Inspired by the relationship status thread, I’m wondering what people with time on their hands do to keep the lonelies at bay.
Recently and “officially” single after a good strong run, I’m finding myself planning a quiet (arguably lonely) summer. I may change my mind and get back into the dating scene before too long but right now my head is not quite in that mode and I’m planning a summer of things to do, largely independently:
Move to a larger place and redecorate.
Pick up my training routine by running and swimming longer/faster.
Buy a new bicycle and join a riding club.
Sign up for some triathlons in the area.
Spend an evening or afternoon each week in the local Borders just browsing the isles and drinking too much coffee.
Buy a new laptop with wi-fi to browse SDMB in the local Panera.
Perhaps do my PMP certification.
If I get excited, my J2EE certification as well.
Try writing again. Then burn it all in disgust.
Flirt with attractive women at every opportunity. (not my usual M.O.)
As always, enjoy my children and stay in touch with friends and family.
There. Not exciting but should serve to keep me from jumping off a bridge from boredom and loneliness.
It’s difficult. I moved to Cleveland a little over two years ago. When I lived in other cities, there were usually a large number of transplants, and it was quite easy to make new friends; a lot of people were in the same boat as you. In Cleveland, it’s quite the opposite; most people are natives, and they have circles of friends extending to childhood, making it hard to meet friends.
The other challenge is my age - I just turned 40. In other cities, there were bars where I could feel comfortable, like I was around my peers. Here in Cleveland, it seems like bars cater to the 30-and-under party crowd, or the 55-and-up blue-collar farts; there’s nothing in the middle. Almost everyone I have met in their 30s is married. I’m also too old for the various young adult professional groups here, all cutting off membership to those older than 39.
Geography is also proving to be a challenge. I live in the eastern suburbs. Most of my peers, young professionals in their 30s and eatly 40s, live in the western suburbs.
How do I beat off the lonelies? (No pun intended)
Young adult group at temple. Still, most members are married.
Bookstores.
Dog park near my house, when the ground isn’t muddy. Gets me talking to others; nothing brings strangers together like dogs.
Curling club during the winter. Gets me around people, even though there’s very few singles. Friendly people, lots of social events, but the lonelies hit hard after you’ve spent the weekend surrounded by others at a bonspiel.
Owning a house, so I don’t feel so single; at least I have the same living arrangements as a normal American family. I do feel self-conscious, though - in one place where I lived, one neighbor thought I was a possible child molestor. “Single men in their 30s live in condos, not houses. What’s he doing on a street filled with families?”
Me too, I bike rather than walk. And listen to a lot of radio. And make that play loud music. Last year I took a couple of evening classes to get myself out of the house a bit.
I had an ex ask me if I ever got lonely living alone and I almost didn’t understand the question. Except for odd periods during holidays I have lived on my own since moving out of my parent’s place. She has always shared a house with other people, I guess she finds an empty house a bit weird.
I’m over forty. Even if I did drink, I couldn’t go out to bars, get drunk, and hit on girls; that would put me somewhere between ‘bitter old man’ and ‘dirty old man’.
I…
Go visit friends (they live outside the city; I take the bus to meet them in outlying suburbs, so that can take up much of a day.)
Spend a lot of time on the net.
Buy food.
Browse through bookstores.
Go to a cafe in Bloor West Village, buy a chai latte, and draw.
Work out. (I should be doing this more. It makes me less depressed.)
Draw at home, then shove the drawing through my computer, and do things to it.
Meet people about solar-powered houses.
Sleep.
Eat.
Listen to music.
Go to meetings of the Toronto Esperanto CLub.
Clean my apartemnt.
Ride the bus to and from work. Sometimes I meet people on it, but especially on the ride home, I sleep.
Plan my trip to Italy.
Write letters.
Go to the occaisional almost-all-ages party. Note: in this case, ‘all-ages’ is not a euphemism for ‘no alcohol served, so people under 19 can be present’; this is a party in a community where people from 20 to 60 go. It’s great.
I was much more lonely when I was married, which of course is one of the many reasons why I am now divorced (no kids, thankfully). I spend my time hanging out with my roommate who is also one of my dearest friends, going out dancing, cycling, and basically enjoying being a single twentysomething again. I suffer from way too much to do, not the other way around!
Same here. It’s perfectly natural to live alone and not see anyone for large chunks of the day. It’s been 10+ years of it, and I am getting set in my ways.
For me:
Work
Eat
Watch TV while quilting
Eat
Watch TV while couch potatoing
Eat
Sleep
Breakfast on Fridays with a friend
Scrabble on Friday nights with friends
Occasional basket classes (the teacher is a friend)
Very occasional dinner out with friends
Library board business
Rent movies alone
Go out to movies alone
Occasionally paint a room in the apt, or redecorate, alone
I have to agree with Rashak Mani. I mean what the hell would you be doing if you were in a relationship?
If my GF broke up with me (which may happen in a few weeks as one of marriage deadline ultimatum approaches) the first thing I would do is move back to Manhattan. The second thing I would do is call my friend and see if he has an open share in his shore house. I would then spend the rest of the summer getting drunk and hitting on desperate Jewish girls on Fire Island.
What do I do? Well, I have custody of my kids every other week, so that shoots down half of the time right there.
I’m in a karate class that I’m thinking about quitting, so I spend a fair amount of time thinking of ways to avoid that.
I work. A lot. I own a small business that sucks up a lot of time on my non-kid weekends.
I hang out with my other single friends. Next time, it will be camping and ATVs on the dunes for a weekend. Sometimes it’s the bar (rarely,) sometimes the lake, and soon it will be rodeo season.
I go hunting during season, and scouting in the rest of the year. That’s often by myself, but it’s never lonely.
I like to hang out on the internet and chat with my friends on IM.
Actually, when I add it all up, it seems like I don’t have enough time to myself. I like downtime sometimes, but I guess I’m not the sort of person who needs to be surrounded by a crowd to be happy.
I’m like Cowgirl Jules (except w/o the kids) in that even though I spend alot of time by myself I still feel like I don’t have enough time to myself
Every time I break up with someone I seem to join things. In the past I was in a community orchestra and an aerobics class. I am currently in a bowling league, a dog obedience class, a boxing class and a karate class. I also help do construction at my church on weekends, and when I don’t have a different workout scheduled, I swim at the local rec center.
I also bought a house after the last breakup, so that takes up a nice chunk of time.
So my schedule is usually:
Wake
Work (at home)
Work out/bowl
Eat dinner/clean up
Watch stuff on my “computer in the living room that is a TV” while chatting/surfing
Sleep
Every day except Friday and Sunday I have something scheduled and I am way focused on working out. None of the things I’ve ever joined has had single guys my age. I guess single guys my age are not interested in the same things I am. I used to have a workout partner but he up and left my life.
I don’t spend much time looking for Prince Charming anymore. If he wants to find me, he has to get his ass off the bar stool and come looking
I was single for about 2 1/2 years after a 4 year relationship ended. I can honestly say lonely was never one of my feelings. I’ve found in my life I’m perfectly happy either with someone or by myself.
Does “single with widowed mother” count? “Single, abroad with 5 coworkers”?
My need for social interaction is very low. When I’m in a job where I don’t interact much with other people, I join groups (theater, kendo class, hiking). When I’m in a job where I have to watch what I say and how I say it the whole time (right now my customers don’t have a problem with me being “too direct” but my boss does) then I can’t wait to be alone.
Another one of my coworkers is like that too, thank Og, God, and anybody else who was around. So when the weekend comes and the Others are planning on “partying until the wee hours, not getting laid, coming home puking, crawling out of bed noonish, heading to the beach, getting a wallet stolen because they were dumb enough to leave the camp alone being the whitest guys within 20 miles, rinse and repeat”, this guy and me manage to grab the keys for one of the two cars.
We spend our separate weekends watching our separate TVs (I prefer cop series and music videos, he prefers soccer and ER) or not watching them, or watching DVDs in our separate computers (we loan them to each other too), or reading books at the edge of the pool (later we loan them to each other), and we go for a drive or a walk - usually, each his own way; when one of us wants the car and the other one has the keys, just hop over to the other apartment and ask for it. We’ve also been known to go on a day trip together but we’ve somehow managed to get home with all our money, no stomach problems and in time for dinner.
AAAAAAH! Silence! YES!
PS: “single female in her 30s with widowed mother” should count as a specific social status, I swear. But I’ll leave that for another day.
I go out with my friends, or stay in to drink wine and watch movies.
I’m active in the Society for Creative Anachronism, which means lots of friends and plenty to do.
I used to sing in the church choir, which was fun, but I got too busy to make practices and dropped it.
Living single is easy and fun. You need a hobby or interest (or two or three) that is social in nature, like living history or church activities or ballroom dancing or something, and you need friends you enjoy hanging out with regularly. People DO need companionship and human connections; you just don’t have to be romantically involved to get that.
Don’t forget to eat properly. Go ahead and cook, and no guilt about throwing away what you can’t finish.
Being newly single - the hard way, involving being screwed out of everything I owned, and left with about US$5000 debt, I am basically working and sleeping at the moment. I haven’t done any flirting/singles scene stuff in the six months I’ve been single. I’m mentally fine with things, not heart-broken, or anything, but aside from not having the time or money, I have no inclination to go out doing that stuff at the moment. Ten years ago, I would have, but but now. My only social interactions at the moment, apart from work, are one or two close friends IRL, and several more on the internet, and I’m even neglecting those friendships too much for want of time. Currently, I’m off my main full time job on paid leave, and working dawn 'til dusk from home on my second job as a transcriptionist. Hopefully a few weeks of doing this will be able to put a decent hole in my debt. But I’m certainly not going out hitting the town at the moment.
