In the spirit of this thread what are some odd names for masturbation? All I got (aside from the usual) are"
for men:
polish the rod
play the pink picolo
flog the dolphin
sayin’ hi to my monster (from American Beauty)
for women
double clicking your own mouse
Jilling off
Bring 'em on!
for women:
tappin’ the can
hittin’ the speedbag
polishing the boat
glazing the donut
rubbin’ the bean
for men:
rubbin one out
pulling gomez
shakin hands with your best friend
burping the worm
For men:
Taking Spike for a walk
Slapping the ol’ salami
Boppin’ the bishop
Turning Japanese
Doing the four-knuckle shuffle
Tossing off
Spankin’ it
And my personal favorite:
Roughing up the suspect
I just heard this one on the radio this morning. The DJ was talking about the convenience store he stops at every morning for a newspaper and said that the clerk was “cleaning the weiner machine”.
My all time favourites are both feeding related
Men - “Feeding the Ducks” named from the hand movement of throwing bread to waterfowl.
Women - “Feeding the pony” named from the hand movement of giving sugar lumps etc to horses.
Chicks
Guys
Spank the monkey
choke the chicken
boot up the hard drive
stretch the turtleneck
feed the Kleenex
play the single-string air guitar
have a date with Rosy Palm and her five beautiful daughters
shake hands with the president
make soup for one
give the tadpoles a swimming lesson
congratulate the bald-headed champion
paint a small Jackson Pollock
gag the maggot
club the baby seal
relieve the pitcher.
The best one that I’ve ever heard (somewhere on these boards) is:
“Josselin’ the elders”
I didn’t know there were that many for women.
I only have two to offer up:
Making the Blessed Mother Cry (Catholic Fraternities aren’t ALL lame)
And one we have here around the office:
I’m gonna go kill a kitten
(it’s from this picture someone found online of a little kitten in a field with two mosters following it and the words “Remember, everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten.”)
My personal fav for women:
Parting the Roast Beef Curtains
From that famous picture (well, famous on Fark at least)
Killing kittens
(For those not in the know, it’s the picture of Cliche Kitty that’s captioned “Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.”)
My personal favorite: Smackin’ the flesh ketchup bottle.
Running off a batch.
Playing a game of 5 on 1.
" ’ “Jilling off?” “Petting the bunny?” What do you call it when you masturbate?’ I call it the end of the daaaaayyy. 'Aah! Aah! Aah! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."
-Lea Delaria, Ms. Delaria’s Dating Tips for Dykes
Shooting putty at the moon.
Shaking hands with the unemployed. 
Pettin’ the kitty. (Women)
I call it clit flickin.
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Or ‘morning’ or ‘night’ or ‘shower’ …
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Once again, these are all from my book The Odd Index by Stephen J Spignesi. If some of these are duplicates to the ones already mentioned in this thread, I apologize.
Also, I once was talking to someone on ICQ about this for some reason; he called it “taking care of himself” amd/or “helping himself.”
Once again, these are all from my book The Odd Index by Stephen J Spignesi. If some of these are duplicates to the ones already mentioned in this thread, I apologize.
Also, I once was talking to someone on ICQ about this for some reason; he called it “taking care of himself” and/or “helping himself.”
One Australian one I like for girls is “Touring Tasmania”, look at a map and the island underneath Australia and I’ll think you’ll get it.