From this thread I have come to realize how boring my life has been. It is very depressing. I have been in school most of my life. I made money for a breif period after undergrad, but i decided i would go to school. I’ve been stuck in grad school for eight years (I took the short bus to school). The light is at the end of the tunnel. But my health is deteriorating as I get to the end. Stress and lack of physical activity have lead to a serious increase in blood presure and a borderline ulcer.
In three months I will be back with my wife in Missouri. But what if something happens before then. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t go skydiving, I didn’t bacpack across Europe, I didn’t spend months in China with no money, I never delivered a baby, I don’t handle scorpions … all in all my life has been hard work and a waste of time.
I don’t know what I expect to get out of this thread, but its how i feel.
So does everyone else, but other people still manage to do the things you listed. There must be somewhere you can skydive close to where you live, and you can go have adventures involving scorpions on your vacation time.
The scorpion thing is totally overrated. And jumping out of perfectly good airplanes seems a bit unnecessary, too. Other than that, I only posted so that a banned member wasn’t the only person posting to your thread.
As for myself, I’ve gone swimming in the Bahamas and rappelling in Costa Rica, and I’ve written seven books.
So? There’s no now because you have made the decision not to set aside the time and money. You are perfectly free to do as you please.(With the understanding that you must also bear the consequences for doing as you please.)
Also, perhaps it would help to think of your dissertation not as a means to a degree but a fascinating journey in its own right?
Years ago, I had a friend who had somehow wrangled an amazing three month long summer job (I don’t even remember what the job was anymore). When I asked him how he had found ended up in that position, he told me something I’ve never forgotten: “when the opportunity came up, I didn’t say no.”
Christopher, when you post something like “there really is no ‘now,’” you’re saying “no.”
Interesting things to do don’t have to be three month long excursions into unexplored lands, and they don’t have to cost thousands of dollars. Want to go skydiving? It takes one day. It’s kind of expensive, but a place I used to go let divers earn company credit by helping out with the operations. Wilderness backpacking is pretty inexpensive (unless you want to buy all the fanciest gear you possibly can), and you can go for as long or as short a time as you’ve got. Want to handle a scorpion? Go find one… ok, I don’t really recommend that last option.
If you’re working in a university setting, there are probably gobs of students around who know of exciting, inexpensive things to do that can be crammed into a busy student’s schedule. But they won’t do you much good unless you’re willing to say “yes.”
Take heart, friend. Pretty soon you’ll be done with that bastid and jetsetting all over tarnation attending conferences with clever people who get all your pi-bond jokes. Being with your SO will make it all the sweeter.
“Yes, but” is a game most of us play where we give excuses that prevents us from doing things we want:
“Why don’t you go to Europe? You’d love it.”
“Yes, but I don’t have the money right now.”
“Then save it up and go in a couple of years.”
“Yes, but I don’t know about my job situation. I don’t make enough money.”
“Then get a better job.”
"Yes, but . . . . "
If played well, it can lead to complete inaction.
You need to stop playing. Don’t make excuses or give reasons why you can’t do what you want. When you catch yourself saying “yes, but” stop and ask yourself, “why not?”
If you really want to do these things, set up a plan to do them, then follow it. No excuses.
Finish your degree, for crying out loud! An advanced degree isn’t a golden ticket, but it sure as hell can prevent a lot of doors from being slammed in your face.
That doesn’t mean you’ve got to get to work immediately afterwards, though. Yeah, you’re probably broke after 8 years of school. But so what?
At least you’ve got an SO, that better than some of us
Enjoy the things you have, don’t lament over the things you haven’t.
I mean, Isaac Newton discovered Calculus and the laws of gravitation when he was 23, but I’m not tormented over the fact that I haven’t done that.
My life until I finished my degrees was pretty dull, but I have a decent job now and my free time is open. It’s basically just up to me to get out there and find interesting stuff to do. I’ll bet it’ll be the same for you.
Sounds like it’s time for a Christopher Improvement Project. I can TOTALLY sympathize with your OP, and with all due respect for the wisdom in the responses so far, I can also believe that they sound awfully glib to you. So maybe you’re not in the right place at the moment to drop everything and have a grand adventure. It does sound like you’ll have an opportunity in three months to have a little one. So, by then (or before then), decide what your first Christopher Improvement Project is going to be. Start small, and then build as you get braver.
Here’s what I did for my Wendy Improvement Projects (because I also had a crisis where I realized I was by far the most boring person in my circle of fascinating, adventurous friends).
Pick one new project each year. I usually pursue mine in the summer, because it’s my favorite season and thus the easiest time to be convinced to get off my ass
Pick projects that deeply interest you. The “I’ve always wanted to…” or even the “I’ve always wanted to be able to say that I’ve…” are great starting points.
Start with a short commitment and work your way from there.
Give yourself a small window of research time but then commit. If you need to take a class for your project, use this time to figure out the wheres and whens and costs.
Cost will always be an object. ALWAYS. Allow yourself to get over it once a year. You will make it, and you’ll be glad you did.
Personal examples for me:
a) Participated in a tree planting volunteer event
b) Got my scuba license
c) Became a Big Sister
d) Wrote (most of) a novel during NaNoWriMo
This year I have resolved to get my motorcycle license (it’s been on my list for a looong time).
Good luck to you. The best advice here in this thread, I think, is to remind yourself to say Yes where you would normally be inclined to say No. Open yourself up to new adventures and let them happen.
This is good advice. I did the same thing, but a little different: most years had a theme. Some area of interest that I wanted to explore.
So far, I’ve had:
The year of studying insects. I went on a weekend with a local entomology group and had a lot of fun comparing dragonflies, wasps and bees. (cost: a weekend and 50 bucks) I bought and studied a solitary bee nest ( 5 bucks). I enrolled in a free training course at my university to get rid of my fear of spiders. (cost: free & two afternoons).
**The year of psychedelic drugs and “seeing”. **I ordered some Salvia Divinorum (a powerful, but legal, hallucinogen) over the internet. Cost: 50 bucks, a weekend, and the trouble of finding a friend willing to babysit me.
That same year, I (re)read a few books on art and tried looking at everything in a different way. Sometimes quite literally: studying the room while laying on the floor for instance. Looking at everything through funny cheap lenses. Drawing, as drawing is a way to look real good. And most importantly; looking at stuff consciously. I don’t know how to explain it better.
**The year of emotion. ** This one involved a lot of self-help books (free from the library) and a bit (okay, a lot) of introspection and honest talks.
The year of physicality. Experiencing cold, heat (sauna), massage, exercizing to your limit, sex, sensual stuff, “listening to your body” in general. Trying to monitor how much sleep you need and what happens if you do without. Charting how you feel if you cut out sugar (I didn’t do that, but that’s just another example).
And one last idea thrown in:
Enlisting for a game show.. Cost: free. All it took was a websearch, an e-mail, a year’s patience, and the travel expenses to the studio to take a test.
At that point my new life will begin. My wife has become a fitness freak so she will take care of me physically. Better yet, she is a New Zealandish and hasn’t been home in 5 years, so a trip there is inevitable. If all things work out right we will be sitting well in 2 years.
I honestly worry about my health between now and when I graduate. Without her I am decaying at an exponential rate. I am in a horrible psycological state at this school. With my wife away from this environment I am completely happy. I am your average person. In the environment that I have to endure away from her I am more angry than you can imagine. The prescribed drugs help, but alcohol fixes everything when nothing else will. My diet is even worse. I eat fast food, frozen entrees, and cereal. My heart does not feel good. I have been diagnosed as pre-ulcer. My blood pressue has jumped from 102/65 to 150/80 in a year. I have put on 40 pounds. What if I don’t make it three months? I’m not young. A heartattack is not out of the question.
