I've been melancholy, of late

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Must be a mid-life crisis.

For a while, I had a good job. I was making more money that I needed, and that allowed me to do things I liked. When I lost my job, many of my plans and pasttimes were put on hold. (The silver lining is that I finally moved out of L.A. and up into the beautiful part of the country! :slight_smile: )

But my job pays less than half of what I was making before. I can’t fly helicopters on my salary! :frowning: I look around at all of the “stuff” I’ve collected over the years. Of what use is it? So much clutter! It would be simpler if I were to sell it all on eBay. But where is the time I need to go through it and post it all?

I’m over 40 now, and I’ve had only one long-term relationship. And she left me for another woman. I feel I’m too old to ever have another relationship. Those boner commercials are really depressing.

I like punk rock. You know Sid Vicious has been dead for a quarter-century?

My boss doesn’t like me to wear earrings. Two of my holes have closed up, and I’m not in a position where I can get re-pierced. I have to take out my remaining earring when we visit customers. I can’t give myself a mohawk because it would reflect badly on the company. (And my best friend called me a bastard for thinking of it, because I have all of my hair and can do it and he doesn’t and can’t.)

I’m too fat.

I’ve always wanted to go to Australia, and I’ve wanted to go back to Europe for the longest time! Not enough money now, and no vacation time.

The zodiac is fun, but gas prices are so high that it’s not something I can do as often as I’d like. Having a job really cuts into my kayaking time. My Cherokee has been a great vehicle, and I’ve truly used the “utility” aspect of its being an SUV. But I’ve always felt that it’s too big. It would be nice to have a nice, small car. Like my MGB, which is still being restored, or the Fiat 500 someone mentioned a few weeks ago. I’ve got SCUBA; but again, there is the lack of time.

I feel that the current U.S. government has done irreparable damage to our reputation in the world, and I’m worried that it will be re-elected.

I’ve been sitting on a script for a short film for a few years now. I love filmmaking. Again, there are time and money constraints. I’m planning on going back to school, so there will be even less time.

It would be so nice to win the lottery! I could dress how I like, put as much metal in my ears as I like, make my films, fly my helicopter, travel the world over… Hm. Maybe I should actually play the lottery. I’m sure it would increase my chances of winning.

But I’m suffering from inertia. It makes me melancholy.

2

Oh, yeah.

I destroyed my knees in high shcool (skiing the first time, car wreck the second time – December 22nd, a year apart). Last week my knee buckled as I was walking into the kitchen and I fell on my ass. Stupid knee.

3

Heh - sounds like me. I always say I don’t play because my chances of winning are the same whether I do or don’t.

I think there’s something in the air this time of the year, because I’m going through something similar. I have things (good things, even) looming on the horizon, but it doesn’t seem to matter.

Only I’m not melancholy. Oh no, that would make sense. Me? I’m irrationally grumpy. A Lot.

I have nothing to say to cheer you up, but for what it’s worth, I’ve always thought you were a nifty dude. :slight_smile:

4

I hear ya Johnny. I’m almost 38 and married to my 2nd husband. Things aren’t working out very well at all and now it seems I get to start all over, again.

At this point, I’m gonna set my expectations low with achievements and set them high (well, higher) for relationships.

Somehow cleaning and doing laundry has helped me feel better today. Maybe you should throw a load in the wash and clean your floors.

Let me know if this helps. :slight_smile:

5

Ah, Johnny, I was thinking about you a day or two ago - I saw someone that reminded me of you (visually). I wondered what you’d been up to, so I’m sorry to know that you’re not on top of the world up there.

I know when I get in funks like that, the list I could write would be about as long as yours is. When I get back to reality, I realize that a lot of the stuff I complain about are things that I’m just making excuses for. Or that I’m focusing on things I can’t do instead of the things that I can. Thankfully those periods in my life are few and far between, and they don’t last too long.

I hope the same thing holds with you - I hope this is just a passing blueness, and that you’ll emerge thinking about what YOU can do, not just what you can’t.

'Cause I don’t want to start having to get preachy like I almost did in that 2nd paragraph. :slight_smile:

Actually, I think what you need is to have a houseful of Dopers having a real big hootenanny. Don’t you think?

6

I’m sorry to hear that you’re in such a low mood, Johnny. I hit periods like that too. I’m hitting 40 this month and I keep looking back at what I’ve achieved and what I’ve yet to achieve. I honestly thought I’d be further along in life and certainly more financially comfortable. I thought that I’d be further along in my career too, but I’m not. I think about that and I start to get a little sad. I had plans for going to school and getting a degree; it didn’t happen. Real life intruded, kids, mortgage, etc. I had plans for learning to mountain climb and climbing mountains; didn’t happen. Hubby wasn’t happy with that plan. I had other plans too, but they have yet to materialize.

On the other hand, I’ve got a great husband (who has stuck by me through thick and thin), great kids, and great friends. I may not be as well off financially as I had hoped to be at this point in my life, but we are certainly living better than we were 10 years ago. Maybe someday I can accomplish some of my life goals. If I keep hope alive, it helps me get past what I haven’t done yet.

Financial constraints of course have put the kabosh on many things for us. But, again, I keep hoping that someday we can get past those too.

Finally, my theory about the lottery is you can’t win if you don’t play. I don’t play every week, but I did buy a ticket today. You never know, it could be my turn today.

I wish I had words of wisdom to offer you; all I can offer is a virtual shoulder. I hope you start feeling better about yourself soon.

7

I loved your line about “I’m suffering from inertia. It makes me melancholy.” That is such a perfect way of describing that sort of feeling. Kind of ennui, except not really. What you need is a good kick in the ass. Hah! Just kidding (mostly.)

Have you ever looked into the Voluntary Simplicity movement? It sounds like you are having a sort of crisis of contentment - you’re not sure if you’re content or not, or maybe feeling vaguely guilty because you are content, or something like that. Have you set considered goals for yourself? Cause if you haven’t, how do you know when you reach them?

8

Sorry you’re blue, sweetie.

Want to see if Tonya and Dave are free Friday night and we can all get together and have dinner, maybe watch a movie of your choice…roast marshmallows…whatever? Play Scrabble or Trivial Pursuit?

It may not help, but then it can’t hurt now, can it?

Sending love and huggles,

Cheri

9

Can I join this pity party? (Hey, I logged onto the Dope to try to relieve my ennui, not to relive it!)

I still have my good job, but my prospects are dimming. There have been layoffs for the past few months and my department is scheduled for sometime this month. And the “good” in my job is disappearing too. I have less and less to do, and what work I do have is the most tedious stuff.

You want to trade your stuff for boxes and boxes of beanie babies? My big project for last weekend was supposed to be going through a few of my boxes, but I only got as far as moving them to a more accessible location. Now it’s this week’s project, but here I am on the computer instead of getting to it – it’s just too depressing.

At least you’ve had a longterm relationship.

Check. I’ve gotten into three fights in the past two weeks with low-carb people. I know they’re well-meaning, but I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

I’ve been planning my Hawaii vacation for ten years.

I gave up two of my favorite leisure activities for 2004. One was just too expensive and the other I’d pretty much outgrown. A friend pointed out to me yesterday that I had left an enormous hole in my life, and I need something other than depression to fill it. I agreed with the insight, although not with her suggestion that I try more homemaking (cooking and cleaning) to occupy my time.

My post before this one was in a GD thread about the atrocities in Iraq. I was crying while I wrote it.

In spite of my thorough understanding of the odds and hatred of the lottery, I actually purchased a ticket two weeks ago. I didn’t win, which reminded me that the main reason I hate the lottery is that it’s like a little injection of depression and hopelessness every time I lose.

Me too.

Does it make you feel better that there’s a woman in San Francisco feeling pretty much exactly the same way you do? Nah, I didn’t think so. But thanks for giving me a place to vent and making me feel not so alone.

10

I think you need a good, long term, maybe difficult project. Focus usually helps dispel my blahs.

Suggestions:

Make a series of short films. All in the same theme.

Build an addition to your house. Or majorly remodel a room.

Restore a car. Yourself, not through a garage.

Chase star occultations and planetary alignments.

Form a new religion.

None of those things need to cost a lot. Especially if you spread it out a bit and do most of it yourself. Just a thought.

On a side note, I geneticly engineered a cross between Lassie and a cantelope. Yeah, you got it. She was my melon collie baby.

Sorry 'bout that last bit…

11

Wow! Nice to see the kind words from the ladies! :smiley:

Scotticher: I was thinking of you earlier, and that I should e-mail to say hello. I was talking with Shayna this morning, and your name came up too. I’m doing a night dive on Friday, then a deep dive on Saturday. Sunday, it’s up to Nanaimo for a wreck dive.

NoClueBoy: I’d love to do some additions to the house! First, a garage. Then a new driveway. Then block walls. The front one would have an automatic sliding gate, and a pedestrian gat opening onto a path to the front door. I can totally see another room on the house. The existing French doors would open onto it, and the new room would exit to the deck. Big ideas for the back yard as well. I want a retaining wall down the hill, and then I can backfill it to make a larger, level back yard. Then another retaining wall at the property line, with a bridge going over the creek to it. All it takes is money! (Where’s that winning lottery ticket?)

I’m dying to make a film! It’s hard to explain, but it’s as if there’s a current that runs through my body whenever I think of filmmaking. Too bad I’m a crap writer. I’ve been very tempted to just go out and grab interesting footage without a script or an idea of where I can use it. I have about a thousand feet of film lying around, 400 feet of which is colour. And I need to try out the Bolex underwater housing.

Anyway, I went to the SCUBA swap meet today. Got a great tank and some other stuff. Then I hung out with my best fiend, eating pizza and getting a couple of videos.

12

I am forced to agree with NCB. :wink: Projects are wonderful for those going through this particular stage, and for those who are near or at this age (I will be 39 this year). It’s been a cyclical thing with me for a few years now. Working through projects is what gets me out of these doldrums.

13

Could I suggest a book I think may help you, that has helped me? (This book also inspired my husband to write a book, which he is still working on but WILL be published someday, doggoneit.)

I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was: How to Discover What You Really Want and How to Get It by Barbara Sher

Somebody out there is making movies and vacationing in Australia, and they’re no smarter and no more talented than you are.

You’ve GOT dreams, and there’s no reason in the world that you shouldn’t go out and make them happen. You just need a little nudge. Read this book and then do it do it do it!!!

14

Obligatory Amazon.com linkage Actually, I might check this out myself.

15
  • it sure sounds as if life has been throwing you a few curveballs lately. Or as Lord Melchett in Blackadder puts it: “As private parts to the gods are we, they play with us for their sport.”

Seriously, though: You still seem to be alive and kicking and doing stuff (Wreck diving sounds like fun!), so there’s hope left. I’d say take Angel-of-the-Board Scotticher (Hi Scotti!) up on her offer even so.

As you can tell, I’m not very good at dispensing advice except to roll with the blows. Ears can be re-pierced. Australia will most likely still remain in the same vicinity. You have weather. Just take your time to get your head straight on again, OK ?

16

I get the same way sometimes- and my life’s even working out more or less according to plan.

What helps me is to do something. Try to shut out the enormous pile of worries and just do one thing as well as you can. Set up an e-bay account and sell five things. Or research how long it’ll be before you have enough vacation time to travel, and how much you’ll need to save by then to go. Or write a plan for getting your movie made on the time you have.

You don’t have to do everything. But if you do something, and do something again tomorrow, you might find you have energy to live more of your dreams.

Of course, if you’re really down, check and see if your insurance covers therapy. I’ve done that, too, and it really does help.

17

Ok. I am not sure how to make this suggestion but here goes.

What about putting a personal ad in the paper or on line? What I sense of your personality plays very well in writing and you could meet someone. If you set your expectations low, it can be alot of fun. Don’t expect that you will find “The One” just see if you can find some women who you can go have coffee with, or who like to kayak. Or has your taste in music, or even someone who sounds fun with completely different interests. It can be hard meeting people in the after 30 crowd. I found the options sort of the bar or , well the bar, and I didn’t like the kind of people I found at bars.

I did meet my husband this way, but actually even if I hadn’t I would have thought it was a successflul venture because I had several dates met some nice people, got out of the house and broke the cycle of depression I had been living in.

Good Luck, you sound like a cool guy.

18

Is it 40 or nearly 40? Is 40 that magical age that makes you realise you never did all the things the 16 year old you promised it would do?

I’m 2.5 yrs off 40, but I’m a pessinist so I’m thinking of it now.

I fucked up my life big time about 2 years ago (ok that wasn’t the first time) I “know” realisticaly I’m not to old to fix it…as you are not to old to travel Johnny. It’s the talking yourself into it bit.

I soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo want to end the relataionship I am in. I want to end it more then anything. It’s not a marriage or even a live together but I don’t have the balls to end it because my past.

This time of life is your make or break years I reckon.

If this is any help my own personal hero was 38 when I met him. I was 17. I was “off on the big O.E”, travelling with backpack in other words. He arrived at the hostel. All us youngsters snorted and sniffed cause he was too old. We soon discovered he was very cool…he had been backbacking for 10 years (who knows what went right or wrong that made him do that with his life…I was 17 I didn’t ask old people things like that :wink: )

He had 2 identical shorts, 4 very similar t-shirts, 2 identical trousers and one “going out” pair, 2 identical shirts, one “going out” shirt and sundry bits in his backpack. Less then all of us in other words but he always looked groovy. His identical-items plan meant you never knew if he had the clean set or the dirty set on (unless you sniffed him I suppose and I never did). He had been EVERYWHERE. He was a Pom (British chap) but hadn’t been home in 10 years.

His second bag was all music. A walkman and loads of tapes (pre CD days).

We thought he was awesome.

He had traveled everywhere, at least twice and he wasn’t stopping.

Maybe something had happened that made him not want to be at home but he just seemed like someone on an adventure.

If I didn’t have my child I would be doing that now…travelling is such a wonderful thing to do. You don’t need much money, just the will to adapt, to do silly jobs to support yourself and an urge to have fun and embrace the world.

I did 5 years, the best years of my life.

Go travel johnny, you won’t regret it.

19

:eek: Holy shit, Kiwi! You’ve got me worried now! Care to fill us in? Let us help? Because it sounds like you are in a very bad place right now. Dangerous for your mental/emotional health even. :frowning:

If this is prying, I apologise. Just tell me to back off. Otherwise, let us in, man. Maybe one of us just happens to have/know something that will help you.

20

Awwwwwww no that isn’t prying it is very sweet! I feel like one of the gang now :slight_smile:

It’s icky and I want it to go away. Last time I thought that I ended up wishing I had stuck with it, so I will this this time.

You have made my day though NCB :slight_smile: