The Straight Dope

Go Back   Straight Dope Message Board > Main > In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 01-13-2005, 01:55 AM
Roland Deschain Roland Deschain is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: A "Red" Midwest state.
Posts: 776
My wife wants to go to a "swing club". What can I expect?

We used to talk about doing this years ago, but never did. However, she has several friends from her nursing class who have made her interested in going. I have expressed fantasies about her having sex with other men, but fantasies and reality are a different matter (which is to say I don't know for sure how I would feel). Has anyone else out there experienced this (preferably married) and if so how did the experience go?
Advertisements  
  #2  
Old 01-13-2005, 02:55 AM
Silentgoldfish Silentgoldfish is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
What the hell kind of nursing class do you go to??
  #3  
Old 01-13-2005, 03:02 AM
Eleusis Eleusis is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
These things almost universally turn out bad. I'm not against them on the face, but that's the sad truth.

IMHO, the only good threesome is the one with two very hot members of the opposite sex when nobody is attached to anybody. Those are very hard to come by, and even when/if you're lucky enough to get there, they're highly overrated.... the girls tend to pay more attention to each other and you're forced to play "pick a hole" when it'd probably be more fun to go watch TV. Trust me on this.

Further, when four people, two couples, are involved, the stakes quadruple. I took a girl I'd been dating 6 weeks to Hedonism II in Jamaica, and though we were both hip with threesomes including other girls, watching her jam her tongue up some stranger man's asshole was enough to turn me off of her forever.

My wife? Hell no, I couldn't watch her kiss or fuck another man, though other women never seemed to bother me that much....

I've read previous threads about your relationship with your wife and it's already strained.... I tend to think this idea would more likely be the revelation than the salvation, but I guess either is possible.
  #4  
Old 01-13-2005, 05:02 AM
Phnord Prephect Phnord Prephect is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Quote:
My wife wants to go to a "swing club". What can I expect?
A divorce.
  #5  
Old 01-13-2005, 05:23 AM
don't ask don't ask is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 16,114
An ugly, messy, bitter divorce but only after years of painful recriminations.
  #6  
Old 01-13-2005, 05:31 AM
Martiju Martiju is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
And there was me, opening the thread, thinking this would be about dancing.

My 2c: happy, close, trusting marriage - tread carefully. Any other kind of marriage at all - probably signals the end. What is marriage without monogamy after all?
  #7  
Old 01-13-2005, 05:39 AM
jjimm jjimm is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland Deschain
My wife wants to go to a "swing club". What can I expect?
Lots of guys in zoot suits, a crooner, and a large brass section.
  #8  
Old 01-13-2005, 05:40 AM
Tentacle Monster Tentacle Monster is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Skipping Towards Gomorrah by Dan Savage has a good chapter on this. And it's not all gloom and doom.
  #9  
Old 01-13-2005, 06:14 AM
WhyNot WhyNot is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Sweet Home Chicago
Posts: 30,401
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martiju
And there was me, opening the thread, thinking this would be about dancing.

My 2c: happy, close, trusting marriage - tread carefully. Any other kind of marriage at all - probably signals the end. What is marriage without monogamy after all?
Let's not go there, m'kay?

But I do have to agree that this is probably Not A Good ThingTM. Not because I think Swing Clubs are inherently evil (never been to one, but there's a oogey factor there for me), but because I have read other threads about the problems in this particular marriage, and it doesn't sound like a good option at this time.

Opening a monogomous marriage up to other partners is much, much harder than having an open marriage from the start. Changing the rules often leaves one questioning why it can't be "like it was before," or why "I'm not enough anymore."

Polyamory takes clear, honest communication, excellent trust and firm love and, beyond all else, a desire to make BOTH of you happy. If you're grudgingly doing it for her, you might as well file for divorce this afternoon. If you "don't know for sure how I would feel," and you can't communicate that with your wife completely openly and honestly and trust her to really listen to you and work through your doubts, rather than trying to talk you into what she wants to do, you might as well file for divorce.

If you grit your teeth and hate the experience and are filled with a jealous rage and can't trust that your wife will sense that, listen to that and stop what she's doing immediately....you see where I'm going here, right?

None of us know for sure how we'd feel until we're there. What's important is that we have our best friend in the world there, with us in this relationship, working through the rough spots and being completely willing to hang it all up if it doesn't feel right in the moment. Frankly, I don't think you have that sort of relationship with your wife at the moment.

Polyamory is NOT marital therapy, and it's not for every couple!
  #10  
Old 01-13-2005, 07:05 AM
Testy Testy is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Roland

I've never been to a swing club and I'm amazed they exist at all these days. What do they do about STDs, especially HIV?
Anyway, I did experiment with polyamory. My wife and I and another couple tried it in our early twenties. I'd just point out that the divorce happened about a year later. It wasn't totally the swinging but it was DEFINATELY a contributing factor.
My advice? "Don't!"

Regards

Testy
  #11  
Old 01-13-2005, 07:26 AM
plnnr plnnr is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
I've got a bit of experience in this. It doesn't have to turn out bad at all if everyone goes into it with the same expectations and limits are respected. Email if you'd like and I'd be happy to give you a more detailed answer.
  #12  
Old 01-13-2005, 07:46 AM
bouv bouv is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Silentgoldfish
What the hell kind of nursing class do you go to??
I think you're missing the bigger questions here:

Where are these nursing classes and how does one sign up?
  #13  
Old 01-13-2005, 08:28 AM
35340 35340 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyNot
Polyamory is NOT marital therapy, and it's not for every couple!
/snags that for personal use.

*also seconds it*
  #14  
Old 01-13-2005, 09:23 AM
kunilou kunilou is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
Posts: 17,556
Quote:
Originally Posted by don't ask
An ugly, messy, bitter divorce but only after years of painful recriminations.
Not necessarily. It might only take a few weeks.
  #15  
Old 01-13-2005, 09:31 AM
Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Dogpatch/Middle TN.
Posts: 28,655
Quote:
My wife wants to go to a "swing club". What can I expect?
Well...
  • Titanic
  • Iceberg
  • Rich Lawyers.

Say "no", suggest marriage counceling.
__________________
"The best lack all conviction, while the worst are full of passionate intensity."
~~~William Butler Yeats
  #16  
Old 01-13-2005, 09:35 AM
Carnac the Magnificent! Carnac the Magnificent! is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Since you're asking and we're dealing with hypotheticals, I'm left wondering how a divorce lawyer--possibly yours, possibly hers--might spin this unconventional, potentially explosive, experience. Will the particulars be incriminating in any way, or will it be considered a wash? Believe me, one of you will eventually talk about it and, if and when it hits the fan, it will be ugly. What goes around, comes around.

No disrespect, but many of your threads sadden me. Best of luck in school.
  #17  
Old 01-13-2005, 09:44 AM
don't ask don't ask is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 16,114
My wife wants to go to a "swing club". What can I expect?

The sleazy guy fucking your wife will look up at you and say "You've been X'd. I'm Jamie Kennedy and your on my hidden camera show The Jamie Kennedy Experiment." Much laughter will ensue.
  #18  
Old 01-13-2005, 10:36 AM
archmichael archmichael is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eleusis
I've read previous threads about your relationship with your wife and it's already strained.... I tend to think this idea would more likely be the revelation than the salvation, but I guess either is possible.
I second this advice. I don't have a problem with the idea of swing clubs.

You might get your freak on, but you have already mentioned in other that you resent the fact that she has given sexual favors to others, that she does not give to you. Combine this with a bitterness of not getting enough sex from her. You will see her have sex with a stranger (and potentially really getting into it). This is a train wreck waiting to happen.

Nothing good will come of this.
  #19  
Old 01-13-2005, 10:36 AM
betenoir betenoir is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: 3000 miles from home
Posts: 6,209
Sheesh people.

No, it's not all gloom and doom. And it doesn't necessarily lead to divorce. Millions of people participate in stuff like this every year and enjoy it...why do you think the clubs exist in the first place?

I think you're better off going directly to the Dan Savage book.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eleusis
These things almost universally turn out bad. I'm not against them on the face, but that's the sad truth.

IMHO, the only good threesome is the one with two very hot members of the opposite sex when nobody is attached to anybody. Those are very hard to come by, and even when/if you're lucky enough to get there, they're highly overrated.... the girls tend to pay more attention to each other and you're forced to play "pick a hole" when it'd probably be more fun to go watch TV. Trust me on this.
Certainly hasn't been my experience.
  #20  
Old 01-13-2005, 10:46 AM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by betenoir
Sheesh people.

No, it's not all gloom and doom. And it doesn't necessarily lead to divorce. Millions of people participate in stuff like this every year and enjoy it...why do you think the clubs exist in the first place?

I think you're better off going directly to the Dan Savage book.



Certainly hasn't been my experience.


Have you read any of Roland's posts concerning the state of his marriage? I think THAT is why people are predicting "gloom and doom."
  #21  
Old 01-13-2005, 10:51 AM
WhyNot WhyNot is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Sweet Home Chicago
Posts: 30,401
betenoir, I'm pretty well-known around here as a very happily married polyamorous woman in an open marriage. I'm really, really not writing this from a shocked, puritanical monogamy agendaed point-of-view. I'm offering what advice I can with a little background knowledge of this particular relationship. (Only a little, and of course only from Roland's point of view, but enough to give me grave misgivings in this particular case.)

But if you're hot and in Chicago and have a penchant for pregnant chicks, give me a call!
  #22  
Old 01-13-2005, 11:14 AM
overlyverbose overlyverbose is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Have you considered presenting this question to a sex therapist? Is that something your wife would agree to?

Personally, a swing club doesn't sound like a good idea if you already have marital problems. It doesn't sound like you trust your wife a lot, and knowing for certain that she's fucking another guy, perhaps even watching, is not going to increase the amount of trust you have in her.

While I've never done such a thing myself, it sounds like you have to already be very secure in your relationship with your spouse before you can embark on such a, er, quest with any amount of confidence.

Also, as previously mentioned, changing the rules in the middle is usually only fair to one player.
  #23  
Old 01-13-2005, 11:23 AM
plnnr plnnr is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
Since everyone else is offering advice, and I've actually participated in some socials, I'll chime in for all to consider.

The club events I've attended all started with a mandatory orientation for new members. It is stressed repeatedly that participating will NOT save a dying marriage (or help a marriage that is in trouble). If you aren't in a rock solid relationship, with open and totally frank lines of communication, you should not participate. It adds a whole new dynamic at a time when the underlying dynamic is sufferig. This isn't a good mix.

As for what to expect (if you do go), here's a few observations:

1. First Rule - "No, thanks" means "No, thanks." Don't make a pest of yourself. If anyone's interested, you won't be able to miss the signal.
2. Don't expect Barbie and Ken. All kinds will be present. Some are great, some are gross.
3. Second Rule - "No" still means "No."
4. You don't have to participate if you're uncomfortable. There will probably be food, drinks, and dancing. Just have a good time without taking any further steps if that's what you feel most comfortable doing. If you do decide to go a few further steps, you can always stop. No harm, no foul.
5. Third Rule - "No" still means "No."

The whole scene isn't something we choose to participate in on a regular basis; however, it is one little bit of our life together and we see these times as more of a treat to be experienced only once in a while.
  #24  
Old 01-13-2005, 11:23 AM
malkavia malkavia is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyNot
betenoir, I'm really, really not writing this from a shocked, puritanical monogamy agendaed point-of-view.

I didn't realize that monogamy = puritanical.

Hmmm.


And Roland, as others have said.. if your relationship is already on rocky ground, this might not be the best way to "fix" it.
  #25  
Old 01-13-2005, 11:48 AM
WhyNot WhyNot is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Sweet Home Chicago
Posts: 30,401
Quote:
Originally Posted by malkavia
I didn't realize that monogamy = puritanical.
I didn't mean it did, although I did miss a comma. Let me spell it out more accurately.

I'm really, really not writing this from a shocked point-of-view.
-and-
I'm really, really not writing this from a puritanical point-of-view.
-and-
I'm really, really not writing this from a monogamy agendaed point-of-view.

Believe me, I've met puritanical polyamorists. Interesting bunch.
  #26  
Old 01-13-2005, 02:09 PM
betenoir betenoir is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: 3000 miles from home
Posts: 6,209
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyNot
betenoir, I'm pretty well-known around here as a very happily married polyamorous woman in an open marriage. I'm really, really not writing this from a shocked, puritanical monogamy agendaed point-of-view. I'm offering what advice I can with a little background knowledge of this particular relationship. (Only a little, and of course only from Roland's point of view, but enough to give me grave misgivings in this particular case.)

But if you're hot and in Chicago and have a penchant for pregnant chicks, give me a call!
Well I guess that wasn't really directed at you. Just at people coming here to say nothing more than "what a horrible idea" rather than answering the "what can I expect" question.

That said, if he's having problems in his marriage, then yeah, I'd agree it's not a good idea.

And, sorry, I only qualify for one of those things (I hope ).
  #27  
Old 01-13-2005, 02:20 PM
duality72 duality72 is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Given the rocky state of the relationship (if I'm recalling correctly), am I the only one who thinks this might be a set-up by the wife for a no-fault divorce or improved settlement later on? A lot of other indiscretions (hers) that may come out aren't going to look so bad in light of both members sleeping around willingly and publicly. Count me in with those who have nothing against swinging, but this seems like a bad idea in all respects and I'd be damn suspicious of the woman who wants to divorce me suddenly deciding we should start having sex with other people.
  #28  
Old 01-13-2005, 02:38 PM
Roland Deschain Roland Deschain is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: A "Red" Midwest state.
Posts: 776
Quote:
Originally Posted by duality72
Given the rocky state of the relationship (if I'm recalling correctly), am I the only one who thinks this might be a set-up by the wife for a no-fault divorce or improved settlement later on? A lot of other indiscretions (hers) that may come out aren't going to look so bad in light of both members sleeping around willingly and publicly. Count me in with those who have nothing against swinging, but this seems like a bad idea in all respects and I'd be damn suspicious of the woman who wants to divorce me suddenly deciding we should start having sex with other people.
Whoa, I think much of the analysis is way to sophisticated for our situation. Basically, she has several female friends from school who are somewhat shall we say "liberated". Their boyfriends have been trying to convince them to go to swing clubs and they think it would be cool if we went. I can guarentee it's not a "set up" for a divorse (if you read other threads you will learn that we are not even legally married in Indiana although we have a four year old son). Besides, she tells me straight up that she finds sex with me nothing more than mutual masturbation for the most part (there are exceptions such as the last couple of months where we seem to have done much better in our relationship). Since she will be working at the hospital at her new job with these "friends" I fear that if I say no that she will simply go without telling me (probably not on her own, but with significant prodding on their part). I am inclined to give her whatever she thinks she wants when it comes to sex since the current situation of "getting some" about once a month isn't optimal in my opinion. Counseling in not an option right now since we are both full time students (nursing although she has her RN and finishing her BSN) and work full time.
  #29  
Old 01-13-2005, 02:47 PM
Hunter Hawk Hunter Hawk is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland Deschain
Counseling in not an option right now since we are both full time students (nursing although she has her RN and finishing her BSN) and work full time.
You misspelled "I don't want counseling right now and am using school and work as an excuse."
  #30  
Old 01-13-2005, 03:00 PM
F. U. Shakespeare F. U. Shakespeare is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Baltimore or less
Posts: 3,171
I have a good bit of experience in the lifestyle. plnnr has provided a good answer to the actual question (what to expect).

Some others have offered sound advice, namely that if your relationship is not on solid ground, stay the hell away from swinging.

In particular, if one of you wants to do it, and the other simply goes along to placate, you will encounter problems. (This has never happened to me personally -- although I have swung with girlfriends, most of my experience has been as a single male, and I have seen a few couples who had problems of this nature).

I would also like to add that the public's perception about swinging is wildly inaccurate -- where people lack knowledge, they assume the worst.
  #31  
Old 01-13-2005, 03:02 PM
The Devil's Grandmother The Devil's Grandmother is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martiju
What is marriage without monogamy after all?
Itís often a loving, supportive relationship thatís different from yours. Marriage does not always equal monogomy any more than expensive equals good wine.

I was hoping for a dance thread too.
  #32  
Old 01-13-2005, 03:02 PM
Domokun Domokun is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
I'm with the doom and gloomers. Jealousy and doubt will creep in, even if you're nothing like that at all in day-to-day operations.
  #33  
Old 01-13-2005, 03:17 PM
kunilou kunilou is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
Posts: 17,556
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland Deschain
Counseling in not an option right now since we are both full time students (nursing although she has her RN and finishing her BSN) and work full time.
If you can spare an evening to go to a swinger's club, you can spare an hour to see a counselor.
  #34  
Old 01-13-2005, 04:16 PM
Giraffe Giraffe is offline
Charter Member
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: ♂ San Jose, CA
Posts: 10,167
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland Deschain
I am inclined to give her whatever she thinks she wants when it comes to sex since the current situation of "getting some" about once a month isn't optimal in my opinion.
Have you thought about how you're going to feel if she ends up having sex with someone and you don't? Based on plnnr's post (and other past threads on swinging), one of the common themes seems to be "don't assume". So don't assume you'll both have equal opportunities to play. What if you don't find anyone you want to have sex with or who wants to have sex with you, and your wife has wild screaming sex with some hot guy? Are you ready to deal with that?
  #35  
Old 01-13-2005, 04:39 PM
betenoir betenoir is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: 3000 miles from home
Posts: 6,209
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland Deschain
I am inclined to give her whatever she thinks she wants when it comes to sex since the current situation of "getting some" about once a month isn't optimal in my opinion.
And what about what you want? If she's really that uninterested in your needs and willing to persue her own, possibly behind your back...well Dan Savage would say "Kick her to the curb". Not because sex is the most important thing in the world (well, I think it is, but I'm willing to entertain other world views ) but because she's being inconsiderate and unloving.

You definately need to work on your own sex life before you bring anyone else into it. This is right up there with "Let's have a baby" with bad ideas for saving a relationship.
  #36  
Old 01-13-2005, 04:45 PM
Khadaji Khadaji is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Southern Pennsylvania
Posts: 21,601
I only know two couples who have tried this. I knew neither couple well, nor did I know them before they tried it. Both couples ended in divorce.
  #37  
Old 01-13-2005, 05:09 PM
Crafter_Man Crafter_Man is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 1999
There appears to be a wide-spread belief that swinging can lead to divorce. While I have no doubt thereís a correlation between swinging and later getting a divorce, correlation does not necessarily equal causation. I suspect thereís a third variable that causes couples to want to swing and causes them to get divorced.
  #38  
Old 01-13-2005, 05:22 PM
Giraffe Giraffe is offline
Charter Member
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: ♂ San Jose, CA
Posts: 10,167
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crafter_Man
I suspect thereís a third variable that causes couples to want to swing and causes them to get divorced.
Female nursing students?
  #39  
Old 01-13-2005, 05:48 PM
ShibbOleth ShibbOleth is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Quote:
Originally Posted by betenoir
Not because sex is the most important thing in the world (well, I think it is, but I'm willing to entertain other world views ) but because she's being inconsiderate and unloving.
I saw an interesting quote on this today, "Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any."
  #40  
Old 01-13-2005, 05:52 PM
eyewitness eyewitness is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 37
For the folks with experience at swing clubs, are they for couples only, or are single men allowed? If they are, what is their experience typically like?
  #41  
Old 01-13-2005, 06:08 PM
Try As I Might... Try As I Might... is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
I'm sorry, but did someone say "swinging female nursing students?"





I thought that needed to be emphasized.



Roland,
at first I thought this was clearly a joke, but after reading the reactions, I have this question to ask you: What do you want?

I think it is interesting that I haven't read a lot about what you want to do with the proposition. "I'm inclined to give her what she wants" sounds a bit like capitulation rather than a statement of endorsement. It sounds to my naive little brain that you are only interested in doing this since she is interested. IMO, this is a big enough adjustment that if bot hof you aren't on the same page it's a no go--even if that means more frictioin in your relationship. Sorry.
  #42  
Old 01-13-2005, 06:49 PM
Gfactor Gfactor is offline
of the Gladiators
Moderator
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Detroit
Posts: 9,491
Quote:
Originally Posted by WhyNot

But if you're hot and in Chicago and have a penchant for pregnant chicks, give me a call!
Hey, two out of three ain't bad. And I have a major thing for pregnant women.
  #43  
Old 01-13-2005, 06:59 PM
archmichael archmichael is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland Deschain
I am inclined to give her whatever she thinks she wants when it comes to sex since the current situation of "getting some" about once a month isn't optimal in my opinion.
Roland, you are letting the lack of sex and the prospect of New Pussy to cloud you judgement on this. Read your sentence below

Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland Deschain
Since she will be working at the hospital at her new job with these "friends" I fear that if I say no that she will simply go without telling me (probably not on her own, but with significant prodding on their part).
You want to say no. The only reason you are saying yes, is because you fear the consequences of saying no. Anytime you feel pressure like this, you should take a step back before making a decision.
  #44  
Old 01-13-2005, 07:28 PM
duality72 duality72 is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roland Deschain
I can guarentee it's not a "set up" for a divorse (if you read other threads you will learn that we are not even legally married in Indiana although we have a four year old son).
My apologies. I probably have you confused with someone else. Still not sounding like a good way to turn old pussy into new pussy, though.
  #45  
Old 01-13-2005, 08:10 PM
gravitycrash gravitycrash is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: St.Louis MO.
Posts: 1,821
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crafter_Man
There appears to be a wide-spread belief that swinging can lead to divorce. While I have no doubt thereís a correlation between swinging and later getting a divorce, correlation does not necessarily equal causation. I suspect thereís a third variable that causes couples to want to swing and causes them to get divorced.
There is certainly, but a troubled marriage does not need this in my opinion. If my marriage was on the rocks the last thing I would want to see is my wife screwing someother guy.
  #46  
Old 01-13-2005, 08:13 PM
Silentgoldfish Silentgoldfish is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Quote:
Originally Posted by bouv
I think you're missing the bigger questions here:

Where are these nursing classes and how does one sign up?
Well yeah. At my course other than the wonderful ration of women to men (30:1) there's nothing more than the usual uni hookups.

It's not the hotbed of sex that porno would have you believe . ()
  #47  
Old 01-13-2005, 08:39 PM
gravitycrash gravitycrash is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: St.Louis MO.
Posts: 1,821
I've only had one experience of wife swapping or swinging. It turned out badly. My best friend and his wife were fooling around and playing some stupid game and we got totally blitzed. In my drunken state I said we should have a threesome sometime. My fiend looked at his wife and she nodded? This should have been a warning sign but it wasn't. ( we had dated briefly before she met my friend. )

I ended up cheating on my friend for about three months until he figured out what was going on. I have not talked to him in almost ten years, my guilt has kept me away.
  #48  
Old 01-13-2005, 08:59 PM
Roland Deschain Roland Deschain is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: A "Red" Midwest state.
Posts: 776
The fact that my wife's friends are nurses is inconsequential save for the fact that they will be working together. They are nice people, it's just that they are in the mid twenties and she is in her mid thirties (plus they are single). Furthermore, having gone through about three and a half years of hell together (two years clinicals and about 18 months of prereqs) they have grown somewhat close. Couple this with the fact that they will be working long hours together downtown and I'm just saying anything could happen.

As I stated we have discussed trying this before. In fact, I think seeing her engaging in these types of activities with other people would probably be a turn on for me. Even if she were "triple penetrated" by three men simultaniously I don't think I would have a problem with it (provided they were using condoms). Now if she ended up liking one of these guys and going "out" with one of them outside the club and without telling me (or frankly even with telling me) that would be a big problem. In truth I think her fantasies have more to do with bi experiences with her fellow class mates than sex with other men.

I probably wouldn't do anything with anyone else since I'm not sure how she might react (at least not the first few times we went. When we have discussed fantasies about this it has always been in the context of her having sex with other guys and me watching). The place they are thinking about is called Shenanigans or something and is supposedly fairly nice with a good buffet for about twelve dollars. Honestly, with the 1500 calorie a day diet I am on I find myself thinking about food more than sex anyway.

I was more interested in what the "social dynamics" were in such a place. Would it seem like an ordinary restaurant if you walked in during dinner? Do the people say to each other "do you want some action" or are they more subtle? Do the guys who are "left out" end up playing billards or reclining in front of the TV to watch Bill O'Reilly?
  #49  
Old 01-13-2005, 09:20 PM
psycat90 psycat90 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
The Bay Area has it's share of sex clubs to be sure. I haven't been to any, but they do have websites with pictures (of the clubs, no nudies.) ;-)

I know The Power Exchange is probably the most popular one in the city.


I'd imagine it'd be like going to a bar or a nightclub, except, you know, with people having sex around you.
  #50  
Old 01-14-2005, 03:38 AM
jjimm jjimm is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Quote:
Originally Posted by don't ask
The sleazy guy fucking your wife will look up at you and say "You've been X'd. I'm Jamie Kennedy and your on my hidden camera show The Jamie Kennedy Experiment." Much laughter will ensue.
Not to mention penis.
Closed Thread



Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:52 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright © 2013 Sun-Times Media, LLC.