She’s been living alone for so long that she’s used to it. She says she’s not ready to get married. She misses me, and she misses Washington, but she’s just not ready for a committment. She says she still loves me, but she can’t marry me.
It hurts.
Time has flown. I thought I’d asked her to marry me just a couple of months ago. In retrospect, it’s been longer than that. Five months, anyway. We’ve both been looking forward to it. But now she has cold feet. Knowing her as I do, she’s not likely to change her mind. She’s afraid to get married again.
I can’t be mad at her. We’ve been friends too long. I respect that she came right out and told me. We’re back to where we were before. Friends.
I don’t know what to do. I have no job. My mom’s dying. The only thing I had to look forward to was a life with this woman whom I’ve adored since high school. And now that’s gone. What’s left?
I moved to Washington because I like it here. And my best friend was here. And SHE wanted to come back here. But it’s cold now, and it’s not going to be warm again for a long, long time. My best friend and I have grown apart, and he’s planning to move to Colorado. It’s like being back in L.A. Lonely.
I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should just sell all of my stuff. Keep no more than will fit in a duffle bag. Sell the house. And then what? Roam the Earth? What would I find? Probably nothing. Is there anything to find?
I’m sorry, Johnny. She really told you over the phone??? That’s cold.
I would say don’t make any rash decisions right now. Give yourself some time. You may feel lonely at times, but sometimes it’s good to be alone so you can think.
You could always move to Tucson. It’s warm here.
As a general preface, I don’t know her personality or your situation. With that being said, why can’t you keep her as a friend? You seem to have given up everything with this girl and shot it all to hell. However, it seems to me that you have gained a little heartbreak but lost absolutely nothing from when you two first met. You are, in essence, back where you started.
I’m rambling now, sorry. What I basically was trying to say is that atleast she is still there for you as a friend. With people you love, adore, or admire that is all one can truly be hopeful for.
(And for whatever it is worth, many people here are here for you. You’ll never be alone, just distant.)
Don’t I remember that she really wants out of where she’s living now? Maybe she just feels too much pressure with the marriage. Maybe if you backed off the marriage thing, she might still want to move out there. And then you could see what transpired without the pressure of moving in with you right off the bat and being romantic and stuff. Just a thought.
We are indeed where we were six months ago. We’re still friends.
But the last year has been utter crap. This was the single bright light in my life. Now it’s gone out.
I’m going to liquidate. Anything I’m not actually using, or suspect I will use in the near future, will be sold. After that? I don’t know. I wish I could join the Foreign Legion.
But if she’s “just called” you, don’t go making plan B now. Go for a long drive. Or get a small amount of beer, and a pizza, and lock down for a bit. Watch some infomercials. Anything. Go into your own domain and focus, man. Plans can wait. A few days at least.
Anyway, I’ve been sucking on Laphroaig. She called just as I was about to have some orange chicken. I lost my appetite. So the scotch is hitting an empty stomach. I’ve got a buzz on, but it’s not helping.
I hate infomercials. They’re full of fucking happy people doing fucking happy things. They’re so fucking happy.
I only have a small amount of beer. Just the last bottle of Red Hook we’d bought, and a can of Guinness that’s been in the fridge for a couple of months.
Please listen to what the others are saying, and give yourself some time before you make your next move. There’s no rush to do anything right now–take a little time to heal and find your feet again, and then make plans.
You know we’ll all be here for you. I’ll keep you in my thoughts.
That sucks, dude. I wish you were close enough to invite over so we could get good and hammered together, cry and tell stories to one another like only two guys can do. Better days will come, pal. Trust me, they will.
{{{{Johnny L.A.}}}}. I’ve been through periods in my life that didn’t seem to have a single bright spot, and it does indeed suck. But it does indeed get better, and I’ve come out stronger on the other side.
Lay back for a while, take some time to lick your wounds. But I promise you that it will get better.
I am so sorry to hear your news. I don’t usually give advice, because I’m so bad at it. But in this case, I want to say, ride it out. Your GF may indeed not be ready for marriage. OR, she may just be having normal cold feet. Either way, if you love her, give her some time. It may still all be right.
I want to say don’t obsess over the hurt. She loves you and doesn’t want to hurt you. She just wants to work it out. Give her the time to do so. It is OK to be scare or even “not ready.”
johnny , Sorry to hear this and my thoughts are with you.
Please dont take my words wrong, but… you are going to be allright, it just takes a hell of a long time is all.
My wife was ? enough to be talked into moving 1200 miles away to be with someone she hardly knew, AND happily went to court to sign off her rights of custody as a mother to me in hopes of …? whatever she was chasing only to find out that she got “pumped and pumped” she called and I was the last person she talked to.
You can not blame yourself for other peoples thoughts and or actions. johnny , Please do not blame yourself. and stay in contact with everyone do not act without thinking,O.K?
Dammit, Johnny, that’s really a kick in the head. I’m sorry to hear it.
On the other hand, even if it doesn’t really get better in the end, you will be better able to handle it as time goes on. As people have said above, don’t make any big decisions right now, just get drunk (once!) and see what you feel like in a few days. Since you posted here, you know people will rally around and give you all the help they can.
