Of course I have heard to them. I have done some crazy things in my life, but this is one that I have not done (not because of moral issues, the opportunity just never arrived). I consider myself pretty educated on various sexual subjects, but I am ignorant on this.
What happens in a swingers club? I know sex happens, but do you walk in and just everyone is having sex? I was looking at a website and they make it look like everyone is sitting around just having drinks getting to know each other?
Are there any statistics on what kind of people go to these? I am sure there are some couples that are normal, ‘neighbor-like’ couples who go and it does not effect their otherwise normal lives. But are there statistics on how many go that are married? Has anyone ever been to one? What is the scheme of events?
It depends on the club. Most have a “meeting area” similar to a bar or gentleman’s club, where people go and hang out, drink, and meet people. Then there are the private or semi private rooms, with a bed, or matress and not much else, kind of like private rooms at gentleman’s clubs. As far as people go, anyone can show up, married, single, etc. Just depends on the club and the night.
I was worried this was ‘too much’ for general questions. But I appreciate a response. I am aware that anyone can show up, but my guess is they prefer more women over men. I don’t know, just curious as to how they run.
How do such clubs avoid running afoul of the laws against “disorderly houses”, “public lewdness”, health and safety, etc., etc. that virtually all large municipalities have? Big bribes? Claiming that actual sex on premises isn’t (supposed to be) permitted? Police deciding it’s not a priority so long as there are no complaints?
A lot of upscale nightclubs enforce a “no males without accompanying female” rule and I would suspect swingers clubs especially hew to this.
In the second half of this post from last year, I wrote a little about what happens at a swing club for a married guy who was thinking of taking his wife to one.
As far as demographics on swingers: it’s obviously not easy to get reliable info, but my anecdotal experiences suggest that most couples are at least middle-class economically (which makes sense to me: if you’re working three jobs to pay the rent, you’re probably less likely to have time (and money) to spend on such activities). I didn’t find the population any more weird than the general population. There’s a strong disincentive to let anyone know that you’re involved in swinging, so lots of ‘ordinary’ people are under the radar.
FWIW, I found that if politics ever came up, people were more likely to express conservative/Republican leanings and alliances than liberal/Democratic ones. I would guess that the aforementioned economic skew plays a role in this. But a surprising number claimed to be religious Christians. I found that a little strange – I’m an atheist, but I don’t see how any major denomination’s teachings could be contorted to accept swinging – and I suspect it was more salving of subconscious guilt than sincere faith.
Each club has a different set-up and different rules. For the record, I’ve been to two clubs, only one time each. You had to pay a membership fee at each club. Generally, single women have the lowest fee, couples are in the middle, and single men pay a premium price. Plus, there’s a cover charge each night that varies by the day of the week and your relationship status.
Most of the people are very very average. I saw predominantly white middle-aged (30-50) couples at both clubs. Some of the people are downright hot and others are, well, not. Tall, short, fat, skinny, pale, tan, well-dressed, slob - you name it, they’ve got it. The age range was from 21 (minimum) up to late 60s or early 70s (the owners of Club B).
There are generally large common areas with tables and chairs where you sit around and meet and mingle. Both places we went to have an extensive dance floor and a DJ. And there’s porn playing on every single TV. Club A has a couples-only area where you can go if you don’t want to be approached by single people. Their rooms all have doors as well has “privacy ropes.” You can put the rope across the door if you don’t want to be joined but don’t mind being watched. Club B has hot tubs (no sex allowed!). If the club is hopping, you might have to “reserve” a private room, but you can do your business pretty much anywhere - no one minds. Club A has a massage table. Club B has a sex swing. Club A has a doctor’s table (complete with stirrups). Club B has a glory hole room.
For the most part, people weren’t just having sex everywhere (that we saw). They are very very big on “no” meaning “no.” If someone is making you uncomfortable, you are supposed to report them and they will be kicked out.
This is all anecdotal, but: whether a swing club is afoul of the law is often a very fuzzy boundary, subject to arbitrary enforcement and zeal thereof. IMO, public relations (i.e., scoring political points with puritanical voters) often plays a role in whether the authorities act.
On premises clubs obviously have a much harder legal row to hoe than do off-premises places.
And generally speaking, rural law enforcement seems more likely to actually want rid of such places than big cities do (although it can happen anywhere: IIRC, there was a NYC club that got busted within the last year or so).
One rural on-premises place I used to frequent has been raided a few times over the years. When we joined, we had to show some pretty serious ID and sign a whole bunch of disclaimer documents: that we weren’t law enforcement officers or reporters, and that we had heard about these ‘social’ parties and wished to attend, etc. I don’t know if these documents would have carried any legal weight in the face of a determined sting operation – it may have been more of a ‘smoking-out’ than anything else. But it was pretty clear that the proprietors were concerned about such things.
Very good information, as always! How about condom usage? Is it common? Or is it by request? I would assume that if some of the participants are enjoying multiple partners, condoms are not common. Anyone?
For first timers, how does the first time feel? From what I read on some of the websites for swingers clubs, they tend to use the words “relaxing” and “comfortable” atmospheres a lot. Do others tend to make you feel comfortable? Are there a lot of assholes?
What Exapno Mapcase may be true, but the clubs often take measures to ensure they’re on the right side of the laws. Many don’t sell booze, but let you bring your own bottle, to steer clear of alcohol licensing woes. Sometimes, if you want a room for the night, there’s a nominal charge separate from the admission fee. I presume this might be for compliance with statutes on what constitutes a house of prostitution.
FormerMarineGuy, condom use is of course up to the participants, but is pretty prevalent. It’s expected more of single males than it is with, say, a pair of couples who are swapping partners: sngle males are (rightly) assumed to be more promiscuous than committed couples. As I mentioned in my cited post, single males get a lot more general scrutiny in swinging. I swung mostly as a single male, and I never went without a condom, ever.
I had swung as a single male with couples for a long time before I went to a club, and when I finally did, it was with my girlfriend (who had swung before), so my first time wasn’t really a first time, and consequently very easy-going.
A good club will try to put newcomers at ease, and explain the various rules and etiquette.
Locally, they’re trying to shut down a swingers club, and need to pass a new law to shut it down.
This one advertises itself as a bed and breakfast, and holds weekly parties for people to meet. Nothing under current law allows the cops to shut them down: they don’t sell liquor and people aren’t paying for sex.
All the ones around here basically say sex happens without using the words sex. They advertise private rooms for one-on-one pleasure, and group rooms where others can join with each other and watch. Very interesting.
They are trying to rewrite the noise ordinance to prohibit outdoor parties and loud noise after 9:00 (bars have complained and may end up being allowed to go to midnight on weekends; I assume that dispensation would apply to any establishment with a liquor license.).
What brought the place to city attention was the noise: they were evidently blasting music pretty loud, so the neighbors complained and they discovered what was going on. The club says the noise ordinance isn’t going to affect them – they’ll just keep it quiet.
The mayor has talked about shutting it down as a public nuisance, but it’s been just talk – the city would be defending that in court pretty quickly.
The city is also trying to have the place considered a bar, since people bring their own liquor. The end around for that is obvious.
Remember, this is Schenectady, where a few years ago a court ruled that any laws against public nudity didn’t apply. They tried to shut down strip clubs, but the law had dispensation for our local Proctor’s Theater, which sometimes has acts where nudity is part of it (e.g., the Momix dance troupe). The courts threw out the law and for a year or so there was no law against nudity anywhere in the city.
There’s a great story in that, I’m sure, and I’d love to hear about it. If there is, please start a MPSIMS thread about it. Curious minds want to know.