Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:33 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Need $100,000 fast. Any suggestions?

I need to make some extra money. $100,000 as a matter of fact. It's sort of beyond the scope of what I could make with a paper route or a part-time job at Starbucks, I think. Plus, I've got a very demanding job, so I don't have a whole lot of spare time.

Any ideas?
  #2  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:36 PM
fifty-six fifty-six is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Alaska
Posts: 1,282
I need about 35,000

So if someone could just provide a partial answer that would be great.
  #3  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:37 PM
TroubleAgain TroubleAgain is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: 42/F/FL/Married, w/cats
Posts: 7,157
Get a sugar momma?
  #4  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:39 PM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 56,624
Get a paper round.


Use it as an excuse to case rich folks' houses for expensive consumer goods and lax security.

Last edited by Mangetout; 01-07-2008 at 07:44 PM.
  #5  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:42 PM
Gangster Octopus Gangster Octopus is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: US of O
Posts: 13,171
Become friends with a Nigerian Prince.
  #6  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:42 PM
FairyChatMom FairyChatMom is online now
I'm nice, dammit!
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Southern Merrylande
Posts: 37,748
Winning lotto ticket?

Walk around looking for ten million stray pennies?
  #7  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:45 PM
glee glee is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Obama country
Posts: 14,951
Start with $200,000 and gamble half of it away.
  #8  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:45 PM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 56,624
Kiss every frog you can find. No wait, that's princes - what do rich princesses get magically turned into?
  #9  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:48 PM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 56,624
Invent the next big thing for the internet.
  #10  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:49 PM
What Exit? What Exit? is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Central NJ (near Bree)
Posts: 27,353
Home Equity Loan or Second Mortgage?

Is it for something you could go to the bank for, for a loan?

How much is in your 401k, maybe you can get a loan against that, then at least you are paying yourself back, but it does screw with your retirement a little. You might need to work an extra year longer than if you don't take the loan against it.

Remember, take a loan against your 401k, don't just withdraw, then you get the tax penalty.

How quick do you need the money?

Jim
  #11  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:54 PM
Cunctator Cunctator is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 11,386
Sell various body parts.
  #12  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:55 PM
KneadToKnow KneadToKnow is offline
Voodoo Adult (Slight Return)
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Charlotte, NC, USA
Posts: 24,866
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cunctator
Sell various body parts.
Or just rent out specific body parts.
  #13  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:57 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by What Exit?
Home Equity Loan or Second Mortgage?

Is it for something you could go to the bank for, for a loan?

How much is in your 401k, maybe you can get a loan against that, then at least you are paying yourself back, but it does screw with your retirement a little. You might need to work an extra year longer than if you don't take the loan against it.

Remember, take a loan against your 401k, don't just withdraw, then you get the tax penalty.

How quick do you need the money?

Jim
I need the money pretty quick - a month or two, tops. Borrowing is out, out, out. And ixnay on the 401k raid.
  #14  
Old 01-07-2008, 07:58 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cunctator
Sell various body parts.
Like what? I think the only thing I could spare would be a single kidney, and that's barely enough for an appetizer.
  #15  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:06 PM
Aioua Aioua is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Seattle - Not That Rainy
Posts: 408
Is this serious?
If you won't borrow the money, the only way you're going to score 100k in a couple of months is either getting stupidly lucky, or stealing it--which would require stupid luck to pull off without being caught.
  #16  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:14 PM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 56,624
True. If we had a repository of workable 50k-per-month schemes to suggest to you, we'd already be doing them ourselves.

Last edited by Mangetout; 01-07-2008 at 08:14 PM.
  #17  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:16 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mangetout
True. If we had a repository of workable 50k-per-month schemes to suggest to you, we'd already be doing them ourselves.
Bah. Not everyone is as greedy as you, mate. You mean to tell me there's no way an ambitious young man can earn $100,000 in a few weeks if he's willing to work moderately hard for it (and as long as it doesn't interfere with my regular job)?

Last edited by Winston Smith; 01-07-2008 at 08:19 PM.
  #18  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:17 PM
glee glee is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Obama country
Posts: 14,951
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston Smith
I need the money pretty quick - a month or two, tops. Borrowing is out, out, out. And ixnay on the 401k raid.
I thought you must be joking.

I have acquired $100,000 after working in a high-paying for a decade.

I have won $50 in a two minute chess game.

But it's obvious that there is no safe legal way to acquire large sums of money fast.
  #19  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:19 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by glee
I thought you must be joking.

I have acquired $100,000 after working in a high-paying for a decade.

I have won $50 in a two minute chess game.

But it's obvious that there is no safe legal way to acquire large sums of money fast.
Safe?
  #20  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:25 PM
silenus silenus is offline
The Turtle Moves!
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: SoCal
Posts: 48,441
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston Smith
Bah. Not everyone is as greedy as you, mate. You mean to tell me there's no way an ambitious young man can earn $100,000 in a few weeks if he's willing to work moderately hard for it (and as long as it doesn't interfere with my regular job)?
The key term here is earn. If you don't get hung up on this one word, a whole universe of possibilities opens up.
  #21  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:28 PM
Count Blucher Count Blucher is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Near Baroni&Kelly's Jail.
Posts: 13,668
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston Smith
Like what? I think the only thing I could spare would be a single kidney, and that's barely enough for an appetizer.

"She should quit! But not because of me. She should be like everyone else, and deal with years of humiliation and heartbreak, before being spit out the bottom of the porn industry". -Seinfeld
  #22  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:29 PM
What Exit? What Exit? is online now
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Central NJ (near Bree)
Posts: 27,353
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston Smith
Safe?
I cannot even think of an unsafe legal way to earn that much in only two months.

Borrowing is the only reasonable way. I suppose you could try to get on some silly game show as long as you don't really need the money and are just hoping to do something with it. As you know few people win 100K+ on game shows, but at least that is smarter than trying to win by gambling or illegal means.

Are you Smarter then a 5th grader? Is Fear Factor still on?

Jim
  #23  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:30 PM
Jean Gray Jean Gray is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 110
If you can break into the vault at the Bellagio, you're golden.






In which case, could you spare a couple hundred k for me?
  #24  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:31 PM
Qadgop the Mercotan Qadgop the Mercotan is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Slithering on the hull
Posts: 25,674
A few of my patients have at least transiently been able to lay hands on such sizeable amounts in short order. I'll make some discreet inquiries and get back to you.

BTW, just how risk-averse are you? And are you allergic to lead?
  #25  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:32 PM
glee glee is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Obama country
Posts: 14,951
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston Smith
Safe?
Futures dealing in currency is legal, potentially profitable and distinctly unsafe:

Futures provide an innovative array of investment tools that can help a portfolio perform in the hands of an astute investor. Speculators can also use these tools to seek the huge gains that this highly geared market provides. High potential gains usually bear high risks. Just as the leverage of the market can enormously magnify the profits, so it also magnifies the losses.

http://www.sharenet.co.za/free/library/fu_01.htm
  #26  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:34 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by silenus
The key term here is earn. If you don't get hung up on this one word, a whole universe of possibilities opens up.
Who says I'm hung up about what, now?
  #27  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:34 PM
Sal Ammoniac Sal Ammoniac is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Beans, Cod
Posts: 4,459
Look, go get a bunch of new credit cards, and take out cash advances. This is not that hard, people!
  #28  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:36 PM
chaoticbear chaoticbear is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 5,724
Porn! That's the answer. Shoot (heh) an assload (heh) of porn movies at night for a couple of months. They're probably good for a few hundred a piece, right? Then you just need to do 250 at 400 dollars a piece, which only means a little over 4/day.
  #29  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:36 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan
A few of my patients have at least transiently been able to lay hands on such sizeable amounts in short order. I'll make some discreet inquiries and get back to you.

BTW, just how risk-averse are you? And are you allergic to lead?
I'm solid. Totally. No worries about any of that stuff.
  #30  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:36 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Orlando(ish)
Posts: 21,247
What do you need the money for?
  #31  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:37 PM
Aioua Aioua is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Seattle - Not That Rainy
Posts: 408
What do you want to do with the money? It's alot easier if you're skipping the country afterwards. Not nearly so many feds on your tail.
I'm thinking kidnapping and extortion. Do you have an unmarked van?

Last edited by Aioua; 01-07-2008 at 08:39 PM.
  #32  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:40 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by ivylass
What do you need the money for?
That's my business.










Hah. Just kidding.

I want to "pay off" some "debt" that I've "incurred".
  #33  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:41 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aioua
What do you want to do with the money? It's alot easier if you're skipping the country afterwards. Not nearly so many feds on your tail.
I'm thinking kidnapping and extortion. Do you have an unmarked van?
II don't have an unmarked van, but I do have a 2002 Ford Taurus sedan (silver). It's almost literally invisible.
  #34  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:41 PM
Ludy Ludy is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Up Stage Right
Posts: 1,593
Go on a game show, kick some butt, and volia money to spare.
  #35  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:43 PM
Robot Arm Robot Arm is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Medford, MA
Posts: 21,324
Quote:
Originally Posted by ivylass
What do you need the money for?
The hints are all there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston Smith
I need the money pretty quick - a month or two, tops. Borrowing is out, out, out. And ixnay on the 401k raid.
It's obvious. He's a politician being blackmailed by a gay lover, and needs to pay him off before the Super Tuesday primaries.
  #36  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:43 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Orlando(ish)
Posts: 21,247
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston Smith

I want to "pay off" some "debt" that I've "incurred".
And these "people" won't take "payments?"

What the hell did you do?
  #37  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:45 PM
Hanna Hanna is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 1999
Posts: 4,440
Could you become a man whore?
  #38  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:45 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by ivylass
And these "people" won't take "payments?"

What the hell did you do?
I don't really want to get into it. Let's just say I'm planning on "voting republican".
  #39  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:46 PM
Boyo Jim Boyo Jim is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 36,997
Start a website and ask for money so you don't have to kill your dog and cat, and your SO can afford not to have an abortion.

And auction off a piece of pizza that looks just like the Virgin Mary would look if she had terrible acne.

Sell prayers for $50 a pop.

Um... do you have a sister?
  #40  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:47 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boscibo
Could you become a man whore?
Are you saying I could get women to pay to have sex with me???

Last edited by Winston Smith; 01-07-2008 at 08:47 PM.
  #41  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:48 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boyo Jim
Start a website and ask for money so you don't have to kill your dog and cat, and your SO can afford not to have an abortion.

And auction off a piece of pizza that looks just like the Virgin Mary would look if she had terrible acne.

Sell prayers for $50 a pop.

Um... do you have a sister?
I have a Costa Rican half-sister. Why?
  #42  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:50 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Western New York
Posts: 74,811
Quote:
You mean to tell me there's no way an ambitious young man can earn $100,000 in a few weeks if he's willing to work moderately hard for it (and as long as it doesn't interfere with my regular job)?
Is this whole thread a big whoosh? Do you honestly think there are ways to earn $100,000 for a month's work of moderate work without really serious consequences? Why do you think people would have regular jobs if this was the way the universe worked?
  #43  
Old 01-07-2008, 08:56 PM
Dangerosa Dangerosa is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: Twin Cities, Minnesota
Posts: 21,426
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston Smith
Are you saying I could get women to pay to have sex with me???
No, but I hear there is a thriving trade in Washington DC if you are willing to swing the other way.

(what? someone was gong to say it).
  #44  
Old 01-07-2008, 09:01 PM
Winston Smith Winston Smith is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: The Hub of the Universe
Posts: 5,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by Little Nemo
Is this whole thread a big whoosh? Do you honestly think there are ways to earn $100,000 for a month's work of moderate work without really serious consequences? Why do you think people would have regular jobs if this was the way the universe worked?
I don't know. Because they're unambitious? How should I know?!? What am I, the social conscience of the internet or something?
  #45  
Old 01-07-2008, 09:03 PM
ivylass ivylass is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Orlando(ish)
Posts: 21,247
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston Smith
I don't really want to get into it. Let's just say I'm planning on "voting republican".
Well, so am I, but then again, I don't need to come up with $100,000 in two months.

I think we're being whooshed. I'm out.
  #46  
Old 01-07-2008, 09:06 PM
Cat Fight Cat Fight is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: I'm right behind you!
Posts: 7,176
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston Smith
Are you saying I could get women to pay to have sex with me???
Who said the johns would be women? But seriously, if you were a reasonably attractive woman with a sturdy cooch and no day job, you might have a chance.
  #47  
Old 01-07-2008, 09:24 PM
Astroboy14 Astroboy14 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: Winslow, ME
Posts: 6,322
Dude, American Gladiator!
  #48  
Old 01-07-2008, 09:24 PM
Spectre of Pithecanthropus Spectre of Pithecanthropus is offline
Charter Member
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Not here. There.
Posts: 18,677
Quote:
Originally Posted by Winston Smith
-
Hah. Just kidding.

I want to "pay off" some "debt" that I've "incurred".
Well, if you've got it in your 401k, what's the interest on your "debt" versus what you would have to pay on a 401k loan?

Maybe you should consider borrowing on your 401k.
  #49  
Old 01-07-2008, 09:43 PM
Loach Loach is online now
The Central Scrutinizer
Moderator
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Pork Roll/Taylor Ham
Posts: 23,033
Join the National Guard. Get 50 other people to join. You get $2,000 when they ship off to basic. Thats $100,000 right there without even counting your signing bonus.
  #50  
Old 01-07-2008, 09:45 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is online now
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Western New York
Posts: 74,811
Quote:
I don't know. Because they're unambitious? How should I know?
Wouldn't unambitious people be the ones lining up to make easy money so they didn't have to work forty hours a week all their life?

Here's the ways you can make $100,000 quickly:
*Have something you can sell for that much money
*Have some rare and valuable talent
*Be willing to do something that's immoral and/or dangerous
*Be very lucky
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:51 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright 2017 Sun-Times Media, LLC.

 
Copyright © 2017