I just found out that a good friend of mine from high school died on Saturday, due to complications from surgery. He was 31.
Fuck.
We were really close in high school, and hung out a handful of times in college (I went to school near Philly, he was in Allentown), but I haven’t seen or heard from him in over 10 years. He is someone that I always – always – thought I would be in touch with again one day.
I’m going to the viewing on Friday night, but haven’t decided yet about the funeral on Saturday. It’s weird, because I haven’t seen him in so long and yet we used to be so close. His folks might not recognize my face, but I know they will remember my name. What the hell am I supposed to say to them?
This news has upset me more than I expected it to. My brother called and told me about it an hour or so ago, and at first I was kind of in shock. ‘Thanks for letting me know, but I can’t make any of the services,’ etc. Then I thought about it for a few minutes and decided I wanted to send a letter to Chuck’s parents, so I called my brother back and asked him if I could e-mail something to him and would he give it to them for me. He agreed. But then I thought about it some MORE, and realized that I should really go to at least the viewing. So I’ll leave work early on Friday to beat the traffic, and hang out at my mom’s until it’s time to go to the viewing. I called one of the only friends I’m still in touch with from high school, because she was friends with Chuck, too, and she’ll be meeting me at the funeral home.
This isn’t right, dammit! I was supposed to get to talk to him again, and tell him how much our friendship meant to me, and get to hear him sing again!
I can relate to the way you feel as a co-worker recently committed suicide. Needless to say there are many of us who are saddened and shocked and questioning whether there was any hint that he was in such a state that we failed to pick up on during our working hours.
Peace to you and your lost friend.
I’m 63 years old. I’ve had many friends (and of course my Mother and Father) die.
It hurt’s like Hell but believe me, you’ll eventually get over this. Welcome to getting older.
Thanks so much to everyone who replied and offered sympathy/empathy. You guys are the best.
I’ve decided not to go to the viewing, after all: I’ve had one hell of a week; things got a little screwed up at work today; I found out tonight that there are two more plays I need to get for my class (one of which needs to be read by next week); and there’s a chance my mother is coming on Sunday and spending the night. Weighed against the fact that I hadn’t seen my friend in 10+ years, I don’t know his family anymore, don’t know his partner or friends, and I’d rather not remember him in a casket, leaving work early tomorrow just to be depressed as hell and drive home late by myself doesn’t seem like the right thing to do anymore.
I was very upset last night when I heard the news, but I think I’ll just send his family a private message via the funeral home’s website and remember Chuck in my own way (through pictures, a recording I have of him singing, etc.). This whole thing just sucks.
Jake, thanks for the words. And I’m sorry you’ve been through this so many times: 63 is young to have lost so many friends!
