…of the entire space/time continuum?
Tell her!
There I was, grocery shopping like a motherfuck, when it happened. I turn the corner onto a different aisle and there, standing right before me, is the most beautiful, absolutely perfect, ideal in every way, woman.
I stopped and stared as the Universe imploded upon me. She saw me staring, smiled, did a little hair flick, put the item she was label reading in her cart and pushed on by.
Every atom of her being was burned onto my soul. From her slightly almond shaped eyes and Cupid’s bow lips to her honey coloured skin and light brown long curly hair. Her hazel eyes had bored out my skull and I stood vapid and listless. Life itself was no longer good enough now that I knew such a creature existed.
Mindlessly, I piled items into my grocery cart and labouriously trudged down the aisle.
As I numbly made the turn onto the next one, the heavens parted and God Himself put this Ultimate Female Creation before my soul once again. Petite, but neither waifish nor buxom, her graceful curves lured my eyes to the nebulous beauty of her face yet one more time.
This time, tho, I fought the earthly constraints that held me down and offered to her the gift of my voice. “Hi.”
Her skin reddened just ever so as she pretended to be shy, looking down and repeating back to me the word I had just given her.
Was she mocking me? Or torturing me? Why is God doing this to me? Does he hate me?
My first name leapt from my lips and danced before her, beckoning her to accept this gift, also. She did and she proceeded to destroy my eternal soul by offering her name to join in the dance.
And that’s when I offered up my most valuable sacrifice. Upon the altar of all that is holy and pure, I laid across these words: “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.”
Would this embodiment of all that is pure smite me for my impudence? (Happy, tho, I would be to die that death.)
My life continued. As did the conversation. And now I have the e-mail address of the most fantastic display of loveliness in all the possible timelines and matter streams of all existence.