Are you going to hell?

[black rabbit]

_{I'm not really sure if this belongs here, in IMHO, or in GD, so I'll leave it up to Manny's magnanimity...}

For shits & giggles, I'm trying to compile a canonical list of all the wacky things that the Bible proscribes or permits, eg: homosexuality, slavery, pedophilia, polygamy, pi=3, women wearing pants, etc. Though I've got quite a bit of good stuff already, any help would be appreciated. I'm not necessarily interested in endo-biblical (?) theological contradiction; I'm looking more for humorous anachronism. Oh, and please provide chapter, verse, and version; I can get the quote myself, as I work in the (sigh) religion department at the library and have got bibles out the wazoo... obviously, I'm trying to fight the fundies who so rudely interrupt me with reference questions while I'm dicking around on the SDMB. Might even publish a Chick Publications type comic book...

Hopefully, Satan will be all over this one... well, both of them, actually.

[Andy]

You could start with the Eight Commandments, no wait, Nine Commandments, that's it.

[Carina42]

Those were commandments?

I always thought they were suggestions. damn.

yup, I'm going to hell, see y'all there!

[wring]

Originally posted by black455
and (I) have got bibles out the wazoo...

Doesn't the Bible say this is a no-no, too?

[Rock-n-Rolga]

Originally posted by android209
You could start with the Eight Commandments, no wait, Nine Commandments, that's it.

Huh. My commandments go to eleven!

Hellhounds on my trail,
R-n-R

[Pink]

I guess I'm going to hell because I don't give a damn about quoting chapter and verse. That just ruins The Book for me.
Religion is in the heart, not the quote.

[Gunslinger]

[singing] Living easy, living free
Season ticket on a one-way ride
Asking nothing, leave me be
Taking everything in my stride
Don't need reason, don't need rhyme
Ain't nothing I would rather do
Going down, party time
My friends are gonna be there too....[/singing]

[friedo]

Originally posted by android209
You could start with the Eight Commandments, no wait, Nine Commandments, that's it.

You mean these fifteen, **crash** errrr, oh, I mean these TEN, these TEN commandments!?

[manhattan]

Originally posted by black455
_{I'm not really sure if this belongs here, in IMHO, or in GD, so I'll leave it up to Manny's magnanimity...}

Sorry, black, you drew the comics on this one, so it's off to MPSIMS. Try it again in GD and someone might bite.

[Eutychus]

Originally posted by friedo
You mean these fifteen, **crash** errrr, oh, I mean these TEN, these TEN commandments!?

Or, as God was once rumored to say, "Look, I can't dumb it down any farther than this!"

[Monster104]

I'm too damn lazy to go to hell, I'm gonna wait for hell to come to me!

[Crunchy Frog]

I've been told I'm going to hell for what I did [url="http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=33578"]in this thread[/i].

I'll see everyone down there! Save me a seat and some marshmallows.



_{BTW - this is post number 1800 for me. Yay!}

[Crunchy Frog]

I've been told I'm going to hell for what I did in this thread.

I'll see everyone down there! Save me a seat and some marshmallows.



_{BTW - this is post number 1801 for me. Yay!}

[Satan]

:: checking list ::
No comment.
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Satan

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[Una Persson]

I'm already there, thanks for asking.

[beagledave]

It's called junior high school...been there, done that.

[Lloyd]

yes I am..thank you for asking.

[Skelji]

Why, as a matter of fact, I am going to hell.

Upon my demise, I have requested that an apple be placed in my mouth, with stuffing jammed up my ass, and my dead, lifeless, basted body be shrouded in aluminum foil (With holes poked in it. I don't want to steam.)

[techchick68]

For shits & giggles...

I rarely shit while I am giggling and rarely giggle when I shit. In fact I don't think I have ever done either while doing one or the other, or something like that.

[Eutychus]

And, of course, never whistle while you're pissing.

[Guinastasia]

Hmmm...well, I um, see, I well, uh-no, wait...
DAMMIT, I'm boring!,
Oh, no wait!
I don't believe in the infallibility of the Pope so it's Hell for me!

[yESTERDAY mAN]

[NIN]"If there is a hell, I'll see you there"[/NIN]

[chique]

Are you going to hell?

In a handbasket, hon - wanna come with?

[don Jaime]

I was going to Hell, but I missed the off-ramp.

[Mofo Rising]

Am I going to hell? I don't know. Why? What have you heard?

[lurkernomore]

If the only offenses are those in the OP, I'm NOTgoing to Hell!!!

I'll miss you guys.

[black rabbit]

Originally posted by lurkernomore
If the only offenses are those in the OP, I'm NOTgoing to Hell!!!

I'll miss you guys.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

There is a deep, primal flaw in the theory behind this thread.

The people who know the Bible well enough to create the list won't think "going to hell" is a fit subject to inspire "shits & giggles" (if , indeed, they have ever "giggled"--or taken a shit either for that matter ) . And the people who live for shits & giggles won't recognise a Bible if you smack 'em on the nads with it.

Before you ask--they don't shit, they just explode when they reach 45.

[messiah]

Lets see
I’m an atheist (fundamental atheist, I believe the Bible is 100% incorrect, even the spelling)
Therefore I believe there is no hell
Therefore I wont be visiting such a place
Therefore When I die I must be going to heaven
Result.

[Sublight]

Leviticus 19:19 [paraphrased, as I don't have my Bible here at work] "Do not wear clothing of two different types of cloth"

lessee here.... *checks shirt tag* "65% cotton, 35% polyester." Yep, I'm damned.

--sublight.

[Tapioca Dextrin]

I think the book's already been written
X-rated Bible

My tent has mildew, I'm doomed!

I Samuel 18:26-27 And when his servants told David these words, it please David well to be the king’s son-in-law: and the days were not expired. Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king’s sonn-in-law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.

[Tapioca Dextrin]

A quick whipping using google yielded the perfect page for you ;j

an annotated bible full of all the chapters and verses you need
or even the holey bible

and, the infidel is also pretty sharp