My birthday was last October. I turned 40. At the time, out 18 y.o. daughter wasn’t living at home, so it was my husband and I and 12 y.o. son living at home.
What did I get for my birthday? Nothing. No card. No gifts. Nada. I finally started crying at around 10:30 and my husband was like “What’s wrong”? Duh. He had made a cake and frosted it, and then just left it sitting on the kitchen table. No candles, just a cake. I got into the shower to try and calm down, and then he knocked on the door.
“What are you doing?”
I’m taking a shower".
Well, get down here! We’re waiting for you."
So, I finish up, go downstairs, and there is my husband and son (who had been made to get up after he fell asleep) and they light the candles and sing to me. No card. No gifts. That was it.
On the one hand, I had told him that our budget was tight and not to spend anything on me. OK, this part is important to any guy that is reading this right now. DON’T LISTEN TO TALK LIKE THAT. AT LEAST BUY SOMETHING. A book. An inexpensive piece of costume jewelry. A DVD, or something having to do with a hobby your wife enjoys. If there’s not a lot of money in the budget, figure something out.
I was very, very hurt by this. You would think that talking about how I was excited to be 40 would have triggered some random thoughts of doing something special in some member of my family. Nope. No call from my daughter. My husband didn’t even take our son out so he could buy be something. I fucking hate him sometimes. Husband, not son obviously.
So, here we are. Christmas. I told him that I would really like to fix the kitchen up, and that would be a nice gift from him - help me with the work, and we could buy new light fixtures and all. It’s cool.
So, we open our gifts last night. I got him a digital camera and some p.j.'s to wear. He got me a DVD that I found for myself at Target and threw in our shopping cart. Holiday Inn, in case you were wondering.
The kids got some money from their grandma and bought gifts for my husband and I. They got my husband some boots that cost $90 and a watch that cost $45. I got a book, a wallet, some socks, a cell phone holder, and a top-up card. That was nice.
This morning my husband and I opened our stockings. I got him a memory card for his camera, a thing to use his I-Pod in the car, socks (yawn, but needed) and some treats and candy. He got me some deodorant, a toothbrush, a bag of M&M’s and a pack of gum.
At the in-law family party, his mom passed out envelopes - very surprising. I got $50. Our son got $100. Our daughter got $200, and my husband got $200. What was that all about? When my parents give money, it’s all the same. Am I a third class member of the family?
After my birthday, I told my husband that it really hurt my feelings. Here’s the rub. It seems like when I feel bad, he gets this hardly noticeable tiny little smile. I can see it in the shape of his mouth. So today, he goes “Is there something you want to say to me?” “Nope”. there it was - that barely noticeable quirk at the corner of his mouth.
We just had a conversation about the whole money thing. He doesn’t really see my point of view, and said things like “OK then, I’ll call my mom and tell her to do things evenly from now on”. I called him on that comment, telling him that he obvoiusly wasn’t going to do that, so why say it?