I pit my new boyfriend for not buying me a Xmas present!

The BBQ Pit
1

Okay, weeks have passed. it’s January 19th. The delusions are over.

But I can’t say that I’ve entirely stopped expecting a Christmas present to materialize. I see you five nights a week. Every one of those five nights, as I step in the door to your apartment, I can’t pretend that a niggling thought isn’t whispering in the back of my mind, “Hmm maybe… tonight he’ll pull something out, smile shamefully, apologize for the tardiness?” But that tonight of my thoughts never comes, and each night since Christmas has been as devoid of giftage as the last. There are no hidden boxes to be revealed, no late deliveries to be heralded, and no explanations seem forthcoming. You, my boyfriend, have simply and silently failed to acknowledge me as worthy of any time, money, or effort this holiday season.

I have to admit, I’m mystified. It’s our first christmas together, we’ve been seeing eachother for almost a year. You’ve never expressed an anti-gift philosophy. I’ve seen you give great gifts to others. In fact, the birthday gift to your ex-girlfriend was spectacular, and taking her to see that concert was a wonderful idea. I’m not usually one to compare gifts between girlfriends but… the comparison between a concert and… nothing… is almost impossible not to notice.

But perhaps that’s petty.

I remember some comments in November, “I should buy you {this} for Christmas, I should buy you {that}.” Were you ever actually planning on buying me anything, or was that some odd mental game you’re playing? You certainly have the money, and you’re not cheap. You always pick up the tab for dinners, send me home in cabs, wave off any effort of mine to pay for anything. Of course, you are a rich manhattan bachelor, slightly older than me, and I’m a poor, temping, recent college grad. “Don’t you dare spend anything on me,” you said, “All I want from you for christmas is a massage and a blowjob!” But I already supply those in spades. I was secretly determined to buy you a new pair of expensive binoculars, which I can’t afford, but decided I would charge. I thought, I’ll wait a couple days and surprise him. And then, after a few days, I thought, perhaps I’ll wait a little longer, until he gives me HIS gift. …

Lest you think I’m some sort of selfish princess nursing a wounded sense of entitlement, here is a short list of a few gifts I would have been completely overjoyed to receive, at varied prices and time-commitments:

  • a spontaneous dinner out
  • a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine
  • a framed picture of you, or of us
  • a mix tape or CD
  • a fresh, homecooked fish dinner (because you are a fisherman, and I keep asking for a meal of what you catch)
  • a drive to the beach to watch the sunset
  • a souvenier from montauk (our first trip together)
  • a book of crosswords
  • a novel
  • a heart drawn on a piece of paper
  • something…?
  • anything…?

In short, I would have been happy for as little as 10 minutes of your time and $10. I know you have 10 minutes. I know you have $10.

Oh wait, you did give me something- a corporate client of yours mailed you a fancy box of chocolates, and you saved it for me. That was sweet! Well… except that you hate chocolates with fillings. But, as you pointed out, you didn’t have to tell me that it was from a client, you could have just pretended you bought it for me. But surely this doesn’t count as a gift… since it took no time… and no money… and no… thought?

I hate to call you out on this because it makes me seem like an entitled priss, a self-absorbed golddigger. And yes, I did expect a present, something nice, or thoughtful, at least personal. But I will say something, as soon as I can drum up enough courage to say so… in a polite, nonconfrontational, nonargumentative way… whereas, sadly, what I’ll really be thinking is…

Hey, Steve? Fuck you! You can’t spend five minutes buying some stupid trinket for me on fucking Christmas? What the hell kind of boyfriend ignores his girlfriend on Christmas?? What are you thinking? You spent more time and effort washing your toilet than you spent thinking about me over the holidays! Do you really think you’re going to get away with giving me nothing?? That everything is going to be fine and dandy between us? We’ve been going out for a year, and you don’t even give me a kiss on the lips and a handmade card? Even BUMS give their BUM GIRLFRIENDS something for Christmas, SOMETHING, a banana, a stick of gum, a dead cat, a sculpture of matchsticks! Something. ANYTHING!

The sad part is, really, that I would have been happy with anything, especially a handmade card.

I’m so confused. To just NOT GIVE, and ignore. As if a holiday hadn’t even passed. As if it were the month of July, not the month of December.

Has anyone ever heard of this before?

2

Fine gimmie my fucking chocolates back!

3

No, that’s really bizarre. Did he say anything at all about it when you gave him your gift? Like, “Oh, um, thanks, but I’m really broke this year…” or something along those lines? Is it possible he doesn’t even celebrate Christmas? Were you two together on Christmas day? That’s just really strange… If you’d been together for a month or something it would make more sense, but after a year together you’d think it would have at least come up as a topic of conversation.

4

No, I dont think it makes you a golddigger to complain about not receiving a Christmas present, because thats standard practice for couples in America (which I assume is where you are).

Yeah, talk to him about it. Make it clear that youre not pissed about failure to spend money on you, but that it makes you wonder about his feelings that he didnt even buy you a storebought card or doodle something cute for you. He may be clueless enough to think that the box of chocolates was a good present just because it was fancy.

Also, he probably meant it when he said not to spend money on him, so you dont get any relationship points for buying him the binoculars. Next time he tells you not to spend money on him and you get the urge to anyway, do something nice for him instead (but, again, if hes clueless dont assume that hell immediately, or ever, get the hint that thats how youd like him to behave in return without telling him.)

5

Your boyfriend problem can be solved by a single letter, and that letter is “X”.

6

No, he’s very well-off, to the point where I wouldn’t have known what to buy him that he hasn’t already bought himself, and he was vehement that I not spend money, insisting that he’d rather have massages or blowjobs than anything material. I gave him some simple coupons for massages and blowjobs, obviously, but was planning on surprising him with something when he wasn’t expecting it. But he still hasn’t given me anything, and hasn’t even mentioned it, and I haven’t mentioned it because I didn’t want to be all, “gimme gimme, where’s my present?” and assuming that perhaps he was planning a night out, or something. But now, after so long, I don’t think he’s planning anything…

7

no no, I didn’t wind up buying the binoculars, and now I’m glad I didn’t, obviously.

8

Wait a minute! There are blowjob coupons?

9

Well depending on interpretation, lots of guys have rechargable blowjob VISA cards, making a blowjob coupon kinda shallow :D.

10

I think it’s kind of odd you held off buying his present until you received yours. Aren’t gifts given for Christmas because you WANT to give them? I didn’t realize it was a “if you give one you get one in return” kind of deal.

I wonder if your boyfriend is sitting at home right now thinking “man my girlfriend is a cheap ass bitch. She only gave me a couple coupons - something she whipped up real quick because she forgot to get me something.”

As for the box of chocolates. Did he give them to you because he knew you’d like them or because he couldn’t unload them on anyone else? If it’s because he thought you’d like them then he DID put some thought in giving them to you. Does it really matter if he paid $10, $50 or got them free?

You say a heart drawn on a piece of paper would have been fine 9which would have been free), but a box of chocolates he thought you’d enjoy which he got for free isn’t?

11

He’s just not that into you.

12

Every time you give him a blowjob, he gives you something like 250 million tiny little prezzies.

13

Hmm… I see potential here…

14

Five nights a week you go to HIS apartment where you give him massages and blowjobs “in spades?” He thinks every day is Christmas. He clearly told you what he wanted: massages and blowjobs. That was your opportunity to tell him what you wanted. Since you didn’t specify anything, he assumed you didn’t want anything. You need to be a little more assertive, that’s all.

15

So… just to make sure I’m getting this…you go over to his place five nights a week, give him blowjobs and massages, after which he sends you home in a cab? He still buys expensive gifts for his ex that involve him taking her out? Unless it’s been explicitly stated, you might want to reconsider your assumption that you’re his “girlfriend”. And even if you’re reasonably sure about that designation, you may want to reconsider whether you want it.

16

Does he have an older brother? :slight_smile:

Believe me, I am just kidding.
When I was young and non-assertive I had a boyfriend who broke up with me right before every gift-giving holiday. Smooth technique, no?

17

I’m going with the idea that he probably thought the chocolates was enough of a gift. From his perspective, he probably thinks that’s about equal to the “coupons” you gave him since neither of them cost any money.

18

Not so much any more. These days, it’s mostly blowjob loyalty cards: “The more you use it, the more you save!”

Or that’s what I tell my wife, anyway.

19

Out of curiosity. Did you by chance, when he made the off-handed comments about buying you things for Christmas, say something like, “Oh you don’t have to buy me anything?”. If you did, then he may have taken you seriously.

20

This is a sucky situation indeed. However, I’m reading between the lines here and I see his “please don’t buy me anything” as “I’m not going to buy you anything so please don’t embarrass me by buying me something when I have no intention of reciprocating.”

Five nights a week? Puzzling, for sure.