Found Chick Tracts In Your Kid's Halloween Candy? Check In Here To Share!

The BBQ Pit
1

I have two boys who went candy alming last Monday…and as we went through everything, I found two Chick Tracts amongst the booty:

Tiny Shoes
Apes, Lies & Ms. Henn

Always wanting to read the Tract first, and then decide whether it’s kindling or worthy of something better (paper mache or fishwrap), I read both tracts and then explained to the wife and kids about the “Straight Dope” about Chick Tracts.

Tiny Shoes was definitely the better of the two, although it incorporated some of the mexican culture as a positive thing such as machismo, chauvanism. Papa made some bad decisions that affected the family for the worse, which was really not to far from the truth of modern day families succumbing to the ills of drinking and gambling and not prioritizing the family first. All Juanito wanted was a pair of tiny shoes for his tiny feet and nothing else…an easy task you say? Yet, this turns into a hard lesson for Papa. God was introduced as a Bolt of Lightning hitting the Saloon so Papa could get his head out of his ass and take care of his family before it’s too late…Oops, too late. I give this tract a “B-” for the underlying lesson of providing for your family first. I give Juanito an “F” for not staying indoors during a monsoon…tsk…he shoulda known better.

Apes, Lies and Ms. Henn goes beyond normalized thinking. Here we have the ever-God fearing, Bible thumping, prayer saying Susy in all her glory take on the Evil Excessive Scowling, Zero to Bitch in 1.2 frames, Snake Tongue Hissing, Ms. Henn in a no-holds barred fight to the finish for the fate of the world. Little Timmy is caught in the middle of the Creation v. Evolution struggle in the school and little Susy is desperately vying for Timmy’s soul by telling him what really happened according to the Bible. Susy also tries new facial expressions and fails miserably, although Ms. Henn more than makes up for it in her own flamboyant style. But even Ms. Henn’s tactics couldn’t pull this tract out of the fireplace…“F”.

As for the neighbors who passed these out to my kids…I will pray for you too…to get your head out of your ass, and to understand how distorted the Bible is portrayed (as well as other religions) through the eyes of Chick. You get an “F” as well for poor judgement.

2

We had a rain out and didn’t get to T-ot-T (“Halloween was ruined!” :mad: ), so the kids (or me, rather) didn’t get the annual Chick Tract that the family on the corner hands out.

3

Tiny Shoes quotes the Book of James that “fervent prayer… availeth much.” Of course, this prayer didn’t availeth shit; so Juan spends a night sober – God still prevented him from getting the shoes to Juanito in time. Color me unsurprised.

–Cliffy

4

Not only did your kids get Chick tracts–they got Chick tracts from folks who are terminally Out Of The Loop. The definitive Halloween Chick tract is “Boo!”

Your kids got “leave this in the mall restroom” leftovers, would be my guess.

5

Plus they spelled “all right” as “alright.” I hate that. It’s my number one spelling peeve, up there is it’s and its. Make than an F-.

6

I see it brings up the old fundie canard, that Druid=Satanist. :rolleyes:

7

My kids didn’t get Chick tracts, but they did each get a little tract with a cool picture of Spider Man on the cover, and the words ‘The Hero Inside You!’.

I have a very large, very fine recycling bin for these and other useless bits of paper. I was irritated.

As a complete side note, I mean mostly OT, my neighbors two doors down are very odd people. Two summers ago, after my kids played in the sprinklers with their older kids, my 4 year old decided to change into a dry dress, in their back yard. The grandmother looked out the window, saw this, and SCREAMED at her children that they were NEVER to play with my children again. And she left it up to her kids to tell my kids. My kids were heartbroken, and no adult ever came to speak to me about it. And of course their kids played in the cul de sac all summer, which meant my children were as good as denied the freedom to be outside. I did get my courage up and go talk to the man who lives there, to try to get some explanation of what happened, and to apologise for my 4 year old’s lack of social graces, and he knew nothing about it, and said he’d look into it, and didn’t see why the kids couldn’t play. He mumbled something about sexual abuse. They have never played together again.

On Halloween night this year, my DH had the kids out trick-or-treating, and they stopped at the house at the corner. The lady there said “Did you go to the yellow house?” “No.” (of course not, after the trouble we’ve had with them). “Well,” she said, “My kids went there and knocked on the door. Whoever answered opened the door, saw who it was, slammed the door,and turned off the porch light.” She said, "My kids came home and said “We don’t feel like trick or treating anymore.” Ironically, my DH and the kids saw the little boy from the yellow house out making the rounds for candy in another neighborhood.

I’m still trying to figure out if they’re just broken, or if they’re into some religion I can’t quite identify. Once I caught their kids telling my kids about a person being made up of two parts, ‘the flesh’ and ‘the spirit’. I sort of cringed, but it never came up again. Anyway, it was pretty rotten of whoever, to slam the door and ruin those little kids’ halloween. Either leave the porch light off, or at least apologise and say “I’ve run out of candy, kids, sorry.”

8

Oh, wow. The first one almost killed me - I was really getting into it, and then the kid died. Poor Juanito.

Boo! was boring, and the middle one not-so-good.

9

Spoilers! :mad:

:smiley:

10

If any action deserves a “trick”, it’s a Chick tract. Anybody have the guts?

11

I agree. When I was a kid, if someone had given out Chick tracts, well I can’t say what would have happened. It would have involved older brothers, though. And if there had been a couple of the Pope=Antichrist comics, probably dads, too. I can’t believe that kids put up with that. Leaving aside the sectarian issues, a kid came to a door dressed as something and got a crappy comic book. It was for just this situation that god provided us with both paper bags and dogshit.

Of course, I’ll probably go to hell for poating this. And when I get there, I’ll say to satan, “You Rat!”

12

I didn’t know that Mexico had a Captain Marvel (Señor Marvel? El Captan Marvel? El Quesado Rojo Grande?).

On to Boo!
Haw haw and a pet snake leashed with a string? Awesome!

Wait a sec? Is that an alchemy circle on Satan’s left hand? You fools! That’s just a homunculus!*

See! Created in Heaven. God’s just a crappy alchemist.*

Can Disney sue?
*References to the anime FullMetal Alchemist.

13

This is the reason why teenagers need to do their patriotic duty and go trick-or-treating on Halloween. While young kids politely accept any piece of shit that someone hands them without question, a teenager will appropriately ask, “What the fuck is this?” and make sure that negative reinforcement to shitty behavior is properly applied.

14

Mine got the ones with Nemo on the cover (“Finding Your Way Home”). The Nemo tracts, along with the Spiderman ones, were probably part of the “31 Halloween Tract Pack”, which is no longer available (seasonal items, no doubt - I suppose they have to gear up for putting Christ back in Christmas now).

My kids didn’t mind so much, though. They showed me the tracts, but hastened to add that the people also gave out good candy. And after all, the true meaning of Halloween is getting the good candy.

15

All 3 of my older kids got the same Spiderman tract. No Nemo ones. Anyway, they all got recycled. And I’m helping the kids eat their candy (when they’re not looking.)

16

“Costumes are Cool but heaven is Awesome!”

Geez…the people who write these tracts haven’t really researched the market they’re aiming at, have they?

17

I got the “Boo!” Chick Tract from a co-worker the day before Halloween. I asked her if she got had many trick-or-treaters in her neighborhhod. She told me that her family does not celebrate Halloween because it is a glorification of evil. She then rummaged in her desk and brought out a group of Chick Tracts, handing me the one regarding Halloween. :rolleyes:

18

I got the “Boo!” Chick Tract from a co-worker the day before Halloween. I asked her if she had many trick-or-treaters in her neighborhhod. She told me that her family does not celebrate Halloween because it is a glorification of evil. She then rummaged in her desk and brought out a group of Chick Tracts, handing me the one regarding Halloween. :rolleyes:

19

What is this Spiderman tract you guys are talking about? is it a fundy thing or what? And are they using Spidey with permission? Wouldn’t wanna get Smilin’ Stan mad at ya … :slight_smile:

20

I’ve only ever seen one tract in the entirety of Edmonton, ever. It’s too bad - Boo! is a riot. I especially like the revelation on panel 18: ‘Satanic human sacrifices are a slap in God’s face’.

How do I set my sig now…?