or whatever they were for you. Of course they’ll be bittersweet but they are still your memories of what genuinely were good times. That will be important now and in the future.

I definitely second (third?) exercise. Especially try to get outside for a bit if there’s any sun at all where you are. Getting all out of breath and apple-cheeked in the cold makes cocooning with Hulu all the sweeter.

Best wishes…

13

Hey, Margo, nice to hear from you. I was wondering if you still lurked around here.
I’m going to keep up with my exercise and try to stay busy as best I can. The hardest part is going to be trying to train myself to stop talking to her in my head all the time, and to get used to the idea that I don’t get to share the events of my life with her anymore.

14

Justin, it happens, and it sucks. And as much as it sucks, odds are it will happen again.

My last one, I lost 40lbs in 6 weeks, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, and I drank like a fish (even though fish don’t drink). I wouldn’t even go home since she lived only a mile away. I stayed at work for 16 days straight at one point (I own it, and I can do that). That month I was only home for 3 nights, it would have only been 2 nights but I had to pack and catch a 6am plane on the first of the next month. I averaged 2.5-3 hours of sleep for months on end. A single burrito was enough food for 3 days. I was MISERABLE.

It may take a bit, but it gets better.

Leave her alone, don’t call her, don’t write her. If SHE calls, don’t answer, it will just restart the cycle, and make it worse.

My relationship schedule is 9 months, 2 months of misery, 3 months of moping, 4 months of recovery. Your schedule may be different. But at the end of it you’ll be able to say she was a ‘psycho bitch’ and you’re better off or a ‘damn good woman, but you grew apart’.

It does get better, I can guarantee that. Don’t neglect your friends and family, they’re the ones that will be there when it does get better. Take care of yourself too.

In time, you will feel better, even normal. It does get better, the pain does go away.

Sorry for not cheering you up, but… its just a natural process, its not going away in 10 seconds. Time will heal it. You’ll be fine, just take care of yourself. Eat and sleep, or at least try to.

15

Aw man, that stinks. Just try to get through the next minute for now. Give yourself time to grieve.

16

I haven’t got much to add, but I’m sorry that you are going though this. I do know how you feel, my boyfriend of three years dumped me a week and a half ago.

17

Sorry to hear what happened, Justin. Don’t have much to say either, but you’re in my thoughts.

18

According to the scale at the gym, I’ve lost about 5 pounds already. I still don’t feel much like eating, but I’m trying to make myself eat what I can. On the plus side, I had the entire pool at the gym to myself for the whole hour I was there, so that was nice. That hardly ever happens.

I talked to my therapist about things I could do to take my mind off of everything, and one of the things she suggested was volunteer work. That’s something that I’ve been wanting to get into anyway, but it always got put on the back burner. It turns out she knows a family from her church who has been looking for a volunteer to read to their little girl, who is blind. She put me in touch with them, and I get to meet them at the library tomorrow to work out a schedule. I’m looking forward to it, to get me out of the house and to be able to do something that helps someone else.

I also stopped by the local Humane Society and asked about volunteering there, but they said they have so many people wanting to volunteer right now that they hardly have any spots open (which is a good thing I suppose). They said at most, I could probably come in for a couple hours a week and walk some of the dogs and clean up after them. I love dogs, so that sounds right up my alley. :slight_smile:

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and advice. And, dragongirl, I saw that thread of yours and I just want to say that I sympathize and that I hope you’re doing well too.

19

Good for you for keeping yourself busy and exercising. Those are two very healthy ways of dealing with pain.

20

I’m sorry for what you are going though but there must have been some signs that she was not happy in the relationship. You have described a perfect romance. People don’t usually just leave someone out of the blue like that.