Do Black Men Like Dirty Talk More Than White Men?

[WhyNot]

Now, before this goes into some weird VC03 territory, let me be clear here that I'm asking a question, and it's a real question about whether or not my very limited personal experience is shared by other people, and if so, if anyone has any ideas or information about how it might have developed.

But, long story short, I've been in intimate relationships with four black men in my life, and...well...more white men. Every single one of the black men was really into the dirty talk - both doing it and hearing it. And not only in the bedroom, but whispering into my ear really graphic sexual things they wanted to do to me while I'm trying to hold a conversation with another person, calling me on the phone for phone sex, that sort of thing.

While I've had one or two white guys who liked dirty talk, it was never so much, so frequently or so...well, detailed. And it was only for special occasions, when the mood was just right, not all the time.

So, am I a freak who attracts dirty mouthed black men while the non-dirty talk ones aren't interested in me, and vice-versa for white men? Or is there a real cultural difference in how boys are taught to relate to women sexually here?


(Yeah, I'm seeing a dirty talkin' black man now, which is why I've been thinking about this.)

[descamisado]

It wouldn't be him

http://www.amazon.com/Saturday-Night.../dp/B000050ILY,

would it?

[descamisado]

Also (time ran out):

I don't know if we do it more but I'm a black (gay) man who likes to talk dirty and to hear dirty talk. Of all the black men I've dated, I would say about 1/2 talked dirty and about that many enjoyed hearing it. Of the men I dated who weren't black (fewer for any other race), it would probably work out to slightly less.

And, no, I don't see you as a VCO3; you have a better track record in general here and, since you actually date and have sex with black men, you know fine with you see it.

[Freudian Slit]

I've never really dated/been with any black guys, so I can't tell.

The white guys I've been with have never done it publicly...they've saved it for the bedroom, if at all. That's my mileage.

[betenoir]

Iv'e got to start dating black guys again (currently my SO is so white he's almost see through)

I love it when a guy talks dirty. I'm going to go out on limb here and say a lot of woman would like to have their men be more ...articulate.

But in my experience black guys arn't much better than white guys. At best they go all Barry White on you (ohhh, baby...). Not that interesting. I've have very interesting dirty talk online, but once they're there they shut the fuck up. For god sake, talk to us, we like it!

[bbs2k]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

Now, before this goes into some weird VC03 territory, let me be clear here that I'm asking a question, and it's a real question about whether or not my very limited personal experience is shared by other people

His questions were real. But the mods banned him anyway.



Forgive, they suspended him.

[Hostile Dialect]

I'm white (sort of) and I despise dirty talk. Instant turnoff. Makes me go soft. Bad news. Language is for communicating, not for faking pleasure.

Not all dirty talk, I mean. It's nice during foreplay or when you're trying to hold a conversation ( ), etc., and I've even had phone sex and enjoyed that. But that "tell me what you're feeling! tell me if you like it! say 'yes' a bunch of times! why aren't you talking about it?" stuff is an effective debonerizer for me. I don't want to talk about it, I want to do it. (It's an instant turnoff in porn, too.)

[Zebra]

I'm a white male and I like the dirty talk.

[DiosaBellissima]

I'd mirror your experiences actually, WhyNot.

Much like you experienced, the black guys I've been with really love dirty talk- particularly in public. I have had many a dirty things whispered in my ear in public, but never by any of my white boyfriends.

Actually, presently there is a guy in one of my classes who keeps trying to get me to sleep with him. He's black, it so happens. He can obviously tell I'm not offended by his advances, but I usually respond by laughing and pulling away from him. That said, he's taken to grabbing me (literally) as soon as we're out of ear shot from our classmates and growling things into my ear like: "I'm serious. Tell me when and I'm going to tear that shit up raw. I'll make you explode. Let me know when and I'm going to fuck you better than you've ever been fucked." Followed up each day in class with him looking at me and whispering, "Let me know" or things like that.

Come to think of it, I should totally sleep with him. That'd be hot. Wait, that's not the point of this thread.

Though I will say, I had one white boyfriend (only one, out of like. . .4 or 5) who REALLY loved dirty talk in the bedroom or through texts. He was the only one though; the others always would turn bright red or say it wasn't lady like for me to say things like that *shrug*. Oh well, I like it.

So, I guess what I'm saying is: I agree with ya.

[Shakes]

Interesting.

I'm a white guy, I like the dirty talk but I've only done it with women of whom I've had a "one night stand" or casual relationship.

Never actually done it with a serious GF.

Well maybe a little but it was all very PG-13 stuff. Hardly worth mentioning.

On the flip side I've only been with one black girl. She liked the dirty talk. With out going into graphic detail she would refer to herself as Black and certain body parts of herself as black.

At the time it was an incredible turn on but then after the fact I got a little freaked out over myself and asked her please not to do that any more.

[Shamozzle]

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

I'd mirror your experiences actually, WhyNot.

Much like you experienced, the black guys I've been with really love dirty talk- particularly in public. I have had many a dirty things whispered in my ear in public, but never by any of my white boyfriends.

Actually, presently there is a guy in one of my classes who keeps trying to get me to sleep with him. He's black, it so happens. He can obviously tell I'm not offended by his advances, but I usually respond by laughing and pulling away from him. That said, he's taken to grabbing me (literally) as soon as we're out of ear shot from our classmates and growling things into my ear like: "I'm serious. Tell me when and I'm going to tear that shit up raw. I'll make you explode. Let me know when and I'm going to fuck you better than you've ever been fucked." Followed up each day in class with him looking at me and whispering, "Let me know" or things like that.

Come to think of it, I should totally sleep with him. That'd be hot. Wait, that's not the point of this thread.

Though I will say, I had one white boyfriend (only one, out of like. . .4 or 5) who REALLY loved dirty talk in the bedroom or through texts. He was the only one though; the others always would turn bright red or say it wasn't lady like for me to say things like that *shrug*. Oh well, I like it.

So, I guess what I'm saying is: I agree with ya.

Holy Cow.

Jump his bones already.

[ParentalAdvisory]

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

...and growling things into my ear like: "I'm serious. Tell me when and I'm going to tear that shit up raw. I'll make you explode. Let me know when and I'm going to fuck you better than you've ever been fucked."

I'd wager a lot of white guys just don't have the confidence to say such a thing in public. Honestly, I can barely ask for a phone number, much less give the line above. Now I know what to open with with. I bow to those who can whip that line out, may he be mumified with a gold plate on his dong.

[olivesmarch4th]

That said, he's taken to grabbing me (literally) as soon as we're out of ear shot from our classmates and growling things into my ear like: "I'm serious. Tell me when and I'm going to tear that shit up raw. I'll make you explode. Let me know when and I'm going to fuck you better than you've ever been fucked." Followed up each day in class with him looking at me and whispering, "Let me know" or things like that.

When I was in high school, I had a black guy do something similar (but much less explicit) after I'd offhandedly remarked that he was a ''cutie'' in some comment I'd written. I hadn't meant it at all as a come on, just a simple statement of fact, but damn... that was hot.

Ya'll are making me wish I'd dated more black men.

My husband is white as can be (Italiano flavored, though) and can barely get out the word ''vagina.'' So perhaps your theory holds.

[auntie em]

Originally Posted by ParentalAdvisory

I'd wager a lot of white guys just don't have the confidence to say such a thing in public. Honestly, I can barely ask for a phone number, much less give the line above. Now I know what to open with with. I bow to those who can whip that line out, may he be mumified with a gold plate on his dong.

That depends on how good his follow-up is. In my (limited) experience with dirty-talking Black men (limited to, oh . . . one, though two other women who'd slept with him recounted similar experiences), the "promise" wasn't really fulfilled.

[Antigen]

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

he's taken to grabbing me (literally) as soon as we're out of ear shot from our classmates and growling things into my ear like: "I'm serious. Tell me when and I'm going to tear that shit up raw. I'll make you explode. Let me know when and I'm going to fuck you better than you've ever been fucked."

See, that would freak me the hell out. Not sure why, maybe it just feels too aggressive or something. Makes me uncomfortable. Deep in my mind there would be thoughts of "one of these days he might stop asking".

I suppose it would depend on the underlying relationship - but even then, if my boyfriend tried something like that, I'd feel strange about it. I like a good fuck as much as anyone, but having my "shit" torn up "raw"? Um... no thanks.



(White girl, never cared too much for the nasty talk.)

[Shirley Ujest]

I'll let you know after my date with Denzel.







if only he'd return my calls.

[WhyNot]

*Touches the doorknob of the thread to check for flames.*

Whew.

Originally Posted by 5-4-Fighting

And, no, I don't see you as a VCO3; you have a better track record in general here and, since you actually date and have sex with black men, you know fine with you see it.

Thanks! I appreciate fine in its infinite shades and shapes.

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

That said, he's taken to grabbing me (literally) as soon as we're out of ear shot from our classmates and growling things into my ear like: "I'm serious. Tell me when and I'm going to tear that shit up raw. I'll make you explode. Let me know when and I'm going to fuck you better than you've ever been fucked." Followed up each day in class with him looking at me and whispering, "Let me know" or things like that.

That's EXACTLY what I'm talkin' about! Actually, a little less explicit even, but I'm so not comfortable sharing a more explicit example! And, like you, my most common reaction is to pull away and laugh nervously. I mean, seriously, what do you say to that?!

Come to think of it, I should totally sleep with him. That'd be hot. Wait, that's not the point of this thread.

*hands Diosabellisima a condom*
Oh, wait.
*hands Diosabellisima a 12 pack of condoms*
Hit it, girl!


I was discussing this with my (very white) husband last night* and he wondered if it was a symptom/reflection/cause of the explicit lyrics in "Urban"** music. If, indeed, it's a cultural teaching that attracting a woman is done through dirty talk, and black and black-influenced musicians are merely recording their wooing techniques - and through that, teaching another generation that women are attracted to explicit words.

(Then again, my husband's a bit of a performance geek. If he can turn any art into a sociopolitical statement, he will.)



*heh, bet I just made some noob's head explode
**have they gotten rid of that stupid euphemism yet?

[Gut]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

I was discussing this with my (very white) husband last night* and he wondered if it was a symptom/reflection/cause of the explicit lyrics in "Urban"

Mostly* white guy that doesn't listen to "Urban" music checking in. Bring on the dirty talk!




*It is assumed I'm part Native Canadian. Couldn't tell you for sure though.

[Beware of Doug]

Maybe what the ladies are responding to is, at bottom (snerk), classic archetypal man talk...commanding, controlling, passionate without the cloying scent of romance. They know they won't be treated like delicate flowers, but they know, deep down, that they won't be left bruised and sobbing either.

[AHunter3]

White male.

My tastes run rather strongly towards innocently naughty. Dirty is nearly always a turnoff, especially the form of it that tastes all contemptuous and angry and shot through with disgust, if you know what I mean.

Mostly dirty-talk reminds me of misbehaving 3rd graders acting out.

Dunno if it's a cultural thing or not though.

[Beware of Doug]

An undertone of anger is a stylish complement to sexuality. Didn't you get Dr. Paglia's memo?

[AHunter3]

Dr. Paglia is also a rather profound turnoff

[Least Original User Name Ever]

I'm down with the dirty talk. See, for me, the amount of dirty talk is tempered by the amount of action. There's a threshold that, when you cross it, all action stops. I, as a man, am terrified of crossing this line. You never know where that line actually is, which makes me a sad panda.

[Beware of Doug]

But at least you're a man, because you know you're capable of crossing the line.

My idea of bed talk is Mad Libs: "Oh (name of deity), (name of partner), you're so (adjective), your (name of body part) is so (adjective), (name of partner), oh (name of deity), (name of partner), I need your (adjective) (name of body part) (preposition) my (name of body part), (name of partner repeated idiotically)."

[Telperien]

I've only had sex with one black guy, and there was no dirty talk involved. We mostly had trouble carrying on without cracking up, due to the circumstances of the hook-up. Black guys tend to hit on me more graphically than non-black guys, though; there's a lot more, er, descriptiveness in what they say. I find it both flattering and embarrassing and it tends to make me blush fiercely. As it happens, I have never been approached by a black guy while I was single, so I have never had the opportunity to see if they live up to their own hype.

Most of the guys I've dated (all white) have been dirty talkers to some degree. They ranged from the shy boy I dated earlier this year who would say something naughty and then immediately turn red, to my wildest and most kinky lover, who would say just about anything anytime because he knew that kind of talk turned me on...and always backed up what he said. Yum. I also tend to be a dirty talker myself, but it took years before I was able to do it without being embarrassed by it. I got a lot of practice via phone sex during a long-distance relationship a few years ago, and now I can tell someone I'm going to [action] their [body part] as much as I want.

And then I do it, but only where we won't get caught.

[fisha]

Originally Posted by Beware of Doug

But at least you're a man, because you know you're capable of crossing the line.

My idea of bed talk is Mad Libs: "Oh (name of deity), (name of partner), you're so (adjective), your (name of body part) is so (adjective), (name of partner), oh (name of deity), (name of partner), I need your (adjective) (name of body part) (preposition) my (name of body part), (name of partner repeated idiotically)."

A good laugh.

To me there are two different aspects to sex talk. Ok, rather three.

The unattractive, ineffective type is the porn style talking, when it's just a random non stop litany designed to either impress your partner with your mad skillz because you talk like a cheap hooker, or to get them to hurry up and finish.

Then we have Beware of Doug's post #19 which is highly effective. (Rowr.)

There is nothing quite like having a strong willed man who is very skilled lead you around by your nether bits. Having him say "I will bring you to orgasm after orgasm,*" and know he means it, and this is his single minded purpose, and that he's more than capable of doing it is pretty erotic. Does half the work right there.

Then there is the third option, which is the involuntary dirty talk. The "I can't remember my name because I am so overwhelmed, yet I must verbally encourage more of the same.*" This is very appreciated, and a sign of a job well done.

In my experience with black men, which is minimal- pretty much ending at dirty talk-- it seems dirty talk is somewhat more pro forma. The couple that have hit on me seemed to just throw it out there, see what happens. It was more about them, the game, and just the way you talk to women, rather than being so overcome by my hotness that they couldn't restrain themselves.

Actually, thinking about it more, the best conversation is getting some intelligent, articulate, highly controlled man to stumble over his words in reaction to me.

Yeah, that. I'm all about distraction.

* I was trying to keep it clean, folks.

[RedRosesForMe]

I've only had sex with one black guy, sans dirty talk.

The white guys I've had sex with, I'd say about half were into some sort of talking, one was into serious dirty talk. My experience is that talking during sex falls into 3 categories:

1) Comfortable with feedback: It feels so good when you X, Why don't you get on top, etc.
2) Into a bit of dirty talk: You're so naughty; You like X, don't you, you little slut; etc.
3) Serious dirty talk: Of the type Diosa describes, very explicit and not confined to the bedroom.

Then there's

4) Guys who don't really talk, but moan or grunt approval, and
5) Guys who make no noise at all, even when they climax. These guys are weird, but I've only ever dated one, so they're rather uncommon in my experience.

Most guys fall into 1, 2, or 4. I've only ever been with one guy who was into really serious dirty talk where he wasn't just repeating a few stock phrases. He'd also do it when we weren't in the bedroom or on our way to it, like the time he growled into my ear (before we'd ever done the deed) "I'd ravish you." That was really hot.

[Cattitude]

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

I'd mirror your experiences actually, WhyNot.

Much like you experienced, the black guys I've been with really love dirty talk- particularly in public. I have had many a dirty things whispered in my ear in public, but never by any of my white boyfriends.

.

I have to second (or third?) this agreement. My SO is a black man and loves the dirty talk in or out of bed. I think that black men in general have less issue with women being strong, confident, aggressive, in charge of their sexuality, etc.

This, at least has been my experience.

[you with the face]

I don't think this observation is unfounded. Black guys, in my experience, aren't as sexually self-conscious as their white brethern, so they are more apt to vocalize their thoughts. White guys seem to hang back more, as if they are afraid of saying something stupid.

But I hesitate to extend this generalization to all white men. Was once with an Aussie that didn't mind talking the talk. Maybe there's something going on with American white guys?

[descamisado]

Originally Posted by you with the face

I don't think this observation is unfounded. Black guys, in my experience, aren't as sexually self-conscious as their white brethern, so they are more apt to vocalize their thoughts. White guys seem to hang back more, as if they are afraid of saying something stupid.

But I hesitate to extend this generalization to all white men. Was once with an Aussie that didn't mind talking the talk. Maybe there's something going on with American white guys?

Yeah, but did he walk the walk?

[Least Original User Name Ever]

....wait...there's a kind of walk now? God dammit!

[lisacurl]

"Damn, girl, you need to take the rest of the day off so I can break you off doggy-style in my bathroom."

[Least Original User Name Ever]

God dammit. I knew I should have brought Smoove B up first. He's one of my favorite Onion columnists.

[Sleeps With Butterflies]

Originally Posted by 5-4-Fighting

It wouldn't be him

http://www.amazon.com/Saturday-Night.../dp/B000050ILY,

would it?

For some reason, I was not expecting that and it made me laugh like a madwoman.

[Beware of Doug]

Originally Posted by fisha

Then we have Beware of Doug's post #19 which is highly effective. (Rowr.)

Trouble is I can't stand to talk that way to a woman. It totally kills my libido.

[Guinastasia]

MY personal observation is that while black men may talk dirty more frequently, when white men talk dirty, their expressions are usually a great deal more vulgar.

(Again, just my observation. May or may not be true)

[Hostile Dialect]

[quote=DiosaBellissima]Come to think of it, I should totally sleep with him. That'd be hot.[/qoute]

That WORKS? Why didn't anyone tell me!?

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

Though I will say, I had one white boyfriend (only one, out of like. . .4 or 5) who REALLY loved dirty talk in the bedroom or through texts. He was the only one though; the others always would turn bright red or say it wasn't lady like for me to say things like that *shrug*. Oh well, I like it.

To clarify my earlier statement, I love to get and receive dirty text messages.

Originally Posted by fisha

The unattractive, ineffective type is the porn style talking, when it's just a random non stop litany designed to either impress your partner with your mad skillz because you talk like a cheap hooker, or to get them to hurry up and finish.

OK, that's what I'm talking about. I hate that stuff. Aspect #2 I can live with. Aspect #3 is awesome.

[DiosaBellissima]

Hey, it works if the girl is open to that sort of thing. I'm certainly no prude, so maybe it will end up working for him.

When I hear folks say they don't like dirty talk, I think the same thing I think when a guy says he doesn't like BJs: darling, you've just had far too much of the bad stuff. Lame porn dirty talk is. . . lame. Insincerity is never welcome in bed! It's got to be sincere. . . and dirty heh.

[Spit]

WhyNot- If you like the dirty talk, why hasn't hubby learned this from the current bf, and exploited that fact?

I find pulling hair, smacks to the rear area, and strong bites work far better than dirty talk. Particularly the stolen moments in public. I'm white.

[Spoke]

I can only speak for one white guy (me), but I like the dirty talk, both delivering it and hearing it. (Most women seem pretty shy about reciprocating, though, even when they enjoy hearing the dirty talk themselves.)

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by Spit

WhyNot- If you like the dirty talk, why hasn't hubby learned this from the current bf, and exploited that fact?

I find pulling hair, smacks to the rear area, and strong bites work far better than dirty talk. Particularly the stolen moments in public. I'm white.

I don't like the dirty talk, actually. I find it embarrassing, and I never know how to react or respond. I like this guy despite his penchant for dirty talk. But if he doesn't knock it off, I won't be into him for very long.

'Sides, I like variety. My husband couldn't possibly be every thing I find attractive in a person, because some of them are mutually exclusive. That's a large part of why we have a happily open marriage.

I do like pulling hair, smacks to the rear and gentle nibbles building to strong bites, however.

[Nzinga, Seated]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

I do like pulling hair, smacks to the rear and gentle nibbles building to strong bites, however.

Oooh! And a firm hand on the throat every now and then. Or maybe that's just me.

I always thought a few sexy mumbles were a natural part of sex. A little moan, a little grown, a little sexy talk. Sometimes the man may not talk at all, but even then, I ususally expected a bit of grunt and groan at the climax.

My husband is a talker though. Not all through the whole event, but at the appropriate times.

I have never been with a white man, but I assumed that most of them are pretty vocal too.

[BrknButterfly]

I have never been with any black men, so my experience is with white men.

I have been with a few guys that talk dirty. One was more with text and in the bedroom and with him it was a total turn on because he backed up what he said. It wasn't like talking dirty and then we made love.. lol

Though I have been with one guy (who happens to be my ex-husband), when I told him at one point it was a turn on... he decided to try it out. In the middle of the "act" he was talking and trying to be all dirty. At first I just tried to ignore him because he was pretty bad at it.. but then ultimately I told him to shut the fuck up. It sort of killed the mood.

Oh well.

[DiosaBellissima]

Originally Posted by Nzinga, Seated

I always thought a few sexy mumbles were a natural part of sex. A little moan, a little grown, a little sexy talk. Sometimes the man may not talk at all, but even then, I ususally expected a bit of grunt and groan at the climax.

Nothing in the world is worse than a guy who is totally silent. First of all, it makes me think I'm not doing my job (which in turn makes me up my game. .. . wait, damnit, maybe that's what they're trying to accomplish! ). More importantly though, it's just boring. I can't stand the guys who just do their thing with a look of super concentration upon their faces, silent as a friggin' monk.

One of my exes (white, go figure) was a bit like the above- though a few times he would moan or whatever. Anywho, I figured I'd try to get him to dirty talk. While we were having sex, I pulled my hips away, snapped my legs shut, and said, "If you want to fuck me, you have to tell me what you want me to do." He turned BRIGHT RED when I said "fuck me" and sort of giggled and mumbled in response. I said, "Excuse me? What do you want me to do?" Him: "You know. . ." Me: "No, actually, I don't. So tell me what you want me to do. I want to hear you tell me." Him (turning even redder): "You know. . ."

After that exchange, this was me: Then throw in a bored face for good measure. For what it's worth, later he went on and on about how hot it was when I said that and how much he loves the talking I do in bed. So, I just think he is incredibly shy.

My posts to this thread have read like Penthouse letters, maybe I should stop that heh.

[Least Original User Name Ever]

...Or keep going. I can't tell...

[olivesmarch4th]

You're a very, very naughty thread, yes you are. Do you know what we do with dirty, slutty threads like you...?

[lisacurl]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

I do like pulling hair, smacks to the rear and gentle nibbles building to strong bites, however.

I'm generally in favor of more and better use of teeth.

[WhyNot]

Originally Posted by DiosaBellissima

Nothing in the world is worse than a guy who is totally silent. First of all, it makes me think I'm not doing my job (which in turn makes me up my game. .. . wait, damnit, maybe that's what they're trying to accomplish! ). More importantly though, it's just boring. I can't stand the guys who just do their thing with a look of super concentration upon their faces, silent as a friggin' monk.

See...I agree with this too! There's a happy medium somewhere along the spectrum of dirty talk. When the mood is just right, it can be amazing, and yes, I agree that stone silent doesn't work, either. I guess it's just the really explicit stuff outside the bedroom that bothers me - and even the first comment doesn't bother me so much, 'cause it's hot to think that he's thinking of that. A single murmured comment followed by a guy walking away silent looks and smiles from across the crowded room for the next hour - WOOO hot! But I don't need to hear about my clit every 20 seconds the whole night when we're not actually having sex. It stops feeling sincere if it's overused.

Good lord, no wonder I don't date much. I'm hard to please.

[elelle]

WhyNot, such a good question, but why can't we call it sexually open talk rather than Dirty talk? I know you are very wonderfully open minded, so are not pushing it aside out of any prudishness. My experience with Black guys in the South is that talk gets explicit, and often in an exciting way, some guys were pure genius with it, and in ways that would make me laugh in that genius, in joy, but have to say, "man, sorry, it ain't the time for me, but I love ya for sweet trying." Lots of those guys were good brother friends then; guess what I'm trying to say is that those sexual overtures shouldn't be thought of as threatening, as a white gal. It's a different soliquoe.

You, know, too, that the same wonderful impetus of a more open sexuality than our European mode has resulted in the best music of our time, from jazz, blues, to rhythm and blues, to rock and roll, and now rap. Those whisperings in your ear have always been codified into the best music on this planet, with all human ache and love. Dirty talk is love.

Is dirty talk love??

[Hostile Dialect]

That's pretty powerful, the idea of having the same things whispered into your ear that inspired some of the great blues musicians in history. Almost makes me wish I were female.