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  #1  
Old 10-04-2006, 05:13 PM
wasson wasson is offline
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Tell me about your online dating experiences

After my recent break up, I decided the best way to mend my broken heart is to get back on that horse and date around a little bit. So I am.

I signed up on match.com not really knowing the first thing to expect out of the whole deal. I figured the guy is the one who will probably do the first contact, so I've been sending out some emails, making sure they're personalized to the profile I'm reading.

Through my limited experiences, it seems like the vast majority of people don't even bother replying. Is this standard? I get an email back on about 1 out of 3 I send. Am I doing something wrong, or is this just how it works?

Is every replied email basically a guaranteed date, or should there be some volleying of emails back and forth before the date offer?

Give me the basics on this whole deal. I'm completely blind.
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  #2  
Old 10-04-2006, 05:18 PM
Maastricht Maastricht is offline
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A reply to one in three e-mails? Trust me, you're doing great.
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  #3  
Old 10-04-2006, 05:28 PM
FormerMarineGuy FormerMarineGuy is offline
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My sister signed up for a few of these dating sites also and from what I understand, 1 out of 3 is not so bad. A lot of people who sign up for these sites either:

1) Forgot they signed up and never follow up with the sign up.

2) Might not be as interested in you (nothing personal, but some people are selective and not as polite in responding to e-mails).

3) Are married.

My sister has dated a few guys she met on these sites and has not had much luck (specifically the site you mentioned). She has met some weirdos, a stalker, and a few guys who just wanted sex. The most recent one was married, claimed to work for the associated press and the last thing he told her (when he stood her up) was that he had a last minute interview with Hugo Chavez.

She has more luck with eharmony, believe it or not.
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  #4  
Old 10-04-2006, 05:30 PM
FormerMarineGuy FormerMarineGuy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wasson
After my recent break up, I decided the best way to mend my broken heart is to get back on that horse and date around a little bit. So I am.
By the way, good luck in getting back out there and over your broken hurt. I am sure it sucks, but it is pretty fun out there! Be safe and enjoy.
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  #5  
Old 10-04-2006, 05:33 PM
Stranger On A Train Stranger On A Train is offline
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Back when I was still making some attempt to date, the response rate I got was about 1:50 from Match.com and a couple of other services (sample size ~600). I, too, tried to write personal, three paragraph, eqoluent, clever e-mails, but in the end, I pretty much had a standard message that I'd sub in a few personal details and let fly. (This permitted me to get back to my whiskey quicker, as I found composing a coherent response after more than two jiggers of Black Bush to result in too many spelling and grammatical errors, though in retrospect it still would have been more coherent than many received from presumably sober correspondents.)

I wouldn't set your expectations too high, but then, I'm coloring with my own experience, which has been on the sore side of successful in any dating venue. If you're getting a response from 1 in 3 I'd say you're doing pretty damn good.

Good luck to you.

Stranger
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  #6  
Old 10-04-2006, 05:42 PM
Stranger On A Train Stranger On A Train is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FormerMarineGuy
She has more luck with eharmony, believe it or not.
After wasting about two hours of my life filling out eHarmony's survey, I got a response telling me that I wasn't suited or they couldn't match someone to me. Aside from an utter eschewal of religion I'm pretty vanilla. I can't figure out what I do that is so offensive in the eyes of Dr. Neil Clark Warren, but in retrospect, I don't think I'd be well suited to the population of doe-eyed lobotomy victims that eHarmony presents in their ads as satisfied customers.

Stranger
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  #7  
Old 10-04-2006, 05:50 PM
Antigen Antigen is offline
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Well, it worked for me, so now I tell everyone I know who's single and looking and giving up that they should get their butts online.

Yes, most people will ignore your e-mails. Most of the ones who reply will be strange creepy needy people. But it's a much quicker way of meeting and weeding out a lot of potential partners. After sending a few emails you can tell whether someone's worth dating or not. I'd recommend exchanging some e-mail or instant messaging for a while before committing to a date, because sometimes you get to know the person a little better and realize that they're not quite what you're looking for. Or, that they're absolutely perfect for you!

My best experiences were with the site OKCupid. It's free, and you answer hundreds of questions about your views and values and opinions, and you can also indicate what your ideal match would answer to the same questions. If Match.com is working well for you, though, keep it up!
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  #8  
Old 10-04-2006, 05:52 PM
Khadaji Khadaji is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maastricht
A reply to one in three e-mails? Trust me, you're doing great.
Not just great, but incredible. I did not get one reply from the 30 or so emails that I sent out. And I was very careful to only send to women with whom had a high interest match. 1 in 3 is amazing.
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  #9  
Old 10-04-2006, 06:00 PM
Gozu Tashoya Gozu Tashoya is offline
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I'll agree that a 1-in-3 response rate is very good, bordering on phenomenal. As far as the date:response ratio, IME it's much lower than 1:1 (I won't say just how much lower, as it would send me spiraling into depression ), but then I don't get a 1:3 response ratio either.

Really, just go with the flow. A few e-mails back and forth are the norm, but IMHO the sooner you meet in person the better, so do whatever works and feels comfortable for you.
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  #10  
Old 10-04-2006, 06:01 PM
hajario hajario is online now
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Others have already said it, on in three from match.com is outstanding for a man. A large number of profiles are from people who are still log on every week or so but whose paid membership has expired. It looks like they're active but they're not. They can't even read your email.

I have had a ton of luck with craigslist plus it's free. I should ad that by "luck" I mean have met a lot of women in person. Most first dates end right at the first date due to mutual disinterest or whatever. In the last year I have dated four women for a few weeks each and met all of them on craigs.
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  #11  
Old 10-04-2006, 06:43 PM
wasson wasson is offline
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1 in 3 is sounding better and better, but to be fair I've only sent out like 10 emails, so I've gotten only gotten 3 responses. Not the best sample for my ratio, I guess.

I'll give OKCupid and craigslist a shot too... my city just recently got a craigslist, so I probably won't have as much luck there as an established one. Still worth a shot.
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  #12  
Old 10-04-2006, 09:48 PM
John DiFool John DiFool is offline
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I've met a very good female friend through these, but for the most part it is very hard to find
someone with whom you have any sort of chemistry with (on any or all levels-at least it was
for me).
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  #13  
Old 10-05-2006, 12:30 AM
lavenderviolet lavenderviolet is offline
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Yeah, congrats on the 1 in 3 rate. Don't be surprised if some of them just stop answering your emails though. It is rare that someone will write back specifically to reject you.

My usual strategy is to send emails back and forth with the person for at least a couple of weeks until I feel fairly confident they're not crazy/dangerous before meeting in person.
If all goes well, then set up a low-pressure, brief meeting (coffee or something of that nature). I do think that the online thing makes it a lot easier to screen the true weirdos out beforehand. So far I have had decent results doing that. All of my dates have been at least mediocre, no truly horrible ones yet thankfully.

Good luck!
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  #14  
Old 10-05-2006, 12:34 AM
lavenderviolet lavenderviolet is offline
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Oh yeah, and I agree that the chemistry issue is tricky. If someone seems nice on the first date but no sparks fly, personally I would recommend giving them at least 1 or 2 more dates just to see if something develops. Trying to get used to being around someone in person can be awkward even if you hit it off really well online.
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  #15  
Old 10-05-2006, 01:59 AM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is online now
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I've been dating via online channels exclusively for 10 years now. It seems so much easier and more practical to me than having to leave home and be out at specific times of day to meet people

I ususally make myself a nice profile (I've used Yahoo pretty much exclusively since 1999 or so), contact as many boys as I find that I might like, and wait. Usually I give out my screen name, too. Yahoo lets you use a pseudonym screen name and let people know when you're online.

Sometimes I even forego the email contact and chat guys up right on the spot.

For some reason I find it really easy to tell if a guy I'm chatting with will be a good match. We'll chat for a week or so and if we want, meet. So far I've made one lifelong friend, had one intense 3-year relationship, and a couple of under-a-year relationships. Even a one-night stand

Just remember that it's still pretty early and you had a rocky breakup. Be sure to DATE for a while (a handful of girls you like to go out and have fun with) instead of trying to figure out if each woman you email will be THE ONE.
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  #16  
Old 10-05-2006, 12:35 PM
wasson wasson is offline
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Quote:
Just remember that it's still pretty early and you had a rocky breakup. Be sure to DATE for a while (a handful of girls you like to go out and have fun with) instead of trying to figure out if each woman you email will be THE ONE.
Absolutely. I've never really just dated around, so I'm actually kind of excited to do that now.

Anyway, hajario mentioned that people may log in who actually can't read my email or reply. I've mostly stuck to people whose profile says they've logged in within the last week. Does the response rate go down dramatically if they haven't logged in for a couple weeks?

Also, while the emailing thing is going on before the date, are there phone calls? I absolutely, positively hate having phone conversations, so I hope this isn't the case.
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  #17  
Old 10-05-2006, 01:39 PM
elmwood elmwood is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Antigen
My best experiences were with the site OKCupid.
OKCupid gets a lot of hype on the SDMB, but I found that even in the fairly large city where I live, there's not that many women older than 30 on the site. Of those that are, almost all of them are obese and/or have a "rural Southern cultural orientation".
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  #18  
Old 10-05-2006, 02:06 PM
neutron star neutron star is offline
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One word: MySpace.

No, it's not a dating site per se, but if you're reasonably good-looking and have an interesting profile, women will flock to you. Granted, some of them can be crazy or flaky, but they're fairly easy to weed out.

Bonus points are incurred if your profile says that you're single, but you didn't add "Dating/Serious Relationships" to it. That makes you sound desperate. Just leave it at "Friends."

I've had well over a dozen women (including a recent one that actually seems to like my socially inept self and wants to see me again!) contact me in the last few months.

Aside from people I know IRL, no guy has ever requested a Friend add from me.

People seem to know the deal on MySpace. "Friends" rarely ever means "friends" when it comes to the opposite sex.
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  #19  
Old 10-05-2006, 02:14 PM
Sunspace Sunspace is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neutron star
One word: MySpace.
Dunno how that would go over for those of us in the over-forty age bracket, though...

Also, isn't it owned by Rupert Murdoch? :: shudder ::
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  #20  
Old 10-05-2006, 02:23 PM
neutron star neutron star is offline
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Yeah, those are both downsides, but FWIW, one of the women on my Friends list (she really is a friend, nothing more) is almost as old as my parents.
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  #21  
Old 10-05-2006, 02:25 PM
Gozu Tashoya Gozu Tashoya is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lavenderviolet
So far I have had decent results doing that. All of my dates have been at least mediocre, no truly horrible ones yet thankfully.
Well, you haven't met me yet.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wasson
Does the response rate go down dramatically if they haven't logged in for a couple weeks?
I believe it does, but I focus mainly on "in last 24 hours" folks, so I can't be sure. But even then, they could just be browsing the market. I've had a couple different girls reply, as much as a week or two after I wrote them, saying that they were sorry for the delay, but they'd just signed up. FWIW, YMMV, etc.
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  #22  
Old 10-05-2006, 02:30 PM
Hey, It's That Guy! Hey, It's That Guy! is offline
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Myspace and OKcupid rule. The rest aren't worth wasting your money, at least in my experience and the experiences of other people I've known. eHarmony seems to be the absolute worst if you're under 35 and not Christian.
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  #23  
Old 10-05-2006, 03:19 PM
Sunspace Sunspace is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neutron star
Yeah, those are both downsides, but FWIW, one of the women on my Friends list (she really is a friend, nothing more) is almost as old as my parents.
How old are your parents? I could be older than them. Not likely, but possible...
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  #24  
Old 10-05-2006, 03:32 PM
neutron star neutron star is offline
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Late 50s, although I admit that most people on MySpace seem to be under 35; my friend is likely an exception.
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  #25  
Old 10-05-2006, 05:03 PM
hajario hajario is online now
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myspace is pretty sparse if you're over 35. (I did meet one woman from myspace but she's in her late 20's.) OKCupid is even worse in that respect.

wasson, I wouldn't waste your time on someone who hasn't logged-in in over three weeks or so. Their account probably isn't active anymore.

I agree with the poster who said that emails will sometimes peter out for no reason. That happened to me a few times on match even when they made the initial contact.
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  #26  
Old 10-05-2006, 05:41 PM
kevja kevja is offline
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I don't use online dating or hook-up sites too much. But every experience has I've had has been a good one.

I'd much rather meet someone face to face. In fact when I've met guys on the Internet, the less said in the emails and phone calls the better. I feel you don't really get to know a person until you've met each other (in person).
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  #27  
Old 10-05-2006, 11:15 PM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is offline
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Well, we celebrated our fourth wedding anniversay last August.

LIke others have said, online dating is an introduction service, basically; email or chat a few times, then go meet in person (meeting in a neutral place like a coffeeshop, of course). It's the face-to-face meetings that tell you if there is anything happening between you or not. Send emails to anyone who interests you, chat with anybody, go out and do meet-and-greets with people who seem compatible; just think of it as a crash course in dating school. The more you date, the better you'll get at it.
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  #28  
Old 10-05-2006, 11:41 PM
RickJay RickJay is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Bad Voodoo Lou
Myspace and OKcupid rule. The rest aren't worth wasting your money, at least in my experience and the experiences of other people I've known. eHarmony seems to be the absolute worst if you're under 35 and not Christian.
My buddy and his new wife met on eHarmony. Both were under 35. My buddy is an atheist.
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  #29  
Old 10-06-2006, 01:35 AM
Alice The Goon Alice The Goon is online now
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I've been online dating for years now, off and on. I recently got a free weekend from e-harmony ($60 a month is a bit much for me, so I took advantage of it), and have been chatting with one man for a couple of weeks.

It is incredible the amount of things we have in common and how similiar we are in terms of our goals and values. We are both very excited to meet (Monday), and if that goes well, I can totally see a long relationship from this. It sounds crazy, but it's really unbelievable how we have seemed to click. Maybe it is better, the way they send people to you instead of you going through profiles and choosing out of hundreds. We'll see.
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  #30  
Old 10-06-2006, 04:06 PM
Praetor Praetor is offline
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I tried both eHarmony and another site whose name has slipped my mind. Both offered matches based upon rather pitiful ~20 question "match questionaires." The results I got (which were few and far between) were not at all what I was looking for.*

I then tried OkCupid. OkCupid allows you to answer over 2000 questions and select the answers your ideal mate would answer in addition to how important the question is to you. The matching system is much, much more realistic, and they do it all for free. I met Seren through OkCupid last November, and we've been together ever since.

*I'm 25 (and was looking for someone in her mid-twenties), so part of the problem could be that the majority of people on these sites tend to be older, whereas OkCupid seems to be populated by a much younger crowd.
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  #31  
Old 10-07-2006, 04:31 PM
Stillwell Angel Stillwell Angel is offline
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My last online dating experience ultimately ended with this pretty shiny wedding ring I now wear

It is no different than conventional dating though in that it still takes time and you may have to sift through alot of duds before you find "the one".

Good luck!!
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  #32  
Old 10-09-2006, 02:51 PM
wasson wasson is offline
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Thanks for the tips, everyone. What do you make of this?

I emailed a girl who I seemingly had a lot in common with. 2 days later, she sends me a "wink".

Is this because Free members can only wink? Can she still read my emails if I send her my email address or something? How else can I contact her if she doesn't pay up?
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  #33  
Old 10-09-2006, 03:07 PM
twickster twickster is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wasson
Thanks for the tips, everyone. What do you make of this?

I emailed a girl who I seemingly had a lot in common with. 2 days later, she sends me a "wink".

Is this because Free members can only wink? Can she still read my emails if I send her my email address or something? How else can I contact her if she doesn't pay up?
You can't. Match has figured out that people were doing this, so now you can't even see who winked at you unless you're a paying member.

Write her again, but if she doesn't figure this out -- well, then she's not smart enough to date a Doper, so no loss.
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  #34  
Old 10-09-2006, 03:16 PM
badbadrubberpiggy badbadrubberpiggy is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wasson

Through my limited experiences, it seems like the vast majority of people don't even bother replying. Is this standard? I get an email back on about 1 out of 3 I send. Am I doing something wrong, or is this just how it works?

Is every replied email basically a guaranteed date, or should there be some volleying of emails back and forth before the date offer?

Give me the basics on this whole deal. I'm completely blind.
You're right, most people don't reply. If they see your profile and decide that, for whatever reason, you're not "their type", they probably won't bother replying at all. One out of every three isn't bad, though.

You'll probably e-mail with a lot of people you'll never actually meet IRL, and many of those you do meet in real life you'll never see again. I don't want to be a downer, it's just that some people expect great things instantly. Although that can happen, it's not usually the case.

I had a lot of fun using online personals. I met a few duds, but most of the guys I actually met in person were fun and we had good times. Sure, not every date was magic, but most weren't painful or awkward, either.

After about a year of using a couple of different services on and off, I met my now-husband on Yahoo!Personals.
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  #35  
Old 10-09-2006, 03:21 PM
wasson wasson is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twickster
You can't. Match has figured out that people were doing this, so now you can't even see who winked at you unless you're a paying member.

Write her again, but if she doesn't figure this out -- well, then she's not smart enough to date a Doper, so no loss.
Okay, so, if she's NOT a paying member, she'd be contacted saying I emailed her, but not the contents of said email unless she pays up. Right?

But free members can wink? Is there an easy way to figure out who is paid and who is not?
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  #36  
Old 10-09-2006, 03:25 PM
twickster twickster is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wasson
Okay, so, if she's NOT a paying member, she'd be contacted saying I emailed her, but not the contents of said email unless she pays up. Right?
No, she'd be contacting saying that she got an email -- but no who it's from.

Yeah, it sucks.

twicks, who was curious enough to cough up the $30 to see who emailed -- dammit.
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  #37  
Old 10-09-2006, 04:31 PM
wasson wasson is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twickster
No, she'd be contacting saying that she got an email -- but no who it's from.

Yeah, it sucks.

twicks, who was curious enough to cough up the $30 to see who emailed -- dammit.
But free members can wink? That seems... well... what's the point? If this particular girl didn't know I emailed her, and won't know even if I email her after the wink, it all seems kind of silly to wink as a free member at all. Different folks, different strokes I guess.

Thanks for the explanation about the stuff paying members can see vs. non-paying members. This particular girl is pretty smokin' hot, so I hope she ponies up the cash to email me.
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  #38  
Old 10-09-2006, 04:39 PM
twickster twickster is offline
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She can see winks -- so you could wink back, then email.
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  #39  
Old 10-09-2006, 05:00 PM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
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Well, never done it myself, however my GF has a perpetually single friend who lives on Match.com, MySpace, and so on. She's a little "off" and has a habit of stalking guys she likes who just aren't that into her. Basically just being a poster child for why you shouldn't put your personal shit online.
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  #40  
Old 10-09-2006, 05:12 PM
wasson wasson is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twickster
She can see winks -- so you could wink back, then email.
Just tried that technique, but since I emailed her in the last 30 days, I can't wink. So, this is dumb.

Yeah, putting my personal shit online may not be the best strategy, but I don't want to date another friend (since that turned out so terribly), and I don't want to date someone from work (which could potentially be worse than the friend thing), and I don't want to meet a chick in a bar. So I don't have a whole lot of options.
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  #41  
Old 10-09-2006, 06:12 PM
hajario hajario is online now
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As recently as earlier this year, you could see who emailed you, but not the contents of the letter, if you were not a paid member. That's no longer the case. The being able to wink for free made more sense then.

Let's say that twickster wasn't a paid member and winked at me. If I was a paid member, I could email her if I liked her and then she could pay to read my mail. If for some crazy reason I didn't like her, I would ignore the wink and she could save her money.

I had someone wink at me once who wasn't a paid member and she cleverly hid her email address in her profile. I was able to email her directly and she never had to pay match. I guess enough people pulled crap like that so that they toughened up the rules but didn't bother to change the wink routine.

It kind of sucks because I would pay to email someone who I really liked but a lot of the unsolicited email that men get is from scams. I would hate to pay up only to find out that I got an email from Ukraine or Nigeria. If I could see who emailed me, I would know if the profile is a fake.
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  #42  
Old 10-09-2006, 06:56 PM
wasson wasson is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hajario
As recently as earlier this year, you could see who emailed you, but not the contents of the letter, if you were not a paid member. That's no longer the case. The being able to wink for free made more sense then.

Let's say that twickster wasn't a paid member and winked at me. If I was a paid member, I could email her if I liked her and then she could pay to read my mail. If for some crazy reason I didn't like her, I would ignore the wink and she could save her money.

I had someone wink at me once who wasn't a paid member and she cleverly hid her email address in her profile. I was able to email her directly and she never had to pay match. I guess enough people pulled crap like that so that they toughened up the rules but didn't bother to change the wink routine.

It kind of sucks because I would pay to email someone who I really liked but a lot of the unsolicited email that men get is from scams. I would hate to pay up only to find out that I got an email from Ukraine or Nigeria. If I could see who emailed me, I would know if the profile is a fake.
Okay, so based on that explanation I'm going to take a wild guess at what happened....

She's a non-paying member and I stumbled across her profile and emailed her. She got a notification from Match saying "a member" emailed her, but didn't say who. So while she was browsing, she figured she'd wink at me.

Now, since I already emailed her, I'm not allowed to wink back. So, as a non-paying member, she won't know I tried to contact her before. And me, as a paying member, can't do anything to let her know I'm interested. Is this the long and short of it?

If so, Match is dumb.
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  #43  
Old 10-10-2006, 09:23 AM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
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Oh yeah. And make sure the girl is of age when you show up for the date. You don't want Chris Hanson and his camera crew to jump out of the closet on you.
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  #44  
Old 10-10-2006, 10:37 AM
Uzi Uzi is offline
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Originally Posted by featherlou
Well, we celebrated our fourth wedding anniversay last August.
We celebrated our second last March.

I don't know the ratio that I got, but I had quite a few replies so that I wasn't discouraged. I guess my advice is don't be an ass. Any jokes should be subdued and non-offensive initially. Also, make sure you are truthful in your profile. The point of online dating is to meet people who you think would be interesting to you. Separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. And for heavens sake don't do anything that makes you look desperate! It is the kiss of death! (No pressure there, hehe)
My wife (well obviously she wasn't my wife then!!), on the other hand, had quite a few emails from people who were using the shotgun method. Why not just go down to the bar instead? She was getting mail from guys who, it seemed, hadn't even read her profile. Eg. "No bearded mountain man types" So, who does she get an email from? A bearded mountain man type. Oddly enough, by chance the guy in question ended up working out here in Yemen. I got along great with him. I didn't find out until just before he had finished his time here that he was the guy who had tried to date my wife. What are the odds?
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  #45  
Old 10-10-2006, 12:52 PM
Carlyjay Carlyjay is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2006
I tried Lavalife and had a lot of fun. Mind you, I'm female, which helps. I'm also in my 20's, caucasian and childless, which I've been told makes a difference.

Bear in mind as well that the time of year also counts; the closer you get to Christmas and Valentine's Day, the more "smiles" you'll get.
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  #46  
Old 10-10-2006, 01:30 PM
Maastricht Maastricht is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Dutch in the Netherlands
Posts: 8,074
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasson
Yeah, putting my personal shit online may not be the best strategy, but I don't want to date another friend (since that turned out so terribly), and I don't want to date someone from work (which could potentially be worse than the friend thing), and I don't want to meet a chick in a bar. So I don't have a whole lot of options.
I really don't understand the stigma people seem to attach to online-dating. Especially now that one in every six or so relationships forms over the Internet, and that number is growing.
I've always found it innovative & fun, and a whole lot cheaper, easier and more effective then going out or doing volunteer work/courses etc. I still did and do all those things, but for their own sake, not because I hoped to find " the one". I honestly would have found that rather depressing.

I met my first SO ( 15 years together, broke up, still friends) through an online ad in the paper. I always thought, that the story of how we met was rather romantic, despite the stigma. Neither myself nor the guys who responded to my ad conformed to the loser-stigma attached to contact-ads; back then, I was a very attractive 22 year old blonde female student, and my SO, who responded to my ad, was a hottie too.

Were he and I losers? No. We just were
- rational ("It seems like an effective way of meeting people")
- adventurous ("you never know who you're going to meet and thats nice about it" )
-enterprising (" You know what? I could use a relationship, so I'm gonna do what it takes")
-and independent ("Yes, I know people think ads are for losers. Their loss.")

My current fiancé and I met through a dating site and we've been together for 2 years now, and engaged to be married. My brother has met his GF just three months ago. My friend who is very beautiful girl (although not without problems) has met, gotten into a relationship and broken up again with 4 men in the past five months. Online dating just works.

wasson, cheer up. I'm almos jealous of you; you've got some interesting months ahead if you dive in this on-line dating thing. Just go for it and spend the few bucks necessary to do so. Going to a bar four nights a month is much more expensive.
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  #47  
Old 10-10-2006, 02:33 PM
astro astro is offline
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Join Date: Jul 1999
I started on m match.com in April. I don't really do winks so much as offers to take a woman to lunch and generally about 1/2 to 2/3rds respond. The direct response of match.com beats the hell out of awkwardly cruising bookstores and coffee houses hoping to "click" with someone.

I've had very positive responses with women my own age (I'm 48) . Interestingly women my own age or older seem to look at, or evaluate me, more as a lover and conversational partner. The women I dated in the low 40's seemed to (for whatever reason) be a lot more interested in my financial status.

A few things I've leaned re online dating - and this is strictly IMO

Physical attraction and various types of "clicking" can't be forced or developed. It's either there or it's not, and if it's not taking it on as "project" to be developed is a big mistake. In my age cohort if something's not happening by the second or third date it's time to move on.

Drink very moderately. More than 1-2 beers and I tend to get a little too relaxed and talkative. You need to be relaxed and conversational, but you also need to keep a steady hand on the tiller re the impression you make. One glurgy slip and you're in the "no thanks" bin.

I like women with some substance - not really fat but not skinny either. A nice set of hips is very sexy. I also tend to "fit" better with taller women. Little ladies are nice but I'm finding 5-5 to 6 feet is definitely preferable lovemaking, and making out wise. For whatever reason sex with women 45 years and older has been fantastic, and much better. less inhibited and more intense than with the younger women.

Being well dressed and physically fit matters. Even if you can carry on the most sophisticated and esoteric conversations, a woman will still judge you by how she would feel if you were holding her.

Confidence matters. even if you're nervous you need to be able to carry this off. This is why the aforesaid warning about being too effusive & glurgy comes in. Women like sensitivity and vulnerability, but only on their own terms. You had best clamp down on these aspects of your personality until your get to know her better.
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  #48  
Old 10-10-2006, 02:35 PM
Gozu Tashoya Gozu Tashoya is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maastricht
wasson, cheer up. I'm almos jealous of you; you've got some interesting months ahead if you dive in this on-line dating thing. Just go for it and spend the few bucks necessary to do so. Going to a bar four nights a month is much more expensive.
Hell, here in Los Angeles, going to a bar once is more expensive.

<minor hijack>

Out of curiousity, how is Craigslist as a dating site? Any tips on what to do/avoid?

</minor hijack>
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  #49  
Old 10-10-2006, 03:10 PM
Stranger On A Train Stranger On A Train is offline
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Join Date: May 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gozu Tashoya
Hell, here in Los Angeles, going to a bar once is more expensive.
Dude, stay out of Hollywood; paying $12 for a watery martini and the privilege of being ignored by the beautiful people (who are all busy one-upping each other by pretending to be disinterested in other beautiful people) isn't worth it. You can do happy hour at the Red Lion and drinik real German bier for Bud Lite prices.

Stranger
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  #50  
Old 10-10-2006, 03:35 PM
dre2xl dre2xl is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2003
I tried Match.com before quitting once, last year. Then I tried it again over the last summer and quit again, for the same reason. I was so overwhelmed by emails that I couldn't keep up with them--ranging from desperate to golddigging to player to way too much effort--online dating was definitely not easier than real life dating for me. Eventually stopped reading the emails ... they piled up to almost 30 unread in my inbox the last time I remember. Most of them I rejected for being obvious players, obvious golddiggers, or obvious mismatches (no, no more separated guys kthx).

The last email I got, became my current boyfriend. Don't know what attracted his email so to induce me to log in and reply. It was a simple introduction email; his wasn't the most charming or the most witty of the bunch. But I felt quite compelled to respond to him, and, yeah.
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