No! We're not paying her rent anymore!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m a bitch.

My husband has an ex-wife. No children were produced from this union, but for two years he has paid her rent. Not because the court ordered him to, but because he didn’t want to leave her “out in the cold.”

Last month, we married. At the beginning of May, we told her that we would pay half of June’s rent and then there would be no more payments. The ex-wife called my husband and asked him “How could you do this to me? I don’t have a job. I’ll be evicted and Sweetie [her cat] and I will be homeless.” Then her boyfriend, who lives in Germany, called Mr. Maven many times. :mad: German BF said the Ex needed help and he could not support her because he has an ex-wife and kids. Mr. Maven broke down and paid the full amount. He did it mainly to get the German BF to leave him alone.

Today, the Ex sent Mr. Maven an email stating that she still did not have a job and that she needed him to continue paying her rent.

Hubby: I don’t want her to be evicted.

Me: She had 30 days to find something. That’s more than most people get!!

Hubby: What about the cat? I don’t want her to be put to sleep in the pound.

Me: I lived with 12 cats when I lived with my friends. We have two and three-quarters cats now. We’ll take the cat. Sweetie can’t help her situation, but your ex can take care of herself.

Hubby: I just feel bad for her.

Me: I have known you for over a year. I’ve met Ex. She has never thanked you for making those payments. The only time she talks to you is to ask for money. If she had shown any appreciation, I would feel more comfortable about helping her. I feel like she’s just using you and emotionally blackmailing you.

Hubby: Do we have to put $ in savings? We could use that money to . . .

Me: If we were to put less in savings, I would rather it go toward some outstanding debts we have. Hell, I would rather see you use the money to buy that kayak you’ve been drooling over.

Hubby: What about her boyfriend?

Me: If the boyfriend calls, tell him that it’s illegal to harass someone on the phone in the U.S. If Ex calls, tell her that you’ll get a restraining order against them both. Let her try to get into Germany with that on the books.

Hubby: I wish I had a thick skin like you.

sigh I feel like a horrible person. If we stopped putting money in savings, we could pay Ex’s rent, but she’s had time to get her act together. She’s an adult (older than me, and I’m 29.) She can take care of herself.

Yep. I’m a cast-iron bitch.

2

I don’t think you are. He’s been paying her rent for 2 years? He’s a lot nicer than I am.

3

:smiley: Thank you :smiley:

Mr. Maven is very sweet and generous. It’s one of the things I love about him. I don’t like seeing someone take advantage of him.

4

Wow…it’s amazing that she still expects to have her rent paid. Did she miss the “you’re divorced now” memo? Glad you’re there to be tough for Mr. Maven.

GT

5

No way, you are being much nicer than I would be! Child support is one thing but her rent? She sounds like a user, you you very right about not wanting to pay her rent.
Tel her to get a job like the rest of us and pay her own rent.

6

I wonder how many times a day the ex and her boyfriend laugh at your husband. He’s paying her rent? For two years? Yeah, he’s a sucker.

Fortunately for you, you have a very kind sucker and I hope you tell him that. What he has done is go far beyond the bounds of kindness and consideration. Sounds like a good catch to me. As far as the cat? Rename the poor thing and take it in.

Even if he pays her rent, who is paying for everything else if she doesn’t have a job? Electricity, phone, cable? A german boyfriend can be pretty expensive with the phone calls and visits and all. I think I’ll call bullshit on her, that or she is snowing more than just your husband.

7

I just can’t imagine her taking two years to find a job (at least part time enough to pay for her and cat)

I know I have money probs, but I go to school and work full-time, mrs. hatter works a 40-hour week and next week she’s added a second job for about 32 hours a week…and we are making it…
IMHO, you have been more than polite and if you’ve been putting yourself out, maybe this should’ve happened before. I feel no sympathy for ex. just can’t…

8

Wow…

this makes me sound really mean…I’m not, I just mean, c’mon…
she could get a job…what does she do all day? I dunno…I guess it’s something that just makes me glad I’m not the German boy (does he know what he’s getting into?)
google ads - new york literary agency, info on black expressions, write children’s books, and African American Love… :confused:

9

A bitch? Are you shitting me? I would have half a mind to deposit a rent sandwich between that leech-woman’s teeth with my knuckles, not my checkbook.

What’s scary is that she’s so manipulative that she’s not only won over your husband but even you, while you watch the money that’s supposed to be for your marriage evaporate for some worthless asshat who lives for free on her sucker ex. What do you think she says about you to her friends?

10

Three-quarters of a cat? What? And you should know better than to post something about a cat in MPSIMS without pictures. Shame! :smiley:

Seriously, I’m glad you have the gumption to stand up to her. If she had a job and was having trouble making ends meet, I could maybe see helping her out, but she sure doesn’t sound like she’s making the slightest effort to get back on her own two feet. Your husband did his ex a huge favor in paying her rent that long, and he certainly doesn’t owe her anything else. And you might ask the phone company about blocking particular numbers- I believe it can be done, and that might be an easy solution to the German boyfriend’s calls.

11

You’re not being mean. Some exes, either by design or through habit, will bleed their previous partner dry if allowed to do so. I know, I had one once.

After I’d already, over a period of months, “helped” her with several dozen things, she called me one day and caught me at the wrong time. She said the brakes on her car were going bad and would I come pick her car up and work on it or get somebody else to, please pretty please?

For some reason, I lost it right then. After doing many post-divorce favors and paying several bills for her with nary a complaint, I just lost it thusly:
“We’re not married any more! Get one of your motherfuckin’ good time charlie friends to fix your motherfuckin’ brakes! Divorce means your brakes ain’t my motherfuckin’ problem!” and I slammed the phone down.

I felt bad for maybe, two seconds, and then I felt really good. And guess what? Decades have passed, and she hasn’t called me for a single dime or a single favor since. Some people just have to have the meaning of D-I-V-O-R-C-E explained to them.

Your situation will continue until until y’all stop supporting her, then she’ll find another way to cope. But she’ll never stop the current situation herself. You and your husband will have to be the ones to stop it.

12

Are you being a bitch?

I hardly think so.

Is there some really good reason the ex-wife doesn’t have a job?

Please tell your husband that there is a difference between doing someone an occasional favour out of sheer goodness, and sacrificing your current happiness and security for someone who frankly sounds completely undeserving.

13

Hubby: I wish I had a thick skin like you.

Please tell hubby that complete strangers on the internet (always a reliable source of feedback) think that there’s a difference between callous and sensible.

14

When you guys stop paying her rent, I could sure use someone to pay my mortgage so me and my awesome dog don’t lose our house. Cuz…I hear you have some money in savings, and you guys are really nice like that…

Just sayin’…
:wink:

15

What bothers me most is that she never thanks your husband. That shows she feels she has a “right” to his money. And nothing good can come of that attitude.

A kind-hearted friend of mine, " Roger" once took in a stranger (“Carl”) who lived in his guestroom for a couple months. To say the least, Carl wasn’t a good guest, and after a few months he moved on to a new girlfriend. But bills in Carls name kept coming to Rogers house, even though Roger had asked Carld not to do that anymore. I helped Roger to call the senders of the bills (including the hospital !) that Carl didn’t live there anymore and that Roger took no responsibility for the bills.
When Carl heard this, he was furious. He made threats to me and, in general, showed his true face. But that was the end of it, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

It turned out later the Carl had stolen and sold large parts of Rogers coin collection while living under his roof. :mad:

16

Giving her a hand is one thing. But if the reason she doesn’t have a job was any kind of illness, it would be mentioned in the OP.

I’ve been in a job market with 24% official unemployment (not including people who had graduated from college or tech school less than 2 years prior); “real” unemployment was estimated over 30%. You couldn’t even get a job flipping burgers.

I moved. So did several hundred thousand other Spaniards my age. One reason many people here will yell back at anybody who complains about inmigration without saying “illegal” is that half the bloody country has been a migrant at some point.

I’m sure the situation wherever she lives isn’t that bad. Flipping burgers isn’t the love of my life, but if I had had that choice in '94 I would have taken it rather than go on asking my parents to feed me.

17

There is something severely wrong with this scenario. I have NEVER heard of an ex continuing to ‘maintain’ his previous partner financially when there are no kids to add to the equation.

Unless…he is incredibly wealthy, and accumulated his riches while they were married (in which case she might have some claim on them) but that doesn’t sound like it might be the case.

Another possibility is that she is holding something ‘over’ him…information or whatever that could screw him over if she were to reveal it, hence the willingness to keep her safe and secure *and * silent.

Hate to be the harbinger of bad news Maven, but I really think there is something happening here that you are not privy to. No ex continues to support his partner financially unless something really weird is going on. Are you sure you have all the info?

18

Either that or she simply knows she’s still got her claws in deep and can bleed him for all he’s worth. I suspect she got nervous when he hooked up with Maven (because I suspect most new girlfriends would have an aneurysm if their boyfriend was paying for their ex’s apartment when they didn’t have any kids together) but hey, the gravy train kept coming and some calls from her boyfriend set things “right” so why worry?

Maven, your boyfriend is way more than “nice.” He’s nice to the point of being a doormat, and I’d wager he does nearly anything to avoid confrontation. Not only do you have to worry that he’ll backslide on your agreement, but the ex might escalate the situation, claiming more and more dire circumstances - not to mention that he might act in a similar “don’t make waves” way in your relationship which could cause a lot of buried resentment in him someday. Be very careful in how you proceed. Hopefully I’m being worrying over nothing and this will all pass without incident, but perhaps not.

19

Not only would I not be willing to pay her rent, I wouldn’t be feeling guilty about not doing so. Two years is way more nice than I would be.

20

Have you never met anyone who is too nice for their own good? Sounds to me like the Mister is just one of those. No sinister undertones are necessarily present.