Or, at least, not dying prematurely.
Every rule based on a real case. (At least my offerings0
Rule #1: Do not, repeat do not, get drunk, exit a nightclub at 2 AM, and get into an argument concerning a woman in the parking lot.
Rule #2. If you have a dicky heart, or are over 35, or don’t know if you have a dicky heart, don’t do cocaine.
Rule #3. If you are prone to seizures, don’t get drunk. At least, don’t get drunk alone, where no one can see you seizing yourself to death.
Rule #4. If you go to a drug house to use heroin (bring your own sterile needles, of course), sit down with the other denizens before you begin to indulge, and explain to them that if you overdose, you want them to call 911, who will give you Narcan. Tell them you do not want them to put you clothed or naked into a dry bathtub and pack you in ice. Emphasize to them you specifically do not want your sensitive private parts packed in ice.
(I am sort of hoping QtM will hijack this thread with a branch called “If you don’t want to go to prison.”)
Rule #5. Do not lie to your doctor. Particularly, do not conceal from your doctor your privately worrisome symptoms.
Rule #6. If you are in the best of health, feel fine, are never sick a day in your life, and are over 40, go to a doctor.
Rule #6 The tragedy of the fatal Tums overdose: If you are over 30, and you have troublesome episodes of heartburn that are only vaguely related to meals, and you take Tums once and it doesn’t go away, and you take Tums again and it doesn’t go away, and you take Tums a third time and it goes away very slowly as if it were grumbling, do not ascribe your improvement in symptoms to the third Tums dose. Go to the ER and tell them you think you might be having a heart attack.
That was meant to be rule 6a, sorry.
Off to work,
Gabriela
I have nothing to add to this except to say that I’m glad to see the word “member” under your name. Thanks for joining, I enjoy your posts.
- Do not under any circumstances ever get into a car where the driver is impaired. Even if the driver is you. Even if you only had one snort or a couple of drinks. Do not ever do this.
This might save your life and keep you from going to prison.
- Don’t mess with any cops. Be respectful.
Rule #9. If you have any doubts about how much you know about electricity, do not attempt to hook up a generator.
Rule #10. If you’re working in rafters, always wear a safety harness.
Rule #10a. If you absolutely have to unhook your safety harness momentarily, rehook it immediately.
Rule #11. If you’ve been drinking, that’s not the best time to go for a swim. Especially not in the ocean. Especially not at night. Especially especially not alone.
Rule #12: Do not walk along railroad tracks with earphones on and the volume on high.
Rule #13: No matter how rushed you are, when you want to be on the other side of a train stopped to pick up passengers, do not try to scuttle underneath one of the cars. Especially if you have a couple of small children with you.
Rule #14: Do not walk along railroad tracks if you are Miss Deaf Texas.
#15: My rule for arguments: Know when to walk away and know when to run.
There is always a point before things get ugly when you can drop it and RUN. And it’s usually a good idea to do so.
#16- Never say “Oh YEAH? Whadda gonna do…SHOOT ME?”
#17 - Do not develop a serious casino gambling habit at a tender young age then decide to follow a big winner into the parking lot, rob him, and then execute him while he pleads for his life and there are witnesses around. The state has the death penalty and even if you postpone that for decades, you will still be confined to one of the most notorious prisons in the country for the rest of your life so what is the difference? That wasn’t something my good childhood friend should ever have done.
#18 - Do not, while working at a bandsaw, drop a piece of wood on the floor, bend down to pick it up, and rest your hand on the cutting counter while doing so.
We now refer to my grandfather as “Captain Hook”.
#19 Never smoke [del]in bed[/del], ah hell, NEVER SMOKE!
#20. If your father, in a fit of anger, yells “Do I look that stupid?” Do not answer him!
My brother did that once, just once, but he recovered fine.
#21: Don’t eat at McDonalds everyday for lunch.
#22. Don’t die.
#23. Keep breathing.
Susan
(32 years of following this tip, and I’m still here!)
I’ll have you know that I am typing this while cross-legged…
#24a. There seems to be a tradition that a well equipped wood shop should also have a beer refrigerator. There is no logic behind this. Even if you manage to retain all the pieces that were part of you when you entered the world, think about it: You bought the very best power tools you could afford to give you increased accuracy in your woodworking, and there are no studies that document increased accuracy or caution after consuming alcohol.
#24b. Revolutions in plastic technology mean that you can buy very good eye protection at a reasonable price. Hearing protection is also very affordable. Basic safety techniques found in any woodworking book will show you how to avoid dangerous, or even fatal accidents. There’s no reason in the world that you should walk away from a power tool (or be dragged away) in a condition worse than when you started your work.