Am I right to be angry?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Ok, some back story here, my husband has a child from a previous relationship. The mother has been nothing but a problem fom day one. She is mean, rude, obscene…and that isn’t just my opinion either. No one I know likes her, she has few friends, those of which apparently only are around because of drugs. It has been a constant fight about the child and me since my husband and I got together.
Anyway tonight I check my messages and there is one from ex-girlfriend’s mother. Ex has been in a wreck, and wanted her to call my husband. Nothing is said about the child so I am thinking the worst and wake up my husband. I tell him I have called the hospital back and to wait until ex’s mom returns my call. He leaves anyway, rushes to the hospital. Five minutes later I get the call saying that the child was not in the car, the Ex is the only one hurt.

OKay so why did she call us? My husband is not responsible for her anymore. That was at 10:00, it is now 11:00 and he is still gone. (we live like ten minutes away from the hospital). He also doesn’t know that I know that the child is okay.

I am getting more and more angry as time passes by. Is this wrong? I hate the ex, if I liked her would it be different?

I just wish he would come home so I could yell at him!

2

I guess it depends on how much of a bitch she was, but for the most part, she is still the mother of his child. If she’s in the hospital and injured, a visit from him I would think is exceptable.

3

For, as of now an hour and a half?

HOw much of a bitch? She has threatened to take the child aways forever just because my husband would not give her money to get beer for a perty she was having. She was mad, said “well you will keep your kid for me to have a party it is the same as giving me money!” To which he made a reply about being for the child’s safety, not her benifit. She threatens, screams, assaults, cusses, and lies to my husband on an everyday basis. She won’t work, she quit her last job becuase of a co worker used to date someone who was friends with someone she hated. :confused: Stupid. We pay her child support that isn’t even court ordered, she lives off that, and still had to move back with her mother becuase they shut off her power. For some reason, my husband felt responsible for the power shut off. :confused:
she hit him once because he said he the child looked like his own mother at that age. She puched him in the face while he was driving us (her, child and me, up a very curvy and steep hill) back home becuase she refused to buy a new battery for her car, which refused to start in our driveway because she needed the money to pay a gilr to babysit, so she could work…she didn’t have a job at the time! :wally She said that we could keep her so long as I didn’t make the child like me, not becuase she feared losing the child one day, but becuase she didn’t what the child to grow up and look like me instead of her. :confused:

4

Huh…

5

She sounds like a piece of work, but no, it’s not unreasonable for someone to be concerned about an ex and the mother of their child being in an auto accident.

You know that the kid is fine, your husband is fine, and apparently you don’t care about the woman in question.

Watch some television or go to bed.

6

It sounds like you don’t really trust your husband, why else would you really be worried?

7

You haven’t mentioned the relationship between the ex and your husband; it seems to me that that is the variable that determines how explicable her action was.

8

Not worried about that, I am more angry that she called him. I know he left thinking that the child was hurt.

He is home now, he met up with his Granny, who’s boyfriend was there, also in the ER. He has been at his house for the last hour. He stayed the time he did with the EX to help the aides restrain her because she was throwing things and screaming. I feel stupid for getting crazy. But I am still angry for her calling him.

Husband gave me the, I don’t want anyhing to happen to the mother of my child for my child’s sake, she loves her mother so I don’t want to take her from my child, speech.

He is right, but I really can’t stand her, on top of that I have always gone out of my to be nice to her, I am tired of being the adult here. I just want to cry and scream and throw a fit about things for once…okay well I guess I did.

9

There are advantages to doing that anonymously on a messageboard, aren’t there?

I’m glad that you’ve calmed down. And I can understand your reaction of being furious about having this woman forcing herself back into your life, for something that wasn’t your fault. I think your husband did the right thing, but that’s different from saying that your anger was unreasonable.

As someone who got caught up in the fallout from a custody battle, I agree: sometimes being the adult sucks . I think that the thing to remember is that you only have to live with her actions some of the time. She has to live with herself all the time. (evil grin)

10

Wow, I would have had to really fight not to take it to him myself. :smiley: But you so did the right thing.

Yes, I calmed down and we had a long talk about family and priorities. Of course it helps to him say what an ass she is, but I am glad that my husband is man enough to be a fther and get along with his ex, unlike his on MIA dad.

11

mrald, please consider one thing. Being in even a minor accident can really rattle a person and make her want to reach out for comfort. No matter how big a bitch your husband’s ex is, and she sounds like a huge one, presumably she still sees him as someone she can turn to for comfort. It doesn’t sound like she has many other people. She probably wasn’t thinking about the effect it would have on you; she and her mother may not have thought for a moment that you would conclude your husband’s child was injured. She may well have just been shaken and scared and looking for someone to turn to.

Was it selfish? Of course it was, although given her track record as you’ve described it, that shouldn’t exactly be a surprise. On the other hand, take it as a tribute to your husband’s good qualities that, despite everything she’s done, she still sees him as someone to turn to when things get tough.

12

Take the high road. The less you behave like the ex, the more you will endear yourself to your husband. After all, he married you. It’s unfortunate the child has parents who don’t love each other, but you married the whole package and this situation, right or wrong, is part of your life now.

Her rantings are childish, and you need to keep them in perspective. Do the right thing and be a positive influence in the child’s life and help your husband provide a stable environment for her. Good luck.

13

Thank you for your replies, you are all right, but I for some reason decided to flip out last night. :o

For the record, as we know now, my husband wasn’t the first one called. His uncle was. It seems his ex-con uncle and his baby’s mother are dating (well they are sleeping together anyway), and that squicks me and my husband out somewhat. The uncle never even went to the hospital, he found out about the wreck and left and went to the liquor store. :eek:

I don’t like her, but damn that was cold.

We have the child today, I am determined to just be an adult.
We’ll keep the freaking out just between us ok. :wink:

14

I feel your pain. I am not too fond of my boyfriend’s ex (and mother of his 3 kids). Mainly because she is greedy and lazy, and basically uses the generous amount of child support she gets from my boyfriend to fund her comfortableb upper-middle class lifestyle. At 29, she’s never worked a day in her life, and just leeches off guys to support her so she won’t have to work. When she recently found out my boyfriend lost his job, all she could say was what about my money?! and threaten to take him to court if she didn’t get her money (despite the fact she is remarried and her husband makes good money).

I could go on, but you get the point…

15

Take a chill pill or divorce your husband. It will get better eventually.

16

Must… not… correct… post… must… resist… aaarrrrrghhhh.

You mean ‘acceptable’?

17

IMHO, the bottom line is, she is the mother of his child. If she is hurt, that is going to potentially affect both him and the child. It’s not unreasonable to notify your husband, and for your husband and his ex to need to discuss the situation.

If the ex is just looking for sympathy or to create some weird drama, that’s not cool, but again, the bottom line is that if your husband and his ex can create at least a civil and cordial relationship, it’s better for the child.

I’ve practiced family law. I’ve handled some very ugly custody disputes. The absolute truth is that when parents go tit for tat, and hold grudges, and spend all their time worrying about who deserves what kind of treatment, and who should be accountable for what past grudges, the only person who suffers is the child. And children with parents who fight like that suffer greatly.

I heartily recommend that you and your husband suck it up and be civil to his ex, no matter how crazy she acts, and no matter how much it kills you to do so. In my experience, it reduces the amount of overt conflict, and helps the child deal with the situation better. And it’s how the kid feels that is most important.

Don’t say negative things about her to the child. Even if she says negative things about you and your husband to him.

All the kids I ever met in custody battles were in protracted therapy. The ones whose parents chose to avoid the courts, but were still very acrimonious, usually needed extensive therapy, whether they got it or not.

The child’s well-being should be the primary concern of you, your husband, and his ex. You don’t need to knock yourself out being overly “nice”–just be civil. If you find doing that frustrating, find an outlet. Maybe invest in a punching bag. :slight_smile:

18

I think this is an excellent post.
I agree that the innocent child must be protected. I’m sorry your husband’s ex behaves so badly, but you have a happy marriage and she is just making herself more miserable.
Good luck.

19

Um…that situation doesn’t sound very healthy for any child. Who was watching the kid when ex-con uncle went to the liquor store and ex was not around?

How old is this child?
The ex sounds mentally unstable and your husband sounds co-dependent, to some degree. I hope you see this child regularly, so that he/she is exposed to somewhat normal relationships.

20

If I didn’t know my boyfriend’s ex only had one child I’d swear we had the same “ex”!

I feel for you. Psychotic ex’s are the worst. Especially when they are the mother of your SO’s child. My boyfriend’s ex apparently feels that because she is the mother of his child (which he didn’t even want her to have) he is now permenantly indebted to her for the rest of his natural born life. I’ve never in my life seen such an overblown sense of entitlement from a person before. And she won’t even say my name. I’m just “the whore.” She says this around the child, who visits us every other weekend. I get really depressed when I think about all the damage that has to be happening to this child, as a result of her mothers craziness.

I understand your angst. It does really suck to always have to be the adult while the ex gets to throw regular temper tantrums and generally act like a two year old all the time.