*Two rules if I may be permitted: No pedophilia related fantasies - and please keep it as civil as possible.
Mine: I have this sick fantasy that I will get pulled over by a cop, in a spot check and get a full field sobriety test…then laugh at him when he realizes I am stone cold sober. [for several years now thank you]
I have others like walking into a prison and moving the violent child sex offenders into the general population and things like that, but those are mostly emotion driven. The spot check on e is mostly just an on going gag.
I’d like to get a van and paint it to look exactly like the Publisher’s Clearinghouse van. Drive to someone’s house and get out of the van with a huge presentation check and balloons and a fake TV cameraman. Convince the dude that he’s won $10 million. Then congratulate him over and over again, using a name slightly different than his own. When he corrects your mistake, say “RONALD Washington? Damm, this is supposed to be for ROGER Washington. My mistake.” Then climb back in the van and drive away.
I’m not sure if this crosses the line, but there’s this horrible yuppie couple that ends up near me on the train on my evening commute home almost every night, and they just manage to almost perfectly embody everything that I think is wrong with America, people in my age group/my generation, humanity, etc.
I alternate between fantasizing about seducing the woman and wrecking their marriage, and just following them into an alley and bludgeoning them to death in a scene out of Dostoevsky.
I’ve thought about a situation where a person goes back to their small hometown after a short time away, (such as going off to college) and finds out that it’s like he never existed. Everyone who watched him grow up would pretend not to know who he was, and could watch to see which ways he’d come up with to convince them that he belonged, or if he’d just slowly go insane. Then, they could let him in on the “joke”.
After robbing the World Bank and having every single permutation of {umpteen sex acts} + {scores of incredibly hot women}, I’d probably just kill a bunch of people I don’t like. ::cough, cough:: Pelican Brief::cough, cough::
Barry Bonds steps up to the plate during tonight’s game and gets a juicy fast ball right over the heart of the plate. He strides forward and lets loose with every ounce of energy in his body. But as he’s about to swing, all the camera bulbs go off in the stands and flash in his face. He misses the ball due to the temporary blindness and whiffs so hard that his arms fall off.
Bud Selig orders the ball boy to retrieve his arms, and security escorts Bonds off the field, never to be seen in public again.
I’m at the interview, dressed to the nines and doing my best to impress. The woman from HR is really cute and in her 30s, but I’m 100% professional and polite and doing my best not to notice. After a half hour she says that while I’m not right for that job, she has another position open for me that my skill-set just might fit nicely. She smiles, looks me right in the eye and says,
“You have 90 minutes. Impress me.”
My body stirs involuntarily at the lust in her eyes as she moves over to the closed door and slides the dead-bolt home. And she laughs lightly while unbuttoning the top button of her white silk blouse…
I’m so ashamed…
I dream of a special appointment by the Mayor as the Chief Traffic Cop Person for some limited time (like until I get tired of it). I would especially target people who do not pull over for ambulances, and also the people who see other people pull over and then take the opportunity to speed up and rush in front of them. I would stop them and give them tickets along with very long lectures about the right of way of emergency vehicles. If I got any guff, I would arrange for them to appear before a judge immediately to plead their case, hopefully a process that will take several hours. At that point, I don’t even care if the judge lets them off with a warning, it will have eaten up several hours of time for trying to gain, what, like 45 seconds? by sneaking along with an ambulance.
I am a ninja sniper assassin. I can get in and out of anyplace, totally unseen, and blend into the crowd, absolutely unsuspected. There’s just an inaudible crack, and the target folds over, done.
I have a little list of people who won’t be missed…
I’d become an anime character, with a much hotter body than I currently have and the ability to jump from one show or movie to another. Oh, the possibilities… (don’t worry, I’d limit myself to, ahem, dating anime guys over 18)
