Polling: Popular terms for masturbation

[Valteron]

Another thread about a guy who masturbates four times a day got me to wondering how many expreessions there are in popular culture for masturbation.

Your contributions are welcome. Here are some I have heard.

Strangling the snake
Milking the snake
The puking lizard
The five-fingered date
The cheap date
Jerking off
Whacking off
Striking oil
priming the pump

In French:

Se crosser (somehow related to Lacrosse)
Se passer un Willy

IT WOULD ESPECIALLY BE FUN TO KNOW IF SOME EXPRESSIONS ARE LOCAL, E.G., THE US SOUTH, ENGLAND, EUROPE.

[SiXSwordS]

Punching the Munchkin

[An Arky]

I've heard most of them before...therefore, I'll make one up. Since most of them male-oriented, I'l make one up for the ladies:

Giving the Man in the Boat a noogie

[OneCentStamp]

These are always funny (not sure of the source, but they've been all over the net for years):

Top 15 "Star Wars" Euphemisms For Masturbation:

15. Shooting Womprats in Beggar's Canyon

14. Grooming the Wookie

13. Making the Kessel Run

12. Polishing Vader's Helmet

11. Evacuating Tatooine

10. Unsheathing the Meatsaber

9. Releasing the Special Edition

8. Jumping to Delight Speed

7. Communicating with Red Leader One

6. Lightsaber Practice with Captain Solo

5. Tinkering With the R2 Unit

4. Manually Targeting the Rebel Base

3. Performing the Jedi Hand Trick

2. Scratching Yoda Behind the Ears

and the Number 1 "Star Wars" Euphemism for Masturbation...

1. Test Firing the Death Star

[jjimm]

UK: "cracking one off" is quite common.

My favourite though - Hong Kong: "Dah feh geh" (literally, "beating the airplane").

[Winston Smith]

Having a pull.

[Santo Rugger]

Rub one out.
Beat the meat.
Choke the chicken.

For women: Double clicking the mouse.

[Dead Cat]

Most of the following are probably Britishisms:

"Bashing the bishop"
"Spanking the monkey"
"Teasing one out"
"Relaxing in a gentleman's way"
"Tossing off"
"Fun with Pamela and her five little friends"
"Jacking off"
"Going for a J. Arthur Rank"
"Having a game of 5 against 1"

[marshmallow]

I've always been partial to "flicking* the bean."

* Or your favorite verb.

[Hypno-Toad]

My roomie and I decided many years ago that really just about and verb and noun can be used in this sense. We just call it "Verbing the Noun."

Examples:

Stickin' It To The Man

Exercising The Pocket Veto

Flying Solo

Yanking the Lanyard

Using the Self-Service Pump

George Carlin gave us these for the ladies:

The Two Finger Tango

Makin' Soup

Beatin' the Beaver

[Cervaise]

Originally Posted by Hypno-Toad

"Verbing the Noun."

This is what I'm going to call it from now on.

[Kalhoun]

Jay Leno referred to it as "Dougy-ing the Howser". Ya gotta love it.

[pravnik]

Some friends and I had an informal contest to see who could come up with the best euphemism a few years back. My offer was:

Giving the Champ his Rubdown

A friend came up with:

Having a Stroke of Genius

[Enola Straight]

In the Steve Martin flick Parenthood, Keanu Reeves called it Slappin' the Salami.

[CalMeacham]

How About





"Straightening the Dope" ?

[Sonia Montdore]

"Frig" is used a lot in 19th-century porn.

[ZipperJJ]

Having a Wank/Wanking is popular in England (at least according to the Bottom live shows)

[AskNott]

Coming unscrewed.

Take matters in your own hands.

Writing off your losses.

Making sausage gravy.

Whipping heavy cream.

Wax on, wax off.

Purging the prostate.

Handiwork.

Slippindictomy.

[Hypno-Toad]

I forgot:

Whippin' up some baby batter.

[Malienation]

For the ladies:

Pumping the treadle

Goddamnit! I am not resting until this euphemism, uh, takes off.

[gigi]

I say "jacking off" for men and women.

[OneCentStamp]

Originally Posted by gigi

I say "jacking off" for men and women.

Isn't it "jilling off" when you do it?

[Giles]

Since "merchant banker" = "wanker", I suppose "merchant banking" would work as English rhyming slang.

[SiXSwordS]

Jerkin' the Gerkin and stainin' the Merkin!
(For some reason the 'g' must be dropped.)

[Miller]

Immanentizing the eschaton.

[Patty O'Furniture]

All the OP needs is a question mark.

Polling: Popular terms for masturbation?

Yes, it is

[jjimm]

This far and nobody's mentioned "punishing Percy in the palm"?

(BTW popular terms for masturbation in Oxford would be Michaelmas, Trinity, and Hilary.)

[Sternvogel]

One that's stood out in my mind ever since I read it is "buttering your bialy".

Originally Posted by Dead Cat

Most of the following are probably Britishisms:

"Bashing the bishop"

<snip>

"Fun with Pamela and her five little friends"

Variants I've heard in the USA:

For the first, waxing the bishop.

For the second, having a date with Rosie Palm(er) and her five sisters.

[Max the Immortal]

From the show Angel, we have "taking some gentleman's time".

[Waverly]

This thread is bit dominated by male euphemisms. I’ll try to give more equal time to the female euphemisms.

Polish the pearl
Dial ‘O’ on the pink telephone
Check the oil
Apply lip gloss
Nulling the void
Rolling the trackball

[Nothing Special]

How can we have forgotten “Plucking the magic twanger,” taken from the Howdy Doody show in the 1950’s.

“C’mon, Froggy, pluck your magic twanger!”

Was that Gabby Hayes or Slim Pickens?

[BlueKangaroo]

This is probably more of a Southwestern (NM, specifically) one, but a long ago ex I had called it "Peelin' chiles".

He particularly liked it because his friends could call his house, not get an answer, ask him what he'd been up to when they called, and not really know how to respond to him saying, "Peelin' chiles."

(It may also just be a "my strange ex" thing.)

[pinkfreud]

I once had a boyfriend who referred to male masturbation as "jerking for Mister Goodbar." Dunno whether or not he coined this phrase, but I haven't heard it elsewhere.

[Hung Mung]

I always liked "flogging the dolphin" and "beating the seal."
"Beating your meat" was fairly common in junior high. Most people my age now just say jacking off or whacking off.

[Elendil's Heir]

Originally Posted by OneCentStamp

These are always funny (not sure of the source, but they've been all over the net for years)....

I'm 90% sure that's one of David Letterman's Top Ten Lists.

Woody Allen once said something like, "What's wrong with masturbation? It's sex with someone you love."

I'll be in my bunk.

[Zebra]

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius

[OneCentStamp]

Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir

I'm 90% sure that's one of David Letterman's Top Ten Lists.

I think you're thinking of Top 10 Star Wars Fan Euphemisms For Not Having A Girlfriend. Funny in its own right, and maybe the inspiration for some of those 15, but not as good.

[TheLoadedDog]

Originally Posted by jjimm

My favourite though - Hong Kong: "Dah feh geh" (literally, "beating the airplane").

Thai: "Chug wau" (flying a kite). I've always loved this one. The whole "go fly a kite" implication that it's fun but somehow not the real thing...

[Santo Rugger]

Originally Posted by BlueKangaroo

This is probably more of a Southwestern (NM, specifically) one, but a long ago ex I had called it "Peelin' chiles".

He particularly liked it because his friends could call his house, not get an answer, ask him what he'd been up to when they called, and not really know how to respond to him saying, "Peelin' chiles."

(It may also just be a "my strange ex" thing.)

I always heard "peelin' chilie" to mean slacking off, beating off, or sitting around with your thumb up your ass, and not to mean actual masturbation.

[mamboman]

Originally Posted by Pygmy Rugger

I always heard "peelin' chilie" to mean slacking off, beating off, or sitting around with your thumb up your ass, and not to mean actual masturbation.

And sitting around with your thumb up your ass isn't actual masturbation?

mm

[Testy]

Originally Posted by TheLoadedDog

Thai: "Chug wau" (flying a kite). I've always loved this one. The whole "go fly a kite" implication that it's fun but somehow not the real thing...

Yeah, I just love that one. I knew the slang meaning but thought it also referred to actually flying a kite and mentioned that the whole family should go out in the desert and Chuk Wao. Unfortunately, my mother-in-law, a stern and elderly lady, my wife, and my 18 year-old daughter were in the car with me. The trip home was very quiet.

Testy

[chowder]

Having a "J.Arthur"

As in J.Arthur Rank = Wank

[betenoir]

As has been pointed out around here, anything can sound dirty if said right:

"She's...redecoration her den "

"He's....adjusting his carborator "


But I do think they're a too much tip to the side of guys masturbating. We need to work up some more female terms....how about dunking the little man in the boat?

[betenoir]

Originally Posted by mamboman

And sitting around with your thumb up your ass isn't actual masturbation?

Funny, I was just thinking about that. That "pull your finger out" was pretty much a respectable term even if it implied your finger in your ass.

The English are interesting people.

[BobLibDem]

Cuff the carrot

Slam the ham

Doing Mother Thumb and her four daughters

[CalMeacham]

How can we have forgotten “Plucking the magic twanger,” taken from the Howdy Doody show in the 1950’s.

“C’mon, Froggy, pluck your magic twanger!”

Was that Gabby Hayes or Slim Pickens?

None of the above. I'm afraid you have to brush up on your 1950s kid's shows.

It was gravel-voiced Andy Devine, and his show was The Andy Devine Show, not Howdy Doody. the 50s were filled with many now-forgotten children's programming -- Rootie Kazootie, Winky Dink and You, Ding Dong School, and many far more obscure. Howdy Doody and Mickey Mouse were not the sole rulers.

[BlueKangaroo]

Originally Posted by Pygmy Rugger

I always heard "peelin' chilie" to mean slacking off, beating off, or sitting around with your thumb up your ass, and not to mean actual masturbation.

Could be. My ex is the only person I know to say it at all, much less in the context of masturbation. However, that is the context he used it in.

[CalMeacham]

More on Andy devine and his kids show Andy's Gang:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Devine

[Beware of Doug]

Originally Posted by CalMeacham

How About
"Straightening the Dope" ?

Here's Cecil's own take on the matter.

[Annie-Xmas]

joycelying the elder