I had a great night. I just got back from seeing The Simpson’s movie, and I saw a really cool girl when the credits started rolling. Okay, it was actually one guy and two cool girls, both really attractive in their own geeky way.
Anyways, I know what you’re thinking, but I can’t imagine that he’s going out with BOTH of them. They were both pretty cute, so at least one of them is single, and I’d settle for either.
Anyways, after the movie got out the guy and one of the girls went to the bathroom (I don’t think any “funny business” occurred, they both had rather large sodas) so I spent five minutes outside the theatre around the corner watching the other one. I’m not some weirdo who would follow someone into the bathroom after all.
They all walked uphill in my own neighborhood into a house that isn’t too far from my own. I listened through the windows but it just sounded like they were playing video games. So eventually I got bored and left.
As I was masturbating to some hardcore bondage porn I was thinking about how lonely I’ve been recently. I haven’t had a girlfriend in two months (don’t worry, I’ve gotten rid of the evidence), so I’ve been thinking of getting a new one.
Anyways, would it be weird for me to go to that house tomorrow and ask one of those girls (it doesn’t matter which) on a date? I think it would be sorta romantic.
You listened through the wall, and now you’re thinking of going and telling them that you’re not sure which girl lives there, but will settle for a date with either of them?
Come on, this has got to be a parody of all those “I really like this girl, and I want to make a romantic gesture–am I a stalker” threads.
The best thing to do is start leaving love letters under her window! And then maybe ringing the doorbell, leaving some flowers, and running.
Make sure you tell the girls in the notes that you’d be willing to accept either. Shows what a modern Casanova you are. Even better, tell them you’d be happy to make both happy!
I’m sure the guy is just a friend. They could do way, way better,.
Actually, he is dating them both but don’t let that stop you–there’s no way he can satisfy them both. Pick the taller one–tall girls are always complaining about how they don’t get enough play.
I don’t know, I was thinking there might be a better strategy: go up to either one of the girls (since it doesn’t matter which one you “do”)and explain that you were jacking off to bondage porn thinking about her. Women are really into honesty and will appreciate you for it. After all if she’s into bondage, you’re right as rain, if not, she will be intrigued with your savvy knowledge and debonair experience with the darker side of romance!
Okay, first of all, is either of these girls waaaaaay outta your league, in terms of hotness, age, job, etc?
If so, then you must ask them out.
Second, I think that asking them out randomly, when they hardly know you, would be a little weird. Not everyone is as socially adept as I am, so you might just have to take my word on this. What truly smooth guys do is keep “running” into girls they’re interested in. Just stalk them for a couple of days and it should be easy enough to learn their routines. When they leave for work, be sure to be standing right at the edge of the driveway. Bonus points for doing it every day, to show you really care.
Now here is the thing. Engaging them in conversation would probably make you seem desperate, like you don’t have anyone to talk to. So rather, I would just stare at them as they leave the driveway. Heavy panting also helps.
So, anyways, after the inevitably fall for you and breathlessly accept your offer of a date, I suggest that you just invite them back to your place. Because you saw them at the Simpsons movie, they must be total geeks with the exact same geek interests as yours (note: if this is not the case, you must mock them until they shamefully accept your interests as theirs). Most girls will go crazy over star trek convention pictures, or extended monologues by yourself about the influence of Norse mythology in the Lord of the Rings. It would be best if they sat on the floor while you sat on the couch for this part of the date, just so that they know who’s in charge. At this point, they will be pretty receptive to you unbuttoning their blouse, and you know, uh . . . okay, I know something is supposed to proceed from there, but I’m not sure what. There’s probably a website where you could look it up or something.
I’d just hang out by the window and masturbate whenever you hear a female voice. Do this for at least a few weeks. After that, you’ll know which one is right for you (or at least you’ll know what she sounds like).
Step two: murder a pizza delivery guy. Take his uniform and pizza bag. Show up at the house pretending to have a delivery until “the one” answers the door. You’ll know her by the sound of her voice.
Step three: ask her if she wants to go on a date. If she says yes, you’re in. If she says no, well, you didn’t bring that chloroform rag with you for nothing did you?
Now that you have her captive, hope for a Stockholm syndrome type thing. If she doesn’t realize that she loves you after a few months, let her go.
Of course by “let her go”, I mean “allow” her jump off your boat once you’re 300 miles off shore. When you get back, the roommate will most likely be traumatized by the disappearance of her friend. Totally ask her out. Rinse. Repeat. Works every time.
The above is meant to be as tongue in cheek as the OP, I keed.
See, I’ve done that variation, but instead of “pizza delivery guy” I supstituted it for “guy that wants to install a camera in your toilet”.
I find that’s less creepy.
After dark, run over and poop on her lawn. Then in the morning come by with a plastic bag and pick it up, all apologetic like. Chicks dig guys with dogs.
Nothing melts a lady’s heart like telling them “I’ll settle for either one of you”. They will fight for you 'til the end (make sure you say this next to a mud or chocolate pit).