Gee Hastur, I know that relationship breakdowns can be messy, especially when there is money and property involved, but I don’t think I need to read all the grizzly details on a messageboard.
I understand that you need to rant, but if you’re expecting some sort of affirmation about the righteousness of your stance, then I think you just *might * be in the wrong place.
I dunno, it just seems very tacky to me. :rolleyes:
I am very frustrated and his attempt to say that I should repay him for the time during when we were married while I was incapacitated and trying to get on disability just hurts and galls me.
I feel funny commenting on this cause it feels like it is none of my business, but here we are!
Why do you want to drag this out in court when it seems clear that you both probably owe each other something and it all will probalby cancel out. If what he says is true, or even half of it, the fact that grandma always bails him out won’t mean POO in court if that is the kind of arrangement he and his g parents agreed to. I’m sorry --you sound like you got burned, but come across as being bitter and spiteful. IMHO.
Also, be careful what you write in here, since it can be used against you.
Seeing as you guys were married, wouldn’t the damage depost be considered a communial expense like the utilities and rent and stuff?
IANAL, but it does sound like yer ex, jerk-face though he may be, might be right about that part.
It still sux for you, but maybe you should consult with a lawyer. :eek:
Good luck! Breaking up is hard to do. In the past I’ve just always blown off monies owed to me by exes (and yes, it has been thousands of $$) just to be done with them.
Hastur, I really feel for you, and I know you’re having a hard time, but since nobody else is willing to be honest with you, I feel I should.
A. You need to stop posting these e-mails you get. Frankly, they make you look bad.
B. You were never married. Sorry, I know you feel you were, but you and Adam were two guys, and two guys cannot be legally married in the US. As far as the courts are concerned, this is a roommate dispute, nothing more. Bringing up the invitation and wedding pictures means nothing==you were never married in any legal sense.
C. You need to move on. By the way you post, it sounds like the bitterness you display online is alienating all your real-life friends, a bad strategy for someone in your position. Is there any way you can get Adam to agree to a binding arbitration? That might be your best bet.
Speaking strictly on the grounds that you might take your ex to small claims over this, my suggestion would be that you not write any more letters, especially one like the one you just wrote.
Whatever you right to this guy he might take to court with him, and that letter does not make you look good at all.
Stick to the facts about who owes what. Also be sure to bring proof. If you don’t have receipts, voided checks or anything of that nature to prove what you claim, you won’t get far.
Also, if it’s going to court, posting here just might not be a good idea-just to be on the safe side.
Or am I being paranoid.
Seriously, don’t contact him at all. I think everyone else said it best-drop contact, don’t post all the nitty gritty details. Otherwise, you run the risk of dragging everything else down with it.
If this is about vindictiveness (or “teaching a lesson” or whatever you want to call it) and not about the true need for the money, you really should drop it. A psychologist might say that this is your way of keeping the relationship going. End it. Move on.
By the way, I don’t know where you live but bringing a wedding album to show that you were married is probably a bad idea. I don’t know where you are but in most places you’d probably be the subject of a lot of mockery.
You’re angry and sad. That is understandable considering you’ve gone through a divorce, whether or not the state recognizes it.
However, IMO, you are subjecting yourself to far more grief than whatever satisfaction you hope to gain from this small claim.
Regardless of the outcome, your heart will still be broken. And there’s a real possibility you may end up owing him thousands of dollars. Not exactly the best formula for recovery.
My humble advice is to withdraw the small claim, cut off all contact with your ex, and work on healing yourself.
I don’t think that was “kicking Hastur when he’s down,” I think it was a well-intentioned attempt to save him pain. hajario is quite right that the wedding album is not going to impress a judge - it’s just going to create a scene that’s going to leave Hastur feeling worse than ever. Because no matter how much we might all want things to be different, his marriage is not valid in the eyes of the law, and they will treat this as a roommate situation, not a marriage. If he’s lucky, the judge will be compassionate when he tells him “no dice,” but there are a fair number of uncompassionate judges out there.
Hastur, please talk to a lawyer before you go to court. Talk to a law student in a legal clinic if you can’t afford to talk to a lawyer. But if your ex’s letter is accurate, you could be setting yourself up for even more hurt. Find out if there’s any chance you could end up having to pay back all your disability benefits to the government before you go down this road.
Even if there’s no chance you’ll get stuck for those thousands, think twice before filing. It sounds to me like what you’re really doing is seeking a divorce decree and property division, and that’s just not what you’re going to end up with. If you must have some sort of ceremonial declaration that it’s over, go burn his effigy or something. This isn’t going to make you feel any better when it’s over, and it probably isn’t going to make him feel any worse, either.
Please listen to what everyone is saying here, calm down a moment and try to see what will be best for you. Not for ex, not for what is right, or fair, or owed…but what will be best and healthiest for you. If you desperatly need the money, push on with the suit, but get a lawyer or visit a law clinic to get a handle on what you need to prepare and expect.
If you aren’t starving for the cash…walk away. Set it all down and walk away. It hurts, so let it hurt and start healing, stop digging your fingers in the wound and seeing how much blood you can let out. Don’t worry about fair, or owed, or lessons, just worry about you. Take very, very good care of yourself. (I’m partial to spending time in a hot tub with a trashy sci fi novel, but YMMV.) Its not fair or right that your marriage isn’t legally accepted. Its not fair or right that you have no legal protection during your divorce, leaving you vulnerable finatially as well as emotionally. You are owed big time. Give yourself what you are in the power to do so. Long walks, hot showers, good books, fresh fruit, whatever makes you feel simply happy and cared for.
But its time to let this go. I know you have the strength to do it.