what are some primitive revenge fantasies that you never followed thru on…
here’s what i’d like to do (not that i would, but it’s fun to think about)
my landlord decided to sell the apartment complex i’m living in, and told me that the new owners might want to move one of their family members into the unit i’m currently occupying, he proceeded to give me the runaround until last week when he told me “oh by the way, the new owners will be moving a family member into your apartment, you’ll need to be out by January”
jerk…
anyway, i found a place last night, and signed the lease today, an apartment that’s bigger than my current one for only $50 more per month, it has 2 actual rooms, instead of the one-room-with-a-partition setup i’m in now, so it all works out…
still, part of me wants to buy a huge chunk of smoked salmon and bury it in the insulation in the suspended ceiling and turn the heat in the apartment up to maximum, to accelerate the decomposition of the fish…
but no, i’ll be the bigger man and leave on good terms…
so, what primitive revenge fantasies have you thought about but never implemented?
When I was in the HVAC business, a fairly well off customer stiffed us for a considerable amount (>$2000). My thought was that we should relocate a family of skunks to the crawlspace under their house. Of course, we didn’t - it would have been cruel to the skunks.
I used to fantasize happily about taking the people who really irritated me and tying them to a chair, whipping them soundly and cutting them just enough to hurt but not enough to actually kill them for quite some time.
Then I realized there’s a whole sexual subculture based on this. :smack:
“Nobody expects…”
Aw it’s too early for Monty Python.
Revenge fantasy? You mean like the one where I got back at the ex-boyfriend who cheated on me & dumped me for my coworker…the one where I go into work and announce that we had been going out (big no-no, as he was my manager) and that he dumped me for my coworker?
Glad I didn’t do it - he wasn’t worth it. And my coworker dumped him shortly after and wanted nothing to do with him. Poetic justice.
In all fairness, she was a decent person & had no idea about us, because no one knew we were going out (it was supposed to be a secret - boy was I stupid back then). :smack:
The year was 1993, and I was a senior in high school. I found out through the grapevine that my boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on me, so I beat him to the punch and broke up with him. I was crushed and devastated. We were supposed to go to the prom together, which was only 2 weeks away, so I had to find another date at the last minute.
Eventually, he gets the girl he was cheating on me with pregnant, and the got married. For years, my hear was broken over him.
Flash forward 11 years. He looks up my e-mail address and starts e-mailing me all the time. He send me poems, songs, etc. Then we start Iming with each other. From my end, it’s totally innocent, 10 years had healed all the wounds, and I just enjoyed chatting. But he’s said some things to me, reminiscing, saying he still loves me, always trying to get me to come out and meet him for lunch, etc.
Now, if I were that same 17-year-old girl who had her heart broken 11 years ago, boy oh boy could I get some revenge! All I would have to do is save the e-mails and chat logs and send them to his wife! She would be none too happy.
But alas, I would not do that. I just feel sorry for the guy. He’s trapped in a boring suburban life and he can’t help but think of the good old days when he was with me
Several years ago, while on my way to do some Christmas shopping, this dickweed cut me off for a parking space. He nearly took the front on my car off in the process. After yelling at him that I hoped he’d die on Christmas morning in front of his children, I seriously considered going back and slicing the valve stems off his tires. Fear of being caught and the lack of a proper cutting apparatus prevented me from doing so.
This happened to me last year, and I drove all the way up the parking aisle almost INTO the entrance to the mall about a foot and a half behind the asshole who took my space, with my hand on the horn the whole time.
When I got back to work, someone told me about the wonders of toothpaste, and how annoying it would be to find some on the underside of the handle on your car door.
I’m so bringing toothpaste with me to the mall this Holiday Season.
My biggest revenge fantasy, though, involves the woman I refer to as my arch-nemesis. She is my former roommate/best friend’s girlfriend, and she seems to think that she won him from me somehow, and treats me accordingly. The former roomie (who I was friends with for ten years before he even met her) is afraid to even look at me, at this point, and we only see each other at gatherings hosted by mutual friends.
I have been waiting almost three years for Skinny Bitch to go one step too far with me. I’m mostly nonconfrontational, and I actually let a lot of things slide. But someday, she’s going to say the wrong thing, and the little diatribe I’ve been rehearsing in my head since about 1999 is going to come flying out of my mouth. It will be immensely satisfying, I think, because I’ve honed it to a fine, cutting edge, and she may not even know what some of those words mean.
And then all my girlfriends, who have been just waiting for the chance, will probably beat the living shit out of her.
I like to think about subjecting my enemies to the same fate as supposedly befell Edward II (warning: link may be disturbing, viewer discretion is advised).
Kim chee. Trust me on this. The smell never goes away.
My primitive revenge fantasy centers around a supervisor who single handedly took all the joy out of my last job. Let’s just say it involves kidnapping, a spa, massive amounts of conditioner, and the removal (and burning) of every single ugly matchy-matchy power suit she owns. She’d be a nicer person if she wasn’t an ugly old witch.
In similar situations (cut off for a parking space or come across someone whose car is so freaking precious that they require TWO parking spaces right IN FRONT of the store, etc.) I take out my Sharpie (which I always have with me along with eleventy-six jillion other things) and write on their windshield in reversed letters “You are an asshole.” or “You park like shit.” depending on the circumstances.
It will come off, but not with the wipers, you have to work at it a little. It probably doesn’t help them become more courteous, but it makes ME feel better, and that’s what’s really important.
FTR, my usual PRF involves winning a Mega-lottery, buying a controlling interest in my place of employment and cutting the cords on the “golden parachutes” while offering staggering demotions to some of the suits on Mahogany Row (and their sycophants).
OTOH, it would be cheaper and more satisfying to buy the house next door to them and rent it for free to a deserving family of Honduran refugees or liberal Democrats - whichever would annoy them the most.
