Tell Me About Your Friendships

In My Humble Opinion
1

Do you feel you are good at making friends?

Do you have a lot of friends?

Do you feel you have the friendships you want?

Do you have a best friend?

How do you make friends?

What are you thoughts on the natures of your friendships in general?

Probably because I come from a happy functional family and have been lucky in love, I have focused most of my relationship anxiety on friendships, so I think a lot about the topic.

My answers:

Good at making friends? I try hard. I almost always do most of the inviting. I don’t think I’m a “natural” at making friends.

A lot of friends? A lot of aquaintances, a goodly number of friends, I could do w/ more

The friendships I want? I would like to have more deeper friendships. I’m not quite sure I know how to take most friendships to a more intimate level, or that I have the time to do so.

Best friend? I do have a best friend. I would love to spend more time w/ her. Interestingly we are friends because our husbands were friends first. Probably we have become best friends because we have spent so many continuous hours together–lots of weekend visits, etc, though the time between our visits is long. Also we have been there for each other through the death of my daughter and her father. I don’t know for sure if she considers me her best friend, but we are close enough that I could ask her.

How do I make friends? Largely through joining groups. (Book clubs, church groups) Some from work, a few through my husband, a few persisiting from childhood and school years.

Thoughts? I wish it was as easy as when I was a kid… you could just walk up to someone and say, wanna be my friend? There are lots of people I would like to be friends with but I can’t seem to make the leap. I am very grateful for the friends I have and I try hard to be a good friend.

2

My best friend is my wife.

Other than that, I don’t really have any. I still talk to the only 2 friends I had in high school, but they both fell off the sanity wagon into a pile of religion. We don’t really hang out or talk too much anymore.

One guy just busted his femur (leg). I had to go hang out with him in case he needed anything while his wife was out of the house. It was kinda like a conversation between 2 Hank Hills.

“Yep.”

“Um-humm.”

“Okay then”

“Yup.”

Oh. I forgot. Beer is my friend. My true friend that never lets me down.

3

Do you feel you are good at making friends?
I’m very good at meeting people and making an aquaintance. However, I’m very reluctant to really open up and make close friends.

Do you have a lot of friends?
As a result of my first answer, I have a lot of aquaintances that I have fun with but I have much smaller group of people that I consider confidants.

Do you feel you have the friendships you want?
Yes. Those few close confidants I have mean the world to me.

Do you have a best friend?
I wouldn’t say there was one that stands out above the others. I have 3 that I’m as close to as I have been to “best friends” in the past.

How do you make friends?
I make “go out and see a movie with” friends through others I know and through groups I’m in and hobbies I do. Close friends just come with time and a lot of shared experiences. However, one person in my group of 3 “best friends” and I just hit it off from the start.

What are you thoughts on the natures of your friendships in general?
Some friendships are based on circumstances and some are just really compatible people. I’ve had close friends that I’ve lost touch with because we don’t have anything in common anymore. Once whatever it was that bound us together is gone, we have a hard time being as close. On the other hand, one of my closest friends and I don’t see each other all that often. However, when we do, it’s like we’ve never been apart. She’s a SAHM and has very different interests from me (hobbies and such). However, we have such similar values and outlooks on life, that we still connect right away and can talk for hours even though we haven’t been in touch for a while.

4

Do you feel you are good at making friends?

Nope.
Do you have a lot of friends?

Nope.
Do you feel you have the friendships you want?

I’m pretty much the loner type, so I don’t feel the need for a lot of friends.
Do you have a best friend?

Not really.
How do you make friends?

In the last 10 years or so, it’s been unintentional. Usually co-workers.
What are you thoughts on the natures of your friendships in general?

After multiple burnings (and not of my dog) by people I thought were my friends in the past, I am extremely wary of becoming friends with anyone. It doesn’t help that I’m a cynical bastard.

5

Do you feel you are good at making friends?
I think so, but now that I’m in my 30s I find it nearly impossible to meet people that I’d like to be friends with who both return the feeling and have the time to establish a new friendship (most folks my age have young families). It’s also harder for new friendships to develop naturally, because most people already have routines and groups of friends they hang out with and stuff.

Do you have a lot of friends?
Nope. My best friend and his wife live about 1/2 hour away from me, but then my next closest friend lives in Pittsburgh. Also, I have a friend in Baltimore who I haven’t seen in forever but still exchange e-mails with somewhat regularly (and recently).

That’s about it.

Do you feel you have the friendships you want?
Not by any stretch. I miss having people my age, of similar backgrounds (and by that I mean stuff like education and politics), to go do stuff with. My two local friends are awesome, and I couldn’t imagine my life without them, but they’re both 12 years older than me and they have a young son. There are just enough differences between their lifestyle and mine to make me keenly aware of the type of friendship I’m missing (my friend in Pittsburgh fits the bill, but she lives so far away).

I would give almost anything to have an “instant,” diverse group of friends to have a beer with, see a play with, watch DVDs with, go to a concert with, etc.

Do you have a best friend?
Yes, by an incredible stroke of luck: I met him roughly a year before “breaking up” with the woman I’d been best friends with for 16 years. It’s not the same kind of best-friendship by any means, and I miss having that with someone, but he fits all of the important “best friend” criteria. :slight_smile:

How do you make friends?
I met my best friend and my Baltimore friend at work (different companies); my friend in Pittsburgh was my college roommate.

What are you thoughts on the natures of your friendships in general?
I’ve gotten more selective about my friendships over the years: I’m not as tolerant of selfishness or immaturity as I used to be, and recently I’ve let some long-term friendships end as a result. (Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m arbitrarily throwing away great friendships: these relationships were already on the rocks, and the selfishness/immaturity that I thought I saw in the other people just contributed to my decisions to not fight for them.)

Over the past couple of years in particular, I have drifted apart from some high school friends: last summer I realized that we’d become completely different people, with nothing in common but memories of our youth. It was a sad realization, but I don’t believe in forcing friendships once they’ve run their course.

Then again, I don’t believe in forcing friendships at all … which I guess is why I don’t have as many as I’d like. :slight_smile:

6

Am I good at making friends? No. The qualities I look for in a potential friend are rare. If you don’t meet even the minimum standard, then no, thanks.

Do I have a lot of friends? Let’s see, I know two people. I consider one of them to be a friend. The rest are acquaintances.

Do I feel I have the friendships I want? No. I wish it could be like when I was a kid and could hang out 24/7 with my friend Mark, but I’m approaching 50, and men don’t do that stuff.

Do I have a best friend? My wife is my best friend, ever. I left my country and my past behind to come here and be her friend because she was so worth it.

I’ve been best friends with Mark, above, since 1966. We go months or years without seeing each other, and pick up just like it was yesterday when we last visited. He drove 1200 miles to be my best man. I miss him.

How do I make friends? I don’t, usually, and here is why: one of the people I’ve met in my seven years here at work is a cool person. He and I have similar background and experiences, and he is closer to my age than anyone else I know. The others at work are either half my age, or closer to retirement, or have the house and the kids and the SUV and the boat and the European vacations and the beer and the football games, and that isn’t my scene.

The nature of our business is that the employees are temporary, because they’re young and are scrambling their way up the inside of the drainpipe. I did that thirty years ago. I’ve outlasted three sets of staff. I’m lucky to have found one person with whom I have something in common. I think we could be friends even if he left the company.

My thoughts on friendship: I have been thoroughly fucked over by people I thought were my friends. Now I work in a business where the people often have massive ego problems, and they smile in your face and are waiting to screw you out of what you have when you’re not looking. I do not want any of them for friends. I’ve always been pretty much a loner, but I’m comfortable with myself, and I have interests that keep me busy, and I really can’t pursue them with anyone. If you find one person, anytime, anywhere, with whom you share some commonalities, you are extremely lucky.

7

My best friend is my husband. I adore him and basically we spend every waking hour together if I’m not at work.

I have one other close friend, a couple of somewhat close friends (coworkers), a lot of not-close friends, a lot of very close relationships with relatives, and little interest in expanding my horizons.

I like people. Friendship, though, is hard work.

8

Average. I always have friends, so I can’t be doing too bad.

Yes. I have 2 mains ‘groups’ of friends. One at university, and one in my hometown.

I suppose.

Yes. Nocturnal_Tick Not that I’ve actually seen him recently. :wink: (HINT)

I meant people at school, and at university. And through those friends met more people.

9

Do you feel you are good at making friends?

Good at making friends, no; good at keeping them, yes. Sometimes I will find someone I know I will like and I will try to hang out with them, plan meetings and so forth, and they will be “busy” and I won’t try again. But the friends I have I will keep forever. My oldest friend has been my friend since we were both 10 years old.

Do you have a lot of friends?

I have more friends now than I have ever before. So it’s a lot for me. I used to only have two friends, but then I expanded my horizons in high school. Now I have somewhere around twenty or twenty-five very good friends.

Do you feel you have the friendships you want?

Yes and no. I can pick up the phone and call any of my friends and have a great time. However, I don’t have many good friends in the city I live. My friends are scattered around five states. I want to have someone to go out together with on short notice.

Do you have a best friend?

My husband is my best friend, although I have a best female friend also.

How do you make friends?

School and hobbies.

What are you thoughts on the natures of your friendships in general?

In order to keep all of these wonderful people as my friends, I had to learn the difficult art of forgiveness. I have forgiven my oldest friend a lot over the years (and she’s probably forgiven me for a lot of things too). If I had carried a grudge I would not have these great people who care about me. Forgiveness is the greatest quality you can have as a friend, as well as tolerance.

Tolerance is important because people change. My best female friend has changed a lot over the years. She has lost friends every time she has changed. The last time I saw her she thanked me for staying with her and asked why I did when so many of her other friends have written her off. I told her, “L, I like who you are, not what you do. No matter how many things you try or paths you walk down, you will still be you and I will still like the you that you are.”

Important, but not critical: showing your friends you appreciate them and that they are important to you. Selflessness. Generousness. Thoughtfulness (birthdays, holidays, anniversaries).

This is a great thread, thank you!

10

Do you feel you are good at making friends?
No, I suck at it.

Do you have a lot of friends?
I have a number of acquaintances and a few people that would help me out in a pinch, but I don’t have any good friends. I’m basically pretty lonely.

Do you feel you have the friendships you want?
No, not at all. I haven’t had a close friend for about 10 or 12 years.

Do you have a best friend?
No, not since Junior High, about 30 or so years ago.

How do you make friends?
I’m working on joining more groups now, hoping that that will yield some friendships.

What are you thoughts on the natures of your friendships in general?
I wish I had someone to confide in. There are things I can’t discuss with my family that I really wish I had a close friend to talk to about. I regret losing touch with the friends I had in high school and college, but I’m really not good at keeping up with people long distance. New friends are hard to find as you get older.

11

Exactly! This is just my experience. Does it ever get easier to make friends again? Or does it just get harder?

12

Do you feel you are good at making friends?
No special gift. I’m pretty friendly in general, but people don’t jump all over me shouting “Befriend me! Befriend me!”
Do you have a lot of friends?
Hmm. I don’t know. What is ‘a lot’? I have a few very close friends. Maybe eight. A few friends that I don’t see often enough to be really close to, as well.
Do you feel you have the friendships you want?
Yes
Do you have a best friend?
Yes. Two. My husband and my best girlfriend.
How do you make friends?
I met a lot of them at school, one at work, and many through mutal acquaintances.
What are you thoughts on the natures of your friendships in general?
That it’s a lot of work, and more than worth it. I like having a number of close friends, preferably in reasonably close proximity so that we can spend a fair amount of time together. I don’t really like casual acquaintance-maintaining. Not going to put the effort into someone I don’t really care about.

Friendship in the abstract is a difficult thing to get a hold of, mentally. It’s always, for me, a unique continuing conversation between two people. I think someone defined marriage that way, too. Friendship is mutual regard, and a common language- or common enough to be able to communicate- and shared interests.

13

Do you feel you are good at making friends?
No

Do you have a lot of friends?
No

Do you feel you have the friendships you want?
I appreciate the ones I have but I wish I had more close friendships

Do you have a best friend?
Yes. (Not counting my boyfriend)

How do you make friends?
That is a complete mystery to me.

What are you thoughts on the natures of your friendships in general?
The few friendships I have are very, very close. I don’t really “do” surface friendships. I can be friendly, but if someone is not interested in getting to know me more deeply I usually just let them fall by the wayside. I guess I’m picky about my friends. Maybe too picky.

14

Well, if I come across a person that I like I’ll open up to an extent to test the waters. But that doesn’t happen very often. I don’t go seeking friendships. They just happen. So in terms of identifying people that might become friends, people that I click with, I suppose I’m good at that. But like I said, it doesn’t happen very often.

There are maybe ten or so people I’ve come across in my life that I truly cherish and at least make some sort of effort to stay in touch with or find out how they’re doing.

Generally yes. I could use some musical companionship, but frankly I can’t make a commitment because of how my life is structured. Or not.

My wife. Things are just sort of blah when I’m not with her.

In school or work I just came across people who share an interest of mine. Sometimes the friendship is limited to that interest, such as a band-mate or hiking partner, or it turns out you share a lot of interests and outlooks on life in general and those people become good friends.

My closest friends are from high school or college and just after. I haven’t made any real lifelong friends since I met my wife 14 years ago, although a few people come close. I get concerned about my lack of “new” friends from time to time but I don’t dwell on it.

I used to think of myself as being self-sufficient and sort of a lone wolf. I’m pretty shy but I’ve learned over time that I really do value interaction with other people and my friendships. It’s important to have people in my life with whom I can be myself.

15

My guess is that it won’t get easier again until we’re in our 70s: retired, possibly divorced or widowed, no little kids at home … kind of like we were in our teens and early 20s, but with plastic hips. :wink:

16

Do you feel you are good at making friends?

Hell no. I am one of the shyest people I know. It takes me a while to open up around someone I just met, with the exception noted below. As a result, most new people I meet see me as boring.

Do you have a lot of friends?

In sharp contrast to the above, yes. Not all good friends, but I have lots of people who I would voluntarily hang out with. However, I moved a little less than a year ago to a new locale, and as a result of being bad at making new friends, I do not know anybody here and seldmonly get to hang out with my friends, since it requires a minimum on 2.5 hours travel each way.

Do you feel you have the friendships you want?

No. After almost a year of being a huge loner, and actually driving those 2.5 hours on average every other weekend to have fun, I feel I need to somehow make friends up here. But I won’t, so that’s that.

Do you have a best friend?

I guess. It’s one guy I met in college the first day of freshman orientation. We rommed on the same floor next door to each other, and are very similar. We did almsot everything together in college. He is now in SC, though, so we talk on IM a lot, but no actual hanging-out.

How do you make friends?

Here we get to that exception I noted above. Normally, I don’t. It’s very rare for me to just make a friend all on my own, the other person has to do 90% of the work. However, if I get introduced to people I do not know and during that initial meeting am around at least one person who I am good friends with, then it’s easy, because I’m not shy. For whatever reason, as long as someone I know really well is around, I couldn’t care less that there are new people around.

17

Do you feel you are good at making friends?

Yes

Do you have a lot of friends?

No

Do you feel you have the friendships you want?

Yes

Do you have a best friend?

Yes

How do you make friends?

Making jokes during stressful times works for me. Putting yourself in the same boat as someone who is anxious makes them feel good so they want to get to know you.

Also, making friends within a club or organization is extremely easy. You don’t have to fumble for something to talk about.

What are you thoughts on the natures of your friendships in general?

When I was younger, I wasn’t too smart about who I called friend. I wised up thanks to personal tragedy.

Numbers don’t matter.

It’s important that you’re not the only person making an effort in a friendship.

I have friends in concentric circles. I am the bullseye, the first ring (A ) are the people who I show my vulnerability to and keep in regular contact with The second ring (B) are more situational friends - they’re handy in certain settings and I don’t necessarily tell them everything. The third ring © are an odd bunch. I don’t keep in touch with them regularly and can go for years with no contact. Some are more habitual friends. People that you still label friend because they haven’t done anything to piss you off . I have very few A friends, several B friends, and a half dozen of C friends.

Sometimes pulling the plug on a friendship is the best thing you can do for yourself and your friend.

18

Do you feel you are good at making friends?
I think so. I find it easy to get along with most people and have a friendly relationship with most people I regularly come in contact with. I don’t know if we are so much “friends” as friendly aquaintances, but we always get along well.

Do you have a lot of friends?
What I consider real friends? No, not a lot. Mostly people I work with and regular customers I have known for some time. These are people that I can and do discuss personal things with and know them outside of the work place also.

Do you feel you have the friendships you want?
I miss having a good female friend. I seldom meet any interesting ladies in person any more. Most of the ones I have been good friends with I also ended up romantically inclined towards. This always messed everything up because they always wanted to be “just friends”. I like to be good friends with a woman before I develope any romantic interest in them, but it doesn’t work that way for them. There is a lot of things you can enjoy and do and talk about with a female friend that you can’t do with “the guys”. I miss that.

Do you have a best friend?
I have one best friend and am lucky to have him. We have known each other since 1963 and have always gotten along. Never had a fight or serious disagreement. He is the brother I never had. We share a house together and his friendship and companionship keep me sane. Unless one of us finds a willing lady to marry and move away with (not likely), we will probably be friends and companions for life. I was once asked if he was a “bail you out of jail friend”, and I said "No, he’s more of a ‘I’ll help you bury the body, friend’ ". He is the one person left in this world who would actually seek me out and enjoy being around me.

How do you make friends?
Most of my friends are people I currently or previously worked with. Many are regular customers of a business I used to run. People that had something in common with me that just ended up getting along with and spending time with. Most of the people in my line of interest are good folks and are easy to get along with.

19

Do you feel you are good at making friends?

Yes, for the most part. I’m a really easy-going person and tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I try not to make snap judgements about people.

Do you have a lot of friends?
Not particularly, but I think I have enough friends. I have probably 5 or 6 friends that I talk to/hang out with on a regular basis. I have a ton of aquaintences and a lot of friends that I only see at school.

Do you feel you have the friendships you want?
I suppose so. I think it would be nice to have a few closer friends. I’m envious of those people who are always surrounded by friends.

Do you have a best friend?
Yes. She has been my best friend for almost 10 years and I don’t know what I would do without her. We have never gotten in any serious arguments and tell each other just about everything. I used to have another best friend, and all three of us would hang out as best friends, but she had a baby about a month ago and it just hasn’t been the same. She’s only 19.

How do you make friends?
School, mutual aquaintences, and parties. I love to talk to random people at parties.

What are you thoughts on the natures of your friendships in general?
I think I have good friends and a healthy social life. Sometimes I feel lonely though, because a lot of the time my friends are busy with work, school, and whatnot. Also I go to school in a different town and it can be a hassle to drive a half hour to see some of my friends.

20

Good at making aquaintances, not so good at making friends. I tend to get along fine with many people but am very reticent to take it further than that.

I have two close groups of friends from different times in my life (hometown and college) with whom I have been with for various lengths of time. My hometown friends are very tight (there are about six of us) and it is very rare for a new person to be allowed into the hometown group (the last time was about 10 years ago). Out of all my years in college, I only have two close friends from that time and I do not get to seem them much.

Yes, although I wish I could see my college friends (actually it is only two guys and their spouses) more but distance precludes that to just a couple of times a year. I live very close to my hometown and as do several of my hometown friends, so we see each other regularly.

Yes.

Usually it is initially based on common interests. Example, my two closest friends from college are a guy from my department and a guy I worked with. Our mutual interests in RPGs and fantasy/sci-fi literature were what initially brought us together. The friendships just developed from there…and it didn’t hurt that they both have very cool spouses (as do I) so “couples” activities were always fun.

Ummmm…I think that I tend to push new aquaintances away under the guise of “I have enough close friends.” For example, I work with a number of very cool people (and have for years) but I do not pursue actual friendships with any of them.