Tired of being single...long and rambling

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I don’t know whether this belongs in IMHO or MPSIMS, so mods, do as you will.

I posted my “honest personal ad” in this thread , and it got me thinking.

I’ve been separated a year now, and I’m getting tired of being alone. I’m not looking for some huge commitment, I just want to meet a guy to have some fun with. ( A “friends with benefits” thing would be just about perfect right now.) If something more develops, fine, if not, that’s fine too. The trouble is, all the single guys I know just consider me “one of the guys”…they always say how much fun it is to hang out with me, and say how “nice” I am. (insert puking smiley here.) They always call and include me in their outings, and I appreciate it. But I see couples holding hands and being close and lovey with each other, and it makes me feel like I have a big hole in my life, and would like to fill it. Take that as you will, you dirty-minded bunch. :wink:

Where do you go to meet a nice guy these days? I’d been married for so long that I don’t even know where to start. I think that I’ve totally forgotten how to flirt without feeling like a fool. And it’s been so long since I’ve had sex that I barely remember how it feels. My ex wasn’t interested in sleeping with me, and for years I blamed it on myself - I thought it was because I was physically repulsive, and that’s why he kept rejecting me. I’m slowly starting to realize that it’s NOT true, and that thinking about myself that way is really holding me back, both in the romance and self-esteem departments, but it’s hard to think of yourself as a sexual person when you haven’t for such a long time.

Tomorrow night, I’m going out to a club with the people from work. I bought a sexy, low-cut dress, and if I get the guts, I’m going to wear it. (I’ve gone from an 18/20 to a 12/14…I haven’t worn something sexy in a long time, and I feel a bit self-conscious in it still.) I’m not looking for some stranger to pick me up or anything (not that kind of girl, unfortunately), but I think I look damned good in it, and it would be nice to feel like a woman again. It’s been a long time.

On preview, I guess MPIMS was the place to put this thread. Pointless, rambling, but I still must submit it. I’m not looking for sympathy, I just needed to get some stuff off my chest because it makes me feel better. My friends think I’m crazy for confessing my feelings and shit anonymously on a message board, but sometimes it’s a lot easier than telling someone face-to-face that I’m an imperfect, neurotic person who happens to be sad and lonely quite often lately.

Anyways. Wish me luck, guys. I’ll try out the flirting tomorrow, though I’m quite rusty. Practice makes perfect, right?’:cool:’

2

The next time you see a couple being lovey-dovey, picture them burning in hell.

3

Montana, Wyoming or Alaska! Best of luck. I think it will happen for you when you least expect it. :cool:

4

I just took a look at your ad that you wrote and if you lived closer I’d definitely be interested in a woman like you. So rather than give you advice about how to find a guy, I’ll advise you where you could find a guy like me.

As of late, I’ve been in the local bars either hanging out with my mates or playing pool. Pool could be a great for you to meet guys, as there are several amatuer leagues that are run from area bars. Plenty of guys although many are married or dating. Check here for info about this. http://www.poolplayers.com/

If you’re a reading-type person, hanging in a cafe/bookstore could be successful. Many times I’ve seen women casually reading a book and I’ve thought of approaching them for some conversation. In the end I chickened out but someday I may find some courage.

A bowling alley isn’t a great place to find someone, as most of the bowlers in my league are senior citizens or married. Dance clubs (from my limited experience) tend to attract the simple, uninteresting people. Of course there are always exceptions.

Best of luck to you, and if you ever come down near Philly look me up. :slight_smile:

5

I call “bullshit” on this. I’ve been “least expecting” it for years. Hasn’t happened yet. When non-single-for-life people say this, it always reminds me of the healthy guy sitting beside the dying guy saying, “Don’t worry. The pain will be gone soon.”

I think I’ll pit my social life.

Alexxandra, if you find where the single females are hiding out (other than church), you’ll lemme know, right?

6

Why don’t you single dopers do a Single DopeFest in your respective towns? You already have SOMETHING in common with everyone – the boards! And you all know a little bit about each other. It could be fun! And if you come out of it with just new friends, lucky you!

7

It’s a pain I know all too well, and it hurts too <sigh>

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This is a very insteresting OP. See, change genders, and that story would be very similar to many guys.

I know if I met a girl who I could feel treat like ‘one of the guys’ I wouldn’t have any problems being romantically interested; in fact, that would be like the best of both worlds to me.

Its ironic; I had always wallowed in my personal ignorance that women didn’t have any problems getting into relationships. I had always viewed pairing up as a proposition/compliance dynamic between a man and woman.

I wish I could meet more gals like you Alexxandra :slight_smile:

9

You may well find that a lot of your male friends probably do fancy you, but don’t show it. Try asking one of them out, just you and him, for whatever you normally do as a group. After a few times, get yourself really drunk, and snog him!
If it fails badly, then you can blame the drink!

10

Given the number of relationships that have sprung up at DopeFests, I think that that’s what most of them are! The married & involved Dopers are just there to act as chaperones. :rolleyes:

11

Oh, and ditto on what Frank#2 said–were I single, and you local, I’d definitely give you a call.

So, where you’d find guys like me:

The SCA, for one thing. If you’re even remotely interested in medieval/ren faire kind of stuff, the SCA can be lots of fun. Whereabouts are you in Canada? There are active groups in most of the big cities.

Karate class or various other types of exercise class.

In general, find stuff to go out and do, and you’ll meet guys with the same interests…

12

Eh. I’ve been single for, what, 20-some years now? and always will be. You get used to it; you find other things to get interested in, and you remind yourself of the advantages of being alone.

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snoopy: Funny! Burrrn you tonsil-hockey lip-lockers! BURRRN!

Violet and Turek: I hear that all the time, too. Usually from people with SO’s. I know that when it happens, it’ll happen, but DAMN I am tired of waiting.

**Frank #2 **: I do need to get myself out there more. You have great suggestions…maybe I’ll go hang out at Chapters more often. I love that place! Bowling actually attracts too young of a crowd here…late teens and early 20’s mostly. It is a pretty funky bowling alley.

kalhoun I asked about an Edmonton dopefest once, and I don’t think there’s enough of us around here…would have been fun, though!

Ryan_liam Yeah, sucks, don’t it?

Incubus: For the longest time, the men I hang with all thought of me as married, and knew I wasn’t a cheat. Maybe they still mentally put me in the “taken” category, who knows?

brainfizz Funnily enough, I was considering that exact same thing. Poor beer, it gets blamed for so much…:slight_smile:

Elthirist Aww, that’s sweet…thanks to Frank#2 also, BTW. I’m hopefully (!!) going to be in school this fall at a big technical college. If anything, I’m going to meet a whole bunch of new friends, and that’s always a good thing.

It’s not like I am particularly fussy or anything, either. I’ve found men of all races/ages/body types attractive at one time or another. Sense of humor is #1 in my book. Maybe I should be more patient, but until then, it can be a pretty lonely life. Thanks for all the replies!

14

Chaperones?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Yeah, right.

But I agree with Ethilrist on one thing. Dopefests are the best place to meet people of the opposite sex. Especially the mega-fests.

Remember folks - Chi-dope is coming soon!

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Eve: Yeah, there are advantages, I admit it. I have absolute freedom in all my actions, and never have to “check in” with anybody. I don’t need somebody to take care of me. But the lack of love in my life does bother me, and I’m not happy about it. Some people are very happy single, and more power to them, and to you.

16

Good on you, Alexx! I think you’re taking exactly the right steps here - you’re not looking to jump headlong into a relationship, you want to go out and have fun and enjoy yourself! That’s a really healthy approach. And experiences like tonight will help show you that you’re much more attractive than you fear you are. Go put on that low-cut dress, you’ll be at the bar five minutes and see how much attention you’re getting and you’ll forget all about being self-conscious. Go out there and knock 'em dead, lady.

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Good luck at the club, Alexxx (oops, sorry - got carried away with the Xes)! Hope you have some fun, whatever the romantic atmosphere of your evening. I’m sure you’ll look great in that dress!

As for being single, yeah, it can be lonely and depressing at times, but I like it. I can do what I want with my free time, can flirt with anybody and not feel guilty, and I can talk and kick in my sleep all night.

Anyway, here’s a hug for any Single Dopers that are feeling a little bummed:
{{{{{{{{{ :slight_smile: }}}}}}}}}

18

I have very little originality to add to this thread. I’ll just agree that whenever I’ve seen you around the board Alexxandra I’ve had a very positive impression of you (plus girls named Alex are hot). I also agree with Brainfizz. I promise that at least one of your ‘just one of the guys’ friends has a thing for you.

Also, being un-single isn’t necessarily all it’s cracked up to be, either. I usually find myself longing for whichever situation I’m currently not in. That’s just life, I guess. Good luck finding whatever will make you happy.

19

See, maybe because I’m a guy, but if I see a girl I am interested in, I’ll assume ‘available’ until she mentions a SO. Its worth a shot. And a lot of ladies I am attracted to turn out to have a SO :frowning:

Relationships aren’t everything. I haven’t really dated for 6 years (which is more than a quarter of my life) and one reason I don’t really try much is because I haven’t found anyone who is genuinely interested in me. I had spent a lot of time trying to get people to like me, then gave up. I’m not really unhappy in my situation; I guess I’m just ambivalent about realtionships at the present time.

20

I know exactly what you are going through! FLirt? whats that? who knows, Because i know I don’t. Good luck though :slight_smile: