Submitted for your approval: Yahweh kills (or arranges for the death of) three children to spite a sociopathic mother–who, it is implied, is rewarded for ruining their lives with eternal salvation.
This may not be as bad as the one about the child molester who goes unpunished, but it’s disturbingly close.
I LOLed at this:
The folks I’ve known who are like her tend to be superchristian already.
I’m going to move this over to the Pit as these topics can usually get pretty heated and snarky.
Well, it’s got a ‘Haw Haw Haw’ in it, which is a return to form. But we don’t see anyone ushered into the flames.
If it don’t have Jerry Springer, it ain’t worth looking at!
Questions:
So did Petunia’s three sons go to hell? It wasn’t clear to me.
When the ten-year-old hung himself in the cellar, was the dog crying, or sniffing him to see if the body was good to eat?
At the town meeting, when the bearded guy says they should have the preacher go talk to Petunia, because it might help, it looks like the preacher’s speech didn’t help until 5 years later. I wonder if after those 5 years people are going to remember to give credit to Mr. Beard for sending the preacher over.
Mr. & Mrs. Wilson look suspiciously like blood relatives.
Wow. That one was crazy even by Jack Chick standards.
A loving God’s appropriate object lesson to get you to worship him will be to kill your kids one by one.
God loves you so much he’s willing to kill your entire family so the two of you can be together forever.
I don’t know which is weirder–that the badass guy in the wife-beater T-shirt, covered with tattoos, recommends a pastor “because he’s a man of God”, or that the when the pastor asks for prayer the guy who recommended him thinks, “That’s stupid.”
I also like the kid slobbering over the cake.
I thought the whole thing was a joke that was written to make fun of evangelicals until I saw the end - it really IS a tract that real live people print out and distribute?!
Dear Og, no, people DON’T print them out!
They buy the tracts in bundles and distribute them. Seriously. The tracts are available in several languages, and in some cases don’t have any text at all (for people who wish to witness to illiterates). Back when there were public phones, I used to find them on the little shelves. I still find them on the counters of public women’s rooms. And Jack encourages giving out the tracts for Halloween, though he advises giving a piece of candy with the tracts. And I’ve seen people leave tracts as a tip in a restaurant, instead of money. However, Jack, in his infinite kindness, has made certain tracts available for embedding. For free!
I’ve seen tracts - I meant print as in produce. I really thought the whole thing was a joke/spoof!
D’oh!
Well of course they did. They didn’t believe in Jesus, so no Heaven for them!
Sure, you may think that sentencing 3 kids to an eternity of hell-fire is kinda rough, but in terms of weight / afterlife ratio, Heaven got Petunia who is clearly heavier than all her kids combined, so on aggregate it’s a Win for Heaven! Go Jesus!
I like how the newspaper mentions that nobody went to Mr.Parker’s funeral. That’s considerably harsher than any obituary section I’ve ever read.
Yawn Something just doesn’t “Click” in this issue. My all-time fave remains “The Mad Machine” 
With “Somebody Goofed” a close second.
Are these still done by the same original Jack Chick? (Is there really a “Jack Chick”?) I’ve been seeing these li’l comic books since 1970. I think he’s long since jumped the shark.
The dog going “snif” was my favorite.