I am in no way a deviant person, but I do like to daydream about criminal mischeif sometimes.
Walking through Fry’s Electronics one day, I thought of how funny (well, to me anyway) it would be to hide a DVD player that was hooked up to all the TVs and have it playing a really raunchy gay porn video, just to see the reaction of people. Like, the number of people who would be apalled and complain, and the percentage of people who would just sit and watch it.
I live on a street where most of the houses do not have driveways - those of us with cars but no driveways must pay a yearly fee for on-street parking permits. For the most part, my fellow residents are pretty good about trying to park so as to allow the greatest number of cars to fit in the available spaces, but every now and again someone will put their car smack dab in the middle of a space that could have fit two cars. I have often fantasized about having a fork-lift that I would use to re-position these cars to free up the wasted space (or even to move the offending car to the next block.) The main hitch to this is figuring out where to park the fork-lift when I’m not using it,
No, no noooo, I can hardly stand to kill insects, and then only if they’re biting me, or have invaded my home. But I’m seriously fascniated by forensics, and I often wonder if I could “get away with it”. I wish I’d have known such a thing existed when I was young, and that I were better at math, I would have loved to have been an ME or criminal forensics specialist of some sort.
Of course “getting away with it” would involve having to actually commit murder, and I couldn’t ever do that, so that’s no fun. Plus I can’t imagine a motive that would entice me to do such a thing, unless I were in mortal danger and HAD to for self defense.
I used to work with a guy who had a pet peeve about houses that had brick foundations where one or two bricks were differently colored. I often joked with him that one day I would sneak by his house and paint one of the bricks on his house a different color.
That was 12 years ago. As far as I know he still lives in that house. Hmmmm. I wonder if he remembers?
Heh, I think about the same thing. Some of the older viruses that came through seemed really, really limited. I think a virus would be much more effective if it was sneaky.
Take a standard worm. People usually catch onto it pretty early because it starts flooding the network, looking for new hosts. What’s the hurry? Have it do a much slower search, so that the requests fall under the radar. This would give it a longer window before it was discovered. Keyloggers for everyone!
Or for an email virus - what about one that just went into Excell or Word documents and changed random data? If it wasn’t caught soon enough, users could never be confident of their data.
Sometimes when I watch CSI, I wonder if they really go to all that effort for every case. It also seems like the key is to have no connection to the victim. Then they’ll never even look at you, and you won’t have to produce an alibi.
But why the hell would I kill a random person? Doesn’t make sense.
Everytime I drive past one of those church signs, with the moveable letters and the smarmy sayings, I have the urge to reword a little.
For example, a church near here had the legend “Marriage is between a man and a woman” on their sign, lit up so I could see it day and night, every time I left my subdivision. I was going to remove the “wo” and see how long it took for them to notice. I had it all planned out. I was going to sneak over at night, around 3 AM, and hide behind the sign when someone passed by.
However, my husband reminded me that I am going to have to join the bar someday, and it would look awful on my record.
It’s probably more criminal than mischief, but while working at a local sporting goods store, I used to fantasize about getting a cattle prod or other shocking device (sometimes pepper spray), and zapping/spraying any jerk who was tearing up displays, leaving crap lying around, or asking inane and retarded questions.
After I see someone drive erratically or rudely because they’re paying attention to the phone instead of the road I fantasize about pulling up next to them at the next stop light, putting my car in park, walking over to their’s and poking each of their tires with a knife, watching them slowly sink to about a foot off the road as the air escapes and then we all drive off with the green light, leaving cell phone person with a stunned look on their face and trying to describe to the other end of the line what just happened.
I really, really want to somehow get enough money to live the rest of my life without working. Not to live extravagently–just comfortably. I wish I could think of a sure thing to make a cool million in cash without getting caught.
OK, I know this isin’t exactly criminal, but once in awhile I get this evil urge to rearrange desks (just the stuff on top of the desk). I work late, so no one ever knows who did it. Drives people bonkers, but does no harm.
My friends and I always joked about building a movie drop-box and placing it on the side or near the parking lot of a Blockbuster Video or some other movie rental store that didnt have an external drop-box already in place. We figured if you left it there for a day or so, you could get a pretty good haul of movies. Of course, the only problem would be that an employee would probably see the box before we got back to it and they would try to catch us when we came back. Regardless, it was just an idea, and not recommended for actual use in real life.
I was never particularly targetted by bullies when I was little, but I despise them with every fiber of my being. Thus, I’d like to secretly patrol an elementary school, and when I spot a bully, beat the crap out of him and see how HE likes it.
Also, take any of the inhabitants of any of the “irritating people at the movie theater” threads, and taser them the moment they start acting up.
It’s pretty far from just mischief, but my idle musings include thinking about how, if I had al-Qaeda’s resources, it would be incredibly easy to bring my hometown (Seattle) to its economic knees and utterly destroy its ability to function for at least a decade with three and maybe four well-placed truck bombs.
I occasionally want to scribble “Don’t waste your time on this” on the inside cover of bad novels at the library.
I also have an irrational urge to drive through wheat fields (corn’s too tall, I wouldn’t be able to see). I like to yell MOO! at cows by the side of the road, but that’s not very mischiefy.
What I’d really like to do is sneak into a record publisher’s and replace some the lyrics of pop songs with my much funnier ones.
I want a small, portable, directable electromagnetic pulse generator. That way, when some brainstem drives by with their bass thumping loudly enough to rattle the cup on my desk, I can shoot an EMP at them and fry their expensive, stupid stereo system and all the other electronic devices in their car.