I know I’m going to become wealthy beyond Bill Gates’s wild fantasies by selling mercury-free tuna fish.
Step 1. Get a bunch of tunas.
Step 2. Chelate them.
Step 3. Breed my now mercury-free tuna on my vast unpolluted inland fish farm, and end up with lots of metal-free baby tunas.
Step 4. Profit!!!
Record the Spider-Man theme to the tune of Eidelweiss.
It’ll be money in the bank.
Lottery.
Birdhouses. Enough said.
Be the first to incorporate pornography into a new communication medium and capitalize upon it.
Funny you ask, I got an email today from a deposed Nigerian prince. I’m going to use the money to invest in Ostrich farms.
Start a religion.
Mmm, tastes like thiols. Nom nom nom nom.
It works (sorta) in the other direction, too: Eidelweiss, Eidelweiss, looks good and smells really nice…
It involves an armored truck, a ski mask, a toy gun and a lot of running.
I FUCKING told you to keep your mouth shut !
I’m going to sell pencils on a street corner. I figure that at a nickel each, I only have to sell about 5556 of them per second, and within an hour I’ll be a millionaire.
I’m going to beg a dollar from each of my million internet friends.
Hey, tdn. You got a dollar?
Hey, Lust4Life. You got a dollar?
Hey, Jettboy. You got a dollar?
Hey, De La Rue. You got a dollar?
Hey, Ruken. You got a dollar?
Hey, Terrifel. You got a dollar?
Hey, G0sp3l. You got a dollar?
Hey, Captain_C. You got a dollar?
Hey, Fuzzy Dunlop. You got a dollar?
Hey, runner pat. You got a dollar?
Hey, Intergalactic Gladiator. You got a dollar?
Hey, Malleus, Incus, Stapes! You got a dollar?
Dang! This is too much like work. 
This won’t be profitable until long after you’re dead. Latch on to an already established religion, and claim you’ve seen the light.
I sure do, just send me your banking info and I’ll get right on it. 
1.Start a religion
2.???
3.Prophet!
1.Start a cult
2.???
3.Profit!
Intriguingly, this is very much like how webcomics make money.
Ironically, that and starting a religion are the only two methods mentioned so far which actually stand a ghost of a chance of working.
Ironically, that and starting a religion are the only two methods mentioned so far which actually stand a ghost of a chance of working.
Mine is to develop some sort of psychometric test which will determine if two people will fall in love with each other, and start an Internet dating service with absolutely guaranteed results or money refunded no questions asked. My fee per client will start in the $10 k range.
I plan on taking the old-fashioned route and just holding the world hostage with my giant Death Ray.