Christ. I haven’t spoken to this woman in 3 months and here she goes from obsessive, Mrs. Clean, stay-at-home mom, legging-wearing, chastising woman to swinger. Yes, swinger. She has two kids under 6 and is swinging with another couple for two months. She has a naval ring, wears thong underwear and has sex with her neighbor (which is soooo not her)…who she says she is falling in love with. Her husband is a typical “guy”. He loves her and I cannot imagine him doing this without her consent. As a matter of fact, this started when the neighbor-woman asked her if she could kiss her husband. So, now I am confused. Is this what happens when you move to the 'burbs? They spent every day togther, they go out on dates with each other’s spouse. They spend nights at each other’s house.
Something tells me that this will end in disaster.
I know she is calling me to confess. I know that she thinks I am the perfect person due to my sketchy past, but Christ, Won’t Someone Think of the Children?! The “other couple” has an 8 year old who suspects something. My friend does the walk-o-shame to her house with her panties in the pocket surrounded by people walking their dogs. They hang out as couples at the same place.
WTF?
I don’t get it. She loves the way the other guys treats her. The other woman doesn’t love her husband and is fine with the F’ buddy relationship.
She’s on the phone with me right now and I’m telling her I’m typing an email to my boss.
So Officer McGuire is walking his beat downtown and he turns the corner, and there stand Lena and Ole without a stitch of clothing on!
“Lena! Ole!” he says. “What are you doing downtown at this time of night in this condition?”
“Well, it’s like this,” says Lena. "Tonight Ole and I went over to have dinner with our friends Ralph and Ida. They’d invited two other couples, too. After dinner, Ralph and Ida took us all into the living room and all the men stood on one side of the room and all us women stood on the other.
"Then Ralph said, "Okay, all you men take off your clothes.’ So they did.
"And then Ida said, ‘Okay, all you women take off YOUR clothes.’ So we did.
“Then Ralph turned off the lights and said, ‘All right, everybody, let’s go to town!’ . . . and I guess Ole and I got here before everyone else.”
Seriously, though, sj2: Call me an old poop, but I think you are quite right in thinking that your friend’s new hobby will end in disaster.
And I hope and pray that her telling you about her new life isn’t a prelude to an invitation.
So now she’s a Mrs. Clean, stay-at-home mom, legging-wearing, chastising Swinger with two kids under 6. What’s the problem here? If she is not comfortble with it, or one of the other parties, then, yes, it may end badly. It has nothing to do with 'burbs, unless for the mere fact that people may speak to each other more outside of a big city. Many people can handle this quite well, and enjoy it as a part of their married life.
Let’s see, about 8 years ago I WAS a stay-at-home mom, wore leggings (I swear they were fashionable then!) and had two kids under 6. I lived in the 'burbs. Still do.
We have some close friends in the neighborhood, couples we liked to hang around with. And I can (somewhat depressingly) report that no one even brought UP the idea of swinging! So, no, I can’t say it’s a 'burb thing.
Given that your friend is “falling in love” with her neighbor, I’d say the odds are pretty good that things will turn out badly. “Proper” swinging doesn’t involve falling in love with the other party. An old friend of mine, Lori, lost her husband to the other woman in their quadsome. Lori was devastated, as can be expected. She felt like a complete fool because her husband convinced her that swinging would “enhance” their sex life and marriage. Ha! But she was even more devastated when word got out that they had been swingers. Trust me, 'burb moms are not the most tolerant of people, especially people who are sexually deviant. Her kids were instantly made pariahs of their school, their church, and the neighborhood. You know how cruel kids can be. So Lori packed up and moved across town for their sake and hoped their reputation didn’t follow them.
So her kids lost their father, their home and all their friends in one fell swoop. Yeah, someone really ought to think of the kids every so often.
Minding your own business is hard to do when the swinger is calling you to dish her dirt at you:
The real question is, does her husband know about the swinging? And what about the friend’s admission that she’s falling in love with the neighbor guy? I agree with other posters who said that sounded potentially ugly.
So just be honest. Say “I know you want to share this with someone, but I have too many concerns about the eventual outcome of this situation to be comfortable being your sounding board. Thanks for understanding that. So, did you see Final Four game last night?”
If she tried to reassure you that everything is going to be fine, you’ve got it all wrong, gently interrupt her and say “I would like to keep this as your business, not mine. That’s really all I have to say. So, were you rooting for Kansas?”
Sweet father, you’re right!. (No sarcasm intended).
I’m sure this is some sort of paradox, so I’m going to continue to do so, if for no other reason than to see if the universe blinks out of existance.
Seriously, the OPer has the absolute power to choose with whom they associate. If you don’t like what someone is doing to the point where you don’t want to associate with them, then you have the means and the ability to stop associating with them. It’s kind of an economic view: if you don’t like how a business operates, stop frequenting it. If how your aquaintances behave nauseates you, stop hanging with them.
But (and yes, this IS one of my values), what consenting adults do in the privacy of their – or their friend’s – house is nobody’s business but theirs. Why do people feel the need to stop other people from doing things THEY find objectionable?? It boggles me.
Turek, with all due respect, we could go around in circles using your logic all day. You tell her to mind her own buisness, and in an ideal world, I would tell you to mind your own buisness. But its not my position to do so and you are intitled to your opinion. I’m just saying, the OP showed some concern, and your attitude isnt exactly helping. We dont always have to agree with other people, but that doesnt mean we need to be disrespectful in our stance. Same thing goes with sj2. If they dont agree with what their friend is doing, he/she (I’m sorry I dont know your gender! aaahh! :eek: ) has every right to form an opinion about it, much like you formed an opinion about them minding their own buisness. If you followed your own advice about “minding your own buisness”, you wouldnt have posted in the first place. To say they they should cut off friendship just because they disagree with them is a sad way to lead a life. Basicly, you dont have to agree, but atleast have the decency to be kind about it. No offence to you of course, I just wanted to try to explain my opinions on the matter.
BTW, Cranky hit the nail on the head. If your friend brings it up again, be as tact as possible, just as our beloved Cranky said.
Aw, he/she’s just continuing in the long standing SDMB tradition of sharing odd stories and perhaps looking for commiseration. He never said that he was going to interfere. And if this change in behavior is as severe as he says, then there really may be reason for concern about Ms. Swinger. Is she depressed and looking for excitement or something?
Anyway, I have absolutely no problem with swinging or swingers, but I’d be more than a bit freaked if I found out some of our good friends were doing it. And I think I would be less likely to pursue a friendship with a couple that I knew were swingers.
And Green Bean is right. I just had to share. Can’t tell anyone else!
I do feel for the 8yr old boy…who asks why he/she is sleeping over his house. Can you imagine waking up and asking, “Where’s Daddy?” “Oh he’s across the street with the neighbor lady that watches your little sister during the day.”
