So I went to my first big "swinger's party"...

And wow. I had no idea such a world existed right along side the regular world. This was hundreds of people (couples and single women) all congregated together with one thing on their minds: sex.

This was a big party located in a hotel and had 3 or 4 smaller parties all occurring together, simultaneously. There was a pool party and 2 or 3 different dance floors as well as huge “fantasy rooms” that housed all sorts of kinky sex equipment. And after midnight, there were absolutely no rules. None.

The fantasy rooms were open for anyone to use (either play or watch) but it wasn’t until after 12 that “anything goes” went into effect. And boy did it. Sex was happening everywhere. Guys were blowjobs while standing in line for a drink. A few couples were getting busy in the hottub (eww, no thanks) and big orgies were going on in the actual sex rooms.

Now we’ve been to a couple other swinger parties before this but they were nothing like this one. It really was like another world. We were sitting on a sofa, right next to another couple, in front of one of the couples putting on a show. All of a sudden, the woman next to me got up and kneeled down in front of the guy and just started blowing him. She was only about less than a foot away from me.

The interactions everybody has at these parties are all about sizing each other up and finding people you’re attracted to. Everybody (or most, at least) had rooms at this hotel and there were mad hookups going on. We ended up hanging out with this one particular couple after party hours in their room. And it didn’t end well.

This couple seemed great, laid back, funny and sexy. After we all got good and hammered, we went up to their hotel room for further adult entertainment. It started well, we all got into the king size bed and began kissing, etc. It soon became apparent that the four of us were crowding the bed and my gf and the other guy went into the other room to play.

Well the woman and I were doing stuff in the bed but less than 30 seconds after the other two went into a different room, she got up from the bed, unexpectedly. I asked her what was wrong and she said she needed to get “properly dressed”. :confused: Wha? I (naturally) thought I had done something wrong and asked her as much. She rambled something but didn’t really answer as she put on clothes and hurried off to the other room.

I was still naked on the bed, sitting there bewildered as to what was happening. I got up and went into the other room, to find her husband and my girlfriend getting dressed, with the husband and wife whisper-talking to each other. They both then went into the bedroom, leaving me and my gf alone to wonder wtf. The only thing we could come up with was that them going to the other room made the wife freak out, they must have always been in the same room before, I don’t know. The fact that my gf was almost 10 years younger than her also probably figured into her behavior somehow too (we think she got jealous).

But whatever it was, she wasn’t talking to us about it. We soon decided to just leave, as it was clear that the night had been ruined. She gave us some lip-service about being tired and promised that nothing bad had happened. Uh huh. It was pretty clear to us, especially after some reflection, that this woman was not really suited for a swinging lifestyle. And that seems to be, if not common, then at least not rare: namely, a seeming imbalance in the eagerness within some couples to have sex with others. I think at least some of the couples in the swinging community are made up of one partner who really wants it and another partner who is going along with it just because they love the other. This was one of them.

It was a good experience for us to have, however, because it reminded us that getting to know the other couple first, before anything actually happens, is an important step that should not be rushed. It could have been a lot worse, we just had an unfortunate ending to an otherwise wild night. But I just wanted to share this experience here because this is a world that the vast majority of people simply don’t know anything about. It was wild to be in an environment so unabashedly sexually open. And the people themselves at the party were comprised of a surprisingly wide spectrum of types. It wasn’t mostly good looking people, altho there were plenty of those too. But there were old women walking around naked, obese and fit people alike, just about every kind of person you could imagine was there. We saw one guy with like a 13 inch dick getting a bj from 4 different women, right in front of the bar. :eek:

It’s an experience I recommend to anyone in a relationship, irrespective of ‘swinger’ status. Nobody does anything they don’t want at these parties, many people just come to watch. It’s something any couple could attend, and I think it’s an experience worth having. Wow.

The husband may have broken one of their rules by not only leaving w/ your GF to another room but leaving the wife alone w/ you.

Each to their own, but that sounds like hell to me. If my husband suggested it I would have to seriously consider our future relationship together.

Some couples are cool with it, most aren’t. My wife and I started out that way, but we never actually had the balls to actually try it, and she’s become more conventional these days. And even when she was in that frame of mind, it never got beyond flirting with people online.

It’s almost never jealousy.

I would need to see some statistics before I would believe a statement like this.

I’m not sure where to find statistics on this. It’s really just a feeling I have.

I think jealousy is primarily perceived as happening more often than it actually is. A lot of movies and novels use jealousy as a plot point, which influences how we assume others think. We’re very self-conscious, we think people are thinking about us, wondering things about us, making incorrect assumptions about us based on our behaviours, but our own ego is fooling us. Most of the time nobody else really cares about us anywhere near as much as we think.

Objectively, from the outside of a relationship (friendship usually), when one person confides to me they think the other is jealous of them, it’s objectively clear to me that’s not the case. If they’re upset with them at all, and that’s rare, it’s usually about something else. Maybe equally as petty, but not jealousy.

In fact, I think of “jealousy” as being different to “envy”. I think envy is a longing, while jealousy is a form of anger. If there’s anything going on like that in a relationship it’s more likely a tiny spark of envy rather than a seething jealousy.

Disclaimer: IMHO.

You’re missing a critical verb here.

That sucks that the guy with the 13" dong was getting so much attention because of his size. Also sucks that the disabled guy got left holding his. Kind of fits in with my theory that a lot of swingers are basically just carnal and not much else.

Rejecting? :stuck_out_tongue:

Huh? My disability has no relevance to this story. Full stop.

Good catch… or was is a pitch? :stuck_out_tongue:

You’re saying it’s absolutely impossible that once you were naked and she understood the full extent of the disability that the wife realized she couldn’t fake it through her lack of attraction to you enough to get off?

[House] It’s never Lupus! [/H]

Agree with you.

Also, unless protection is mandated like in bathhouses, this is a potential public health disaster waiting to happen. How soon we forget how the HIV virus was so easily spread.

In your previous thread on this subject, wasn’t it one of your ground rules that you’d stay together and not separate to do things alone?

There’s a world of difference between unconventional non-monogamous open relationships and just a mass orgy with a crowd of strangers. With the latter, what’s really happening other than utterly casual purely physical lust? Not that there’s anything wrong with that if it’s done safely and it’s your thing, but why would you expect to be judged on anything other than raw physical sex appeal? Physical attributes will surely dominate most interactions, for good or ill.

I’ll take “Threads that are not going to work out well for the OP, for $1000, please.”:rolleyes:

I was already having a hard time taking you seriously, and then you drop this little pearl of wisdom in at the end:

Ummmm, ok :dubious:

The first dozen chapters it’s an awesome fuckfest, then a good long ramble later the night actually ended badly. After determining that this couple and many others have asymmetrical interest in swinging and communication issues he endorses it as a great experience for everyone.

It’s an ambivalid thread. If he sticks to pattern he’ll be along shortly to tell us his contradictions aren’t contradictions.