Female Masturbation Gets The Shaft

Over in the Favorite Euphism [sic] thread, I’ve seen many many references to “chokin’ ernie” or “male masturbation”. And it occurs to me that chicks really get the ‘shaft’ in regards to our masturbatory habits. Not very many cool names.

All that comes to mind for me is:

Glazin’ the donut
Hittin’ the speedbag

and

Tappin’ the can (made up by my friend for me because I always tap the top of my coke cans)

what are the others?

A friend of mine used to refer to it as “poking onesself”. Not the most delicate of terms, but hey, it’s a euphemism…

Sorry I can’t do better than that.

I heard you like it rough but sheesh. The donut thing makes me hungry though… on both levels. Baby, you better than a Krispy Kreme.

My personal favorites:
agitating the oyster
dialing “O” on the pink phone
make the kitty purr
bailing out the gravy boat
fingering the trigger
roughing up the chipmunk

“Double clicking your mouse” as per America Pie fame?

Can’t believe I’m doing this…
A Little Southern Romance

Airing the Orchid

Applying lip gloss

Beating Around the Bush

Brush your afro

Caressing the Kitty

Checking the Oil

Copying Georgia O’Keefe

Crossing the Great Divide

Digitalizing Dousing the Digits

Dunking the Beaver

Enjoying a Little Southern Comfort

Fanning the Fur

Finger painting

Flipping the Flaps

Fucking Without Complications

Get a Lube Job

Giving the bearded lady a poke in the nose

Going on a Finger Ride

Have ladyfingers and cream

Having Sex With Someone you Love

Invoking Venus

Jillin’ Off

LipService

Make kitty purr

Mistressbate

Navel Maneuvers

One Hand Clapping

Part the petals

Petal Pushing

Pearl Diving

Play the Clitar

Reading Braille

Reading lips

Romancing the Rose

Rubbin’ the Nubbin

Scuffing the Muff

Squeeze the Peach

Stiffening my upper lip

Tip Toeing Through the Two Lips

Visiting your safety deposit box

For further references check out Roger Mellie’s Profanisaurus.

“rocking the little man in the boat” was always my favorite for it
but “Enjoying a Little Southern Comfort”
thats pure genius

After “the act” has been completed, I like to say something about cleanup on aisle V, since Astroglide (my fav juicy stuff) makes things a little slippery down there.

Ross you can never show your face in church again.

God bless the profanisaurus :wink:

Fran

Well, I haven’t much personal experience in this area…but as a gay man (could I have less personal experience?) I do have a Lea Delaria recording from about 1992. In her stand-up act she used to do a Q&A bit called “Ms Delaria’s Dating Tips for Dykes:”

reading from card

"‘Jilling off? Patting the bunny? What do you call it when you masturbate?’

Hmmm… I call it, The End of the Day. Ahh! Ahhh! AHHH! snorkkkkkk…

My favorite, invented by a friend of mine in high school:

“Gagging the trout”.

Dammit! Simulpost! And here I thought I was the only one who listened to Lea.

how 'bout:

Tickling the taco

making muffin morse code

brushing the boy in the boat

I LIKE it…

And, this just in from the great mind that is WickedBlue:

Bakin’ the muffin

I’ve heard it called “finger picking”, and “strumming the banjo”.

How about…

-Making Men Obsolete
-Unlocking the Pearly Gates
-Driving Miss Daisy
-Bowing to the Queen

Of course, coming from a male-ish-type person, these don’t have as great an impact.

This is by far the funniest thread I’ve ever read. But I don’t read Braille.

Having a beef curtain call

Mooshing the smoosh
or
Smooshing the moosh

I love Playing the clitar and the Southern Comfort one!
(I’m gonna use them.)